Ok, I am trying to find a copy of my mothers marriage & divorce from a previous marriage. I think she may have still been married when she married my father. Does anyone know where I can get this info without joining a site and paying a monthly membership for it?
THANKS FOR ANY ADVICE :)

Nope. They are state records, nothing federal, and not criminal, so all those companies aren't interested. Look for the state website involved and departments such as Vital Statistics or Birth/Death/Marriage. But they aren't going to help you online.

It's very easy to get married without divorce being final. In fact it's easy to get married without being divorced at all. Happens a lot with people who move from state to state.

Nope. They are state records, nothing federal, and not criminal, so all those companies aren't interested. Look for the state website involved and departments such as Vital Statistics or Birth/Death/Marriage. But they aren't going to help you online.

It's very easy to get married without divorce being final. In fact it's easy to get married without being divorced at all. Happens a lot with people who move from state to state.


Thank You. Isn't it illegal to do that?

You have asked this many times, and we don't quite seem to get it right for you. Yes, it is illegal, but who cares if it is state to state? What do you hope to accomplish by asking repeatedly about this issue ?

You have asked this many times, and we don't quite seem to get it right for you. Yes, it is illegal, but who cares if it is state to state? What do you hope to accomplish by asking repeatedly about this issue ?


If you read the question! It is totally different. I have only asked it once. This one is asking if you can marry if you are already married, & where to find marriage and divorce records.
This question is totally different.
Everyone has seemed to get it right but you.

Are you always this argumentative or are you just having a bad day?
Hopefully the later, and your daygets better for you.

There are no free sites that will show all. A few sites have marriage from some states, but it is not complete and they are paid sites. And if this is very important to you, just pay for the records.

There is no federal data base, records are keep by state to state.

Also, honestly, why is this so important to you. It makes little difference to anyone, unless there are some legal claims by a husband to an estate? Is this an issue ?

A marriage is considered legal and valid, (period) if there is evidence to prove a marriage was done improperly, then it can be challenged in court. But until a judge rules a marriage is invalid, it is valid.

No, if they were married in one state and got married again in another state, it is not proper. But with that said, it is done often, esp in cases where a man or women can not find the other spouse, perhaps they left years ago.

Actually you have been dancing around the same question. You started with asking about your mother getting married when she was already married.

'Isn't it illegal to do that?'

Yes, that's bigamy/polygamy and illegal everywhere. So is not wearing your seatbelt, jaywalking, and forgetting the income from that stuff you sold on your taxes. Laws get broken all the time.

I think you might want to ask what the consequences are if bigamy is discovered. I don't know. I'm guessing that it does show up in civil cases rather than criminal cases. Perhaps in the event of claiming an inheritance when no will has been found.

There are no free sites that will show all. A few sites have marriage from some states, but it is not complete and they are paid sites. And if this is very important to you, just pay for the records.

There is no federal data base, records are keep by state to state.

Also, honestly, why is this so important to you. It makes little difference to anyone, unless there are some legal claims by a husband to an estate? Is this an issue ?

A marriage is considered legal and valid, (period) if there is evidence to prove a marriage was done improperly, then it can be challenged in court. But until a judge rules a marriage is invalid, it is valid.

No, if they were married in one state and got married again in another state, it is not proper. But with that said, it is done often, esp in cases where a man or women can not find the other spouse, perhaps they left years ago.


Every legal document we have for her has a different DOB also she has hidden her name most of her life. More and more keeps turning up and we have found that she may have been married and never divorced. She has been married 3 times. But The first she never legally divorced. Yes this pertains to legal matters & a estate. She has advanced dementia and can not communicate. This estate goes back 3 hundred years on our fathers side. We would like to provide her with better health care. Make her last days as comfortable as possible. This would make it possible.


Actually you have been dancing around the same question. You started with asking about your mother getting married when she was already married.
Actually the first question pertained to using a fake name to marry. Not already being married.

Consult a lawyer. I don't think you will find a court that will award her money from a previous husband just because it didn't end in divorce, especially if that husband is deceased.
At best she can get small monthly amounts of Social Security from any marriage that lasted at least 10 years. She needs the SSNs of those men.
Also, sadly, dementia care uses up money at an alarming rate. Even those who have supplemental plans and nursing home plans find that the coverage is used up quickly. Then Medicaid takes over from Medicare. Your best bet is to find a good facility that takes what assets she has and then keeps her after it's gone. Most of those operate as non profits and are very nice places.

... This estate goes back 3 hundred years on our fathers side. ...

A 300 year old probate case? A will or intestacy from more than 60 years before the American Revolution?

I don't think so.

But if so, I would love to watch, it would be fascinating.

Actually the first question pertained to using a fake name to marry. Not already being married.

Its still all relating to the same issue and knowing the whole story would help answer you.

But I don't understand how knowing this would help you provide medical care. You say she was married 3 times, but you don't know if she was legally divorced from either of the first two.

The family may go back 3 hundred years but an estate doesn't. Who's estate do you think she might be entitled to a share of? The 1st husband, the 2nd or the last? Why do you think there is any estate she is entitled to?

If you want our help, you really need to explain your thinking not just ask isolated questions. As noted bigamy is illegal, but someone would probably have to swear out a complaint for a prosecutor to decide to prosecute. Also as noted, a marriage is legal as long as a license was obtained and an official signed it. The marriage could be overturned if there were irregularities, but only be a court and a court would look into it only if a complaint was made.

'Isn't it illegal to do that?'

Yes, that's bigamy/polygamy and illegal everywhere. So is not wearing your seatbelt, jaywalking, and forgetting the income from that stuff you sold on your taxes. Laws get broken all the time.

I think you might want to ask what the consequences are if bigamy is discovered. I don't know. I'm guessing that it does show up in civil cases rather than criminal cases. Perhaps in the event of claiming an inheritance when no will has been found.

There was a will. This has to do with something other than that. I am the sole inheriter. I am trying to benefit my mother as she only has a little time left. This is why I didn't care to share people start asumming.

There was a will. This has to do with something other than that. I am the sole inheriter. I am trying to benefit my mother as she only has a little time left. This is why I didn't care to share people start asumming.

What your really stating is that you dont want answers. The reasoning behind that is you dont seem to know what the right questions are to ask. That is why your either going to have to give us information to go on or just drop it and move along.

What does "benefit my mother" mean to you? As cdad said, we can't help you unless we know what you want help with.

We have no idea who you are! More 'assuming' goes on when we don't have facts.

I'm going to assume that your mother has no assets. In many cases with Alzheimer's, that is preferable, because assets are quickly spent and homes go to the state for Medicaid if the house is still owned within 5 years of going on Medicaid.
If you have inherited a reasonable estate (estate means the total of what someone leaves when they die), then PLEASE hire a financial planner well versed in expenses for elder care! Or just go talk to some nice nursing homes - the good ones will be very helpful. All this searching for past husbands for some mysterious purpose is the wrong approach, I think.

If the poster does not want to tell us, what is actually happening, I will soon close this thread, since no good is happening here. The OP does not want any help,

Thank you. I am well aware of the cost. She has been in a nursing home for 5 years. Funds are running low. There are funds available she will never see. Tied up in a estate. This is why this is so importance to me. I will rreceive them once she is gone. Would be nice to see it benefit her while she is still here.

There are funds available she will never see. Tied up in a estate. This is why this is so importance to me. I will rreceive them once she is gone. Would be nice to see it benefit her while she is still here.

So this is what you need to explain. Are you saying there are funds in an estate currently going through probate? Is she the beneficiary of those funds or are you?

Consult a lawyer. I don't think you will find a court that will award her money from a previous husband just because it didn't end in divorce, especially if that husband is deceased.
At best she can get small monthly amounts of Social Security from any marriage that lasted at least 10 years. She needs the SSNs of those men.
Also, sadly, dementia care uses up money at an alarming rate. Even those who have supplemental plans and nursing home plans find that the coverage is used up quickly. Then Medicaid takes over from Medicare. Your best bet is to find a good facility that takes what assets she has and then keeps her after it's gone. Most of those operate as non profits and are very nice places.


Thanks for the reply. Yes it is very costly. She has been in a nursing home for 5 years and unable to hold a conversation for 4 of those. Funds are running low. I know her time is limited, Trying to make her as comfortable as possible for her time left.

So this is what you need to explain. Are you saying there are funds in an estate currently going through probate? Is she the beneficiary of those funds or are you?

The funds are from a estate from my fathers side 3 generations back, There is a lease that needs to be signed to receive them. She is not able to sign it. So it will go to a estate till she passes. I then can sign. So pretty much she will never see it.

Why do you not have Power of Attorney ?

Why do you not have Power of Attorney ?

She did not tell anyone she had dementia. It came on really fast.
Did not know I could not get it once she was in nursing home.

She did not tell anyone she had dementia. It came on really fast.
Did not know I could not get it once she was in nursing home.

So you have a court declare her incompetent and be appointed as her guardian.

A 300 year old probate case? A will or intestacy from more than 60 years before the American Revolution?

I don't think so.

But if so, I would love to watch, it would be fascinating.

It is property with Oil rights that goes back to my great great grandfather.


Its still all relating to the same issue and knowing the whole story would help answer you.

But I don't understand how knowing this would help you provide medical care. You say she was married 3 times, but you don't know if she was legally divorced from either of the first two.

The family may go back 3 hundred years but an estate doesn't. Who's estate do you think she might be entitled to a share of? The 1st husband, the 2nd or the last? Why do you think there is any estate she is entitled to?

If you want our help, you really need to explain your thinking not just ask isolated questions. As noted bigamy is illegal, but someone would probably have to swear out a complaint for a prosecutor to decide to prosecute. Also as noted, a marriage is legal as long as a license was obtained and an official signed it. The marriage could be overturned if there were irregularities, but only be a court and a court would look into it only if a complaint was made.

If you have read all the post the story is explained. It is property with oil rights that belonged to my great great grandfather, Great grandfather, gradndfather my father. So it would come from my fathers side, I was not aware of it till a couple months ago when I was contacted by companys wanting me to sing a lease giving them permission to drill the oil. My mother is the one who is supposed to sign. She is not able to.

If you have read all the post the story is explained. It is property with oil rights that belonged to my great great grandfather, Great grandfather, gradndfather my father. So it would come from my fathers side, I was not aware of it till a couple months ago when I was contacted by companys wanting me to sing a lease giving them permission to drill the oil. My mother is the one who is supposed to sign. She is not able to.

I just saw that in post #17. OK, First, it doesn't matter how far back the property goes. Who currently owns the property, who holds title? If it is in your father's name and he is deceased and did not leave a will then your mother may be the one who needs to sign off. But whoever is the executor of your father's estate can probably sign. If legally your mother does have to sign, then someone needs to go to court and have her declared incompetent and have a conservator appointed. Once that is done, that conservator can then sign the lease.

You could have had this answer a week ago if you had just told us what you said in the 2 sentences above.

If the oil company is hot for drilling rights, they might provide you (or whoever) with an attorney to help you do this.

Yes, 300 years. Or 50 years, does not matter, at the death of each owner, it gets passed on, to the next person. And each estate, is just that, one generation to next. What happened two estate ago, does not matter.

So how the ownership is listed on lease and proper now, and the current probate.

This is easy to solve, you get appointed her guardian and you can sign for her and make her decisions.

I just saw that in post #17. OK, First, it doesn't matter how far back the property goes. Who currently owns the property, who holds title? If it is in your father's name and he is deceased and did not leave a will then your mother may be the one who needs to sign off. But whoever is the executor of your father's estate can probably sign. If legally your mother does have to sign, then someone needs to go to court and have her declared incompetent and have a conservator appointed. Once that is done, that conservator can then sign the lease.

You could have had this answer a week ago if you had just told us what you said in the 2 sentences above.

If the oil company is hot for drilling rights, they might provide you (or whoever) with an attorney to help you do this.


This is the first time I have ever used this site. I was not sure how it worked. There was a will. She is supposed to sign. No one knew about this till a few moths ago.


Yes, 300 years. Or 50 years, does not matter, at the death of each owner, it gets passed on, to the next person. And each estate, is just that, one generation to next. What happened two estate ago, does not matter.

So how the ownership is listed on lease and proper now, and the current probate.

This is easy to solve, you get appointed her guardian and you can sign for her and make her decisions.


Yeah that's what I thought. They want a 10,000.00 bond for me to get guardian ship which I do not have,

Yeah that's what I thought. They want a 10,000.00 bond for me to get guardian ship which I do not have,


Who is they?

You have told us that an oil company wants to drill on property your father inherited, correct? I'm assuming your father is now deceased, please explain the status of his estate and why it is your mother who needs to sign?

It's good that you mention drilling rights. Those can be fraught with pitfalls. They can also vary by 5 or 10 fold in how much different companies will pay. Since they just map out huge areas of land and hire far away agents sitting at computers to contact owners, there's no way to know if they even will pay you once they have your signature. Your signature is just a convenience for them to get owners of a several square mile area, then they decide who they want to pay. So don't count on a dime!

Who is they?

You have told us that an oil company wants to drill on property your father inherited, correct? I'm assuming your father is now deceased, please explain the status of his estate and why it is your mother who needs to sign?

Yes he passed 15 years ago. He left this to her by his will. I am next in line. We did not know of this. I was contacted by two different company's wanting me to sign. I can not sign, She has to

What your really stating is that you dont want answers. The reasoning behind that is you dont seem to know what the right questions are to ask. That is why your either going to have to give us information to go on or just drop it and move along.


There are lots of answers. If you follow the other post. I do work long hours. . I can only respond when I have a few minutes. And there are many to respond to

OK, so his estate was processed your mother is now the title holder. Nothing else about that matters then. The bottom line is she owns the property and she or her legal representative needs to sign the lease. This means that you need, as we have said before, to get yourself appointed as guardian or conservator or something similar. There is no other answer to your predicament.

As a side note you said; "I am next in line.". Does she have a will leaving the property to you? If not, you may not be next in line. If there is no will her estate, what little may be left, would go to her heirs according to the laws of your state.

Looks like they have to wait (as do you). Who is in charge of her affairs? Who has power of attorney of your father's estate?

It's good that you mention drilling rights. Those can be fraught with pitfalls. They can also vary by 5 or 10 fold in how much different companies will pay. Since they just map out huge areas of land and hire far away agents sitting at computers to contact owners, there's no way to know if they even will pay you once they have your signature. Your signature is just a convenience for them to get owners of a several square mile area, then they decide who they want to pay. So don't count on a dime!



Im not concerned with this, I know the pay amounts sign on amounts and that the land will produce.

This situation is getting as deep as the drilling rights.

Yes he passed 15 years ago. He left this to her by his will. I am next in line. We did not know of this. I was contacted by two different company's wanting me to sign. I can not sign, She has to

Why did you not arrange power of attorney when she was able to sign you over to it ? POA is not difficult to do; we all have to get this done in good time for parents who we know will not be able to cope later on. So, she cannot sign, but with POA you could. So... I have asked this before, I don't think you replied.

I dd everything in my power to get her to. She just refused to believe she was sick. She told me she would take care of it. She never did. To late now

Why did you not arrange power of attorney when she was able to sign you over to it ? POA is not difficult to do; we all have to get this done in good time for parents who we know will not be able to cope later on. So, she cannot sign, but with POA you could. So... I have asked this before, I don't think you replied.


She refused to believe she was that bad off till it was to late. She also said she would take care of it. None the less it is to late to worry about what could have or should have been done. :)

This situation is getting as deep as the drilling rights.


Yes lol and why to complicated to try to explain.

Looks like they have to wait (as do you). Who is in charge of her affairs? Who has power of attorney of your father's estate?

She does


OK, so his estate was processed your mother is now the title holder. Nothing else about that matters then. The bottom line is she owns the property and she or her legal representative needs to sign the lease. This means that you need, as we have said before, to get yourself appointed as guardian or conservator or something similar. There is no other answer to your predicament.

As a side note you said; "I am next in line.". Does she have a will leaving the property to you? If not, you may not be next in line. If there is no will her estate, what little may be left, would go to her heirs according to the laws of your state.


I am the only heir hers and his, and the last heir

She isn't as demented as you say, legally or otherwise, if she still handles her business.

She isn't as demented as you say, legally or otherwise, if she still handles her business.


Um excuse me but yes she is, wheel chair and can't talk how much more you want?? Dead?? She don't know who she is who I am where she is she is or what's going on she has to be fed and have her diaper changed. She is just Living!! She was the last appointed to handle my fathers estate. As far as hers there is nothing . Till this came along.

You can't have it both ways. If she is as far gone as you say, then someone else has to control her affairs. If no one is, then she needs someone to do so. So, for the third time, you need to have her declared incompetent and become conservator.

If your father died 15 years ago, the estate is probably not still open.

You STILL haven't explained why you don't have POA. You said something about 'they' wanting a 10,000 bond, which makes no sense to me anyway (and a bond never costs the amount of the policy anyway; it's a short term insurance premium). You were asked who 'they' are, and didn't answer.

I am incredulous by how resistant you are to real help, somehow thinking that if you give us facts that we will do something awful.

You STILL haven't explained why you don't have POA.

She did say that the dementia came on suddenly, so it was too late for her mother to sign one. But, if she is that far gone and in a nursing home, someone has to be responsible for her affairs.

I understand its sometimes hard to follow threads like this. I also understand a reticence to reveal personal info. But I see nothing that indicates who you are, we don't even know where you are. We ask these questions so we can understand your situation and provide the best advice possible. If you don't provide answers, its hard for us to help.

She did say that the dementia came on suddenly, so it was too late for her mother to sign one..

Normally as Joy, you and I know, elderly parents, before they become too infirm, usually have POA done at the same time as the will is done, or no will done, they still arrange a POA. This can be done at the bank as well.

Just to put a cap on this, I received a PM from the OP. Apparently "the state has control of her (the mother's) affairs". No explanation was given as to why or what was done to fight it or get control herself.

Just to put a cap on this, I received a PM from the OP. Apparently "the state has control of her (the mother's) affairs". No explanation was given as to why or what was done to fight it or get control herself.

That gets ugly... I assume the state probibly seized her mothers assets as well to pay for the Nursing home she was put in. That does happen in some states, I know one person that happened to, Worth several million dollars, her kids never saw a dime, she didn't make it a year after they tossed her in a home (and she was very lucid when it happened, I had just talked with her at length 2 days earlier). And another where it was attempted, luckily her family had plenty of their own money to fight the state and win. She had a lot of very valuable real estate developers and the state were wanting that has been in their family for generations.

Just another example of why it's a good idea to visit a lawyer and get paperwork done in advance of such a situation, preparing for it. To protect the assets of yours and your heirs.

That gets ugly... I assume the state probibly seized her mothers assets as well to pay for the Nursing home she was put in. That does happen in some states, I know one person that happened to, Worth several million dollars, her kids never saw a dime, she didn't make it a year after they tossed her in a home (and she was very lucid when it happened, I had just talked with her at length 2 days earlier). And another where it was attempted, luckily her family had plenty of their own money to fight the state and win. She had a lot of very valuable real estate developers and the state were wanting that has been in their family for generations.

Just another example of why it's a good idea to visit a lawyer and get paperwork done in advance of such a situation, preparing for it. To protect the assets of yours and your heirs.


Thanks for the post Yes similar situation. She has SS income from my father still covering her med bills for now. I sent you one last message explaining why and how and who. There is legal battles going on now with DSS, Nursing Home, State and family member. Who acted out of greed, With no care for how my mothers last days would be. Her comfort or advanced care available to her, PLAIN GREED!! Too much to explain. Thanks again.


Normally as Joy, you and I know, elderly parents, before they become too infirm, usually have POA done at the same time as the will is done, or no will done, they still arrange a POA. This can be done at the bank as well.
She didn't do either. I wish she had. She kept putting it off till tomorrow

She did say that the dementia came on suddenly, so it was too late for her mother to sign one. But, if she is that far gone and in a nursing home, someone has to be responsible for her affairs.

I understand its sometimes hard to follow threads like this. I also understand a reticence to reveal personal info. But I see nothing that indicates who you are, we don't even know where you are. We ask these questions so we can understand your situation and provide the best advice possible. If you don't provide answers, its hard for us to help.



As far as who I am and where I am due to ongoing legal battles over my mother I prefer to keep that confidential. Thanks

As far as who I am and where I am due to ongoing legal battles over my mother I prefer to keep that confidential.

This is, of course, your right. However, laws vary by area and knowing the general area might have helped us provide you with more targeted answers.


There is legal battles going on now with DSS, Nursing Home, State and family member.

This is information you should have provided upfront. You did not need to detail what those legal battles were, but our answers would have been different if we were aware that this was currently in the courts. A lot of time was wasted because you did not provide this information.

I think what Scott means, as this is an international site, what country do you live in. Laws vary in the UK or Canada. Giving us that information does not tell us anything really except guidelines to answer your questions more accurately, but then he may mean what State do you live in. Generally speaking, we do not need to know your personal information.

I think what Scott means, as this is an international site, what country do you live in. Laws vary in the UK or Canada. Giving us that information does not tell us anything really except guidelines to answer your questions more accurately, but then he may mean what State do you live in. Generally speaking, we do not need to know your personal information.


Ok Thanks, I live in the USA


This is, of course, your right. However, laws vary by area and knowing the general area might have helped us provide you with more targeted answers.



This is information you should have provided upfront. You did not need to detail what those legal battles were, but our answers would have been different if we were aware that this was currently in the courts. A lot of time was wasted because you did not provide this information.


Sorry. I am new to this site. Im learning how it works. Thanks

Ok Thanks, I live in the USA



And you realize that laws vary state to state.