I have been in a relationship with this guy for 8 months and he is 23 while I am 21. We used to get pretty well in the beginning, he used to want to hang out all the time but 2 months ago he changed to a full time job and things really changed. He started to hang out with his friends on Saturday morning and on Sunday morning. As a result of this we no longer hang out on fridays and on Saturday we are home by 1am so that he can wake up and hang out with his friends. Also Sunday when he goes to the movies with his friends he sometimes gets home at 1am but when we hang out together we only spend from 9 pm till 10pm on Sundays (since he arrives late because he finds traffic or so he says).

I have told him about this two times already and he says that I am right but he hates staying indoors and that he will try to be on time. Also when I tell him to go for a picnic with my friends on Sunday he does not accept and tells me to go with him for a ride instead and if I do not go he still goes alone.

This week he also took a day off to go play football with his friends at 9pm and I told him to hang out at around 6 but he instead went for a ride in the morning and said that he will not manage because he had to sleep before the game.
Also when we meet he always ends up sleeping and I tell him it is quite unfair because we meet like 5 hours a week maximum and he should not sleep at that time but he says he is too tired.

It really looks like he is bored with this relationship, I tell him we could stop if he prefers spending time with his friends but he says he does not want to stop.

PS he does invite me to go with him for the rides but I am busy with university so I cannot go and by no means I pretend that he does not go but I expect that he does find some time for me when I am available.

What should I do? He is pretty awesome and a good guy except for this thing.

You asked this same question on Feb 24, the answers aren't going to be any different.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/dating-relationship-785332.html#post3623850

You asked this same question on Feb 24, the answers aren't going to be any different.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/dating-relationship-785332.html#post3623850

It was not the same question..

Dating to relationship
I have been going out with this guy for 6 months now and I feel quite comfortable with him. He's really not like the same but the thing that worries me is that we do not talk about our relationship and I do not know if that should worry me or not, like I feel great being with him but he never mentions commitment etc. We see each other about 3 times a week since we are both busy doing our degrees ( he's 23, I'm 21) and I'm quite sure that it is not the friends with benefits thing (trust me I've been there) and also we are not sexually active. Also whenever I say I am going clubbing he comes along and I feel that I need 1 time per month to see my friends alone. To sum up, I know he is kind of serious however I do not know why he never brings it up. Should I say something? And if so what?

Same guy right? Didn't see him all that gung ho 2 months ago.....he still isn't.

You are seeing there being someing a lot more to this than he does...or ever has based on the two threads about him.

My advice....find someone thats more into you than he is...there are a lot of other guys out there...I'm sure it would be easy to meet them.

If he's like this now...its only going to get a lot worse...not better when the "new girl excitement" thing wears off.

Actually, the question is somewhat similar but not quite the same. In the last one you were asking about him and his idea of commitment (basically) and you were annoyed that you couldn't get one day alone with your friends...now you're complaining that he doesn't spend enough time with you because of his friends. Maybe he got annoyed at the way you were wanting to do things with your friends so he is doing this to you? Or maybe he is just tired of you...perhaps you are acting in a way that has turned him off? I have no idea because I know neither one of you. What I do know is that it sounds like this relationship is going to go nowhere. He's not all that much into you and 2 months ago you complained about not being able to go out without him...can't have it both ways really.

Also...are you guys having sex at all? If you are, then that is all he is using you for and that's why he doesn't want to give up your 5 hours a week.

So after 8 months he is supposed to give up his life and make more time for you even though you are busy with your own life? Why is this even an issue since you both have your own things to do and should just make adjustments. Its only as big a deal as you make it, and can be worked out fairly if you both give a little.

Situations, wants, and needs, as well as feelings can change over time even in newer relationships, and yours is new enough to keep talking and making adjustments to changes. Its called a reasonable compromise and if it doesn't work, you walk.

Seems like this relationship has been a bit rocky from the beginning. First he wanted too much of your time, now he only wants 5 hours a week (that is not a lot of time). Maybe he wanted more when you were not having sex and now that you are, that is all he wants from you. It does not sound like a mutually pleasing one and maybe you should leave. Life is short and an 8 month relationship with this much conflict is not one worth pursuing in my opinion.

No we are not sexually active..

Well Id say this guy has lost interest in you. I'm not saying have sex to keep him, that is a foolish thing to do, but it does sound to me like this 8 moth relationship has petered out. In my opinion a guy who only wants to spend 5 hours a week with you is not in to you.

Him changing jobs is a huge factor, but I wonder if distance also is a consideration?

No we live half an hour apart

This guy is not into you. If he was he's want to spend more time with you. But earlier you were complaining he wanted to spend too much time with you.
Maybe you two are not on the same page and need to call it quits.

PS he does invite me to go with him for the rides but I am busy with university so I cannot go and by no means I pretend that he does not go but I expect that he does find some time for me when I am available.


When two people cannot make time for each other, it seldom works for long. You both have different priorities and he has less time not more, and neither of you is available at the same time. I don't see a deep level of commitment that's required to bond closer from either of you. Maybe after 8 months, you have to realize you are no further along than you are.

It's probably not the time to get what you want when you want it. Not from him anyway. Maybe he isn't as into as you want him to be. Maybe he isn't keen on just a weekend thing when you are available. What's the agreement between you both? If the time you do spend together isn't enough to sustain and bond and move forward I fail to see the point of expecting him to sacrifice for you, if you cannot sacrifice for him.

You must want a BF who is just there when you are available, and that's NOT him.