It's an inane question, but I am feeling like right now and it's the best thing I can think of as a title.

I'm 21 and only recently lost my virginity to this girl I met online. She lied about her age, turns out she was a lot younger than she said she was. The whole experience was ed up, and a year later I still can't stop thinking about it. The sex itself was absolutely terrible. It had some nice moments, cuddling with her and whatnot was great, but I couldn't get off because I felt so nervous and almost defensive because she was acting so bipolar and kept doing weird like ask me if I loved her and turning away for no reason only to cuddle back up against me and all sorts of . It was really disturbing and I feel incredibly ing guilty, sad and angry about it. She hardly talked to me afterwards, and didn't ever see me again. I saw her once in town (or thought I did) and had a panic attack from it.

I just don't see how I can have a normal relationship with anyone. The only person I'm even remotely involved with online I don't feel attracted to, and I hate myself for it because I like her so much as a friend, and I really feel like I can trust her. I just keep falling for these bipolar girls that don't want help and are just a ing mess. I don't see myself ever finding a person to be happy with. What the hell should I do?

First mistake was looking for love interests online... second mistake is thinking you HAVE to do it online. THe last mistake is thinking you have to do it online.

Meet someone local to you... thats NOT hiding behind a computer screeen... like most people do.

Get off the computer and find some people, places and activities where normal healthy people have good clean fun. In short, get a life that you enjoy in the real world.

You are only 21. Still wet behind the ears. You won't find anyone if you continue to sit behind your computer desk. Get out and explore! There is a whole wide world out there you can't see or experience if you stay in the confines of your home.

I am guessing you put a lot of pressure on yourself regarding most things, not just having sex. What is the point in doing that? You are in the same club as most of us. That club is our first time having sex was not spectacular. And here's a new flash - the next 5 may not be either. When you first learned to ride a bike your next time out you weren't ready for the Olympics. So take the pressure off yourself and just have fun with it. And I totally agree with the others - get off the computer and go meet a girl a more naturally way. Get to know that person better and then the sex becomes less about you and more about pleasing your partner.

Please don't get me wrong, I tried to get her off too but it's like she didn't want to let me.

Edit: Why shouldn't I put pressure on myself though? It feels like I should.

Forget this one... move past it... find a real person. THen start a real relationship.

Please don't get me wrong, I tried to get her off too but it's like she didn't want to let me.

Edit: Why shouldn't I put pressure on myself though? It feels like I should.

There is nothing wrong with challenging yourself with positive short and long term goals. But pressuring brings stress and generally drama to your life. Pressuring yourself in a negative way by worrying about every little detail might make you not a fun person to be around.

Also accept the fact that you're not perfect, you're not going to be perfect, and neither will your partner. It's okay to make mistakes or not live up to expectations as long as you learn from them. And it's also okay to laugh at yourself along with others. I laugh at me all the time with my friends.

Honestly, I think you need to talk to someone. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. He (I'm going to say he because my therapist is a man) will help you realize that the feelings you are feeling are normal; many people feel like their strange feelings are unique to them and that it somehow makes them weird. But a lot of people have the same feelings and fears. Nonetheless, it sounds like you are in a bad place, and I really think you would benefit from talking to someone.

Also, don't meet people on the internet. I don't want to freak you out more, but you need to be aware that statutory rape is strict liability (meaning it doesn't matter if you thought she was past the age of consent or if she told you she was older). If you have consensual sex with someone under the age of consent, it is statutory rape, and you can get in big trouble (maybe she is old enough. I don't know. I wouldn't worry about it if anything hasn't come up yet, but you need to know so that it doesn't happen again).

See a therapist and take care of yourself. Then worry about finding someone.