PDA

View Full Version : She wanted space now she's moved out.we where so happy


diestema
Apr 2, 2007, 11:45 PM
Been together for 5 years.. complete commitment, studied together for these 5 years also.. been on many overseas trips spent a year abroad doing a postgrad together etc.. lots of beautiful memories and very little fighting going on.. came back around christmas from overseas and opened up with the help of our rents a dental laboratory and a dental clinic.. this was 3 months of absolute stress putting in many hours including weekends.. even though we where with each other 24/7 quality time was not spent.. a few days before opening the business to the public.. she broke down and said I need space? I was shocked never saw it coming.. nobody did not even her rents as we where always happy and had the same career path and goals in mind and loved each other very much... she has now come and taken her stuff and moved out.. she doesn't know what she wants but knows she does not want the business even though for 5 years that all she ever dreamt (me too).. she says she doesn't want to break up.. needs her space and doesn't know when we can sort this out.. very unfair to me.. I can't cope with the whole situation and am closing everything down.. I blame the stress of studying abroad the last year and the development of the business.. oh she also said she feels nothing for me anymore, that was a week ago.. however now she says she loves me and wants to work things out.. I kind of gave her an ultimatum to comeback and it made things worse.. I love this girl very much and we where highly compatible with each other in every way.. why is she doing this.. all our hope and dreams are now out the window and I'm sad everyday.. I used to be the a very happy person that cared for her immensly and did everything to please her.. she also did the same for me.. we both thought we where soulmates and now this.. she also said recently that she's going through a mental breakdown.. ive seen her on a few occasions and she seems to be with it completely(sane).. she still goes out etc and is very rational.. ive never felt worse in my life.. please help it seems the more I begged the tougher on me she has become...

Krs
Apr 2, 2007, 11:54 PM
Hey I'm sorry to hear your story.
There isn't a lot you can do but give her the space she asked for, the more you ask her to come back the further you will push her away.

Seems to me like she is going through a rough stressful period, and can't figure out how to deal with thus pushing you away. People deal with stress differently, this is her way.

Maybe you could try suggesting conselling, but she may disagree to that.

talaniman
Apr 3, 2007, 04:47 AM
Give her what she asked for and move forward with your life. Because she is tripping does not mean you should.

MaxyWelsh
Apr 4, 2007, 03:47 AM
Starting a business is so very stressful. It ranks up there with moving, new babies and a death in the family. Life changes like that are bound to cause stress in a relationship.Give her a bit of space but make it perfectly clear that you love her and will be there when she is ready.

diestema
Apr 4, 2007, 08:50 PM
I spoke to her yesterday and now she wants to make a go of the whole thing again.. im just worried that there might be ulterior motives for it.. she still does not want the business and wants her money back but says she wants to try to make the relationship work.. it hard to just move on as we have had by far so many more happy moments then sad ones.. however every time we talk she brings up just the bad ones.. im thinking in time the happier moments might surface.. she keeps saying I never wanted this to happen.. but in reality it has and I'm very stuck on what I can do and should do.. yes moving on is hard only because I know how much I cared about her and I know once everythign settled it would have been many more happy times.. however deep inside a part of me hates her.. not because of what she did (mental breakdown) but because of how she did it, how she treated the whole situation.. I told her its over and she will get her money next week.. so she said ill give you some space to think about it...

talaniman
Apr 5, 2007, 04:11 AM
A very wise and mature move on your part. When she has her money there will be no reason for her to be in contact with you as this turned flakey to fast. You can never go back to what you had. But you are free to strive for better. Be in no hurry to even talk to her. You have a lot of healing to do and that has to come first.

diestema
Apr 12, 2007, 01:09 AM
Well its been a week now since I last saw her... she consistently tries to message me (46 sms in one day) and rang up 27 times.. finally I picked up the phone and she ried a lot telling me she made a mistake.. has a lot of regret and is hurting a lot.. she wants us to start all over again.. yesterday I got the papers to remove her from the companys board, trust fund etc etc.. I paid her out what her investments where.. on my way out she folowed me and pleaded with me that she needs me in her life.. loves me to death.. she would not let go of the car door so I could leave... I said to her sort your life out girl.. youve hurt a lot of people by doing this.. my parents said she will never step foot in their house again.. and they do not even want to hear me reconsider making another go of it.. I sincerely love the girl.. I know that she loves me too.. I don't know why she did this.. I guess I will never know.. whats more important is I don't know what to do.. I have not progressed at all in my life in the last 3 weeks.. I feel like I'm stuck and I have no motivation to do anything without her.. she made me feel invincible I guess... shes trying real hard right now.. however I'm pushing her away... what can I do with a situation such as this..

LBP
Apr 12, 2007, 01:30 AM
Have you ever just out and out asked her what the deal is? SOunds like she's dealing with a lot of guilt over something. For yourself, I would meet with her and corner her on this issue. That said, there's no reason to take her back... She betrayed your trust... Why wouldn't she do it again?

That said, everyone deserves a second chance. You have to do what your heart tells you... I don't think I could trust someone like that. Once lost trust is very difficult to regain... She didn't even lie to preserve your feelings (understandable). She did what she did only to hurt you.