Hello,
My last menstrual period was 08/03/2013. I had sex with my ex on 08/08. He did not ejaculate inside me. This was obviously a mistake. My current boyfriend and I had sex several time after that and on the expected conception date of 08/17. We are due May 11th. Could it be guy #1?

It can be either of them... you will have to have a DNA terst done after the child's birth to find out which.

IT could be guy #1. Sperm can last a day or two in the woman and the woman can ovulate at ANY time during their cycle. There is enough sperm in the pre- to impregnate you. As well dating a fetus is a guessing game at best with about two weeks wiggle room on either side. The reason for this is that the measurements that these are based off are averages of measured fetuses. So the average child at this point in their development is this size. Depending on your genes and how your pregnancy has been the fetus could be larger or smaller then what the averages are.

The bottom line is that there is a set of circumstances where in your EX could be the father. Now let's talk probability. Considering that most women will ovulate in the middle of their cycle and there really isn't a lot of sperm in pre-, the chances of your EX being the father are exceptionally low.

I won't, nor will anyone here, say that your EX isn't the father. The only way to be certain, besides obvious visual means, is to get a DNA test once the child is born. Other wise you're just guessing, hoping, and assuming. Things that can get you in trouble if you're wrong.

Have you told your current Boyfriend about the possibility that he's not the father?

Did you have an early ultrasound (before 12 weeks) that gave you that due date?

Even ultrasound is not exact, the sex is so close, there is nothing that can tell you for sure, You will have to wait till child is born and do a DNA test to be sure.

It is not likely the first person, but it is possible

The ultrasound would mean nothing... sperm can live for 7 days before fertilizing the egg... its literally and scientifically impossible to pin down with multiple partners in a several week period to an individual. And why a DNA test will HAVE to be done.

I have had three ultrasounds. All match conception date of the 18th. Even my 20 weeks. Dr told me it was NOT from sex on the 8th but I fear I could have ovulated early. He said tech I was prob still on my period. He also said sperm can not live for 7 days. He said at the max 3 maybe 5 days. He said all of my ultrasounds so far match spot on almost. But I overthink everything.

I'd find another doctor... this one doesn't know what he thinks he does on certain things.

The medical community through testing and trials over have determined sperm can and do live up to 7 days inside the woman, they won't on a bedsheet,. I'll take their word on if against one doctor who has done none of those.

Also consider this... you NEED to know who the real father is... beyond any shado of a doubt. Some medical conditions are hereditary... and many more the risk factors of a number of things run in the family. With a DNA test done... there is ZERO question who the father is... and thus you can know the family medical history from both parents. For example if there are a number of people who had colon cancer as one example....your child would need to know this as they would start testing for it at least 10 years before it's normally recommended.

Its also going to be needed to establish paternaty for child support if it ever comes up. Trying to hide it from them that there are two possibilities for who the father is will be doing nobody a favor. The longer it takes before they find out the more upset they will be about it. And the less likely they will be to trust you on other issues.


And unless you were doing a basal temprature chart for at least a year before then, you really can't know when you actually would ovulate normally (there are wide variations between women as to what day of their cycle they will ovualte)... and as you think... when you actually did that month.

I'd listen to your doctor then. An ultrasound done at 7-9 weeks is usually accurate within 3-5 days (I work in an OB/Gyn office).

Your doctor should really be the only person to whom you're listening.

However, since you didn't have a menstrual period in between the two incidents, I would let your ex know there is a possibility. And if you don't want to speak to your current partner about it, you could arrange a paternity test once the child is born with your ex to rule out any doubts & fears you may have.

Maybe the males here are not OB's but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know the over riding fear and concern here is the possibility this child was fathered by an ex, and not her current boyfriend, and telling him may cause complications emotionally. Of course we have to wait for a test after the child is born, and waiting for the facts is emotionally unnerving.

No amount of reassurance will make your own doubts go away, and your doctor has tried to reassure you, and I can only hope you don't let doubts and fears complicate this life changing event you are going through. Or cloud your own judgments with what you must do to have a healthy delivery.

I suspect that this secret over who the father really is weighs heavily on your emotions just because it's a secret only you and your doctor share but the real truth will come out eventually, that you slept with your ex, behind your boyfriends back. The unknown is how the men will react to being a father. Sorry not meaning to be blunt, or harsh, but it doesn't matter what they say or do with the truth, just what you do with it.

I advise you relax until YOU have the truth and the facts, hope for the best, plan for the worst. Ideally you reveal the facts sooner rather than later to those that will be affected.

Keeping secrets is a beeetch!!

Every piece of medical research I've read indicates that calculating conception and due dates is an INEXACT science. That such calculations can be off by as much as 2 weeks. So, for you doctor to be convinced that sex on the 8th did not result in conception goes against all the medical research and is imprudent at best. I tend to agree that you shouldn't put your trust in such a physician.

This is not something that is subject to opinion. This is something that has to be answered with factual information. And the fact is that any calculation of conception and due dates are guesstimates and cannot be held as highly accurate. One can state that the earlier sex is less likely to have resulted in conception but cannot, definitively, say it didn't.

The ONLY way you will know for sure is with a DNA test.

You've received some good advice here.

Yes, sperm can live UP TO 7 days in the correct conditions (fertile cervical fluid). That said, it's more likely to "only" last 3-5 days. The egg, once released during ovulation can live several hours. The easy answer is this: Only DNA can give a completely accurate result. Since you had two partners in such a short time frame, there is at least a small possibility either could be the father.

Ultrasound dating is a estimate; not entirely accurate by any means.

Let me explain why what your doctor has said and what we are saying are different. The information your doctor is basing this off is what he knows and what he was taught. Depending on where and when he schooled this could be vastly different to commonly accepted information. It isn't that your doctor is wrong but that he's using different information. This is also an area that most doctors probably won't read up upon and keep current on. It is something that "Hasn't" changed, regardless of the new research.

I am not saying that our info is better but that it is more current. Also, don't trust the tech. They don't have the training or knowledge to say anything about anything. All they really know is how to run the machines. We had a huge issue with a hospital Ultrasound tech who was telling us all sorts of bad info when my wife was having our child.

The simple science behind all this is that there's no way to know who the father is if you've had sex with multiple partners; even if one was 'before you ovulated' and didn't ejaculate in you.

Trust who you want to trust because in the end that will be what will put your mind at ease.

You are dealing with probable versus possible. Odds are your boyfriend is the father... perhaps this is what your doctor is going by. Most sperm will live 2 or 3 days... some may live longer if the conditions allow for this... which would be in the days leading up to ovulation. In general terms, you most likely ovulated at a time when the sex was with your boyfriend. However, it is possible that you happened to ovulate earlier than the norm, and this is why there is the possibility of your ex being the father. Odds again favor your boyfriend from the simple fact more sperm were present versus the possible number present with the ex. Scans early on are fairly accurate, as accurate as the technology can be, because there are very definite indicators in fetal develop at that stage... they become less accurate later in pregnancy as far as dating and sizing of baby.


Bottom line: Most likely the father is your boyfriend... but your ex can not be completely ruled out, hence why everyone has said that to know for certain you would need to consider DNA testing.

Its possible your doctor is telling you what he has to calm you down. High levels of stress can affect a pregnancy. If that's the case I can understand it.

Craven understood my reference. I was clearly referring to the conception date, not the due date. Of course no doctor is going to fudge the due date to calm a patient, but a due date, like a conception date, is an educated fudge in any case. I was actually trying to temper previous advice about the competency of a doctor who would insist that one sexual partner could not be the father.

We strive for accuracy in the responses here. I hope you will remember that if you continue to post here.

Just to clarify. I never told my doctor about the situation. He told me my conception date was the 18th. On this very day, I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend. I had just asked him, if sex from the 8th would have led to this and he said VERY UNLIKELY as I was likely still bleeding a little from my period. He also said... looking at your ultrasounds 6 week, 9 week, and 20 week... all of the baby's measurements match the 18th as conception within a day or so. Im sorry if I caused anyone to argue on here. Sex on the 8th ( the big mistake) was not ejaculated inside me. Which doesn't matter I know but still.

Maybe you should stop fretting so much over this issue of who is the father. I understand the anxiety as your time approaches and the outcome you want, but worrying about paying for this mistake with the ex will drive you nuts. Get a girlfriend to hold your hand and reassure you and let the professionals do there job.

You have to let the extra stuff go for a while since you obviously cannot share this concern with any of the guys involved, but an understanding trusted friend can help you where doctors and strangers cannot.

he said VERY UNLIKELY

Thanks for the clarification. That's basically what most of us have said. The sex on the 8th is unlikely to have resulted in conception. Its just not impossible. In my opinion, the possibility is remote enough to not concern yourself with.