I need good advice! Me and my boyfriend have been together about 7 months. I'm 17 and he's 18, I'll be 18 in a couple days. My boyfriend has had some relationships in the past and his parents loved his girlfriends, these relationships weren't so serious, but our relationship is super serious and his parents liked me until they found out we were having sex. I think its because his mom and dad feel as if I'm "taking their little boy" away from them". I'm also like extremely different from his family, they are farmers and very homely, and they do things the "old way", on the other hand I'm very perky, I dress like a modern teenage girl, not to bad and I clean it up a lot when I'm around then. I'm not a good cook or anything, (wife material) and I don't think his mom is to fond of that. I feel as if she thinks I'm just a "pretty face".

Any advice on how to handle this or what I could do?

They probably are concerned about pregnancy. (I don't blame them) I'm sure they don't want their son to be a dad at 18/19. The attitude you have about his family, thinking you are somehow better may have something to do with it to.

I agree, most likely concerned you will have a baby and chances of good education and a better life for their child is gone.

I also agree with your attitude, if you spoke about my family like that, you would not be welcomed either.

Oohh... no I would never think I was better than them... I was definitely raised a different way, and I've attempted to learn how they do things. I understand the pregnancy thing 110%, but I just understand why they are having a hufe issue with it. Hes had past girlfriend that his parents new about and new they were having sex and they liked those girls?

I don't feel as if I said something bad about his family. I just feel like I was raised in a different environment, and I have been trying to learn how to do things the way they do.

7 months is not a long time and you're both still teenagers. It's going to take a long time for his parents to warm up to you. For now, just focus on the relationship to make sure that you are staying strong together. Furthermore, continue to improve yourself outside of the relationship, whether it's school, work, personality, etc. As you continue to improve grow as a person, people, including his parents, will grow to respect you.

For now, you're going to have to be patient with them.

Thank you so much :) and trust me, me and him both make high honors, I cheer and dance, and he's in basketball, tack, and baseball. He works 2 jobs. And none of us get into any trouble :D thanks for the good advice :)

And sorry but perhaps they just do not like you. My parents hated Toni ( my wife) I am not talking about not like, they hated her.

So it may be that you are not like them. May be you do not help in kitchen when you go visit. Perhaps you do not follow some customs they are used to.

Not everyone always likes everyone.

That could also be very true... because we do have different views on things. And I would never ever say they are wrong or anything even close to that! But I do think it bothers them. But they are such good people.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/when-soonist-could-take-pregnancy-test-780816.html

That certainly could have a huge impact on their feelings about you. I would certainly be unhappy if I found my 18 yr old son, especially one with an apparently bright future, was having sex with his 17 yr old girlfriend.

I'm curious as to how they found out. But it doesn't really matter. You sound self centered and very much wrapped up in yourself.

So you are late for your period, were you two not using protection? How did his parents find out you are having sex?

They found out through is 14 year old brother. And I'm really not self centered! How do u sound like that? And Yes of course we were using protect.

They found out through his brother. How do I sound self centered? And yes we were.

Perhaps they are upset that not only are you having sex, but his younger brother is now exposed.
As parents we want the best for our kids and it pains to think they may be throwing it all away, especially if there is a pregnancy.

His brother is very... well... he's makes choices that are not very smear, and I'm not saying the choice I made was but I'm not a bad kid... I would really just like to no how I am self centered?

I did not say you are a bad kid or that you are self centered. I just telling you why his parents may be feeling the way they do. I think it is because the relationship seems serious and is sexual. That is a bad mix for teens.

But we are graduating, he has 2 really good jobs! We are in a really good relationship. And we respect his parents.

What kind of really good job can an 18 year old high school student have and should he work two jobs the rest of his life?
Do you two have plans for college?
You are in a 7 month relationship, that is not that long, and respecting his parents is something you should do.
What are your plans for after High School?

I'm in Cosmetology school right now, and he's in a couple classes at a community collage now. And he's working 2 jobs now just to save up money for everything, and after high school he's going to have a really good job, he's already in Early placement.

So is he going to college? Really good jobs are hard to find, even for those who have way more work experience than he does.
You mentioned in another post about possibly being pregnant. I think you two ought to be really careful. You two are not prepared to be parents and I think his parents are thinking the same thing. He seems to have too much going for him to find himself being a daddy. You have a lot going for you too.

And we also have everything planned and I no we are young... but we are smart... I do an early placement for Cos also. And Yes he's def planning on it! :) he's a really good guy and even though we are young we have a lot of support coming from my family.

Yes you are young and if you think you have everything planned and things will work as planned you are not as smart as you think. Plans change.
You two need to be concentrating on your future as far as education and employment is concerned and while you have support of your family, if you find yourself pregnant you are going to need both parents behind you. It would be a shame if he did not have his family behind him.
Couples need support from both families. When you have division, you have conflict. Add teen pregnancy to the mix and you can have real conflict. Concentrate on school. Show his parents you two can be responsible. Stop the sex.

Would still like to know what type of "good" job he is getting, reminds me when I lived in a small town in Tennessee, my good friend, got a job at a local drug store, it paid 12 bucks a hour and funished health insurance, they were so happy to have the "best job in town"

But yes, I see a pattern now, they are 17 and think they know everything, have life all planned. Parents believe that they are children and do not have a clue about real life.

But we are graduating, he has 2 really good jobs! We are in a really good relationship. And we respect his parents.

You respect his parents how? Your other thread clearly states that you think you might be pregnant. How is that respecting his parents? Heck, how is that respecting anyone?

You stated that they found out you're having sex from his 14 year old brother. How did he know? Did he walk in on you two when you were in the act? In other words, you were having sex in his parents home, and his young brother caught you? Yup, that wouldn't endear me to you at all.

You seem to think that you've done nothing to solicit this hatred they have of you. From what you've written, you've done nothing but give them reasons to hate you.

I'm a very open minded parent, I don't expect my kids to be virgins when they marry, but they better be old enough to raise a child on their own. I won't control their relationships, even if I hate the people they're dating. But, once you expose my younger children to sex in my home, under my roof, and then get pregnant because you're not smart enough to keep your pants on and your legs crossed when there's no way you're ready to raise a child, no way I'm going to be all warm and fuzzy with you.

The way I see it, I would be shocked if they didn't hate you.

And we also have everything planned and I no we are young... but we are smart... I do an early placement for Cos also. And Yes he's def planning on it! :) he's a really good guy and even though we are young we have a lot of support coming from my family.

I understand you are smart. Book smart possibly, but too young to be worldly smart.

In this economy many cosmetologists aren't making too much money, or even getting hired unless you are in a major cosmopolitan area and are very good at your craft.

You don't understand the cost of having a baby. With an uncomplicated pregnancy, in many areas, your OB will charge you around $2,000 just to monitor your pregnancy and deliver your baby. Then you have the hospital bill. Again, and uncomplicated delivery, in the least expensive of hospitals, will cost you about $3,500. If there are complications such as having to be on magnesium sulfate for at least 24 hours, for example, the cost is going to increase another $2,000. There is also an increase if there is a cesarean section. At this point we are up to about $10,000 including the cost of a cesarean section, if it should come to that.

Now, you have to take into account the cost of the baby. The costs above are ONLY for you. Once baby is born the hospital will charge about $2,000 for well baby care in the nursery and there will be a pediatrician's charge for taking care of baby while in hospital.

We are up to possibly $15,000 by now.

Now, I can't promise that your bill will be that high, but that is actually a low ball range if there are any complications whatsoever.

Now that you and baby have been discharged from the hospital comes the actual real costs. Formula is about $300 per month if you can't breast feed. Diapers around $200-300 per month. Clothes... toys, they all add up. Baby will need regular visits with the pediatrician, figure in about $100 per visit, not including vaccinations that will be required.

I didn't even figure in the costs of daycare if you want to continue your education. In some parts of the world that can be $500 per week or more.

Now, I'm going to go into some things that can go wrong for a pregnant girl your age.

1) Pregnancy Induced Hypertension - high blood pressure caused by pregnancy. If this happens the only way to cure it is delivery. If the blood pressure is too high, it can cause you to have seizures. This is not only dangerous to mother, but to baby as well as the only cure for these seizures is immediate delivery, typically by cesarean section (surgery to remove the baby by cutting your stomach open to get baby out). Many times this happens before the 37th week of pregnancy which means the baby is premature. Premature babies go to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). This cost could very well be close to a half a million dollars depending on how early the baby is and the level of care it needs.

2) Gestational Diabetes - Diabetes (when your body does not break down the sugar in the blood the way it is supposed to), can cause extremely large babies posing you at risk for a cesarean section because your undeveloped pelvis is too small to deliver a baby vaginally. This is also a risk to the baby as the baby's immature endocrine system will be unable to process the blood glucose properly once baby is outside of mother. Thus, the baby may be placed in the NICU costing you up to, or more than, a half a million dollars.

These are only 2 of the risk categories for your age group, there are several more, but I think I got my point across.

You may use protection, but there is no form of protection that is 100% effective. While I am a nurse, and I deliver babies for a living, I am also a mother. I used two forms of protection, birth control pills AND the condom, exactly as directed, and I had 2 sons. They are both married with children now. I was also told that I could no longer have children at the age of 28, I found out I was pregnant at 5 months along. My daughter is 20. I also had cancer and had to undergo a rigorous regimen of chemotherapy and was told it would make me sterile. My youngest son is almost 12.

You may have support from your family as far as your relationship, but I wonder how your parents would feel if you became pregnant without a proper education. It is apparent you don't have proper support from his family right now. Think about how his family will try to persuade him that this is not his baby and cause disruption in your life that will cause stress on your pregnancy and increase your already high risk pregnancy.

I agree with his parents as your sexual encounters have involved his 14 year old brother. It doesn't matter that he has a shady past, he should never have known about your sexual escapades.

I also agree that in your first post you appeared to be looking down on his family because they are farmers and made yourself appear to be better than them. Personally, if you were the girlfriend of one of my sons I would do everything in my power to keep the two of you apart.

As I said in the beginning, the two of you may be book smart, but you are definitely not smart in the ways of the world.

I would like to add one more thing. My daughter, 20 and still lives at home, has a boyfriend. I have found out some issues in their relationship (not going to get into it here), and my husband and I don't approve. We tolerate him, but we don't approve of the relationship, but they are adults, and you aren't an adult yet.

The bottom line is that his parents don't approve of your relationship. There is virtually nothing you can do to make them like you. Either they like you or they don't.

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Sorry J, I have no tokens left.

Thanks Alty. I just had an issue with something similar this past week at work. Baby is now at Home - Le Bonheur Children's Hospital (http://www.lebonheur.org/) and Mom is looking at over a million dollars in hospital costs for the baby alone.

I can't relate because of where I live, but I've learned a lot about the US health care system, and how much it costs just to be pregnant, and then give birth, to a child, even when there aren't any issues. It's astounding.

I don't know many adults that can afford the kind of care you just mentioned. I don't know any children (teens) that can, even if both are working full time.

The OP may think she's smart, and she claims to do well in school (even though a lot of her posts and the spelling make me question that claim), but that doesn't mean she's ready to be a mom. She says she's in cosmetology school. I don't know how it is in the US, but if you go to cosmetology school where I live, you're making just slightly above minimum wage, plus tips (if you're good at what you do). That's not enough to raise a child. But, having said that, if she's pregnant she will need time off from any job she gets. Most employers don't hire pregnant women. Yes, that's against the law, but in today's job market, when you have hundreds of people applying, why would you choose someone that's going to be on maternity leave soon, leaving you short staffed?

Even if she gets a job, she'll have to take time off to have the baby, then she'll have to find a daycare that accepts newborns, and pay probably more than what she's making just for daycare. Cheaper to stay at home. So that means they're relying on one income. He better be the only teen doctor or lawyer in the country, because otherwise you're screwed!

And we also have everything planned and I no we are young... but we are smart...

Really? You are smart, yet you have alienated his parents! You are smart, yet you let his 14 yr old brother find out you were sexually active! You are smart, but you might be pregnant at 17! You think you have everything planned, but you are risking having a child that will throw all those plans out the window!

And you wonder why I think you are self centered? You have several adults with much more knowledge and experience than you, trying to tell you that you haven't got everything planned and you are not that smart, yet you argue about everything and disbelieve or ignore the advice you are being given.

A good job is one that will last for a lifetime. One that pays enough to live comfortably, raise a family and provide for retirement. I don't think you have a concept of what a good job is.

I know you probably think I'm being harsh, but you need a wake up call. You really have very little clue about the realities of life.

And Yes I really do think we are smart... most teens are sexually active. And we shouldn't looked down upon for that. And yes, I no things don't always go according to plan but itsnt it a good thing that we at least have a plan? And we are trying to do the best for are future? Also, his brother is a lot more active in some not so good things, a lot more actually than my boyfriend is, and my boyfriend tells him things when he asks for advice, not to tell him its okay or whatever. And I wasn't saying them being farmers is nessisarly a bad thing. I was just saying maybe that I'm not a coutry girl, and I don't really no much about it; maybe that's a reason they dislike me. I wasn't being self centered or trying ot argue?

You guys don't have a plan that makes sense. There is no way you can afford to take care of a child, thinking his two part time jobs is great is really having your head in the clouds. What you need to be thinking about is what you are going to do after High School and not be doing things that will interfere in that. Not all teens have sex. There are quite a few who have goals and sex and possibly pregnancy will interferer with them. His parents are thinking, "this girl is going to get pregnant and the future our son had is going to go down the drain" You two are in a 7 month relationship, you're having sex, you think you might be pregnant; this is not smart thinking.

Okay so your telling me we should just saying if I am pregnant, we should just forget making a plan and just hope for the best?? At least we are trying! And yeah for now his 2 part time jobs are bring in some money to be saved! And we are still both going to school and already make arrangements for me to go back after the baby's here! And his parents should understand me getting pregnant! Wasn't only my fault! There's 2 of us! And I didn't push him into or anything!

I 'm not saying forget about making plans, I'm saying the plans you made are useless. Did you make plans for a pregnancy? His part time jobs will bring in some money to be saved but who is going to support this baby? Who will take care of this baby when you go back to school? How is he going to go to school and support a baby? Do his parents know about his possible pregnancy? This could also be why they are so upset.
And yes it takes two to make a baby but unless you were raped, you give consent. You both were being foolish.

If I am, he will take any entra hours he can in the summer, and I NO babies r expensive!  and Hes paying for everything along with my mothers help. When I go back to school my aunt has kindly offered to watch the baby for $10 a day.  and he is in early placement so he gos to school for a week and works for 2 weeks. And not yet his parents are not aware yet. We don't plan to tell then unless we are 110% sure.

So you have made these plans with your family, given them a heads up but not his parents. You still don't get that you guys cannot afford a baby. The thing is your post was deceiving to begin with. You did not tell us that they found out you guys are having sex from his 14 year old brother. Then we find out you think you are pregnant, you have discussed this with your family but not with his. You guys are both being deceiving.
I hope you are not pregnant and I hope you two leave sex alone until you are at least out of your parents home and can afford one.

And yes we have talked to my family because my family is a lot more understanding! And if we don't know yet! Its really no ones business other than who we tell! And I get they cost a lot a lot a lot of money! I understand that! But what the hell do you want us to do?? At least we are trying! And giving it 110%! At least he's not a dead beat!

And his parents should understand me getting pregnant! Wasn't only my fault! There's 2 of us!

Just another example of your lack of maturity. So lets say his parents had high hopes for his future. Going to college, becoming a professional, etc. Now some girl allows herself to get pregnant ruining all their hopes for his future. And you think they will be understanding about this? You have NO clue!!

Sex is not recreation. And this is part of the reason. No form of birth control is 100% effective, so anytime you have intercourse, you risk pregnancy. I sincerely hope you are not pregnant, because I would have pity on a child with you two as its parents. If you aren't you BOTH need to keep your pants on.

Okay.. wow that was really hurtful... :'( I understand the whole money aspect... but like it said it takes two... and he had just as big as part in it as I do and yes I 110% think his parents should understand that it was also on him... and you know what! I asked for advice! Good advice! For for rude people just looking to put others down.. :'( if I am pregnant! That baby will have two amazing parents, who go to school, have plans for our future, work, and have lots of love! And I'm sorry you guys have no hope or faith for young moms... :/

I have hope for young mothers but teen parents have a long hard road and when one set of parents don't like the mom it is doubly hard.

You are getting mad at the wrong people. Up until now I have kept out of this but have been following along. I see people here who are trying to point things out to you...you asked why his parents don't like you....well, you're being told and you're taking it out on the wrong people simply because you don't want to hear it.

Welcome to the real world. Not everything in life is a wonderful, peaceful, and easy dream. Plans go to hell quickly. He will work as much as he needs to support you and the baby....well, that is until reality sets in for him and he sees how much he has given up...how much he has to do...how much responsibility he has on him. Many men crack under this. Of course, he won't because he is special and perfect and you have known him for 7 months after all! But yeah...that is just one example of how things can go bad.

Anyway, this is all under the assumption that you're pregnant which we don't know yet one way or the other.

So you wanted to know why his parents hate you...you have been told some really valid reasons here and you might want to reflect on them a bit and stop getting mad at everyone here who are just trying to give you reality and pull you out of the fantasy world. Life is not a fantasy and as you get older, you will understand that. Hopefully you don't need to learn it the hard way.

And his parents should understand me getting pregnant! Wasn't only my fault! There's 2 of us! And I didn't push him into or anything!
No, you didn't push him into anything, but you didn't say no, either.

You asked why his parents do not like you. Only his parents and maybe he knows the answer to that question. Have you respectfully asked them?

The people who have responded have tried to give you some reasons from their experience and perspective. You don't seem to like the reasons that have been given.

I am not certain if it is the arrogance of youth or defensiveness due to having your perception of your life turned upside down, but you do come across as self-centered and caring only about your own wants and desires. If you are pregnant there is another life that will depend on you making the best choices you can and not excusing your behavior with, "everyone else is doing it" or "he is worse." There are no do-overs or second chances in having a healthy pregnancy or raising a child. In 18 years you will be in your parents' shoes. It will be your child dating and wanting to have sex if they aren't already sexually active by 13/14 years old. Will you have the same attitude then that you do now about teens being sexually active?

You say that you will 18 in a few days. I sincerely hope a positive pregnancy test is not one of your birthday gifts. While many young parents do mange to make a healthy and happy home, more do not. You can make all the plans you want and Life will do its best to mess them up. The choices you make can make it easier or harder. Why make it easier for Life to mess up your plans?

You seem to think it will be easy to go back to school after having a baby. What you don't see are the stresses pregnancy and a newborn put on you and the relationship. His wages may seem good now, but they may not be enough for childcare, tuition and all the other assorted costs that come from having two parents 'working' outside the home. His jobs and schooling may not allow for him to be home as much as both of you may want him to be or to be able to take care of the baby while you go to school or work. Grandparents and friends can and are willing to do only so much. You cannot expect them to change their lives because of your choices.

You have been with your boyfriend for seven months. You say that it is more serious than his past relationships. How do you know? How long have your past relationships lasted? How long have his? You have said he was sexually active in the past so you know sex isn't making it more serious. Strangely, discussing the future doesn't make a relationship more serious. Too many couples make plans that never happen or Life throws them a curve ball and everything falls apart.

One of the things you say you think might be a cause of their 'dislike' is that you aren't 'wife' material. Have you ever done anything to show them you are more than a bed buddy for their son? Have you tried to improve your cooking? Have you offered to help when you are at their house? Shown an interest in the day to day activities that give your boyfriend his main source of support? How do you treat his parents?

You have a lot to think about. Be honest with yourself.

Okay.. wow that was really hurtful... :'( I understand the whole money aspect... but like it said it takes two... and he had just as big as part in it as I do and yes I 110% think his parents should understand that it was also on him... and you know what! I asked for advice! Good advice! For for rude people just looking to put others down.. :'( if I am pregnant! That baby will have two amazing parents, who go to school, have plans for our future, work, and have lots of love! And I'm sorry you guys have no hope or faith for young moms... :/

See that's my whole point. To you, the advice some of us are giving is hurtful. Because you refuse to accept it as reality. Anything that doesn't fit into your rose colored view of the world is hurtful and not valuable.

For example, you have no clue what it takes to raise a child, let alone do so while you are trying to go to school and earn enough to feed the child. You have the confidence of someone with no clue that you will be lovely parents. What do you think will happen when you want to go partying with your friends, but can't because of the baby? You need to study for an exam, but the baby is crying for hours. You need to wake up and face reality, not try to strike back at people who are actually trying to help you understand what you have really gotten yourself into.

Okay, I NEVER go out and party, nor have I EVER... I'm def not into that. And Yes I've def tried to learn and let his mom teach me new things, and I respect his parents a great deal. And saying u Pitty the parents of our baby, that's really cruel... and it was really messed up..

And saying u Pitty the parents of our baby, that's really cruel... and it was really messed up..

Cruel, yes. Messed up, no!

Yes...

I think you have a very unrealistic idea of how things will be if you're pregnant.
How do you know his parents don't like you? Have they said something to you or did your boyfriend tell you. Maybe they don't think you are right for him. I was in a dating situation like that and when I look back on it, they were right. Let's just hope you are not pregnant. You guys are awfully young to be parents and nowhere near able to raise a child especially not having both parents on your side.

They have said something to my boyfriend. And they acted like they liked me for the longest time but then it changed. And its not that I have a unrealistic idea how things will be, its more that I'm actually trying to plan, and look forward to our future. Not just go with the flow... everything needs a plan and weather we have to change that plan or fix some things its better than going in and having nothing.

LOL, good luck with all those plan. Things are subject to change in just a 7 month relationship, and often the changes are LIFE changing. I highly recommend just enjoy getting to know each other and see how you feel in a year.

More than likely you two smart young people are still in the very intense honeymoon period and when the dust of the lust fades, the real work of love and commitment begins. Doesn't matter how smart you are or how many plans you make, reality has a way of making you think, and feel differently. You always have to be ready to adjust to what life throws at you. So which one of you is going off to school this fall? Be rough especially if your pregnant, for you both to be in school and afford milk diapers and rent and tuition, and be aware the number one reason for a break up is financial stresses.

Its complicated and half the couple who try this relationship experiment FAIL. Just ask any single mom you know. They had plans too.

Chances are this guy you have been with for 7 months at the age of 17 is not the guy you will be with for the rest of your life.
It is good you two are thinking about what you're going to do if you're pregnant but it is still unrealistic.
The parents don't like you and there is not much you can do about that. But you can not have sex in their home. That is disrespectful.
Has your boyfriend talked to his parents about you, tried to find out why they don't like you?

And its not that I have a unrealistic idea how things will be, its more that I'm actually trying to plan, and look forward to our future. Not just go with the flow... everything needs a plan and weather we have to change that plan or fix some things its better than going in and having nothing.

Planning is great, but plans need to be realistic and yours are just not realistic. An unrealistic plan is worse than no plan at all.

I'm going to quote Judge Judy here. "I planned to be 5'8", but God had other plans".

Plans are great. I plan to be a millionaire one day. That plan isn't realistic though, but it would be nice.

Yes, you're planning. Instead of planning for a baby, and planning to be together forever (which likely won't happen even if you're not pregnant), you should plan to keep your pants on so there is no chance of pregnancy, go to school, get a degree, find a good job, save, and then, when you're married, have a good job, a home of your own, you can plan to have a child. If you get lucky this time and you're not pregnant, that should be your plan.

If you are pregnant the chances of you and this boy staying together to raise this child, well, lets just say I have a better chance of becoming a millionaire than you do of that happening. You'll be raising that baby by yourself. How will you do that, and go to school, and gt a good job, and everything else you want to do?

I think you have a lot of promise. But I think you also have only a vague understanding of what having your own household entails. At your age and being a 'city' girl that is quite common. Having to do chores and go to school are not the same as being in charge of getting meals on the table starting with making the money to pay for the food and appliances to produce the end result and keeping the house clean plus having to keep a relationship healthy.

At seven months, you only have the basic idea of what it will take to keep a relationship going for years. Having his parents 'dislike' you and his working two jobs and a pregnancy possibility are the tip of a huge iceberg. I do think there is a good chance that the two of you might succeed and have a great future together. But I also think you need to slow down on the intimacy until your plans are farther along. If you aren't pregnant now, then don't take more chances.

At 18, I didn't plan to be a wife and mother. I didn't even know the man who would become my husband until a couple of months before my 19th birthday. By 20, I had a son, married my husband and put my 'plans' on hold to support him by being a wife and mother while he supported our family. No regrets, but it hasn't been easy. There have been thousands of ups and downs over the past 28 years.

There will always be good times and bad, I just want you to have a better foundation built before you have your plans and relationship tested.

Thank you cat. That's the advice I def needed, thank you for having faith in me. And it does mean a lot. And I totally agree with! :) thank you once again