I have been divorced for over 7 years now and have always paid full amount of £100 pwk towards the up keep of my daughter.
I've even paid for schooling and trips... recently I had to reduce the amount due to losing a major contract and this has now caused a problem.
I have seen my daughter every other wkend and every fri night, I changed every other fri to missing 1 Fri per month again this has caused a problem.
I have now been told that I cannot ring her and can only see her every two weeks I bought her a phone but now her mum has stolen it and also taken a charger I supplied. I have parental responsibility as per the courts its her birthday today and I have rang over 10 times but still she won't let me spk with her Im at my wits end on how nasty she is being is there anyone that can help me

'I have now been told that I cannot ring her and can only see her every two weeks'

Who has told you this?
Everything the court has ordered has to be followed, but that doesn't make it easy for a parent to enforce on the other parent. You go back to court with as much evidence as you can of the denial to speak/see your daughter. Ask the court if a lawyer can hold the child support in escrow until the mother complies.

If she is disobeying a lawful court order, then make the court aware of it and seek clarification and redress through the courts for her bad behavior. Stressing does no good, but actions make a difference. Do nothing, nothing changes.

If she is trying to withold the child when it is your court orders time for you. Then call the police and ask them to meet you there if she still refuses then they will arrest her for kidnapping and parental interference.

You said you had to reduce the amount of support. I'm assuming this amount was court ordered just as the visitation is. Is that correct?

Did you go to court and ask for a reduction, did the court approve it?

This is a two way street. You have no more right to arbitrarily change the amount of support then your ex has to withhold visitation. In other words, both of you are wrong. But the only recourse either of you has is to go to court to force the enforcement of the court order. Of course, she can take you to court to pay the full amount you owe as well.

I'm assuming you are in the UK, so I would consult your solicitor. But, if you have a court order saying you are supposed to be with your daughter at x time, you should be able to get the police to help enforce that order.

The order was in place when I was able to pay I then went to the CSA who changed the amount which is now in place... I have the right to see my daughter as I have parental responsibility, yet every time I try to ask or plead I get no answer, I was taken into the house one day and told that I was not allowed to ring the house phone or her mobile and that I had to buy my daughter a phone otherwise I couldn't spk with her Im not allowed to have her at Christmas or on her birthday, and sometimes my daughters phone is off so like today I couldn't even spk to her to wish her happy birthday... Courts cost money something of which I do not have a lot of.
To give you some idea of what type of lady she is, I needed to know her passport number to enter into the web site for our holiday she refused to give it to me, even when she was at Gatwick my daughter asked for the number only to be told to put the phone down, I used to drop her at the house now I have to drop her down the road even my daughter says its stupid Im not a threat nor aggressive yet I have to stand there whilst my daughter is made to cry in front of me because I was 2 minutes late. I know this is wrong but if any person other than my ex was to hurt my little girl I would... well you understand yet I have to stand there and take it... what would you do even her ex boyfriend has said she was wrong

I understand courts and lawyers cost money, but that is your options to fight your frustration because of your exes behavior.

Ok, so you legally obtained a reduction in support. So then she has no legal recourse against you. What does the court order say about where you go to pick up/leave off your daughter? If its not specified, then you shouldn't have to leave her off down the street.

But you really have 2 options here. One is to request she be cited for contempt of court for not adhering to the court orders. The other is to show up with the police for your appointed time to enforce the order. You can do both.

It shouldn't be too expensive to go to court on your own, but its your only recourse.

Hi Thank you for your help and advise it has given me a new way of thinking. I just don't know why a mother would want to be so cruel or nasty not just to me but also my daughter does she not realise that she's hurting my princess. When Im late dropping her off she screams at me and shouts I try to hold my tongue, but sometimes I just react which afterwards I no this is not right, Im not saying I'm a saint nor a pillar of the community, all I want is to pay my way and be able to see and talk with my daughter. I no some fathers don't want to know but I do
Thanks again
Paul

Good luck and keep us posted.

If I was to right to my ex wife this message do you think this may help:

This message is to inform you that I intend to exercise my rights as Parental responsibility of (My Daughter) against you this 30th December 2013
You have stopped me speaking with Paige and having reasonable contact with her
If you fail to be more reasonable I will apply to the court for a new order

I will seek to have (My Daughter) every other Christmas Day and alternating Birthdays I will also apply for a fixed date for Our summer Holiday In August for a minimum of 10 Days

You have left me no choice with your unreasonable behaviour
------------------------------------------------------------

Do you think this might help

Before you send that, please let us know what your current visitation order specifies.

I wouldnt send it myself. I would just go to court and get it started. By making claims such as this it only amounts to a threat. So if your decision is to go to court anyway then just do it.

That's a lousy idea, just go to court and let them handle it properly. Put your emotions in check and handle your business properly.

Thank you all for your frank comments, I will be making plans to arrange taking my ex wife back to court, If I win what will happen if she fails to abide to the order ?

She will be held in contempt of a lawful court order and the judge can levy fines or whatever he deems appropriate under the laws of the state.

She could be jailed she might even lose custody.

I do understand that in law she could be Jailed for not following a ruling however No Uk court would put a mother in prison or fine them as it could potentially harm my daughter and my ex knows this. I am now trying to get dates from her for a holiday in August, every year I have my daughter and ever year I have to wait for dates.
My partner works in the Hospital looking after people with cancer and she can only get certain dates off so she books 2 weeks I can only afford a holiday in August with free Kids places but still Im left waiting... Again only solution is court and what do they really do for fathers who are willing and trying yet face women who use their children as weapons and emotional blackmail.

I have no experience with UK courts, but its not much different in the US, fines or jail are rarely used but judges are not happy with people who show a willful disregard for the law and, especially, for their orders.

I'm sorry that we can't help you any more and I think parents that use children as pawns in their disputes with exes are among the lowest forms of life. The only answer I can give to this is that one should be very careful to be sure they are in a life relationship before they have children.

Sadly I have to admit your totally right, English law only protects the one who looks after the children and yes my biggest regret is that I have a ex who is totally unreasonable. I was 2 minutes late brining my daughter home one day and my ex came out of the house screaming at me and pulled my princess back into the house crying her eyes out begging her mum. As Her dad I just had to stand there watching I ,must admit I did swear at her when she slammed the door in my face but it could have been so much worse... Im 5'9 stocky build and my ex is a small blonde haired women who people think butter wouldn't melt. But I would rather face 10 blokes than her... No one helps dads so we lose all the time

No one helps dads so we lose all the time

I disagree with that. There are support groups, attorneys etc. Who do try to help dads caught in a situation like yours. Start looking for single father groups for referrals. I agree its not easy to find help and even sympathetic courts have their hands tied to some extent. But don't give up.

It's a tremendous challenge being a dad, made more so when you and the mama are engaged in open warfare. Stick to the cool, calm, and self controlled path of working through the process. It's a long and difficult one for sure but patience pays off when children grow and you can make up for all that lost time that the ex has caused and regain the relationship that was delayed by a selfish partner. I have seen this work in many cases, so don't let her frustrate you into impulsive stupid reactions that accomplish NOTHING.

Emotions are so hard to control, and controlling hers is impossible. Work on YOURS, and weather this storm, and have faith your child will see the truth of reality when SHE has control over what she does. Never give up and let your ex ruin you with her words, actions, and negativity.

You cannot control her ignorant a$$, but you CAN control your reaction and actions to it. Think about it.

Your ex is cutting off her nose to spite her face. Your daughter is going to realize that it was mom that kept her from being with dad and missing out on holidays and such. And she will grow to resent mom.

HI Ive had a solicitor letter and asking me to have my daughter yet every time I give times n dates its refused: I am about to reply could you read through and give me your thoughts

With reference to your recent letter dated the 3 February 2014 and my contact with my daughter, In your previous letter <the mother> asked what dates and times I would like to see <the daughter> and she has stated that she wants me to have more contact and visitation, I have always wanted this yet when I give my times and dates these are never excepted even from past communications with <the mother> it has always been the same and again this time. I work very hard trying to support myself and pay for my daughters up keep I now work very long hours just to keep my head above water and find that sometimes I don't get home from work until late evening. Also where possible try to help towards school trips and other activities

At present my contact with my <the daughter> is every other weekend, Boxing Day for a few days and a week in the summer Holidays and every other new year. I am not allowed to see my daughter any other time, which is unreasonable of <the mother> as she often leaves <the daughter> with her mum on weekends and her friends whilst she goes away or goes out. I understand that <the mother> deserves time with her boyfriend and her other commitments, if <the mother> was to give me more time to arrange work times and showed a bit of understanding of the pressures I face as well then I would be able to help, so far this has not been the case

I live with my long term partner and have been living with her for over 5 Years. My daughter loves all of my partner's family and loves being around us. My partner works at the hospital in cancer care and she needs to book time off well in advance of the coming year for any holiday periods. My partner has always come with my daughter and I on our summer Holidays and my daughter loves her company. Now my daughter is coming to an age where she will need assistance in (Girly stuff) I feel it more important that my partner should be with me, as a father there is only a certain amount of help I can give when it comes to this! Of course if I was on my own I would deal with as best I could. As my finances are so delicate and that every penny is accountable I need to save money where ever I can, so if I was to book my August holiday I could get a free child's place thus saving a huge amount of money which could help in me doing more with Paige when she comes to stay

The reason for the explanation of my affairs is that since November last year I have been asking for a date In August so that I can book a holiday and that my partner can book her annual leave, it is now February and still I have no date! I ask you to ask the mother for this date or give a reason for not giving this date. My partner has booked the last two weeks of August off this year which cannot be changed now. Every year, I have always had my daughter for the second to last weeks of August and that every year I have the same problem. In the past 6 years all I have ever wanted is to see my daughter and to give her my love as a father. I will not be appointing a solicitor and will take advise only from my solicitor.

There is also no residences order in place for my daughter, and as this is the case I would request that any forthcoming holiday's arrangements that involves my daughter leaving the country that I be informed of the full destination times and dates within a reasonable time.
My daughter has a school trip from Monday 23 June until Friday 27 June <location removed> as this is my weekend to have my daughter I will therefore require that her mother informs me as to what time Paige will need to be collected as the school will send out a text prior to arrival on the Friday Night, the school has informed me that this is normally around the 18:00 time.

In September my daughter goes into her new School, I wish to know the school as soon as her mother knows and that on her first day at my daughter's new school that I attend with my daughter to wish her good luck.
I would like to be informed of how we can go about mediation and the full cost involved, as I believe that sadly her mother and I are not able to talk or even communicate now, when I speak with my daughter, her mother seems to think this is the best time to relay information and communication through my daughter whilst my daughter speaks with me, which is unfair to my daughter, I think this is damaging my daughter and that It should stop.

I look forward to your reply

First, its unclear but it looks like the last three posts are supposed to be one letter address to the mother's solicitor? Is that correct? Before we can comment on the letter we need to understand who it is going to. I will say it certainly sounds like a reasonable request. You may want to clear up some of the spelling and grammar though.

I have edited the posts to remove personal and identifying information.

Hi thank you for editing my letter it is intended for my ex wife solicitor

You can be as reasonable as you want, but get this to court in case she is not reasonable as you are. She hasn't been so far. Expecting her to be is Unreasonable in my view. You are trying though.

Ok, I think I would reword this a bit. Let me think on it and I'll get back to you.

Thank you Scott,