So, I never do these sites, but I need a fresh perspective and I think I've made my friends crazy with this.

I'm in my early 30s and I dated a girl in her mid 20s for a little over five years. When we first got started, I was getting into a really cutthroat business, and she stuck with me through the ups and downs, but as I got deeper in, I had turned really hard to deal with.

Nothing abusive. Nothing outside of us having the occasional arguments that got really mean, but no name calling, just a lot of "When is this going to be worked out?" kind of stuff.

Anyway, we ran out of money and I had picked up some bad habits, mainly focusing too much on my work - 80 to 100 hours a week, and our relationship suffered, and my health had gotten bad, and we hit an all time low. Both were drinking too much and both were depressed. We're both kind of prone to it.

We had fight after fight, and basically we agreed to end it. I've regretted that since that day, but over time, I've decided that my focus on work is unhealthy and it's not needed for me to feel like my life matters. I hit rock bottom this fall and I never want to feel that bad again. I feel like she is the one and that I need her in my life. I want her in my life and feel like I may have blown what was the greatest thing that has happened to me. No woman sticks with you through that many ups and downs without loving you.

It's been a few months now and we've had some kind of pleasant and kind of unpleasant run ins. I miss her a lot and while I've dated some other girls, I can't stop thinking about her. I don't stalk or anything, but I do shoot her the occasional text and try to see how she is every few weeks. I don't come on too strong, but she is very guarded in CASE I come on too strong and I don't blame her. So I try to be nice, but not pushy. If I don't hear from her, I don't pester or annoy.

Anyway, I've dated a lot of girls in my life and I know that the way this usually works is- don't contact. I see it on this site a lot, NC. I get that. But I want to get a chance to show her that I've changed and changed for real. I'm doing something else that makes real money, I'm healthier and work out everyday, I look better (I lost 50 pounds in a few months) and I feel much better in general. It wasn't ALL me but I think fixing my end of the problems was a big step in seeing if we could work again. We worked fine for years.

So my question is- how do I get a chance to meet with her and ask her to let me back into her life? I will admit, I do want to be with her really badly, but I don't plan on being needy or whiny, just honest. I'm ready to show that I'm a changed man and I want to be worthy of her.

Please note- it's Christmas. This is the first Christmas in six years we didn't spend together. I know a lot of people will say to move on and forget her, but I feel like I should at least try to show her I've changed and speak from the heart before I do that.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I'd really appreciate any help you can give me.

Thanks and Merry Christmas.

I Believe you need to right now meet up with her and stop leaving it to time, cause time waits for no one. Tell her once you meet up exactly what you feel and how much she played a important role in your life and still does.

Holidays, especially the first one on your own triggers many feelings taking us back to better times but its only been a few months of getting your life back together and under control. You're right you were but half the equation, and I'm sure she has issues to work on too, so I think the better idea is get through this holidays and stay on the path that's working for you now. You my feel better about yourself and work, but you don't know what the other half of the equation is doing for herself.

Live it alone and keep going through the healing process and give it the full chance it deserves. Stick with NC, and get better at it since by your own words you have contacted her more than once in the last two months and that's a recipe for keeping hope alive and well. The holiday season just magnifies it for you. NC is a process not an event, to heal yourself, and make better decisions based on facts and not just whatever feelings you are going through.

Stick with it, and stop those check in texts. How's the no drinking going for you?

Sorry guy, I know you want to try again, but from what you wrote I just can't recommend you make any changes to what you are doing already that seems to be working.

Continue the NC and working on yourself. You say you have contacted her a few times so she knows you're there.
She may be working on herself as well. Leave things as they are.

I think that she has been through the wringer with you, and for some unknown reason, you didn't choose to make any changes that would balance your life, and your relationship, until it was too late.

What have you done about the drinking? Does 'hitting rock bottom' mean that you got help? Or, have you seen a Doctor of some kind for the depression, or have you gone to counseling?

Has it occurred to you that maybe the long work hours, and abandonment of the relationship because of it, went on for too long without any attempt to change?

It sounds like you put a lot of pressure on yourself, for many years, at an increasing rate. You wanted to do what you wanted to do, and if she stuck with you through it all, I agree that she must have loved you to try to make the relationship work. But, it sounds like it was a one way street, and you were both on different paths.

It is always possible to salvage a relationship, and only you can say, through your actions, that you are prepared for the very hard work, in order to put the relationship back together.

You losing weight, and changing jobs, and wanting her back because you realize you've lost something. But, do you realize what she lost? She lost a man with no balance in his life for himself, let alone for her.

From what you have said, she hasn't indicated she wants anything to do
With you, and it is you contacting her, not the other way around.

If you are serious about changing your life, try showing it in a solid, committed way. Make appointments to go to a counselor, and get the help you need to assess your life, and why things went so wrong. (without that insight, history will repeat itself).

Further, once you have started, offer to go to couples counseling. Address any substance problems you have, perhaps with AA. She needs to be heard, and listened to.

IF she sees you are serious, and you can put as much effort into rebuilding the relationship as much as the time you spent destroying it, she may come around.

Either way, you will be a better person, and much better prepared for the next relationship, should this not work out with your ex.

I think I may have miscommunicated-

She has reached out to me several times out of nowhere. If it was JUST me contacting her for months that would be my answer. She tells me she doesn't want to talk, I leave her alone and then she reaches out to see how I am or to tell me news or check in with me.

Also, I'm going to meetings twice a week and don't feel any urge to drink. Haven't had one since August, but I know that isn't a band-aid, it takes time.

A lot of judgment here in your posts. If I was happy with poor choices in the past I wouldn't be asking strangers for insight on the internet.

Reached out to you how? With a check up text as you have been doing? All you both have been doing is stop the healing process, and NOT No Contact.

Leaving that tidbit of her contacting you out of your post explains why you are still stuck during a trying time like a first holiday without her. Do NC for REAL, or find out how she feels about reconciliation.

If you have been going to AA meetings twice a week then you have been told to get a sponsor, who no doubt has told you not to make major changes in your life before a year of sobriety. That includes your relationships, unless there are kids involved.

You are not being judged my friend, just responded to from what you have written. No one will tell you to try what has failed before. Or agree with your perspective so don't get defensive, because suggestions are hard to hear. It closes the mind to options and opportunities to learn.

People with substance issues are notorious for easy quick fixes, and impulsive illogical behavior and manipulation.