Okay so I'm on a trip to Vegas. Went to a bar that plays music the other night. The bartender is absolutely gorgeous and I have a crush on her. The first and second time I saw her she served us but I was with my parents so it was awkward to initiate small talk. Anyway I was still determined so as soon as I saw her I was about to start a conversation and she suddenly carded me. It threw me off. I tried to drop by tonight but she wasn't working. I really want her number or Facebook cause she's so cute but I've never really tried talking to a girl I have known for such a short period before. And on top of that, I'm afraid that it being a bar might constitute for her not taking me seriously. I'm only here for a few more days and want to know what to do. Btw I'm 22 and weird enough, I don't drink... Help!!

She knows you have a crush on her, so that's why she suddenly carded you. Your chances are nil. A beautiful bartender gets hit on 20 times a night and probably has a boyfriend or husband, with many waiting (and that's assuming she's straight). You can say 'I have a crush on you, do I stand a snowball's chance?' and smile to let her know you aren't an obsessed stalker. Depending on what she says, you can then ask if she is on Facebook and would she friend you. Don't count on it.
She'll be nice about it - bartenders are very experienced at turning men down while keeping their willingness to sit at the bar and buy drinks.

There may be a policy in the bar about fraternizing with customers. Obviously she lives in Vegas and you don't, which is another impediment.

What I would do, is look for a greeting card that thanks someone for their service. Write in the card that that you found her extremely attractive and would like to get to know her better. Include your phone and Facebook. Give her the card when you are leaving the bar and hope.

First you are 22, if you can not talk to a girl with parents present, that is an entire other issue. In life, you often only get one chance, you have to do it, when it happens.

Next, if being carded thows you off, why ? If you went there for purpose, then you are not sincere in this, and too shy or something.

But they are right, she will get asked out 10 to 20 or more times a night, if she is really hot looking. So you need just to tell her and see what happens

If she carded you, she already has enough information to check you out, name, address, age, and how to find YOU on Facebook. If she is interested. I would leave it at that, smitten can lead you to ignoring safety with strangers. Cute doesn't mean a good person. She probably is very cautious who she would give her information too on the reverse side of this and as Joy said as you could be a nice guy at first glance but a psycho stalker.

Or she may have a jealous boyfriend/husband. The adage, Look before you leap, comes to mind. That applies both ways and you should never get carried away by those intense feelings of attraction and get sloppy about what you do about those intense feelings. If its meant to be it will.

How often do you go to Vegas?

Frankly, I think you are caught up in the atmosphere of the place and being on vacation and letting your hormones override your common sense. Once you are back home and back in your regular social circle with other women who are more available, your crush on this woman will fade.

Be realistic about your regular life and pharmacy school (another thread) and how well you could juggle getting to know a complete stranger when you are already a bit overwhelmed with your classes.

There is this... She's a local... you are there for only there for a very short time and are leaving. Maybe she sees it as a waste of her time to date someone who isn't going to be there in a very short time. She isn't into one night stands... and the fact you will be leaving in a short time she sees it as futile to even consider anything further.

And as has been brought up... a lot of places frown upon employees dating customers... it way too often leads to graft and fraud by the staff that costs the owner money, a lot of it.

Thanks for all your responses. Not being a local and the fact that she probably gets hit on many times a day is demotivating me from going on with it.. But I also feel Like I have nothing to lose. She always seems busy. Do you think the thank you for your service card with my number and a little note about how I thought she is cool would be good? I could drop by and if she's there leave it with her plus a tip. What do you all think?

Having been a bartender in my younger years I would have found it kind of creepy if one of my customers did that to me.

I'd say yes except for one thing: she isn't going to call you, and bartenders hate to give out numbers because they work when a lot of people are sleeping, and vice versa.
Just your name and that it's on Facebook.
('Thank you for your service' sounds too phony to me. Something more natural like 'You are the best bartender')
Again - don't count on anything to ever result, no matter what you write.

Years ago I was always all over this one bar tender at a place I frequented (not literally all over her). She was cool about it though and handled it well...At one point I told her if I bother her, let me know and I will stop. It kind of became a running joke between us and she remained my friend for years. I "knew" her in that I saw her numerous times a week and we talked about all sorts of things. This is why she put up with me in the beginning. If I had been someone passing through, she wouldn't have dealt with me too much.

At this point, you don't live in Vegas, won't be going back too often....I would wonder why even bother. BUT! I actually say, more power to you because what have you got to lose here? NOTHING!

[QUOTE=;][/QUOTEI think I'll end up writing you're the best bartender and leave my Facebook name. . Not too sure to do it on a card or a napkin, I'm not cheap but I don't want to go all out just to creep her out how some of you all have brought to my attention. Does this sound like a better idea? And by the way thank you all for responding I'd totally write back to each of you but I'm on my phone and it's hard.

It would be different if you had had some conversations with her. But, if I'm reading correctly, you haven't. Is that correct?

If you had sat at the bar a few times and had conversations with her, I would leave a thank you note/card with your name and that you are on FB. If you didn't have any conversations with her, that would just creep her out.

25+ years ago when I was a bartender, I would have been flattered to receive a message from someone I conversed with over a few days, or visits, to my bar. But to receive one from a customer I never conversed with was just unnerving.

I even tried tonight to talk to her but nobody was even at the bar. I'm just going to see if I can try tomorrow or the day after then write my name down. I hope this works!

rackcity, you aren't coming off as stalking are you? Food for thought.

It's Christmas. She might have several days off.
Sure you can do this. But the odds that she will ever contact you are one in a million. I should say zero. Your situation isn't the same as odinn7's.

Sure you can do this. But the odds that she will ever contact you are one in a million. I should say zero. Your situation isn't the same as odinn7's.

Exactly. Don't expect the same results.

I told my story to point out that I wasn't someone just passing through, I knew her over time, but still nothing happened and it never amounted to anything.
But, as I said, you haven't got much to lose....unless as was already point out....you are coming off like some sort of creepy stalker.

Ohhh I doubt I'm coming off as a stalker, I never did anything weird or tried too hard, but I don't know why I got infatuated. Maybe cause the Vegas scene and it's something exciting. Yeah I tried conversing but there was a bit of people and her manager is like right there so. . if I end up seeing her before I go and try and I end up getting the cold shoulder I totally would give it up. Damn it Vegas!

Giving up guys, I see her here but it's too busy and seems like it's not the right environment. Merry xmas everybody.

You were just caught up in the excitement of Vegas and the holidays. It happens.

Merry Christmas to you!

Thank you j9. I'm just feeling so demotivated right now. Literally I think the issue is much deeper than just a crush. I might not even see her again and even knowing that I choked and couldn't approach her. But if I had to approach any other bartender or waitress I could have at least talked to any of them. And another thing is every time I think about a situation like this I think to myself it's because I'm not in shape enough so I go workout. Even though I'm not as in shape as I was in high school I think my mind is trying to blame my health rather than my mind and personality.I know how crazy and weird that may sound to some of you all but that's how my mind acts at times. Then when I would go back to my room I wonder how come every time I crush on a girl I put them on a pedestal and can't even think, act normal.. . which is probably another reason I end up choking, I don't want to come off weird or creepy to someone I find attractive, interesting.. . maybe I need to practice talking to girls I find somewhat attractive but don't want to pursue. Or being more outgoing in general.. . ahhh I'm so frustrated right now, I don't even know what to do!!

You learn to let it go. Its just you battling yourself over the conflicting feelings triggered by attraction. We all go through those challenges, what to do about those feelings, but we deal with them by being cool, calm, collected in in control of ourselves. That way we separate the feelings from our actions and recognize the practical from the impractical.

Attractions and crushes that do no bear fruit haunt us with what ifs, and should have, would have, could have, but in the end we let go of them by doing what we can do, and not swelling on what we couldn't do, as we grow and learn from our experiences. Some good, some not so good.

So don't be frustrated you cannot realize an opening with this bartender you are so attracted to, just deal in reality, and move forward to the next adventure or crush in your life. Trust me there will be more crushes, and more opportunities, more attractions if you don't get stuck on the last one that doesn't seem to work. To be ready for the next adventure, let the last one go. Its like catching a bus, when you miss the first on, catch the next one and never trip on the one you missed.

The answer is simple. If you see her again just ask her. Life is too short stressing over the little things.

So what happened; decided to semi man the f up and go with the card idea. Couldn't find her so I got another waitress promise to hand it to her.I was general saying thanks for the help and put my fb. Info... just waiting now to see if anything comes out of this. Besides being nervous af I'm leaving tomorrow and this was my last chance.. . I hate waiting :0

I think the issue is much deeper than just a crush The issue is not deeper than a crush, you don't even know the girl. What's her name? What's her favorite color? What's her middle name?


just waiting now to see if anything comes out of this My young, young friend. Don't expect anything to happen from this. If it does, fabulous! But if it doesn't you haven't lost anything. Just don't set your expectations so high so that you won't be let down if nothing comes to fruition.

I think this is more about him wanting to get her in the sack before he goes home than anything... obviously there is zero chance of having a relationship not living nearby each other... and long distance relationships rarely work and they tend to be the bastions of the desperate... sorry if that came across as being harsh... but seriously... you can't date each other because you don't live nearby... you don't go looking in the windows of the most expensive restaurant in town to see what everyone is eating if you can't afford to eat there yourself... so why torture yourself over something you can't have.

And its not just me that thinks that way... I know few women that would go out on a date with a guy that doesn't live nearby and won't be around for a second date. I know a lot of guys that think like that too... if I was single I'd take someone out I'd never see again if I thought we would go to bed... but I wouldn't put the time into it knowing I wouldn't and she wouldn't be around to even have a future shot at it... or a relationship.

And I certainly wouldn't be dwelling over it... I'm sure however you already know this in the back of your mind... you found someone that catches your eye... and are in the poor circumstances of not having the chance of a normal relationship even if you do get a first date (and likely only date). It's a frustrating position to find yourself in. I know because I've found myself in it more than once in the past.

just waiting now to see if anything comes out of this. Besides being nervous af I'm leaving tomorrow and this was my last chance.. . I hate waiting :0

After shooting your best shot, get back to the reality of your life. We often get carried away by those long shot impulsive reactions to strong feelings of attraction to attractive STRANGERS, because we want what we can't have and it makes those strangers even more desirable. Fantasies of the mind we elevate so high, simply because we have no clue what the truth is. Just feelings of attraction, and very high hopes.

Who waits for that to happen? How long will you wait?

Thank you all for your suggestions! You all are right! Never hurts to try. I guess I'll just keep trying!

Thank you all for your suggestions! You all are right! Never hurts to try. I guess I'll just keep trying!

I know this thread is bordering on two weeks old, but I get all fired up when I read something like this. It is just ridiculous how out of touch we become with our own self confidence. We blow things completely out of proportion and it turned into a three page diatribe about how you should or shouldn't ask for her number, and the method from which to do it.

Coming from a guy that has probably had more luck with women working at bars than any other women I fraternize with, next time just sit at the bar and ask for her number. I am not sure how many people who responded to this thread actually hang out at bars, but it is practically my part time job on the weekend. You cannot practice the adage "You have nothing to lose" enough. First of all, and I say this with all due respect to the suggestions you have received, I would never under any circumstance leave a bartender a card. That, more than anything, would come off as utterly creepy, especially in a city like Vegas where bartenders there get hit on more than strippers.

Now I know it may be unpopular of me to say, but don't be that nice guy that everyone just hopes will "win." This isn't a movie. I have seen women do some absolutely insane things when a guy shows enough confidence to talk to them like it is their lucky day. Not in some crude, pretentious manner, but in a way that makes the women feel like she isn't being bs'd.

The next time you are out at a bar, or anywhere, and you see a girl that you find attractive, talk to her. Within 5 minutes you should be able to get her number. If she says no and turns you down, so what? We are guys, and it is natural to get hot and bothered when we take a shot to the ego (believe me, I still get upset), but it is a learning experience and we move on. If you look a women in her eyes, and talk to her, they will pay attention 9 times out of 10. Eye contact, and a smile go a long way. Fake it for awhile if you have to, and soon you find yourself doing this automatically. Honestly man, I have had to learn to laugh at myself from some of the utter failures I've accomplished when talking to women... but if you don't try, you don't learn.

There is too much overthinking and too much puffery of circumstance. Who cares if you were just visiting? It doesn't matter! This is about chance and opportunity. Anyone who has been to Vegas has been in your shoes. Just because I got a phone number does not mean I am looking for a "hook up." This is the game, and you have to go all in sometimes to play it. I'm glad you at least did something! Brush it off, and move on to the next, as there will be plenty of chances to refine those skills. You're only 22 as well. I'm almost 10 years older than you and I still get nervous.