After first meeting my partner he was very open and honest about his sexuality- transvestism bi-sexual and bdsm, he said this was all curable. This all seemed to be the case and eventually he met my little 6 year old girl who took to him straight away as he is very good with her like a natural for someone who has never had kids(he is 51).

I went to his home and it was apparent that he has/had a huge hoarding problem, women's clothes shoes, computers telly's etc, rooms filled up. He says when his ex left he got depressed but now he met me he was happy and wanted to tidy up so we set to work and managed most of it. Now when we met I was a recovering alcoholic he knew this. Sex with him was always exciting at first if not a little scary as I had never really experienced the hardcore side of kink, but I indulged and he spoke out his fantasies as he could never maintain an erection on straight sex. Great for a while then he wanted more and third parties. He would look at dogging sites as a transvestite and arrange strangers to come and have sex with me whilst I was tied up, I said no and felt betrayed and started drinking again, so the inevitable happened I would get drunk and go along with things, he also gets violent during sex play and also seems now to only be interested in men although he denies this, if he comments on a woman on telly it is never about her looks only ever to with how she is dressed, his ex indulged with him entirely he found her on a tranny site.

I could never compare to her as he kept referring to her and showed me pics on his computer of her and him and others etc. She had sex with 14 strangers in one day, how can this be love? I am so confused as the normal him is kind loving and caring but I am being denied sex now and this has gone on for months. I know when I have gone back to my home for a while he has been on webcam and I'm sure he has had men around for sex. Also he has lots of what he calls 'gal pals' ex kink partners etc. I opposed this and he carries on seeing them as they are friends but I'm not allowed male friends as he says I'm attractive and they only want sex of me.

All of the sex and drinking happens when my little one is at her nans, so protected. I am open minded but will not allow her to see any of this although she is not stupid. Apart from all of this we actually do have a nice family time like going for walks as we live deep in the countryside. I have moved in with him about a year ago, but I just feel I am a companion for him and a ready made family to hide the fact that he is in fact gay. I could do with some hard advice before I go insane!

There is so much more to this but cannot type it all in one hit. He also likes to dress up and go to dogging sites for sex with strangers, men. I have seen this in his home and in hundreds of pics he also set up a profile of me on a dogging sites posting pics of me without my permission. So he could get interest from men. I have since deleted this.

I have one piece of advice that you already know. This may seem harsh, but it isn't meant to be.

You need to walk away because he doesn't want the same things you do.

He may be great at times. But he is dangerous to your health and your daughter's. She may not be in the house when the wildest part happens right now, but what about the future? What about when she is using the computer or listening to adults talk or going to find something and running across things she shouldn't?

If you are drinking again when you know it isn't good for you then he is destroying you and all you have tried to build. I grew up around alcoholics. I know what it takes for an alcoholic to admit and get help when they finally realize there is a problem. You did that. Don't hit rock bottom before you do it again.

He wants a playmate who is willing to play with other people. He wants you to play with other people. He made a profile for you putting you at risk. Let him go to play his games with other people. Allow yourself to let it all go, get help/support and move forward.

Build a strong relationship with yourself and your daughter. Give yourself the support you won't get from him.

Thanks cat, I know you are right just need an unbiased opinion, I will have to wait now until after Christmas it is all so horrible, every time he gets close like gives me a cuddle I get happy then straight away he goes into out loud fantasy talk and my heart sinks, he has never ever just been loving :(

End this experiment and run like hell away from this.

I understand your wanting to wait until after Christmas, but I highly recommend starting the New Year without him.

The longer you put it off, the more you will start doubting your decision. Do not allow yourself to be swayed by his caring for your child or any other possibly sweet thing he might do over the next couple of weeks. It will probably be followed by more, if not stronger, of the same demands.

If you have any other questions about this, all you have to do is add them to this thread.

May the New Year bring happiness and strengthen your resolve.

This guy is bad news. The little bit of good family time you get with him is not worth the turmoil you go through the rest of the time.

Give yourself a chance...get away from him and find someone that will care about you and not just use you for their fantasy play.