I am with my girlfriend almost 2 years. We have been living together over a year. A few months ago we have purchased land together and were making plans to build a house. We were also trying to have a baby since a few weeks.

I am having troubles with myself, and at work, which makes me sometimes not so fun to be around. The last two months this really had an impact on our relationship. She tried to talk about I but I would not listen. I have neglected our relationship the last months.

A few weeks ago, she went on a business trip, that involved a lot of drinking, partying and working very close together with some colleagues. Apparently it was a blast.

2 days ago we were on a "romantic getaway", and she confessed that she is in love with one of her colleagues. In fact, the day before, they went out, and kissed. Afterwards, she told this guy that it was a mistake and that she wanted to continue with me. She told me that the crush she had was a consequence of our relationship troubles.

Since then we have talked for hours. I told her that I still want to fight for us. I told her that I wanted to improve myself by going to therapy (and I will). I told her that I was able to forgive her.
She basically felt the same way. However, she is having ups and downs. One moment she says she does not want to give up on us. The other moment (the guy keeps im'ing her even though she's asked to stop), she is doubting if it is possible for us to make it work again and she is doubting if she can get over her crush.

At this point I don't know what to do. I want to "convince" her to give us another chance but I know that it would be better to leave her alone, and not to push her. On the other hand she says that she doesn't want me to give up and that she needs my "convincing". We are still living together. I try to keep it "light" but it's very hard.

I have slept only a few hours the past 2 night. It feels that I'm having a constant panic attack: I'm afraid that I have lost her foregood.

I don't know what to do. Please help

The first thing you need to do is don't make a baby or build a house. Your relationship is not stable.
If you two were having problems her making out with another man was not the right thing to do. If she were serious about you she would do whatever to stop contact with this man.
I think you need to split up. She has blame in this too. She cheated and does not seem to be sure about who she wants.

Let me see if I understand your situation. You become less than an ideal partner. She tries to talk to you but it doesn't work. Instead of walking away, she starts listening to and falling for someone else. She comes clean. You forgive and take the blame for not being there for her and causing her to act out. Now you are trying to fix the relationship issues, but she is dragging her feet and making you 'convince' her to work on it.

You can only try to be a better partner by being involved in the relationship, finding a better way to cope with the stress, and communicating with her. She needs to accept responsibility for her own actions without placing the blame anywhere other than on her own shoulders and, if she stays with you, her part in rebuilding the trust and relationship. She has to 'convince' herself.

She needs to decide what she wants and to stop playing games. If she wants to work things out with you, she needs to let the crush go and block all forms of communication with him that are not needed for work. She has to work with you, not expect you to do all the work.

I highly suggest putting all plans on hold until she makes up her mind. Do not allow her to guilt trip you into making major purchases or having a baby while she is still undecided.

She needs convincing huh? Kick her to the curb and let her figure it out for herself. Who tolerates that crap after two years of hopes and plans?

She isn't in it to win it and has to go, I mean yesterday.

Update:

When I came home last night it was like there was no crisis at all. We talked and she said that she made the choice to forget the other guy and that she wanted to stay with me. It was like we were in a happy, euphoric state, both.

However, when we woke up, the situation had changed. She said to be incertain again. Then, one hour later, things turned good and happy again, resulting in some passionate love-making.

I totally understand the comment above: I should be hard and really finish it now before it goes too far.

I'm not going to "convince" her anymore; I'm going to work on myself and show it to her. The last thing I want to do (and want her to do), is to rush things. I think we need to take it slow, let everything settle down, and talk (but not too much).

In less than 2 weeks we have christmas holidays where we should be able to relax and spend quality time together.

You really do need to recognize you react to her hot and cold feelings that trigger hope and uncertainty rather easily. Yeah, step back, and look at this as a preview of what life will be in the future. Many highs and lows coming rather fast. Your faith and confidence in her will definitely take many hits. If you like roller coaster rides she is the one, but dependable during tough times? I would wonder if she were looking for a better place to go, as she is rather flighty at best, insecure at the worst.

I sure wouldn't tie up any finances without signs of a really solid commitment, and a willingness to deal with her own fears on a more positive level. Foolish I think to ignore the red flags she is waving rather obviously.

Instead of reacting to her mood swings pay attention and protect yourself in all areas.

What is she doing to prove her faithfulness to you?
Don't jump through hoops for her. She needs to go until she can make up her mind. This hot and cold crap is for the birds.
I hope you are protecting yourself from any pregnancies. You don't need that.

Thank you so much for your replies. It really helps a lot.

At this point I'm hoping that the hot feeling will become more prevalent than the cold feeling. This seems to be the case.

Talaniman, I really do recognize this, but you can image that at this point it is simply impossible for me to kick her to the curb. I am still really in love, and I'm sure she is too. I just want her to take time: as I am confident that we can resolve our issues, with a lot of hard work.

I will focus on myself: being positive and improving myself. I will let her work it out herself, but I will be supportive if she needs that. I'm taking it a day at a time, and I'm trying to be optimistic.

I a strange way I'm thankful that this crisis has happened. It has made me realize that I myself (and our relationship) was not stable as it was.

She tells me she's faithfull and I believe her. Maybe stupid, but to forgive her and trust her again is a necessity if we want to make it work again.

It's very very difficult