I am a 43 year old mother of 2 with MS. I can't work and I am on SSD, my husband left and I get NO child support or anything. He only pays the house note. He gets checks from his military retirement plus he has a government job. We have been married for 20 years. Something is not right. Please give me some good advice.

Um, we'd love to, but what advice do you want. What are you trying to do, get child support? File for divorce? What?

I don't know your whole situation or where you are, but from you username I'm guessing Kentucky USA.
Are you separated or divorced. I hate to say it, being active duty military but after 7 years of marriage you're most likely going to get a portion of his retirement in a divorce. But to complicate things, you may have to give up your dependent ID.(I'm sitting in a room now with a bunch of active duty and retired military civil servants and none of us know exactly what it takes to lose the ID). Which would mean no free health care.

If he's paying the mortgage and not living there, you may want to do some math to see which is a better deal. Separated = Mortgage and healthcare , or Divorce = part of his retirement and child support subtract healthcare and mortgage.

But that's an assumption based on little knowledge of the situation.

He won't file because in this state, if he files he will have to pay for his attorney and mine too and visa versa. He does not pay child support or anything. He took the car, (I don't drive anymore) but I get no spoisal support, etc. I am struggling on my little SDI and almost dead broke.

I get Medicare and from what I understand in some cases I will be able to keep my healthcare, but none the less it is not worth it to me. I have indured so much pain from him which is why I think my MS has gotten so bad.

That still doesn't explain what you want help with. What's stopping YOU from filing for divorce? What haven't YOU seen an attorney?

If I file, I have to pay for BOTH attorneys. I have already seen an att. This is just too CRAZY.

You are saying the divorce laws in Kentucky require that the party filing for the divorce is required to pay all attorney fees? That's ridiculous. Can you get a citation for that law?

I was curious about the laws in KY, so I looked around a little. So far I can't find anything that says - as part of the law - that the person filing would have to pay all legal fees. Did an attorney tell you that? If that is the case - nobody in KY could get a divorce. In Ohio, you can ask that the other party pay your fees. Most of the time you wouldn't get it - but in your case and your inability to work - you might qualify.
Also, you may be intitled to spousal support on top of your child support plus part of the military retirement.
Don't cut yourself short - you have options and you don't have to live this way.
You can file a separation agreement that would state that your ex would have a temporary set amount of both spousal and child support to pay while waiting for the divorce.
Good Luck

Sounds like he's making out.
Like I said, generally after 7 years of marriage, let alone the 20 you were married. You're more than likely going to get 50% of his military retirement. And child support to boot. There's bound to be a lawyer that will take on the job and take payment after you go through the divorce.

I hate doing it to the guy. I like to think I'm strong and love my wife very much. But I don't know how I'd handle finding out that I'd have to take on more than normal spousal care for her at such an early time in our marriage. I feel for both of you and wouldn't want to be in either of your shoes.

I have to go along with NowWhat. No one would file for divorce if that was true. Generally, where there isn't much to divvy up, divorce fees are fairly low. And, usually the attorney fees are negotiated as part of the settlement.

I think you need to research this some more. You have a situation where your husband leaves you and your kids because you are sick. You would get an enormous amount of sympathy and pretty much get what you want in a divorce.

What your husband has done is just one step short of abandonment. If it weren't for the fact that he is paying for your housing, it would be complete abandonment. As others have suggested, you are in a very good position to receive much more than you are receiving now, as part of a separation/divorce settlement. In addition, your husband is responsible for supporting his children. Whatever attorney you spoke with did not give you the correct information.

Please contact the Kentucky Office of Legal Services immediately for further guidance. Their purposed is to advise all those who live in the State of Kentucky. You will not be charged for this advice. Get all of your questions written down beforehand so that you won't forget anything important. Link has been provided.

Kentucky: Cabinet for Health and Family Services - Overview (http://chfs.ky.gov/ols/default.htm)

Good luck!

Thank you o much for your advice, I surely am going to follow it, because he has made my life a living hell and with my handicap. It's even harder,:(

I called the number of the office you gave me but it does not handle divorce/seperation at all. If you find out more, please let me know.

iluvky, they were supposed to be a springboard for you to get advice on what the laws are. I am sorry if you misunderstood, but I wasn't suggesting they could help you with a divorce. I was suggesting they could advise you on what your rights are, whether you need to file for divorce, if the person filing for divorce must pay for both attorneys, as you stated in your earlier post, or if there is another way you can force your husband to pay child support. Find out what the laws are that govern your situation. If they say they cannot help you, ask if they would please supply you with a list of divorce attorneys in the State who would know what it takes to help you with your special situation or if there is another agency that would help you in receiving financial aid.

I just ran another search. Here are a couple of other web sites that might be of help to you.

DivorceNet - Kentucky Divorce (http://www.divorcenet.com/states/kentucky)

Kentucky Divorce , Kentucky Child Support, Kentucky Child Custody, Kentucky Landlord Tenant Law, Kentucky Collections, Kentucky Wrongful Termination, Kentucky Alimony, Kentucky Visitation Rights, Kentucky Traffic Violations, Kentucky Contracts, Kentu (http://legal.respond.com/stateguides/1800000004/KY/Attorney/Kentucky.html)

Here is a law firm in Kentucky that specializes in divorce. I cannot vouch for them so you will have to use your own judgment. But, you may want to call them and ask what the laws are regarding divorce in Kentucky, and ask if they will be willing to provide a free initial consultation. Tell them about your situation and see if they will be willing to take on your case and go after your husband for payment of their fees. It is a long shot, but worth the call to start gathering information.

Law Offices of William L. Hoge (http://www.divorceinkentucky.com/?gclid=CNTCocGy9YsCFQdqIgodRDsgXg)

You need to speak with someone who knows divorce laws in Kentucky and who is willing to help you get additional monies for child support and payment of the note on the house so you can continue to live there.

Here is a link to Family Support Services. You may want to call them and find out if they can help you or give you guidance on how to get child support out of your husband, or if you qualify for some sort of financial aid or help, and what agencies you can turn to.
Kentucky: Cabinet for Health and Family Services - Division of Child Support (http://chfs.ky.gov/dcbs/dcs/)

Ell, I ent to ee a new attorney, o let me know that he is basically upos to ay child supprt an a small amount to me I may have to sell my house I am so pissed off Its not fair

I am a 43 year old mother of 2 with MS. I can't work and I am on SSD, my husband left and I get NO child support or anything. He only pays the house note. He gets checks from his military retirement plus he has a government job. We have been married for 20 years. Something is not right. Please give me some good advice.
Why don't you get child suport? Are your children under 18? I know no matter if you have a job or not they will track you down and at least get something out of you but you have to go to court and ask them to. But you might want to look into it first because they might give you less disability if you do because it acts as income... good luck

It won't affect my disability, but I can only get child support ater I ile and t is ver ith I have 2 kids, but only 1 is under 18

You really should talk to a lawyer and at least get a free conciltation.

I'm sorry 1250.00 I saw the attorney yeaterday

Have you tried public aid attorneys or one that gos on a slidding scale so they will go by your income? You can also get a lot of advice on line with online pulications and try justask.com

My mom is paying or the attorney for me This one is really not the type to be one to push I don't know what to do

$1250. Isn't that bad actually for an attorney. When I thought about divorce, I check into it and the one I hired was $1500 and that got me a "clean" divorce. So, if it were to get messy - I would pay more.
Make sure you get one that you trust. If you don't think you got good advice - shop around. Most all of them offer a free consultation. But make sure of that before you go.

I am disabled and he is constantly screwing me over I just want my house, child support and my alimny Is that too muh He's retired from the army and has a civil service job He travel around shops all te time, I get NOTHING

First, I would suggest you take a little more care in typing. Some of your responses have been hard to understand.

Second, please don't ask followups by e-mail or PMs, most of us won't respond to them.

You need to ask your lawyer to explain everything to you. If he is telling you can't get back support, ask why. If he is telling you you can't get much in support ask why! If you don't think he's looking out for your best interests then get another lawyer.

I agree with Scott. Your lawyer is supposed to be working for YOU. He is supposed to answer any questions you have and to do the work you direct him to do. If you want to sue your husband for divorce and for a specified support amount, your lawyer should be going after him full force. If he isn't working with you, you need to get another lawyer. What was the $1250 for? Was it payment for a simple divorce? That isn't what you expressed you wanted. Will he not do anything above and beyond because you don't have any more money to pay him? All of this should have been discussed along with how much support payment you require to be able to stay in your home, prior to giving him any money.

My resposes have been bad because my computer needs some repair (sorry) I have asked the lawyer about why I can't get back support and she said because we were not legally separated I can't get back child support I explained that I am handicap with one minor child and my diability (MS) and she still says that doesn't make muc diference I also have to give up my ID card and won't have any hospitalization Basically again I'm screwed

Ok, yes that makes sense that you can't collect support from a time when you were not legally separated.

But as for the hospitalization, she should be making him pay for that. That should be part of the divorce decree.

Well, you can make that part of the settlement - the health insurance. Well - that was what I was told when I asked about it. It may not be forever - but I think you can ask to stay on the benefits.
And, that sounds right about the support - if there is no order in place then there is nothing to go after.

I made another appointment to see a new attorney I am not happy ith the last one at all

Good for you. Most attys will give a free initial consult. Keep looking until you find one you are happy with. Don't worry too much about the expense, a good atty will get your ex to pay for his fees.

Well, make sure you have a list of things that you would like. Don't leave anything out. If there is something you want in the divorce - GO FOR IT. You can't go back once it is done and change it.
And remember to ask WHY - when they tell you something that you might not understand. I was told that you can put anything in a divorce settlement - you may get a fight, but you may not.

As Now said, you need to ask for whatever you want, not what you think you will get. A divorce settlement is a negotiation. You should not settle for less then what you think you need in child support and for him to cover your health insurance and attorney fees.

I can't get back support because I wasn't legally separated I have another appontment wit another attorney I thought that having a woman would be in my corner, but nOOOOOOOOOOO

To be completely honest I have been devorced twice and got nothing... in fact I lost everything and I have come to the conclusion that it is just material and I am better off with out them or there help in my life and also it has made me a much stronger and happier person since I let it go!

Well, the first thing you need to do - after getting an attorney - is get a separation agreement filed. It will set up the child support payments and possibly (but I am not 100% sure) alimony payments. These will be temporary amounts until the final judgement comes. If he doesn't pay on those - then you can get him for back support. But only from the time that this was filed.
I would not waste time worring about the back support that you can't get right now. IF you can't get it - move on. There is no sense in being upset about something you can not change. Fix the problem and move forward.

Can anyone give me any good information for a good healthacare and dental plan?

I got some ne information. I will have to give up my I.D card and will have to get my own hospital insurance, what else can go wrong?

Sister, try to stay positive. I know it's hard. It probably feels like a black cloud is hanging over your head. It will get better. I know how it feels when life throws you a curve and you aren't ready for it.
I try to look for a silver lining in everything. It helps. I know, easier said than done - but if you can look for the positives - you may can forget about the negatives - if just for a little while.

I am trying to keep a positive attitude but the stress is killing me I don't know hy some people can be so cruel. I hope that everything will be over soon, because I don't know how much more I can take

Concentrate on the things you can change. Worring about what you can not - it doesn't do you any good!
This will work itself out. You have got an attorney, the ball is rolling. It won't be going on forever.
Try and find peace - easier said than done - I know, but you have to try.

Well, I've found out that the most that I can get is from him to pay the house payment, because the payment is high enough that I can't collect much more than that Oh well, I'll never do this again. (marriage)

You need to sue him for child support and spousal support. Technically these are separate motions but can be considered at the same hearing. Get an attorney experienced in family law.