Hi. So I'm a male in my late twenties and for the past year I've shared a house with a friend from school and another guy she knew (not at all in the picture). Since living together we have become much closer friends (naturally) and last night I asked her if she'd like to go on a date sometime. I was expecting a yes, but instead she said that it would be weird as friends AND house mates. I can't really disagree but I like to think positive and it could also be that we would be amazing together. I didn't actually say that, instead just saying life was short and Id like to see what happened if we went out. I asked her to think about it and left it at that but I'm well aware that in women's speak anything other than a yes is a flat NO, and excuses are just to make it a softer rejection.

The trouble is I'm rather confused as I was not expecting this. Despite being rather attractive (hell with modesty) I'm a pretty quiet and shy guy, so I don't usually ask a girl out (especially and friend which was much harder) unless I'm seriously confident I'll get a positive response. Here's why I was so confident before asking. We flirt to the Nth degree, always teasing and laughing with each other. When we see each other we almost always smile and grin just because were happy to see each other. She plays with her hair when we talk and have great eye contact. I've always thought of her as attractive but haven't actually liked her this way until recently.

Several months ago me and my then girlfriend finished and when I started to look at new potential partners I began to see her in a fresh light, that is to say as someone I could be with and not just a girl I was close friends with. I started to pick up on a lot of sexual tension when we were alone together and was sure that if we were in a sitcom people would be screaming at the TV "just get it on already". This may have just been coming from me due to my feelings, but my gut instinct (gut feelings are usually such a good indicator) were that this was both ways and I should do something about it or possibly regret it for the rest of my life.

What really cemented it in my head that she wanted me to make a move was when I overheard her in the back of my car having a conversation with friends. I was in the front driving and having a separate conversation with a friend but I picked up on her saying that I've never taken her out for a meal or done anything like that because I did not see her that way. I did not really get their conversation so the context was lost, but she seemed to say it very pointedly and I took this as a her saying "when is he going to make a move already". So last night I asked her out and I'm disappointed to say the least with her reaction. We get along great, enjoys each others company and I'm sure there is attraction working both ways. Were quite different as people but have plenty in common (why were good friend I guess), and I think we'd work really well together. As I said I was sure she was just waiting for me to make a move or I wouldn't have put myself on the line like I have.

There are more examples of her interest but I think I've already given enough details. Sorry for the long question. Just looking for some female perspective and also advise from any guys that may have been in similar situations. Thanks.

She is right, it would be weird. Just because a girl smiles at you and enjoys your company, it does not mean she wants to date you.
Leave it at that. Don't ask her again. If she was really interested she may have said yes, since she didn't move on to someone else.

I can imagine that she is attracted to you but sensible at the same time. I got involved with male roommates twice (in my 67 years), and I'm sure I don't have to spell out the problems when relationship difficulties started.
Aside from that, maybe she wasn't too thrilled with the offhand way you said 'maybe go out sometime.' I'd have brushed that off too. Show some guts and think of a special place to go (not a movie, where you can't talk) and THEN ask if she will go with you on X day at X time!

'Go out' seems to be a euphemism these days for getting involved, for sex. It isn't.
Oh - and sorry, but reacting with 'life is short' is just not my cup of tea either. No shortcuts to sex. Especially as you get older, which you already are getting. Women your age will be thinking more and more about a solid future, not living for the moment.
I may be 67, but I left home in the 60s, and it was a 60s life for a good 15 years. I'm no prude. But certain things don't really change.

She is right, it would be weird. Just because a girl smiles at you and enjoys your company, it does not mean she wants to date you.
Leave it at that. Don't ask her again. If she was really interested she may have said yes, since she didn't move on to someone else.

Thanks for your answer. I hear you and your probably right, but there was a lot more than just smiles and enjoying each others company. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't pretty confident she wanted me to. My gut feeling was it was the right thing to do and it's the first time I've been wrong on such instincts and feelings.


I can imagine that she is attracted to you but sensible at the same time. I got involved with male roommates twice (in my 67 years), and I'm sure I don't have to spell out the problems when relationship difficulties started.
Aside from that, maybe she wasn't too thrilled with the offhand way you said 'maybe go out sometime.' I'd have brushed that off too. Show some guts and think of a special place to go (not a movie, where you can't talk) and THEN ask if she will go with you on X day at X time!

'Go out' seems to be a euphemism these days for getting involved, for sex. It isn't.
Oh - and sorry, but reacting with 'life is short' is just not my cup of tea either. No shortcuts to sex. Especially as you get older, which you already are getting. Women your age will be thinking more and more about a solid future, not living for the moment.
I may be 67, but I left home in the 60s, and it was a 60s life for a good 15 years. I'm no prude. But certain things don't really change.

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I understand she may just be being sensible. Jump and you risk getting hurt, but your life is much more exciting than if you never take the risk. I may have been a bit too casual with how I asked but I was pretty nervous, never good for when you want to be clear and direct and say exactly what you mean. I thought telling her I really liked her in a more than friends way may freak her out a bit so tried to be more casual with it... oh well. Better to ask and get rejected than live a life never knowing what if...

You totally misconstrued what I said... oh well, oh well.

What really cemented it in my head that she wanted me to make a move was when I overheard her in the back of my car having a conversation with friends. I was in the front driving and having a separate conversation with a friend but I picked up on her saying that I've never taken her out for a meal or done anything like that because I did not see her that way. I did not really get their conversation so the context was lost, but she seemed to say it very pointedly and I took this as a her saying "when is he going to make a move already

In eavesdropping you missed some very important information such as the context of the discussion and maybe the subject. Are you sure she was talking about you?

There is an old song by Bread titled "Diary". It is about a guy who finds a female friend's diary and starts reading it. He thinks she is talking about him, when she is actually writing about another guy. This sounds like it may be that type of situation.

Another thought is that she was making it clear you are friends/roommates and not 'more'. Perhaps clearing up any misconceptions.

I think you may be reading more into past actions because your perception of her has changed. It doesn't mean her perception has or won't now that you have put the thought into her mind. But leave it alone for awhile unless she comes to you. Otherwise living arrangements are going to get very uncomfortable.

You went for it, and got shot down. It happens, move along. Not like she left the planet, and you can still enjoy the friendship since she is a house mate. Why get stuck on it?

Thanks for your answer. I hear you and your probably right, but there was a lot more than just smiles and enjoying each others company. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't pretty confident she wanted me to. My gut feeling was it was the right thing to do and it's the first time I've been wrong on such instincts and feelings.
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Well she obviously does not want you as much as you thought. Back off and leave her alone. She is your housemate, things could get complicated.

other thought is that she was making it clear you are friends/roommates and not 'more'. Perhaps clearing up any misconceptions.

I thought so too...