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vintagelace
Oct 19, 2013, 03:07 PM
I have lived in my new neighborhood for about eight months. I met a family across the street. Actually, it's two adult couples. Two of them are brother and sister. One couple owns the home and the other couple just lives with them. The couple who just lives with them stayed most of the day at my house getting to know each other. We started walking our dogs everyday together and he would help me around the house with things I didn't know how to do.

Then I started hanging out with the homeowners. I really enjoyed their company. They were more like me and we had more in common. Like gardening and we started going to Bingo together and she was introducing me to new friends in the neighborhood. Life was good.

The first couple stopped saying hi to me and didn't want to walk the dogs with me anymore. It hurt my feelings as most people and I always get along. I have no ememies. Sometime I would ask them to walk with me and they would follow me for awhile and then turn around and ditch me. The last time they did it was almost dark and I didn't like being where we walked the dogs by myself. When I got home from the walk they were outside and I yelled at them for ditching me again. Well I cursed at them and they said nothing. None of the other neighbors heard me.

I told the other couple what had happened. I didn't see any of them for the next few days and I sent a note apologizing and said it wouldn't happen again. I told her how much a liked the friendship we had formed. I heard nothing from her so I called her a few days later. I asked if she got the note. She just said yes and nothing else. I assumed she wasn't accepting my apology. I was right. It has been almost five months now and everyone in the house ignores me.

I tried one more time to apologize with no response. I would never ignore anymore who tried to apologize to me. If they didn't like what I did, I would think she would tell me and accept my apology and tell me not to do it again.

I understand it is her brother and she is going to side with him. My feelings were hurt too but I kept on trying to be friends with them.

I just bought this house and have no plans on moving again. It's just so difficult seeing them everyday and being ignored. Do I just accept the fact that she doesn't forgive and forget? It just makes me really sad. As I said, I get along with everyone and it hurts me when someone doesn't like me.




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Alty
Oct 19, 2013, 03:11 PM
She lives with her brother. It sounds like you started a friendship with the brother, and then basically ditched them for the homeowners. He may have been hurt because you did this.

Then you yelled at him, and of course his sister is going to take his side. They're siblings.

I would go over and try to talk to them. Tell them how much you miss their friendship, and that you're really sorry for what you did, and you'd like another chance. If they can't or won't accept your apology, at least they can be neighborly, and not treat you like a pariah.

Good luck.

joypulv
Oct 19, 2013, 03:33 PM
Apparently you don't get along with everyone. You already knew the original two were cooling off to you, yet you expected them to stay with you on a dog walk. 'Ditching' has a connotation of entitlement. They wanted to go back and you had no right to demand otherwise. Cursing them from across the street doesn't sound like someone who gets along with everyone, and it sounds too like there is a huge gap in the story about why the 'helpful around the house guy' might be not too thrilled with you.

And finally, you told the other couple what happened, and I have a feeling it might have been full of recriminations as much as an apology, because you say you were hurt too, and you had no right to be.

Cat1864
Oct 19, 2013, 04:16 PM
I have lived in my new neighborhood for about eight months. I met a family across the street. Actually, it's two adult couples. Two of them are brother and sister. One couple owns the home and the other couple just lives with them. The couple who just lives with them stayed most of the day at my house getting to know each other. We started walking our dogs everyday together and he would help me around the house with things I didn't know how to do.

Then I started hanging out with the homeowners. I really enjoyed their company. They were more like me and we had more in common. Like gardening and we started going to Bingo together and she was introducing me to new friends in the neighborhood. Life was good.

The first couple stopped saying hi to me and didn't want to walk the dogs with me anymore. It hurt my feelings as most people and I always get along. I have no ememies. Sometime I would ask them to walk with me and they would follow me for awhile and then turn around and ditch me. The last time they did it was almost dark and I didn't like being where we walked the dogs by myself. When I got home from the walk they were outside and I yelled at them for ditching me again. Well I cursed at them and they said nothing. None of the other neighbors heard me.

I told the other couple what had happened. I didn't see any of them for the next few days and I sent a note apologizing and said it wouldn't happen again. I told her how much a liked the friendship we had formed. I heard nothing from her so I called her a few days later. I asked if she got the note. She just said yes and nothing else. I assumed she wasn't accepting my apology. I was right. It has been almost five months now and everyone in the house ignores me.

I tried one more time to apologize with no response. I would never ignore anymore who tried to apologize to me. If they didn't like what I did, I would think she would tell me and accept my apology and tell me not to do it again.

I understand it is her brother and she is going to side with him. My feelings were hurt too but I kept on trying to be friends with them.

I just bought this house and have no plans on moving again. It's just so difficult seeing them everyday and being ignored. Do I just accept the fact that she doesn't forgive and forget? It just makes me really sad. As I said, I get along with everyone and it hurts me when someone doesn't like me.

I have read this several times and I see no real understanding on your part of what they might be upset about. It seems to me they saw the 'real' you that night.

Did you really want their company or the protection of a group?

You repeatedly say you have apologized. To whom have you apologized? The sister? The person who you seem to most interested in playing with? What about the sister's husband? What about the people who you verbally attacked? The brother and his wife.

You say they should talk to you about what they are upset about. Why didn't you talk to them before you got upset enough to blow up?

I suggest leaving them alone for awhile. Be polite if you see them, but stop trying to make them responsible for your poor manners and behavior. Maybe with the coming holidays they will calm down enough to believe and accept your apology.

smearcase
Oct 19, 2013, 04:38 PM
It sounds like you made friends with the couple who just live there, not the owners and when you found out that they weren't the owners you flipped your allegiance (and maybe they feel like it happened after you got your free assistance completed). They all live together and discussed your actions and decided that you weren't a person who could be counted on for anything of any importance. That's just one or two theories out of many that could be envisioned and there are many other possibilities because we don't know everything that went on amongst all of you, nor we know the personalities involved.
"One couple owns the home and the other couple just lives with them." Your use of the word -just- tells me something. It implies that you hold the non-homeowners in lesser esteem than the actual homeowners and you may have unconsciously made that more than an implication by the way you treated them.
Also, if I read correctly you have mostly directed your apology(s) not to the folks you cussed out, but to the others!
Wait a while and invite all four of them over for coffee and donuts or something. There are few things as valuable as good neighbors.
They come in all flavors. Some are very open and interactive and some like their privacy. Each type (and some others fall in between the basic types) have to be dealt with differently and you have to respect their preferences, but they can all be good neighbors in their own way.

talaniman
Oct 19, 2013, 06:33 PM
I don't know how they ditch you, so don't understand yelling at them, but now leave them alone. You apologized yet they still want nothing to do with you. Their choice. Can you blame them? It works like that sometime.