I filed a petition in the state of Iowa on August 26, 2013 to have my daughter's last name legally changed to mine. My understanding was that her father had twenty days from the date of service to respond. He filed a motion to dismiss on October 4, 2013. Our hearing is scheduled for October 7. The grounds on which he is contesting are that he seeks visitation with her and desires a family relationship therefore he has not abandoned her. I have read a lot here about how abandonment does and doesn't work, but the terminology in the legal rules says I have to prove abandonment, yet I can't find a criteria. He does financially support her involuntarily when he is employed legally (rather than for cash under the table). What is the criteria for abandonment? If you need more information please let me know. Thanks!

In a case like this the judge has a lot of discretion. How old is the child? When was the last time he had contact with her?

She is nearly nine, but very mature for her age. His contact began to diminish a year ago. It dwindled to about an hour a week in April of 2013. He saw her on 6/6/2013 for their weekly visit. On 6/12/2013 she was ill and wanted to remain at home with me. On 6/19/2013 he was to pick her up from daycare. He never showed up and did not respond to any communication from myself or my child care provider. On 6/26/2013 he communicated that something had come up and would be unable to get her. He indicated that he would like to have her on 6/27/2013. He never showed up and never communicated further about contact with her. I requested a conversation to resolve these matters on 6/28/2013. We were supposed to get together on 6/30/2013. He never showed up and later advised via text message that he and his family were going out of town. At this point I became upset and told him to forget about it as he had made it clear our child was not a priority. I communicated on 7/22/2013 that he was free to visit with our child whenever he wanted, but I was not scheduling regular visitation anymore. We have had no communication since then. We live approximately ten houses apart. He does not greet my child in public nor wave when he drives by.

What [are] the criteria for abandonment?


It's not clear whether the criteria for abandonment in the name-change context are the same as those for termination of parental rights, but I'm guessing not. In that case, here they are for the latter:

"600A.8 Grounds for termination.
...
3. The parent has abandoned the child. For the purposes of this subsection, a parent is deemed to have abandoned a child as follows:
a. (1) If the child is less than six months of age ...
.
b. If the child is six months of age or older when the termination hearing is held, a parent is deemed to have abandoned the child unless the parent maintains substantial and continuous or repeated contact with the child as demonstrated by contribution toward support of the child of a reasonable amount, according to the parent’s means, and as demonstrated by any of the following:

(1) Visiting the child at least monthly when physically and financially able to do so and when not prevented from doing so by the person having lawful custody of the child.
(2) Regular communication with the child or with the person having the care or custody of the child, when physically and financially unable to visit the child or when prevented from visiting the child by the person having lawful custody of the child.
(3) Openly living with the child for a period of six months within the one-year period immediately preceding the termination of parental rights hearing and during that period openly holding himself or herself out to be the parent of the child.
c. The subjective intent of the parent, whether expressed or otherwise, unsupported by evidence of acts specified in paragraph “a” or “b” manifesting such intent, does not preclude a determination that the parent has abandoned the child. In making a determination, the court shall not require a showing of diligent efforts by any person to encourage the parent to perform the acts specified in paragraph “a” or “b”. In making a determination regarding a putative father, the court may consider the conduct of the putative father toward the child’s mother during the pregnancy. Demonstration of a commitment to the child is not met by the putative father marrying the mother of the child after adoption of the child. ..."

If I am understanding this correctly then he has essentially abandoned her. In his motion to resist his attorney identifies that he continues to seek visitation and has a desire to maintain the family relationship. I plan to file a motion to resist stating that those two factors are not true and additionally articulate that he did not respond in the time allotted by law. I will file this first thing Monday morning.

But in real life, many judges view child support as a form of "contact"

I would believe you may have a burden of proof to show how this name change in any way will benefit the child. That is almost impossible to do. Very seldom do name changes get approved when it is contested

Unfortunately I feel that I will now have to bring my daughter to court for the hearing. This was all done at her request. She had been asking for two years prior to my filing. I had hoped that his absence from her life indicated that he would not contest the petition sparing her the stress of telling a judge how she feels about her father. Now she will have to speak to the judge herself. That's a lot to put on her, but I guess we will do what we have to.

Bottom line the law is written mostly as a guideline, not black and white. As I said, judges have a lot of leeway in this.

On the other hand the child's desire may sway the judge, Though at 9 I doubt it. I don't think enough time has passed to convince a court.

This is my gut feeling though. No one can predict what a judge will do. So proceed and let us know how it turns out.

Bottom line the law is written mostly as a guideline, not black and white. As I said, judges have a lot of leeway in this.

On the other hand the child's desire may sway the judge, Though at 9 I doubt it. I don't think enough time has passed to convince a court.

This is my gut feeling though. No one can predict what a judge will do. So go ahead and proceed and let us know how it turns out.

Thank you! I appreciate the input. I am caught off guard by the fact that he even cares. The reality is he didn't see her at all for three years of her life and only at my insistence did he begin seeing her again four years ago. He has been kind of in and out since that time, but it has worsened dramatically since he met his current wife. I have made every effort to engage them both in co-parenting with me, but have been unsuccessful. I can certainly articulate ways in which the name change will benefit our daughter, but am not sure the judge will find value in them. I have the advantage of being well acquainted with all of the judges in this area due to my profession as a social worker. Though I am representing myself I am hopeful. I have advised my daughter that no matter what happens we will be okay. A name doesn't make her any less my child. I will let you know what happens.