Hello, I seem to have company in this category. I have three sons. I was divorced 7 years ago because of his cheating and a general mania of power and middle life crisis. My sons were grown by then. My problem is not one related to a teenager, my oldest is 36 years old and for the last few years has been very hostile. I have a very good relationship with my other two. They all live out of town. My husband has remarried and is happy. I have no family in town. My oldest son has my only grandchildren and often he seems to be very aggressive towards me (verbally) and resents now even my very polite asking for advise. He is close to his father, very close. In fact he is LIKE his father.
I cannot comprehend why he seems to have such anger towards me. I was a stay at home mom, no big money problems, no particular traumatic events. He is otherwise successful. BUT I have already noticed that he is treating his wife in a similar way . (his brothers have too). I do see a counselor and he tells me the only thing I can do is to just NOT have expectations. But my heart hurts, it is uncomfortable now to be in a family setting now and then (holidays etc). My sons are beginning to feel that it is a lost cause. I miss seeing my grandchildren and although it is no problem for me to travel to his home, it means heartache every time. Yes he profoundly dislikes me, resents me. I don't know why. I am very intimidated by him. He refuses to plead my financial problems with his father. I am 63. I find my life so empty and so full of anger, although it is HIS brothers who listen to my pain, not him, ever. So why?
Thanks.

You made the choice not to remarry or move on after the divorce. Children grow and have their own lives and often see too much parent as issues with their own life. ** no idea what yours are.

You are still trying (it appears) to treat him as a child and expect him to be part of his family.

After that he had his father as an example of how to treat women, so what more can you expect

Sometimes we parents have to let our children go, to do there own thing there way, and that also means we have to deal with our own issues, our own way, without our children's help, or input.

I highly suggest building your own life and let your kids just worry about their lives. So what issues do you need help with, that you need your oldest son to help plead your case to the ex? After 7 years you shouldn't need the exes help with a darn thing. Nor the help of an unwilling adult child.