Hey all,

So recently my girlfriend has been less intimate/affectionate towards me. We've been together for about 15 months and up until about 2 or 3 months ago it has been fantastic. We are both in love with one another and in the past hadn't avoided making that clear... until recently.

She just transferred from a CC to a university and has been very busy with getting used to the school, staying on top of things, making new friends, etc. (I graduated from a university a year ago and have been working since then so I am fairly busy as well). Also, we are both still living at home trying to save up enough money to move out so the circumstances for intimacy aren't exactly great. I believe this combination is why we have been less intimate recently (the last time I had sex with her was about two weeks ago and before that it had been about 3 or 4 weeks). It is starting to bug me though, since up until a couple of months ago we would have sex pretty regularly (two or three times a week or so given our schedules) even with busy schedules.

Worse yet, when I try to initiate anything she always gives me an excuse (tired, stressed, look how cute the dog is, etc.) and because I believe I'm a good boyfriend I don't force the issue. Yet, it's starting to get to me. We are in our early twenties and I believe sex is a healthy part of a good relationship (which, other than the lack of sex, our relationship is). Now I don't know if it's simply in my mind but I'm starting to notice a lack of affection more generally (like her kissing less; being less into any PDA; stuff like that). I am almost at my wit's end and am not sure what to do next. I have tried to bring it up and she tells me that she is still attracted to me but that the circumstances are never right. I don't know if I agree though since there have been times when we have had a clear opportunity and she still makes excuses. I guess I just need some advice and insight on what to do next!!

She could be preoccupied with other things or it could be she is just not as into you as before and does not want to admit it to herself or you.
As a female, and I know we are all different, I would say the thrill is gone.

Life always affects a relationship, and so does time. The honeymoon is over, and the reality of working together begins and that's when the lust is either replaced with love (work), or you find out its not going to work any longer.

The challenge is to work together through honest communication and resolve your issues to the benefit of you both. My own experience is sometimes females have other things on their mind, just as guys do, when outside activities have us temporarily distracted. It happens, and the best thing is to weather the storm with understanding and not freak out with a lack of sex.

Every couple has to balance all areas of the relationship, not just the sex. Which to some is more important than to others. Right now though its obvious she is trying to build a life, as are you, and it's a good time to learn how you both not only deal with your stresses, but with each other.

While sex is a part of a relationship, there are other areas just as important and maybe the lack of sex has you not attending to other areas of the relationship that need attention. There are many ways a couple can be intimate, besides PDA, words,or sex. Sex starts in the mind and reaches many levels of intimacy, in not just the body, but the spirit, and mind, and soul, so don't be distracted by just YOUR needs and not pay attention to what your partner is going through.

After a year my friend, you both are just scratching the surface of understanding each other and there is much more to learn that will take you far beyond the body.

Tal said that very well I think.

Sex is one of those things that won't make a relationship in itself. It is a part of a relationship, yes, but it is never as it was once the initial euphoria wears off, and reality starts to take a front seat again.

The worst thing you can do, is pressure her. Don't even bring it up. It will come around again, and surpass all your expectations, then down the road a bit, it will wither to a point of maybe a couple of times a month if you're lucky.

But, the same goes for you believe it or not. While you feel slighted at the lack of sex, at some point in your life, likely many points, it's going to be the last thing on your mind, because your life too, will keep changing. And she will be wondering how come there has been no sex for a few months.

You can't accept that sex will be continuous and reliable, any more than you can expect a six course dinner every other day. Life just doesn't work that way.

Try to think more of what makes the relationship work. All the good parts, including her character, loyalty, sense of humour, etc. If you think that she is too stressed with university, that is a good example right there where you shouldn't be worried about a lack of sex, but worried about helping her through these rough spots. That takes priority right now.

Things will come around, in time.