First of all , I'm a guy but so confused about my sexuality.. I'm so depressed about a guy now that I think I am losing forever. I believe I have a thing for certain men . Ok so a year ago I met this guy at a local coffee shop where I like to go do some work on my laptop. He's Muslim by religion and is from one of the Arabic countries . We met at that local café and started talking in French and he shared with me his experience in France because he lived there too for a little while. The guy seemed interesting at first when I met him because he spoke French but I HAD NO FEELING or ATTRACTION for him whatsoever at the beginning. So after being done introducing to each other I went back to the starbucks to pick up my stuff and go back home because it was late , then I saw him coming right back to ask what my name was... I told him my name then I left home.

The following days , we kept meeting at that starbucks because he usually comes to hang out with his other Arab friends and roommates in the evening, so when he would see through the window that I was inside the starbucks , he would always stop by to say Hi and ask me what's new with me... But I started noticing strange behaviors from him. Although I did believe him when he stated that he actually had a girlfriend while sharing his past life from him homecountry , I realized that he may somewhat be sexually confused because there have been a few times where I caught him looking at my butt() while I'm standing up picking up my stuff to leave the café , looking at my behind like he's checking it out in a VERY SEXUAL MANNER looking at all the sides with facial expression . I'm not a person strictly interested in sex by the way... but We added each other on Facebook anyway.

So months went by seeing him at the starbucks , and I kept realizing that he would show up at the starbucks ONLY when I update on my Facebook status stating that I'm at the starbucks through Foursquare otherwise HE WOULD NOT show up at all . I just like to check into places on my smartphone wherever I go. There have also been times when some of his friends would tell me that he stopped by asking if I was at the Starbucks and the time I usually come. The weird thing about this guy is that he repeatedly mentioned to me many times how he likes blonde women and find them very sexually attractive BUT AT THE SAME TIME he would ask me questions like if HE IS HANDSOME OR NOT. That was before I actually started feeling attracted to him as well.. I jokingly made a comment on how he might be a person loving compliments.. Right after I made that comment , he started talking about what some crazy gay person did on TV, which made me wonder if he wasn't saying that for me to stop wondering if he could be gay after asking me if he's handsome or not... then he left back to join his group of friends outside.

After a week not seeing him at the local startbucks and only checking his profile on Facebook sometimes , I started FINDING myself becoming VERY VERY attracted to him during one night when I realized that he stopped at the starbucks , saw me and never said hi. He was ignoring me for the first time and that was because I had been ignoring him too and he was always the one coming to say hi to me and not me . I started trying to make a move by just sending messages to him on a weekly basis through Facebook asking him how he's been , etc.. He would respond back but very briefly , but while chatting once on Facebook , he mentioned that I'm really a nice guy AND actually invited me to come to San Francisco with him on a trip during Thanksgiving break for a LITTLE SOMETHING , that's what he stated... But for some reason he never made that happen and would always find excuses not to hang out with me when I invited him , yet I would notice on his Facebook that he was with his buddies in Vegas , etc... All this kind of started hurting me because I was now really developing strong EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL feelings for him so bad . SO HERE COMES the interesting part of this story... I invited him to come to the startbucks once when I saw him online on Facebook and he came , I told him how I missed him . He asked me many times before if I had a girlfriend by the way , even during the first times we met , I said no and that I'm not currently interested in a relationship.. then after mentioning to him that I missed him , he told me that he hopes I'm not gay.. I told him vaguely no

After that moment , I stopped chatting with him and interacting with him on Facebook , but I would see that he would keep coming back to the startbucks EACH TIME I WOULD MENTION that I am at the starbucks on Facebook otherwise he would NEVER SHOW UP . He knew I was hurt by the statement he made saying that he hopes I'm not gay or something . The confusion is that I also felt like he was at the same time STALKING me at that café and showing up when he knows I am there through Facebook statuses and staring at me for MINUTES from outside. I would pretend like I didn't see him during those nights and leave without even saying bye . So Time kept going by with me ignoring him WHILE hurting so much and missing him though ASKING MYSELF IF HE REALLY LOVES ME OR NOT because they have been MANY SIGNS , even times when I saw HIM STARING AT ME MANY TIMES through the window while with his friend . One time we sat at the table and I realized that our legs were touching , his leg against my legs and I wasn't who started it.

Christmas of 2012 came and I decided to send him a MERRY XMAS message on Facebook and just try to reconnect with him again . When he sent me back a reply saying " Ooooh, it's good to hear from you as well and wishing me a MERRY XMAS and all the best for my WHOLE LIFE in a very endearing way . I responded that I thought I was a nuisance to him and he responded to me that he never said that... So we kept exchanging messages through Facebook to a point where I would tell him HOW MUCH I MISS HIM and he would still respond back thanking me for my messages and for expressing SUCH NICE WORDS to him . But would still not try to hang out making up excuses.. YET he was SO EAGER to hang out with me in the very beginning . Each time that I posted my personal pictures on Facebook , especially my facial pictures , he's the first one to ALWAYS like them . He went to his homecountry on a vacation promising me that he would meet me first before leaving but he never did so . I had bought him a very nice gift hoping that he would meet before his trip. I messaged him on Facebook wondering if he was still around or already gone.. letting him know HOW I TERRIBLY MISS HIM AND HOW I realized that I'm emotionally attached to him . He responded back saying that he had no time to meet me because of all the crazy errands he had to do before leaving but that he also thought about me and bringing me back souvenirs of his country. I was relieved that he responded me back because he was becoming the center of my thoughts for the last 10 months. He came back to the US and promised me that we were going to meet soon. We finally decided to meet , took him to a restaurant to eat something , then I told him that I'd like to give him the gift I had gotten for him before his trip... We walked to my car and finally handed to him my gift . He received it telling me how he's really touched like he meant it. Then I decided that I would really tell him about my feeling after that... I started telling him how I've been missing him . But I was too scared to actually say that I was in love with him because of the fear of how he might react EVEN THOUGH I HAVE SEEN SIGNS from him that he was into me as well... I kept going around bushes trying to tell him how I feel and he would keep asking me , keep going.. what are you trying to say... I responded to him why he's pretending he doesn't know what I'm talking when he knows everything I said in my messages to him... After he briefly mentioned how he likes me too , and how normal it is to say so , and that another male friend of him said the same thing to him BUT he also added that he wouldn't like me in a LOVE/ ROMANTIC & HOMOSEXUAL manner. At that point , things started to feel really awkward that day while talking , I was pretty sure the signs were legit.. He currently has no girlfriend and tells me how he sometimes has one night stands with females here and there . And It terribly BREAKS MY HEART to just heart that... After going back home from our meeting , I texted him back how sorry I am to have said what I said to him and asking him to forgive me by calling me back. He said that he couldn't call me because he's among his family at that moment , so I messaged him through Facebook telling me the same thing again , and that I would never disturb him again through sending him messages , even though he once mentioned that it is RECIPROCAL WHEN I TOLD HIM that my friendship with him MEANS A LOT to me once months ago .

Hours later , I realized he BLOCKED ME on Facebook , I'm not on his Facebook ANYMORE and it just BREAKS BREAKS MY HEART to not see him among my friends anymore . I knew he blocked me because from my other fake account , I could see his profile . Now the interesting thing is that I also realized that 2 days later , he QUIT Facebook too. He's not in the list of his other friends too. He's currently looking for a professional gig trying to stabilize himself. I've been leaving him voicemail begging for his forgiveness but I am not getting any response , no text messages back... The weird thing is that when I was trying to tell him that I actually like him.. He mentioned that that he likes me too , but he would not like me in a gay manner and that he hates it.. Yet I have seen all those signs . It feels like HE was actually VERY INTO ME because I started making it obvious that I was interested in him. When I once messaged him asking me why he refused the drink I wanted to buy for him , he said sorry telling me that next time he would COME just for me.. I mean I was feeling that there was somehow a mutual attractive.. please help me understand what may have happened here.

What do you guys think of this situation as described ? Is HE SEXUALLY CONFUSED TOO ? WAS HE SOMEHOW IN LOVE WITH ME TOO? Is he scared to admit his own feelings and just say that he only loves women ? Please read my post and let me know ! Thank you... I'm so depressed I may not ever hear from him again ,yet something tells me that he may reach out to him in the future again

Wow that was a long read. But even longer was the games you two played with each other.

One of the things you need to realize is it doesn't matter if you are gay or straight or asexual - being needy and dependent is not attractive at all. You could be the best looking guy ever and he could be gay, but being so needy makes you not attractive.Begging and begging for his forgiveness probably scared him off.

You put yourself out there, completely out there for him to see. The "signs" that you were seeing were signs that you wanted to see. He could be confused sexually and not ready to deal with it. Or maybe he just likes friends who are guys. If he is practicing Muslim being gay is against their religion.

Either way it takes two willing partners to make a relationship and you don't have that. So you need to move on. Next time you start or are thinking of starting a relationship go slow and get to know the person slowly. You sound as if you haven't experienced many relationships. We have all been through this and we have all survived. You also sound like you are questioning your own sexuality so maybe right now is not the best time for a relationship for you.

After reading your very first words 'so confused about my sexuality,' I waited for you to either come to terms with being gay or at least show some steps toward sorting out your confusion, but all you did was talk about what you perceive to be his confusion. How can you or anyone determine what is going on with him, when he isn't here, and all we have to go on are your very long story and your own confusion? It isn't fair that you expect him to give you some blunt, direct sign first, when you don't even know where you stand.

And I doubt that you were a blank slate before this one guy. I can't imagine that you had no sexual preference at all until you met him. If your confusion is only about him, and you have known you are gay all along, then I don't understand why it was so hard to tell him. If he is gay and a Muslim from a strict country, he will probably be extremely careful about befriending men who aren't sure themselves.

When you decide what your sexual preference is, I hope you will be able to make friends with either gender and say what it is when it feels right. That can be any time from the minute you meet someone (or even a whole bunch of people), to days, weeks, months, or never, depending on the nature of the relationship. There is no way to write a rulebook on when that is. And there are countless ways and 'right times' to say that you are gay (if?). Yes, you may lose a few friends; that's life.

Thank you.. but one question.. From my story you read.. Does he seem like a straight guy to you ? I just need your opinion on what you would have guessed. The first time he got to know me , HE WAS CHECKING ME OUT , I mean my behind(butt) in a VERY SEXUAL MANNER when he thought I was looking away , which scared me at first . Then he would only come to the starbucks when he knew I was there because I check into places on my Facebook and it states where I am right now and I know he's very active on Facebook . His other friends would tell me that he stopped by to ask if I was there and what time I usually come . I have once shared how I would really love him to come visit me when I move away because his friendship with me MEANS THE WHOLE WORLD , and he thanked me so much begging me to believe me saying that he feels the same way too . While pretending not to see him , I would catch him soooo many times staring at me from outside the starbucks and looking away when I am about to turn my head. Would you still think that he is straight and had no interest ? Just curious. What I have noticed is that those signs WERE VERY INTENSE when I was not attracted to him yet and never gave him any sign that I liked him . But when I did start making it obvious that I like him hoping he would now make a stronger move too , it became the opposite but he would still talk to me on Facebook . By the way , he is always the first one to like ALL my facial Facebook pictures of me smiling , etc.. Would there still be a possibility that he was straight ? I finally gave him a gift expressing the way I feel for him . He first started saying that he loves me too.. then he suddenly added the word , not romantically though... I am so confused about all these signs... would your guess be that he could still be straight , bi or just not accepting himself... QUICK THING too . He blocked me from his Facebook , I texted him begging him to forgive my confession to him and add me back.. he never responded any of text but I realized that he QUIT Facebook too now.. He's not on Facebook anymore 1 day after blocking me... I can tell by my other fake account... Please tell me what all this could mean... He's a BIG Facebook user and never quits it because of all his contacts overseas.. I am wondering if it was hard dealing with his feelings maybe ?

Yes I am confused because I know for a fact that I have had strong feelings for women before. It seems like you're forcing me to say something impossible. Confused is confused... It may not be for you but for me it is that way.


After reading your very first words 'so confused about my sexuality,' I waited for you to either come to terms with being gay or at least show some steps toward sorting out your confusion, but all you did was talk about what you perceive to be his confusion. How can you or anyone determine what is going on with him, when he isn't here, and all we have to go on are your very long story and your own confusion?

When you decide what your sexual preference is, I hope you will be able to make friends with either gender and say what it is when it feels right. That can be any time from the minute you meet someone (or even a whole bunch of people), to days, weeks, months, or never, depending on the nature of the relationship. There is no way to write a rulebook on when that is. And there are countless ways to say 'I enjoy your company and friendship, but I want you to know that I'm gay.' Yes, you may lose a few friends; that's life.

Thank you.. but one question.. From my story you read.. Does he seem like a straight guy to you ? I just need your opinion on what you would have guessed. The first time he got to know me , HE WAS CHECKING ME OUT , I mean my behind(butt) in a VERY SEXUAL MANNER when he thought I was looking away , which scared me at first . Then he would only come to the starbucks when he knew I was there because I check into places on my Facebook and it states where I am right now and I know he's very active on Facebook . His other friends would tell me that he stopped by to ask if I was there and what time I usually come . I have once shared how I would really love him to come visit me when I move away because his friendship with me MEANS THE WHOLE WORLD , and he thanked me so much begging me to believe me saying that he feels the same way too . While pretending not to see him , I would catch him soooo many times staring at me from outside the starbucks and looking away when I am about to turn my head. Would you still think that he is straight and had no interest ? Just curious. What I have noticed is that those signs WERE VERY INTENSE when I was not attracted to him yet and never gave him any sign that I liked him . But when I did start making it obvious that I like him hoping he would now make a stronger move too , it became the opposite but he would still talk to me on Facebook . By the way , he is always the first one to like ALL my facial Facebook pictures of me smiling , etc.. Would there still be a possibility that he was straight ? I finally gave him a gift expressing the way I feel for him . He first started saying that he loves me too.. then he suddenly added the word , not romantically though... I am so confused about all these signs... would your guess be that he could still be straight , bi or just not accepting himself... QUICK THING too . He blocked me from his Facebook , I texted him begging him to forgive my confession to him and add me back.. he never responded any of text but I realized that he QUIT Facebook too now.. He's not on Facebook anymore 1 day after blocking me... I can tell by my other fake account... Please tell me what all this could mean... He's a BIG Facebook user and never quits it because of all his contacts overseas.. I am wondering if it was hard dealing with his feelings maybe ?

Wow that was a long read. But even longer was the games you two played with each other.

One of the things you need to realize is it doesn't matter if you are gay or straight or asexual - being needy and dependent is not attractive at all. You could be the best looking guy ever and he could be gay, but being so needy makes you not attractive.Begging and begging for his forgiveness probably scared him off.

You put yourself out there, completely out there for him to see. The "signs" that you were seeing were signs that you wanted to see. He could be confused sexually and not ready to deal with it. Or maybe he just likes friends who are guys. If he is practicing Muslim being gay is against their religion.

Either way it takes two willing partners to make a relationship and you don't have that. So you need to move on. Next time you start or are thinking of starting a relationship go slow and get to know the person slowly. You sound as if you haven't experienced many relationships. We have all been through this and we have all survived. You also sound like you are questioning your own sexuality so maybe right now is not the best time for a relationship for you.

Thank you .. but one question .. From my story you read .. Does he seem like a straight guy to you ? I just need your opinion on what you would have guessed. The first time he got to know me , HE WAS CHECKING ME OUT , I mean my behind(butt) in a VERY SEXUAL MANNER when he thought I was looking away , which scared me at first . Then he would only come to the starbucks when he knew I was there because I check into places on my facebook and it states where I am right now and I know he's very active on Facebook . His other friends would tell me that he stopped by to ask if I was there and what time I usually come . I have once shared how I would really love him to come visit me when I move away because his friendship with me MEANS THE WHOLE WORLD , and he thanked me soo much begging me to believe me saying that he feels the same way too . While pretending not to see him , I would catch him soooo many times staring at me from outside the starbucks and looking away when I am about to turn my head. Would you still think that he is straight and had no interest ? Just curious. What I have noticed is that those signs WERE VERY INTENSE when I was not attracted to him yet and never gave him any sign that I liked him . But when I did start making it obvious that I like him hoping he would now make a stronger move too , it became the opposite but he would still talk to me on facebook . By the way , he is always the first one to like ALL my facial facebook pictures of me smiling , etc .. Would there still be a possibility that he was straight ? I finally gave him a gift expressing the way I feel for him . He first started saying that he loves me too .. then he suddenly added the word , not romantically though ... I am so confused about all these signs ... would ur guess be that he could still be straight , bi or just not accepting himself .... QUICK THING too . He blocked me from his facebook , I texted him begging him to forgive my confession to him and add me back .. he never responded any of text but I realized that he QUIT facebook too now .. He's not on facebook anymore 1 day after blocking me ... I can tell by my other fake account ... Please tell me what all this could mean ... He's a BIG facebook user and never quits it because of all his contacts overseas .. I am wondering if it was hard dealing with his feelings maybe ?


I should mention my perspective comes from the gay side as in I am gay.

Your behaviors that you have talked about are what's concerning. If I used Facebook I would have blocked you too. I don't know what he is. I have only what you tell me he did and your analysis of the situation is blocked by your confusion on so many levels.

He is allowed to behave however he wants to behave and be straight if that is what he is. I have a friend at work who everybody swore was gay. Then one day he got married and has been happily married for several years. And my best friend and I tell each other we love each other every time we say goodbye and he is completely straight.

You need to take 2, no make that 18,903 steps back and figure out you first. Otherwise you will continue to have unhealthy relationships.

You are repeating yourself, and you aren't listening. No one can possibly know what he is thinking by your description, even if you wrote 1,000 pages.

And no one is forcing you to do anything. Suggesting that you not use other people's actions to define your sexual preference is a good solid one that anyone would make.

You are repeating yourself, and you aren't listening. No one can possibly know what he is thinking by your description, even if you wrote 1,000 pages.

Bingo and dead on. I would greenie you but it won't let me because I always greenie you.

This man is not gay, but you are intensely attracted to him, so you are letting your imagination run away with you. He is from another culture, and in Middle Eastern cultures men are much more homosocial than American. Now, I said homosocial, not homosexual. Middle Eastern men share physical affection, walk arm in arm, tell each other they are handsome, etc. without a sexual intent. You are most likely misinterpreting his behavior through an American lens. Sorry, buddy, but he is not for you.