BACKGROUND:
My partner and I (7yrs) are both private people, however, he comes from a family that is close and supportive and I do not. In fact, I am not in contact with anyone in my family, by choice, aside for my one sibling who lives far away. My mother in law is a very kind hearted person whose main interest is family, but she is honestly a bit nosey and pushes boundaries and often asks about when she gets to meet my sibling/when is my sibling coming to visit. She has even pulled me aside on several occasions and said, "I've been meaning to ask you about when your sibling is coming to visit. You said your sibling was coming to visit right?' To which I say, "I never said that." then she says, "... but you would like your sibling to come, right?"

It doesn't seem like much, but she is persistent about meeting my sibling AND always brings it up like she misheard me speak on the subject... a subject i never speak about.

My sibling and I weren't close growing up, but have become friends as adults, however my sibling does not always respect my wish to not be in contact with our family and freely speaks about family drama to me which I find upsetting. My point is that, I feel like my M.I.L. honestly wants to get to know me better, but it gives me anxiety to think about putting her, a boundary pusher, into a room with my sibling who will likely discuss and or answer questions about our family and my childhood etc... a topic I don't discuss because I find it upsetting. I am not trying to keep secrets so much as I am trying to honor my feelings. I had a very difficult childhood (neglect, abuse etc) and have been much happier without my family ties.

QUESTION:
My sibling, who will likely visit at some point (we try to get together every1 to 2 years) would have to visit for at least a week due to the distance traveled and my M.I.L. lives close to me (moved recently) so it would be wrong not to mention the visit and difficult to avoid a get together. I don't see how I can justify saying I don't want you to meet my sibling. At the least I feel obligated to host one meal with my sibling and the in laws, who I am afraid will try to rope in more of their family to meet my sibling. I DON'T like feeling like I have to introduce my "family." And I don't like that I feel regular, dread, stress and anxiety about this inevitable, unscheduled rendezvous. I know it's unusual, but this how the cookies crumbled. Any thoughts? Advice? Personal experience in similar situation?

If you don't have that one time thing you will never live it down. Figure a time like about the middle of the visit. You don't want it to be right off the bat because then she may be persistent in trying to make it an everyday thing. I can see her wanting to meet her, but she sounds overly obsessive.

I don't think this is so much about your M.I.L.'s boundary issues, as it is your boundary that you need to enforce.

She is not entitled to any information on your family. Nobody is, regardless if you are her son's partner. How you live your life, and who you allow in it, is only up to you. No one else.

That being said, politely tell her that there are no immediate plans for your sibling to visit. Repeat the same thing every time she asks. She will get the hint I promise you. Don't make excuses, or offer reasons for her not visiting, just say simply that there are no immediate plans for her to visit.

Enlist the help of your partner, to establish respectful boundaries between you and his mother. Tell him you expect him to say the same thing- as far as he knows, there is no immediate plans for your sibling to visit.

Then deal with your sibling.

It is very important that she realize that any talk of family, is off limits. Especially, and particularly, with your M.I.L. Tell her the truth, and that is, your mother in law is nosey and there will be an aftermath of interrogation after she leaves, and you do not want a huge rift because of it.

If she cannot agree to those terms, then don't invite her, or, arrange to meet her for a mini vacation somewhere in the middle distance between the two of you.

Your mother in law has zero reason to be bothering you about your family. She may seem she wants to get to know you better, which might be true, but there is no need for her to know more than you are willing to share.

It is entirely up to you to put a stop to this stress.

One reason I loved the love of my life was because he was so good at being my 'buffer' between me and family, both mine and his. It was an unexpected benefit.

Ask your partner to talk to his mother and generally protect you.
Be glad (I guess) that this will happen only once every two years, and ask your one sibling to stay as silent as possible. It's all you can do. It goes with the territory.

Until the week your sister comes I would do as the others said and ask your husband to support you in this. Tell your mother in law that you feel it is a non issue until your family members are actually ready to visit, until then you would rather discuss things current to your lives.