I began talking to a girl online and really connecting with her we like the same things, use the same types of humor and we can have a mature, intellectual conversation easily... however... I am 20, and I displayed this, however the girl had displayed 18, which for a 20 year old is a bit younger but nothing too drastic... now we have come to gain feelings for each other, but then she confessed that because we were really connecting, she had to tell me that she was in fact 15... (and for the record, we are in the UK, so the legal age is 16, however that is not what I am wanting to be with her for, sex to me is something special, not some throwaway thing like most guys my age seem to think, and I will gladly wait until she is both legal and has given it thought for a long time so she is sure before I even considered it)

Now I have been looking at different topics about this all night and I'm still really confused... I know that she is underage for sexual activities, that is not my interest in her at all, I know most guys at 20 are seen as drunken, sex craving lunatics but I am not, I don't go out drinking or get drunk, I don't chase after girls for sex... I genuinely enjoy long-term meaningful relationships.

But I liked her so much, the fact she lied about her age didn't anger me or anything, I have met her now because I figured if the age did affect the way our personalities worked, it would be evident, and we got on really well just the same as we did online, if not better in fact...

So now I'm stuck in this horrible pit of decision, where I know I have honest and true feelings for her, but people see that age gap as too much at this age... I understand lots can happen in the next few years of her life, this is something I have kept in mind constantly however I just couldn't help but feel so happy and comfortable with her, and she feels the same with me. She tells me that the last guy she was with was 19 so to her me being 20 is not much of a big deal... but from my side I am just assumed to be some creepy loser who wants to get in her pants, and that's not the case at all.

I don't know what to do, I only see a few options... 1. I go out with her and risk negative views aimed at us... 2. I tell her that she is too young and it won't work, hurting both of us and ruining any chance of us being together... or 3. I tell her that we should wait a year or two before going for a relationship, but that feels like I will be saying "oh I don't want you now but wait here in case I feel like it later" which I don't want to do at all :(

I want to be with her, but I know that people will look down on it, I am an honest, caring guy... I want to look after her and make her happy, and she tells me I do...

I'm just so confused and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it because they will judge me and it probably won't help me sort things too well...

Long story short: we want to be together, but the gap might be too big and people may greatly disapprove of the relationship, so I don't know what the best option would be :(

You are between a rock and a hard place.

With her being underage, and with the two of you connecting online, even though you believed she was 18, is a red flag. That is how predators operate, and Police have entire departments searching for online predators. That is something for you to consider.

Also, it is possible that people who know her, or know you, and are aware of your ages, might react in a negative way, because of the concerns you have already expressed yourself.

As to her parents- are they aware you are in the picture? I don't know what happens in the UK if parents are okay with their 15 year old dating a 20 year old, but, that might be something you want on the table.

If there is any doubt in your mind about having a relationship with a 15 year old, no matter how you've grown to like each other, I would personally walk away, until she is of age. I'm not sure it is worth the possible risk, or consequence.

Before you arranged to meet her, did you talk to her parents and get their approval? If not, BIG mistake. You should have NEVER arranged to meet Ian underage girl IRL until you had her parents on board.

Frankly, you should have cut it off as soon as she confessed her real age. An online relationship and one meeting tells you very little.

So before you go any further with this you need the parents consent. And if you don't get it you back off.

What do her parents think about this?

You stated that you met her. Do her parents know you two are "dating"? How do they feel about it? Did they meet you?

Bottom line, she's a child. 5 years age difference isn't a big deal when you're both in your 20's because at that time most people have grown enough not to make the stupid mistakes teens make.

She's 15. Her mind isn't fully formed yet. Any guy that's nice to her, she'll love. That's the mindset of a teen, girl and boy. Surely you can understand that, seeing as you were 15 only 5 years ago.

Bottom line, it's highly unlikely that the two of you will end up spending your lives together. She's very much still a child. You're an adult, you have grown, you've lived a little bit. You're not as mature as a 25 year old, or a 30 year old, but compared to a 15 year old, you may as well be 80 maturity wise.

What do the two of you possibly have in common? She has years left in high school, you're done, should be in college or working. She can't even get a driver's license, you, you're an adult.

If you're serious about this girl, wait 3 years. I would bet money that in 3 years, she won't be in "love" with you anymore. You're nice to her, you pay attention to her, she likes that. She likes that you're older and find her attractive, it makes her feel good. That's not love, that's a teen crush.

In the end, it doesn't matter if she's really in love (which is highly unlikely). It doesn't matter if you're really in love either. She's a minor, not an adult like you. So she has to tell her parents about you. If they say no (what parent wouldn't?) you can't even date her, much less anything else.

You are too old for her. It's not only sex but her whole future on the line. You already sound like you want a serious emotional relationship and I really don't care how mature she sounds, she is not ready for a relationship with an adult man.

The only appropriate thing to do is to tell her you are too old for her and stop communicating with her. Let her finish growing up.

Many teenagers have great insights and maturity in their thinking and ideals. That is not the same thing as experiential maturity from finishing growing up. For example she's just barely old enough to begin choosing friends based on personal traits and commonalities, rather than just playing with the kid next door. She iS not even old enough to have gone out on the town for an evening with girlfriends. She is going to be totally dependent on her parents for several years yet to come. In my country, the US, she would not be old enough to drive, to be out past ten pm on a school night without adult supervision, to vote, to sign a contract or to get a part-time job. This is a child who hasn't had any independent relationships and when she does, she needs to be with people at her own stage in life.

I was a mature girl at her age. I could talk politics, philosophy, literature and had great insights. I held my own in adult conversations. I was tall and physically mature, and very responsible. That said, I was also out if my depths with boys, even my age, because only time and experience teaches us how to manage personal relationships. Your age difference creates a built-in predatory situation because your independence and experience gives you a clear advantage over her... it is not equal and balanced. You would not be able to help mentoring and helping her which, in a dating relationship with your age difference equals predatory grooming for a sexual relationship.

There is no dilemma. You know it is wrong to date her. Do the right thing, which is rarely the easy thing. Walk away.

Rarely do relationships like this work because the girl will feel like she was robbed of her 'fun' years because she jumped from mom and dad to a serious relationship. She needs time to experience her teen years and find what she wants in life. Many girls that I know that jumped from teen years with parents into a serious relationship with a guy ended up breaking it off saying, ''I need to go find myself''.

You don't say how many times you have met in person, which matters a lot, despite thinking you really know her. I would be very cautious for the very simple reason that I would wonder why she is looking for men online in the first place. The stereotypes that come to mind are wanting a father figure or wanting an older guy with a car and money. (And a third one of wanting a man who wants a Lolita, just so she can drive him wild.) In other words, why isn't she dating boys in school her own age?
A huge risk for you, aside from all that, is the fact that teens change their minds, their opinions, their likes and dislikes - basically everything - on a dime. You could have her one minute and she could go for another guy in a heartbeat.

She is a teenager who lied about her age to a 20 year old man. That should tell you something about her and her maturity level. I'm not seeing that you two would have much in common. She should still be in High School doing teenage things, not dating a grown man.
You need to tell this girl goodbye.

You need to just forget her, and move on. The entire situation, is wrong. You may have a lot of "online" connection, but in real life a 15 year old child, does not need to be with a grown man