PLEASE READ EVERYTHING I NEED ADVICE.


Here is the short a sweet story of the issue...

Me and my girlfriend started to date about a year and a half ago. After about 3 months of dating it was time for me to go to college so we did the long distance thing and it worked through out the whole year. No problems at all. Actually those months while at college were the best and most trusting of our relationship. I saw her every 2 weeks and we were crazy for each other. After the school year ended and the summer came around that's when problems started to emerge. I am still very much in love with her but as the summer went on I could see a change in her, I just didn't want to believe it. About 3 weeks ago she broke up with me. I haven't seen her and I have barley contacted her besides a few times (saying good luck and such). She called me about 5 times in one night a week ago while she was at a party. I finally answered and she seemed really sad and asked me to come get her because she didn't trust anyone there and was scared. I was visiting a buddy at college so I couldn't but we talked for a little bit. Later, a good friend of hers picked her up (a boy) who she talks to a lot which makes me nervous. I feel like the more time I give her the no contact rule the more she is slipping away from me. I don't want to be that boyfriend who is annoying but we haven't talked in about a month. What me and her had was special and she knows that too. I don't know where we went wrong. I was thinking of contacting here via letter, and spilling my heart out and putting myself out there... I mean what do I have to loose..

Here is the letter I am going to leave at her door step with flowers and what not.

"These past few weeks have seemed like forever and I have been thinking about things a lot. This is not very easy for me to do but I am taking a big risk and I'm going to put myself out there and put my heart out there. I am not just doing this to beg you to take me back or feel needy but I am doing this because it feels right and there are some things I have to say and hear so that I can fully get over you. I have been going back in forth whether to do this. One side of me is saying “no matt don’t do this, she broke up with you for a reason let her go, let everything go” but then there’s the other side of me saying “you need to talk to her, you’ve been through too much together, sacrificed to much just to let her walk out of your life so easy” and after thinking a whole lot and having this empty feeling in my stomach the answer to me was simple, you are too much apart of my life just to see you walk away. “Fight for what you love”. I don’t want you to be gone and I be left with “what if questions” and don’t want to be too little to late, so this is why I am writing you this now and not later. I don’t want to be left with regret that I didn’t try and that you were the one to slip away. What you and me had was the most real thing I have experienced and I know these past few months have been hard and things haven’t been right between us but to me that is was builds and makes a relationship strong. You see each other at the highs and lows, you experience confusing emotions but you see how much that person means to them in the end despite the difficulties. Right now is one of those low points but I see that this lack of communication is ruining the relationship we have with each other. It doesn’t seem right at all just to try to ignore the feelings I have and the feelings I know you might still have and might think about. I completely understand we need time for ourselves right now and enjoy separate lives but I cannot just let you walk away. I don’t feel like we should give up so easily. I know this hasn’t been easy on you either but I know what we had can be again and I just need a chance. Look at how much we sacrificed, you mean too much to me. I want to see you have fun, I want you to enjoy this year and what it has in store but I don’t want you to see a relationship from stopping you from having fun. I just hope you understand stand where I am coming from and I don’t simply just want to seem like I want a relationship right away, right now because timing is everything. I want it to feel right for you. I think we need to start from square one. Give each other space/time and ease in to everything but not cut off from each other. I know we have tried this whole thing before but we jumped in to it too soon, didn’t know how to handle things and I don’t want to do it like that again. Remember when you called me saying how what you were doing might sound crazy and that you didn’t know If you should say it?. but you did anyway because it felt right. That is exactly what I’m feeling. I feel crazy doing this but what do I have to loose. The main reason to this is letter is to take a chance, think about it…give love another chance. It may take time and that’s okay but you’ll never know unless you try. We live and we learn. Maybe the 3rd time is the charm. Everything happens for a reason. I love you and I always will be there for you, no matter what."

-If this means something to you, I will be waiting for you at (Place) to talk at (Time).



Would a girl like this? Do I sound dumb? I really need advice on this!!

It sounds like you are in the Friend Zone -- a reliable person who is willing to bail her out of trouble, but that's as far as it goes.

If I were you, I wouldn't do the flowers-note thing. She broke up with you. Ninety-nine per cent of the time there's no going back.

I would not send her the letter. She broke up with you. She sees you as someone she can call if she is in a pinch, not someone she loves and wants a relationship with.
Continue no contact so you can get over her.

Nice letter, burn it, and remember you got dumped so leave her alone. The ball is in her court and if she changes her mind its IMPORTANT she come to you without your influence. But never tell an ex that you need closure to get over her. I do mean never.

No Contact is not a way to get someone back. It is a way to give you time and space to heal while trying to keep more confusion from being added.

You should be allowing the memories and feelings to fade instead of creating a mental museum to showcase them in. Even if you did get back together someday in the future, you would need to take time to heal and let go of the past. Any relationship in the future will not be the same as the one you had.

There will always be 'what-ifs' and 'maybes'. They are a part of breaking up. They cannot be a reason for trying to stay together. They cannot be a reason to hold on to the past.

Healing is letting all of the 'what ifs' go.

NO CONTACT is the best thing. She left you. It sounds a terrible thing to say but at this moment she has the power. Relationships are not about power struggles but during a breakup you transfer power to one another based on how you interact with one another. When someone breaks up with you you do realize that they expect you to try and contact them and to try and persuade them to come back. It's human nature and even though it seems counter intuitive to give her space, it has just the opposite affect and is the best thing to do in this situation. If you love something let it go...

The best thing to do IMO is to give her space. Let her go and she will come back to you ONLY if this is what she wants to do. You can not make anyone love you.

I am sure you are a wonderful person with a warm heart and based on your letter you are able to communicate your feelings which is a great trait. If she is not for you, someone else is.

When someone has broken up with you, there is no space to give them. They left you. If she wanted you back, she would ask you to come back. What you need to do is continue no contact so you can get over her and move on.
When you break up with someone it is not so they will try and get you back, It is because you are finished with that person.