I'm in my late 20's and haven't been married that long but have been with my wife for years. I love her very much and always will. A few months ago a new girl started at my work and we became friends right away, she's a couple years younger than me and we get along great. After a few weeks of innocent flirting she asked me for my number and right then I knew I was going to end up sleeping with her. I never cheated on my wife ever not before we were married either. I couldn't get this girl out of my head from day 1. I'm not the happiest person in the world but whenever I see her or whenever I think about her it would make me smile and feel like a different person.
She texted me the night I gave her my number and we stayed up until the next day texting each other, I hadn't done anything like that for 10 years. This went on a few days until we decided to hang out. She also has a boyfriend of many years that she lives with. He was out at work or school most of the to e though so we could hang a her house. The 1st night we watched TV and talked until she climbed on me and we had a very passionate make out session that I wish never ended. There was such a strong connection in such a short period and I think I was in love with her right then. I didn't tell her that but I think she felt it too. We didn't have sex that night but we would def talk about it the next few days. Then she came by my place and we did sleep together and it was great. We both said that we didn't even feel bad about it because it felt so right and made us both so happy. I know this sounds bad but it's the truth and I can't help the way I feel or felt at the time.
So about 2 weeks in after another passionate make out session she tells me she loves me and I tell her the same. She was always telling me I was the best person ever and favorite thing in life and that we should runaway together and she didn't think she'd ever be able to let me go and that she wouldn't etc... She made me feel great about myself at a time that I really needed it. It wasn't about the sex we had a connection and enjoyed each others company and trusted each other. We were in desperately in love and trying to figure out a way to hold onto it. We never had one fight or anything that would be considered a bump in the relationship. I was on cloud nine and ready to leave my old life behind and runaway with her and I though she was ready to do the same. I was wrong.
So a few days go by and things felt a little different and I asked her if she still loved me or if she just wanted to be friends again and she acted like it was a stupid question and of course she still loved me which set my mind at ease. A week or even less goes by and she's not resounding to my texts and says her BF is always home and she can't really talk all the time. That seemed like BS to me since she had no prob with him being around before and he knew we wold hang out as she has other guy friends and it was no big deal for her to be talking to other guys or hanging out with them so I didn't believe her but didn't question it. Then some stuff happened that caused her to take some time off work and the only time I'd hear from her was if I initiated it and even then it was one word answers if I got a response at all so I stopped testing her and waited for her to reach out which she never did.
It broke my heart. I was head over heels for this girl and she had convinced me she felt the same way and was the one who initiated the whole thing and was the first to say I love you and so on. The fact she didn't even have the guts to say she didn't love me or realized she still loved her boyfriend or whatever the reason still drives me crazy.
She came back to work a few months later and pretended nothing happened and I'm kind of stubborn and was really just in shock at the whole situation so I've played along and never brought it up. We still get along great but there is a dark cloud hanging over us or maybe just me as she doesn't seem to care about what she did or how she hurt me even though I haven't told her how I feel she must know. We def don't have anywhere near the same relationship as before we hooked up and nothing like the closeness we had during. Just your typical friend at work type thing but its insanely weird and hard for me.
I think about this 24/7 for the last year and tell myself everyday that today I'm going to ask her what the hell happened. I never have the guts to actually do it thought. I don't know if I'm afraid of the answer or what but I can't bring myself to do it. I know I will never get over her until I hear it for her. I'm torturing myself over this girl who still makes me happy when we have a good day. I should be pissed and sometimes I am when I think about how much worse it could have been if I had told my wife or something because I was on the verge of doing this and she knew it. I could have completely ruined ,y life for no reason and she didn't give a what happened to me and never asked me how I was doing or anything. She just stopped talking to me out of nowhere and left me to ponder what happened by myself with no one in the world to talk to about it. It's still the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life, and I'm still not close to being over it.
I guess that's why I'm telling my story here because I have no one else to vent to about it and I can't hold it in any longer or its going to kill me. If I could do it all over again knowing this is where it would end up I would still do it again because those were the best months of my life and I can't remember a happier time for me. My life made sense when we were just sitting in my car in the cold talking all night because we had no where else to go but it didn't matter we could have been anywhere and we both would have been happy just being together. I know she loved me and felt the same way I did until all of a sudden she didn't. The last time we were alone in my car we had a passionate make out session said I love, I dropped her off and then that week or the next it was just over with no explanation. She didn't even say stop talking to me or I can't do this nothing she gave me no indication of anything except that she wasn't talking to me as much. I just don't know how she could do that to me and then pretend nothing happened months later and to this day. She was my best friend and the love of my life. She ripped my heart out and stomped on it without saying a word or doing anything.
I'm not sure what my question is I just had to do this.
I guess I'd just like some feedback or if anyone has a similar story with a girl if your married or not.
Should I say something to her about this or just let her go and keep it to myself?

You talk about her, you talk about yourself, what about your wife?

Why don't you start from the beginning and divorce your wife since you don't love her anyway. Stop stringing her along.

My wife is a different topic and a much longer post, I'm not asking for advice with her. I love her and don't want to hurt her. I didn't plan on falling for someone else but that's over now so leaving her is not an option. I know it was a bad awful thing to do to her but like I said it wasn't planned and I couldn't help myself. This is the only time I've ever done anything like this and I won't do it again this was a special circumstance and the perfect storm of things that led up to it but I can't really discuss all that because it will give away too much info that someone might figure out who I am so please leave the wife out of it, its complicated.

I know it was a bad awful thing to do to her but like I said it wasn't planned and I couldn't help myself.

It wasn't planned?


After a few weeks of innocent flirting she asked me for my number and right then I knew I was going to end up sleeping with her

Sounds like you could have prevented it, but you didn't. That means that it was planned.

I meant I didn't plan on falling in love with someone else. At that point I was falling for the girl and I didn't know for sure that would happen but I kind of did. Again it was a perfect storm of events that led to me even allowing myself to be in that position that I'm not going into. I don't need to hear that I could have prevented it or whatever I know that. I'm not a perfect person, are you? She came after me I couldn't resist. She cheated too we both screwed up but we both thought it was right at the time. I'm not saying it's OK but it is what it is and you don't even know the whole story so once again this isn't about my wife or being married. Pretend I left the married part out. I'm not interested in what people think about that. You don't know the half of it. I did a bad thing sorry ladies it happens she did it to.

So while you want your cake and eat it too, you are cool with leaving your wife in the dark and feeding her bs? If that's what love is.. Your perfect storm sounds like your wife's typhoon!

Sorry, wife and slut that sleeps around with all sorts of men are the same topic.

You were just one of many men, she "hung out with" and most likely was not as good as she wanted or she had too many men at the time.

Either way, she was with someone and you were with someone, how did you think this would end. This was the only way it would end.

You do this by not talking to her any more and having enough self respect to not sleep with someone who is in a relationship. I hope you were using protection

For your wife, divorce her, you planned on sleeping with another women, ( even you said, you knew you would, when she asked for number) you know if a man gets a hookers number I figure he will sleep with her also.

Your wife deserves better than what you are doing to her.

She's not a slut at all, neither of us had done that before and it ended months ago. I'm not trying to get her back, I wouldn't be able to trust her now. I'm trying to get over her and move on. I still love my wife that never changed so Im not going to leave her. And again you don't know the things that led to it or what's gone down between me and my wife your just assuming she's an angel who's never made a mistake herself. Like I said I'm not going into details about our life but it's not so black and white. For all you know she's cheated on me 10 times.
I'm not going to do it again, I want things to work with my wife. I was describing my state of mind at the time. I was blinded by the feelings I had for this other girl. I didn't ask for it and I couldn't stop myself. I have in the past but something was different with her and I've only had those feelings for my wife. I know it was wrong but again there were many factors that helped me justify it at the time. In all honesty it's actually strengthened my feelings towards my wife. Again in wasn't just about sex we both needed each other for other reasons and it got us both through a rough time in our relationships and strengthened them as I'm happier now and so is she. Even though you are all focusing on the part you know the least about and coming to your own conclusions about my wife just talking about it is helping and I'm already feeling better about it. This has made me realize my wife is the only girl for me but I can't erase what happened. I said I would do it again but I wouldn't. I was in a bad place for many reasons then that I'm not now and after getting that off my chest I see how it was stupid and selfish but I couldn't see that then.

I wouldn't be able to trust her now.

And your wife should trust you?


I still love my wife No, you never loved your wife or you wouldn't have let this happen.


Im not going to leave her I'm pretty certain she will leave you when she finds out. Yes, she will. Take it from a wife who has been cheated on.

Look, the best thing to do is to file for divorce and move on.

You just don't get it. You made a lifelong commitment to your wife. It was up to you to keep your hormones in check. But you didn't. You took sacred vows (in certain religions) to be honest to her and to love her until the day that you died. But you broke those vows.

If she cheated on you, then it was up to you to file for divorce rather than to stand back and let it happen time after time.

From what I have read, this is the dictionary definition of dysfunctional. I hope and pray there are no children involved.

2 wrongs don't make a right. If you love your wife so much you work at putting 100% into working problems out.