Mother left kids with me (their dad) 3 1/2 yrs. Ago. We are unmarried. Apart from the fact that she has claimed them on her income tax each year, she moved to G.A. Im in Louisiana and hasn't so much has called, sent them a dime, or any financial help with the money she claimed them with. One letter 2 yrs ago was all she has sent them claiming she was trying to get custody. She has in those years had 3 fiancées, two drug busts (the last with methamphetamine AND cocaine) and still not a word. I tried to get full custody of my kids but financial aid said that she did not abandon them because she left them in my care. Furthermore she won't tell me where she lives, works, for me to claim child support. Ive called it seems like 20 different agencies who all tell me to hire a P.I. If I could afford one I wouldn't ask for legal aid. The Income tax money could, but the I.R.S still gives her the money every year despite my contacting them about fraud. It seems that everything I do is red tape and a couple of people from legal aid said that if she comes and takes them I cannot do anything because (come around full circle) I don't have full custody... PLEASE HELP!

You get in touch with a family law attorney and fight for custody.

You get in touch with a family law attorney and fight for custody.

They want $1200.. legal aid won't help. Thanks for the advice but as I said I'm without finances (other than rent, food, bills, and child care)

There really is no other way. Until you legally fight for custody, you are at the mother's mercy.

There really is no other way. Until you legally fight for custody, you are at the mother's mercy. Good point. But If I pay them (ehich won't take payments) I can't pay one of the utilities or bills, OCS comes and takes them. Seems damned if I do, damned if don't. No rent, ocs, no lights, ocs, no food, ocs. Boy child support would help... but I can't claim... if it was her id already have lawyers at my throat for free.

Good point. But If I pay them (ehich wont take payments) I can't pay one of the utilities or bills, OCS comes and takes them. Seems damned if I do, damned if dont. No rent, ocs, no lights, ocs, no food, ocs. Boy child support would help... but I can't claim... if it was her id already have lawyers at my throat for free.

Talk to family members, see if they're willing to help. You already know what you have to do. If you can't do it, then you really are at her mercy, and you could end up losing a lot more than your utilities.

You are sadly mistaken. If you were a woman you wouldn't have lawyers at your throat for free. Trust me, I'm a woman and have needed legal services. Maybe in the 70s or 80s, but times have changed. There are even law firms who specialize solely in the man's interests.

Child support would help, but that's a horse of a different color. Custody and child support are two different legal issues. You need to go to court for both. Just because you are awarded custody doesn't mean you automatically get support.

Is there a law school near you? Many schools offer services to individuals like you. Their graduate students draw up the papers under the advisement of their professors, and can assist in the process.

Talk to family members, see if they're willing to help. You already know what you have to do. If you can't do it, then you really are at her mercy, and you could end up losing a lot more than your utilities.
You are so right, thank you. Sorry, just frustrated because I've spent a lot of time on this and it seems circular.

I can completely understand. It is so frustrating that it's almost easier to just give up. But you CAN'T!

Look into local law schools!

Talk to family members, see if they're willing to help. You already know what you have to do. If you can't do it, then you really are at her mercy, and you could end up losing a lot more than your utilities.
They are helping as much as possible, j_9, offered a great point on law school nearby. I assumed women get more help for free because all the websites offer help for women with deadbeat dads, can't find one visa versa. J_9 CORRECTED me on her legal issues as well.. frustration just makes it seem like I'm alone.

Yes, there is a law firm here in Memphis that helps ONLY men in issues like this. Don't know if there is one in LA though.

You are so right, thank you. Sorry, just frustrated because ive spent alot of time on this and it seems circular.

Frustrated I understand. But you have to focus your energies in the right direction. In most family courts you don't need to have a lawyer to file papers. You can represent yourself. Just be sure to document all attempts to serve her as well as document as best you can the children living with you. Ask for full custody and a child support order.

Once you have the order then the state can help you collect it even if she is out of state.

Yay! CDAD is here!

This is the man you need to talk to on these matters!

Yay! CDAD is here!

This is the man you need to talk to on these matters!
Lol, I thank you AND cdad. The two of you have given me more solid ideas/advice than legal aid or anywhere else has in 2 yrs... and in under an hour. But no dad help like memphis. I live at yhe bottom of the boot sothwest in Sulphur, swampy and obviously legally ill informed.

Cdad is the man. The one that knows all of this.

I would like to add another suggestion. Call your local family court. You can find out if they have forms you can fill out to do this on your own. Considering the length of time they have been in your care, this shouldn't be particularly hard. They may even have legal interns who are willing to help you with this process.

Financial aid steered you wrong. You may have asked the wrong questions. She has abandoned the children. Not criminally and you can't file for abandonment, but you should be able to petition the court for full and sole custody. You need to show the court that she has not made contact with you or the children for 2 years. You document your failed attempts to contact her.

You should not need an attorney for this. But it would help to have someone knowledgeable in family law to prepare the paperwork. As J_9 said, some law schools offer clinics to help do that.

As for the IRS, I suspect you are asking the wrong questions again. What I would do is file electronically very early next year claiming the children as dependents. If you file early enough you will shut her out from filing. She will have to file manually and then the IRS will investigate. All you need to do is prove they are living with you (school records should be sufficient) and you will be granted the right to claim them.

What you have been saying about why you haven't been able to do anything doesn't make sense. So it sounds like you have no been going about things the right way.

Hopefully our advice will steer you in the right direction so you can get custody.

Cdad is the man. The one that knows all of this.

I would like to add another suggestion. Call your local family court. You can find out if they have forms you can fill out to do this on your own. Considering the length of time they have been in your care, this shouldn't be particularly hard. They may even have legal interns who are willing to help you with this process.
Awesome! I can call them in the morning after I bring kids to school. Well and coffee. :) This is the first time I've discussed this and actually had a smile at the end of the conversation. Thank you cdad and J9. Ive got ALL the key suggestions noted. If there is anything else please feel free to suggest if it is not out of your way. Thanks so much again. :):)(:(:

Financial aid steered you wrong. You may have asked the wrong questions. She has abandoned the children. Not criminally and you can't file for abandonment, but you should be able to petition the court for full and sole custody. You need to show the court that she has not made contact with you or the children for 2 years. You document your failed attempts to contact her.

You should not need an attorney for this. But it would help to have someone knowledgeable in family law to prepare the paperwork. As J_9 said, some law schools offer clinics to help do that.

As for the IRS, I suspect you are asking the wrong questions again. What I would do is file electronically very early next year claiming the children as dependents. If you file early enough you will shut her out from filing. She will have to file manually and then the IRS will investigate. All you need to do is prove they are living with you (school records should be sufficient) and you will be granted the right to claim them.

What you have been saying about why you haven't been able to do anything doesn't make sense. So it sounds like you have no been going about things the right way.

Hopefully our advice will steer you in the right direction so you can get custody.
I had to get multiple w2s mailed to me so I couldn't file early. Company changed hands three times. I had to be audited and I did use school to help prove. The money I got (in November) I used to pay back family that helped.. catch up on car note and give the kids their first first decent christmas in a while. I might have splurged on a new bike for my littlest one but that bike actually saved my sons life.. *another story*

I have to agree with ScottGem. You have been asking the wrong questions to the wrong people. Hopefully you have finally found the right people to talk to. ;)

I have to agree with ScottGem. You have been asking the wrong questions to the wrong people. Hopefully you have finally found the right people to talk to. ;) I think I have

Just to give you some info on this site David. We are all volunteers here. We don't get paid to sit behind computers and answer questions. While most of us aren't legal advisers, many of us do have experience in many areas.

I, for one, am an RN and deliver babies, however I have an extensive legal background prior to being an RN. I can't speak for ScottGem or Cdad though.

Please stick with us. You may be able to help others with similar problems.

Just to give you some info on this site David. We are all volunteers here. We don't get paid to sit behind computers and answer questions. While most of us aren't legal advisers, many of us do have experience in many areas.

I, for one, am an RN and deliver babies, however I have an extensive legal background prior to being an RN. I can't speak for ScottGem or Cdad though.

Please stick with us. You may be able to help others with similar problems.
If I can get through this successfully, I fully intend on helping people with similar situations as I can. I wouldn't be much use now. Apparently like gem said, wrong queastions to wrong people. I figured people that are as helpful as you all have been weren't getting paid.. The ones that get paid to help are the ones who steered me wrong.

You just asked the wrong people David.

You just asked the wrong people David.

:) genuine people. Thank u.

Financial aid steered you wrong. You may have asked the wrong questions. She has abandoned the children. Not criminally and you can't file for abandonment, but you should be able to petition the court for full and sole custody. You need to show the court that she has not made contact with you or the children for 2 years. You document your failed attempts to contact her.

You should not need an attorney for this. But it would help to have someone knowledgeable in family law to prepare the paperwork. As J_9 said, some law schools offer clinics to help do that.

As for the IRS, I suspect you are asking the wrong questions again. What I would do is file electronically very early next year claiming the children as dependents. If you file early enough you will shut her out from filing. She will have to file manually and then the IRS will investigate. All you need to do is prove they are living with you (school records should be sufficient) and you will be granted the right to claim them.

What you have been saying about why you haven't been able to do anything doesn't make sense. So it sounds like you have no been going about things the right way.

Hopefully our advice will steer you in the right direction so you can get custody.


I can't agree with filing early. The problem being there is no status the children are covered under as far as a court order goes. Can you file and fight it -yes. But absent a court order they may default custody to the mother as far as IRS regulations are concerned. Many forms are online in many states so you can fill them out before even going or look at them to ask the proper questions.

The largest problem that you have that may slow you down is the ability to prove service on the mother. You can have a trial without her and you also can get a default decision without her too. The states (All of them) have a database they enter social security numbers into for new hires. If she is employed the state will help you find her to collect support. You need to have custody. Then proceed with support. Even if you don't collect a dime (and you shouldn't expect it) the debt NEVER goes away. It can't be forgiven in bankruptcy nor by a judge. And should you pass then the amount owed becomes part of your estate and your children have the right to collect it.

I'm going to disagree here. The IRS has rules about who can legally claim the child. Unless the mother has court ordered custody, then the OP should be able to claim them because he provides more than half their support.

We have had many reports from people who try to file electronically only to be denied because their child was claimed by someone else. If the OP files early and it appears he is legally entitled to claim the children, then he forces the IRS to investigate.

Scott mentioned court ordered custody, and I was re-reading your initial post. I have a question. Who does have custody? In your initial post you wrote:


One letter 2 yrs ago was all she has sent them claiming she was trying to get custody.

Someone has to have legal custody of these children. If it isn't her, and it isn't you, then who is it?

I'm going to disagree here. The IRS has rules about who can legally claim the child. Unless the mother has court ordered custody, then the OP should be able to claim them because he provides more than half their support.

We have had many reports from people who try to file electronicall y only to be denied because their child was claimed by someone else. If the OP files early and it appears he is legally entitled to claim the children, then he forces the IRS to investigate.

Cdad and gem. Both good points. Even in disagreement I gathered valid info from both.. When I called the local family court today (left a message, she will call back) I was thinking if I should claim child support since I do already get foodstamps for them and it's the same number? (Maybe same case worker?? ) cause even if I was denied the paperwork would already be on file... I wasn't sure so I didn't.. As far as the IRS as I said I filed anyway and they did end up giving me the money last year because of the school records and stamps. Even though they investigated I reported her to IRS for tax fraud anyway. I then found out that she filed them again this year and I have to be audited again.. thought she couldn't file them again because of the fraud. A few months ago I had met someone with similar tax problem, he reported her for three yeats in a row before they finally did something about it.. He said that she can't file for ten or something years and has to pay back all money PLUS 75% interest.

Child support usually comes through family court as well. Not typically where you get your foodstamps. That's another question for when the family court calls you back.

Scott mentioned court ordered custody, and I was re-reading your initial post. I have a question. Who does have custody? In your initial post you wrote:



Someone has to have legal custody of these children. If it isn't her, and it isn't you, then who is it?

At birth I signed an acknowledgement of paternity for all three since we weren't married. I have physical custody but not court ordered FULL custody they I need to keep her from taking the kids from me (cause she has five felonies including drugs and constantly moves) I have a stable house and am better for the kids and without FULL custody legal aid said they she can take the kids anytime she decides to (or figures out she can) then ill have to fight to even see my kids. I just want her to send a letter or dime or have something to do with them. Right now she just claims them and wanys the money, but one day maybe if she can't file shell take them for the money.. the WRONG reason for taking kids. I worry about their well being with her.. before she moved to G.A. she trisd to have my kids calling 3 different boyfriends daddy. I AM the dad and would never make my kids call another woman mother.. I've has one girlfriend since then and she's had 3 fiancées that I know of.. Im off on a tangent, bottom line, I need FULL SOLE custody not physical.

Is the physical custody court ordered? Because if it is, whoever told you she could take the kids was wrong. As long as a court gave you primary physical custody, then she can't legally take the children. If she tried you call the police and show them your court order. Even without a court order, do not let her take the kids. Call the police, unless she has a court order she can't take them.

As for child support, unless she has a job where you can garnish her salary, don't expect to get any child support. That doesn't mean you shouldn't petition for support from the court. Just in case.

If you can file electronically before her, you force her to file manually, if she wants to claime the children. In the meantime, you get the refund.

Is the physical custody court ordered? Because if it is, whoever told you she could take the kids was wrong. As long as a court gave you primary physical custody, then she can't legally take the children. If she tried you call the police and show them your court order. Even without a court order, do not let her take the kids. Call the police, unless she has a court order she can't take them.

As for child support, unless she has a job where you can garnish her salary, don't expect to get any child support. That doesn't mean you shouldn't petition for support from the court. Just in case.

If you can file electronically before her, you force her to file manually, if she wants to claime the children. In the meantime, you get the refund.

No not.court ordered... she just left