Hi all,

I am new to AMHD and this is my first post.

I have a 4 year old daughter and pregnant with my 2nd. I am 14 weeks pregnant, which is unplanned. Though there are some financial constraints, we decided to keep the baby since we felt it's a gift from God (specially given my irregular periods, PCOD prob. husband's low sperm count etc) since we thought we'd never be able to have another child...

On Thursday I had the NT scan and the doctor said there is a high risk of Down's syndrome in the baby, risk being 1 in 24 with NT measuring 3.1. Based on my age (30years) she said the risk is high. She suggested Amniocentesis in the 16th week. We took a 2nd opinion (fresh scan) and a third and everyone gave a different risk factor,, 3.3 NT and 2.45 NT but high risk since NT had extended beyond the normal measurement etc etc,, actually, it confused us. The third doc suggested a CVS or a double marker if we want to confirm the risk. We took the double marker test and the results are due the day after. M dead scared... My husband is suggesting we go for CVS though the risk of miscarriage is 1:100 and there are other risks associated with it.

My concern
CVS risk-miscarriage, respiratory problems, underdevelopment of lungs (from internet),, etc etc,, should I go ahead?
Amniocentesis... yet again, risk,,
Which is better, CVS or Amniocentesis?
If the double marker test shows high risk, what chances do I have to get a normal report in CVS?
Since this procedure is new in India, all doctors are suggesting it,, some purposefully,, my sister faced the same issue and she went ahead with amniocentesis... her co-sister was suggested the same stating high risk,, she refused to take any tests,, delivered healthy baby.
Other concern- finance,, both CVS and amniocentesis are costly and we can't afford it,, though CVS is cheaper, it has high risk,, we can arrange for cash somehow (insurance doesn't cover it) but if complications appear like leaking of amniotic fluid and if I need to be hospitalised, then its an issue,,
My parents said they will look after my daughter if I decide to go through any procedure, but they can't help financially since they are on limited income-pension...
I don't understand what to do. Given the risks, my health, my financial condition, I feel I better not take any tests and accept what is given,, but in case I deliver a baby with down's syndrome,, I have burdened everyone in the family, not only does the baby suffer its whole life, but so does my daughter, my husband,,
If I go for abortion, then I'l have a feeling that I gave up on what was given,,
Mixed emotions playing with me,,

Can someone please give me more info on CVS and amniocentesis,, on abortions, on taking care of a child with down's syndrome,, on being emotionally well if I opt for abortion,, I need to be prepared for everything...

This is choice is only yours and your husband, along with what the doctor feels is the correct sourse of actions.

I know the decision is ours,, I am not asking for help to decide,, I am just asking more info on CVS and amniocentesis,, on abortions, on taking care of a child with down's syndrome,, on being emotionally well if I opt for abortion,,
As far as the doctors are concerned,, they suggest we take all kinds of tests and only thrn ask us to decide,, but before we make any decision, I should be prepared,, I have heard of many women being depressed after abortion, or some facing family crisis after delivering a baby with down's syndrome,, I need to be prepared for everything and hence seek information...

How can I be emotionally stable if I go for an abortion?
Ho do I face family and friends being concerned and offering condolences?
If I birth the child with down's syndrome, what should I be expecting? How will that affect my family? My daughter?
What are the complications of CVS and Amniocentesis? Its limitations? Risk on the unborn child?

Internet gives a lot of information, but nothing on how to be emotionally ready for the situation or how many have faced complications, what kind of complication, how they overcame it,, etc,, it's only here that I can ask personally...

An abortion is a hard choice, but bringing a child into the world, that will have serious issues is also a very hard choice. There should be down syndrome support groups, see if you can find and visit a family.

There is no way to be emotionally ready, since no two people are the same. I have had several people killed in front of me, many others die, some in my arms. No two people can handle that the same. Some women have abortions and no issues at all, others will have emotional problems for decades to come from guilt. We have no way to know how you will handle things. Nor should be try to place our values, our morals on you. That is why it is and has to be a personal choice.

I have a living will, if I reach a stage, where I am keep alive by machines, I do not wish to live. Pulling the "plug" is murder to some, it is saving my life from suffering to me.
I can not try to justify a choice in your mind. If you are having trouble dealing with the issues of deciding, then perhaps, the choice is something you could not live with.

The medical choices all have risk, we have some better medical people, that may give you some advice in a couple of days, when they read this.
But these are hard questions, that you need to get your doctor to tell you. He is the one to do the procedure, and he needs to tell you the risks that he understands.