UCLA_1
Aug 28, 2013, 02:33 PM
If you can take the time to read this and help, I would greatly appreciate it.
A few years ago, I got involved with the wrong guy. And when I say the wrong guy, I mean we were of different religions AND he was in the same department at school. (Never date a co-worker lol). He hurt me big time how he would have say one thing and do another, take cheap shots with his words, have his friends drunk text and drunk call me over an extended period all throughout the night, how he stood me up repeatedly (make plans and never follow through or even call to cancel) and to top it off, I found out that he had been cheating on me with his ex. I told him that I didn't even want a relationship nor be friends at all and simply cut him off and tried to move on with my life. For four months, he tried contacting me and I wouldn't budge. It wasn't until he apologized in which I spoke to him and forgave him, then tried my best again to move on with my life. He tried for two years to maintain a friendship, but I never caved in. He had moved away and although I didn't have to deal with him physically, I had to deal with coworkers who knew HIS SIDE of the story. I always felt disrespected and judged. I never made mention of him/our relationship because I felt that, a) it's my business, and b) they would choose to believe whatever they wanted to believe anyway. Regardless, our breakup was messy, I felt exploited, and even my own community was treating me like a villain because I dated someone who was "different." It was hard on me emotionally; however, I still managed to graduate with a dual degree and two minors... although I graduated two and a half years later.
Still, I received an internship opportunity which evolved into a full-time job and I had even gotten accepted into a graduate program. At the time, I was finally dating a guy in which it started getting more serious. I told him that the only way I would agree to an engagement were if he would support me and my dreams of continuing my education, in which he did. He had lived five hours away from me and told me to go to school nearby him and where my family was living at the time. I waited until the end of December and moved back home (considering we were going to get married in March). I left my job, my grad school, my friends and life and came to a rude awakening.
He was a narcissistic psychopath. No gym, no running outside, no friends, no going out after sunset, he would call me repeatedly (about 15 times in a row) and call my dad and have his sister call my sister all within a span of 20 minutes if I didn't pick up, no makeup, no wearing heels, didn't like to take me out anywhere, he would pick fights with me out of nowhere, had unpredictable mood swings, was verbally abusive, his parents were evil, they're pathological and compulsive liars, claimed that he was never supportive of me continuing my education (despite the fact that he would call up schools and programs for me prior to me moving), etc. It was a nightmare. To top it off, he didn't want me to wear makeup on our wedding, wanted zero photography and wanted my dress to be loose because he was afraid his ex would see a picture of me and get jealous!! He admitted to this and I found out that they had been communicating behind my back.
I was devastated of course. I couldn't believe it. So of course that relationship ended, and things got even worse. Him and his family went on a massive distortion campaign and smeared my name all throughout the community, he started demanding that I pay him $50k for the money that he had spent on me during our engagement period. His family had given me a jewelry set in which they admitted that they had purchased for his ex four years ago, but now they wanted the COST of the jewelry and the ACCRUING value of it as well... oh and the cost of the food and Pepsi that was spent on me throughout the month and a half of our engagement which had accounted to $50k supposedly. It was a load of bull, because he only took me out two times since we had been engaged and it's not my fault that they had given me jewelry that wasn't initially intended for me! For four months they wouldn't leave us alone about it. I tried returning their stuff, they wouldn't budge. They just wanted money.
In addition to the distortion campaign, for four months he would call my parents and I nonstop, sent incriminating messages, hacked into out AT&T account and got ahold of my new number to continue harassing, starting making purchases onto our account, etc. Of course, authority was involved as was a lawyer; nevertheless, it was UNBELIEVABLE.
One month after we had legally ended it (he didn't get a penny back by the way, just his crap), we threw my sister a graduation party. This was the first time I had encountered anyone since the incident because I felt so humiliated. It was awkward as hell (bc they're all friends with him and his family as well), and I came to find out that he had been standing outside in the parking lot waiting for me. The private phone calls never ended either, but fortunately I was able to get away for two months and while I was away, I found out that he got engaged to a new girl and has since stopped harassing me.
I do not miss him one bit, but I'm deeply disappointed in myself. I now have to reapply to get into my program and am pushed back (yet again). I want to get into medical school but have to complete a master's first to raise my gpa, but am not feeling supported at all, (although my family is supportive of it). Most men in my culture are turned off by the fact that I'll be in my late 20s and starting med school, or just turned off by the fact that I'm "old." People make fun of my age and why I'm single, and I'm embarrassed. I feel as though my worth is never being recognized.
I also am stressed because my family puts a lot of pressure on me to take care of my younger sister because they're too busy and I am the one who's constantly parenting her and it takes up a lot of my time.
It sounds pathetic to be upset over this, but I really am. I want to pursue sports medicine ultimately, but my pride has gotten shot down repeatedly to the point where I am reconsidering careers and settling. I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally, have been burned/humiliated in two different communities and need some words of encouragement. I've gone through a lot, and wish I can be in a stable/steady relationship for once. I feel as though I miss the first guy I was with (before things got bad), and haven't been very happy ever since. Making friends isn't easy because they are all close to my ex and his family and his ex g/f, which makes it even harder on me. I work out/eat healthy, have a select few friends, I'm relatively attractive with a good personality and heart, yet am still single. And if I DO find someone, it's always the wrong guy or someone who doesn't support my goals.
I know it's all convoluted, but I just need to take the first step right now to get back on track with my life to feel like my old self again, but don't know where to begin. Pursue Sports Medicine with a fear of being single forever or settle? Any pointers? I greatly appreciate any feedback and I'm sorry if this is draining.
A few years ago, I got involved with the wrong guy. And when I say the wrong guy, I mean we were of different religions AND he was in the same department at school. (Never date a co-worker lol). He hurt me big time how he would have say one thing and do another, take cheap shots with his words, have his friends drunk text and drunk call me over an extended period all throughout the night, how he stood me up repeatedly (make plans and never follow through or even call to cancel) and to top it off, I found out that he had been cheating on me with his ex. I told him that I didn't even want a relationship nor be friends at all and simply cut him off and tried to move on with my life. For four months, he tried contacting me and I wouldn't budge. It wasn't until he apologized in which I spoke to him and forgave him, then tried my best again to move on with my life. He tried for two years to maintain a friendship, but I never caved in. He had moved away and although I didn't have to deal with him physically, I had to deal with coworkers who knew HIS SIDE of the story. I always felt disrespected and judged. I never made mention of him/our relationship because I felt that, a) it's my business, and b) they would choose to believe whatever they wanted to believe anyway. Regardless, our breakup was messy, I felt exploited, and even my own community was treating me like a villain because I dated someone who was "different." It was hard on me emotionally; however, I still managed to graduate with a dual degree and two minors... although I graduated two and a half years later.
Still, I received an internship opportunity which evolved into a full-time job and I had even gotten accepted into a graduate program. At the time, I was finally dating a guy in which it started getting more serious. I told him that the only way I would agree to an engagement were if he would support me and my dreams of continuing my education, in which he did. He had lived five hours away from me and told me to go to school nearby him and where my family was living at the time. I waited until the end of December and moved back home (considering we were going to get married in March). I left my job, my grad school, my friends and life and came to a rude awakening.
He was a narcissistic psychopath. No gym, no running outside, no friends, no going out after sunset, he would call me repeatedly (about 15 times in a row) and call my dad and have his sister call my sister all within a span of 20 minutes if I didn't pick up, no makeup, no wearing heels, didn't like to take me out anywhere, he would pick fights with me out of nowhere, had unpredictable mood swings, was verbally abusive, his parents were evil, they're pathological and compulsive liars, claimed that he was never supportive of me continuing my education (despite the fact that he would call up schools and programs for me prior to me moving), etc. It was a nightmare. To top it off, he didn't want me to wear makeup on our wedding, wanted zero photography and wanted my dress to be loose because he was afraid his ex would see a picture of me and get jealous!! He admitted to this and I found out that they had been communicating behind my back.
I was devastated of course. I couldn't believe it. So of course that relationship ended, and things got even worse. Him and his family went on a massive distortion campaign and smeared my name all throughout the community, he started demanding that I pay him $50k for the money that he had spent on me during our engagement period. His family had given me a jewelry set in which they admitted that they had purchased for his ex four years ago, but now they wanted the COST of the jewelry and the ACCRUING value of it as well... oh and the cost of the food and Pepsi that was spent on me throughout the month and a half of our engagement which had accounted to $50k supposedly. It was a load of bull, because he only took me out two times since we had been engaged and it's not my fault that they had given me jewelry that wasn't initially intended for me! For four months they wouldn't leave us alone about it. I tried returning their stuff, they wouldn't budge. They just wanted money.
In addition to the distortion campaign, for four months he would call my parents and I nonstop, sent incriminating messages, hacked into out AT&T account and got ahold of my new number to continue harassing, starting making purchases onto our account, etc. Of course, authority was involved as was a lawyer; nevertheless, it was UNBELIEVABLE.
One month after we had legally ended it (he didn't get a penny back by the way, just his crap), we threw my sister a graduation party. This was the first time I had encountered anyone since the incident because I felt so humiliated. It was awkward as hell (bc they're all friends with him and his family as well), and I came to find out that he had been standing outside in the parking lot waiting for me. The private phone calls never ended either, but fortunately I was able to get away for two months and while I was away, I found out that he got engaged to a new girl and has since stopped harassing me.
I do not miss him one bit, but I'm deeply disappointed in myself. I now have to reapply to get into my program and am pushed back (yet again). I want to get into medical school but have to complete a master's first to raise my gpa, but am not feeling supported at all, (although my family is supportive of it). Most men in my culture are turned off by the fact that I'll be in my late 20s and starting med school, or just turned off by the fact that I'm "old." People make fun of my age and why I'm single, and I'm embarrassed. I feel as though my worth is never being recognized.
I also am stressed because my family puts a lot of pressure on me to take care of my younger sister because they're too busy and I am the one who's constantly parenting her and it takes up a lot of my time.
It sounds pathetic to be upset over this, but I really am. I want to pursue sports medicine ultimately, but my pride has gotten shot down repeatedly to the point where I am reconsidering careers and settling. I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally, have been burned/humiliated in two different communities and need some words of encouragement. I've gone through a lot, and wish I can be in a stable/steady relationship for once. I feel as though I miss the first guy I was with (before things got bad), and haven't been very happy ever since. Making friends isn't easy because they are all close to my ex and his family and his ex g/f, which makes it even harder on me. I work out/eat healthy, have a select few friends, I'm relatively attractive with a good personality and heart, yet am still single. And if I DO find someone, it's always the wrong guy or someone who doesn't support my goals.
I know it's all convoluted, but I just need to take the first step right now to get back on track with my life to feel like my old self again, but don't know where to begin. Pursue Sports Medicine with a fear of being single forever or settle? Any pointers? I greatly appreciate any feedback and I'm sorry if this is draining.