I have been with my current boyfriend for about 9 months now. He has always like to drink and party and then one night he got his 2nd DUI while still on parole. Luckily his p. officer didn't make him finish his sentence but instead gave him house arrest and when he went to court he was forced to go to IOP or Intensive Outpatient. For about a month and a half Mon-Fri. he had to go to A.A. classes and meetings for 4 hrs a night. Now it is only 2 days a week for 2 hrs. Even after all this he is still drinking and acting reckless. He could possibly be tested every single day for alcohol or drugs. He has to call a number to find out. He makes really good money and normally whenever this happens he buys a full body cleanser and ends up passing, knock on wood. Whenever he drinks he's disrespectful to me and anyone around. He's very temperamental although he's never touched me. I realize that alcoholism is a disease and I can't force him to change or get any more help if he doesn't want to. I know that it can be genetic. All the males in his family besides his grandpa are alcoholics and all of them are divorced. I love him and I want to stay in this relationship all the way. I am not the type to just give up when things get hard. When he's not drinking he's my baby, my prince charming and when he does it's a 360 degree difference. I am now able to separate my boyfriend from the "alcoholic". I have tried to help him and support him as much as I can but I don't want to continue to put up with his drunken rampages. What else can I try? How can I make it better?

I believe you mean a "180 degree change."
But anyway, you can only help someone as much as they want to help themselves.
Let him know that he is jeopardizing the relationship.
As a last chance, try an intervention.
If he still refuses to fix the situation then this isn't someone you want to be with because it is only going to get worse.
You say you love him enough to stay in this relationship all the way, but do you love yourself enough to know when its more unhealthy for you to stay in it?

Yes and in my mind I know that I have passed that point but in my heart I cannot give up. I will give until I have nothing left. And when that happens then I will know I have failed.

You will only fail if you give all of yourself to the point were you don't have enough of yourself to get out when you need to. I know you love him but how often do you hate his actions? If its more often than the times that you can honestly look at him w/o any anger and really feel loved and cared for and return that feeling then its not healthy. Let him know that. Don't give 100% of yourself cause he might take it. Let him know he has to earn it. Stick in there I know deep down he returns your love too... he just has a big obstacle to overcome.

Hun, you have done all you can. Until the alcoholic realizes that he has a problem there is little else you can do. Even in-house treatment rarely works the first time unless they realize they have a disease. Even interventions don't always work the first time.

If you plan on staying in this relationship for the duration, I surely hope you like rollercoaster rides, because that is what your life is going to be.

I just finished my notes for my test on Monday on alcoholism and substance abuse.

You have a long hard road in front of you if you stay, because the drinking causes other health problems too, such as high blood pressure, cirrhosis of the liver, brain damage, and even diabetes. These are lifelong illnesses that are not curable.

Please for your own mental health, think twice about staying in this relationship. It is abusive in its own ways.

I am going through almost the same thing. My boyfriend is currently in jail for his 3rd DUI. He is also a completely different person when he is not drinking and I love him dearly, but his addiction is there to stay until HE can say he's had enough. Its so tough to hear this from other people but still know it in your heart and soul. Don't let yourself hit rock bottom while waiting for him to come around. If you don't see him wanting to change, and if you don't ever see it happening in the near future, you have to know when to quit. If he doesn't see that he has a problem and isn't willing to change his destructive habits, you have to wonder how much love he really has for you. You can give him as much love as possible, hoping that will be enough, but if he will never return that favor, is he really worth it? We are women, and its in our nature to love unconditionally and want to take care of someone till the end, but we need to be taken care of too. Please don't give up on yourself and feel this is the only man for you. I have felt this pain, and I would not anyone else too.

Sadly, I'm going through the same thing, but with my husband, and let me give you some advice. Get out while you still have you. When my husband and I were dating, that's they way we were. He was a partier, had lots of friends, took risks. His family is full of alcholholics as well. Father, brother, uncles, grandfather. Granderfather died of it, old age and a case a day will do that. His brother couldn't take the addiction anymore, and ended his life. My husband and I have three young kids, he goes to the bar every night. Stays for about 3 hours comes home and passes out. After of course he takes his frustrations of the day out on the kids and I. He has turned on all his friends, he's hot and cold. Hes fine one min, then the next he's going crazy. I get the most of it, mostly I think because its safe for him, where am I going to go? He can yell, and scream, and I take it, I tell myself that its just the alcolol talking. That he'll be fine in the morning, and that's usually the say it goes.

NOW is a dif story, nothing much has changed, except for the fact now he is physcially abusive to me, pushing and shoving and such. My home has gotten beaten up on my occasions, and my kids think their chores are to get daddy a beer... I thought in the beginning that I could handle it, and my love for him was enough. Now I resent him, and fear him. Never knowing what he is going to be like when he comes home. You may not resent him now, but you will. He will not change. Just like my husband will not change. You will start to turn on yourself just like I did, and am still working on truning around. You will feel like it is your fault, and you made him be like this. You didn't, and please don't let yourself get to that point. Its not a good feeling.

Your boyfriend is that drunk, the only separation will be in your mind, to convince yourself he is worth staying with. What you are living with right now, is how it is going to be for the rest of his life, unless he wants to change, He has no respect for the law, no respect for you and no respect for hisself at this point in his life.

He may keep his job, some drunks function OK in society, but let another couple dui get him and I doubt he keeps that job and will find getting another hard,

It is your choice but what you see is what you should expect in life from no on from him,

Read the posts on here from women after 4 or 10 years saying the same thing about wanting them to change and not knowing what to do.

So as long as you know going in that it most likely will not get better, only worst, you know what you are getting into.

You have tried and that's about all you can do. If he will not get help you need to get out of that realonship . It might be hard but it will be better for you in the long run. If he truly loved you he would be able to see how much his drinking hurts you and he wouldn't do it. I wish you the best of luck!

I have lived with an alcoholic boyfriend for 2 years now. I am not sure it was a full 2 years because he has been in jail twice for stupid stuff while drinking. First time he came after me and punched me and pushed me down the hallway of our house, he broke all my pictures and blamed me for it. An alcoholic is a very selfish person that no matter how much money his parents and girlfriend spend on attorneys and paying off probation fines, will still blame everyone else for his drinking. I have been there where you want to believe in them and you do believe the promises. It is NOT worth it. In the end you hate yourself for being so stupid and realizing he never loved you the way you loved him. They don't understand the meaning of love. As far as alcoholism being a disease, I don't buy it. If you know you have so much in your wallet, you don't drink over it. At least mine never did. I believe it's a choice. Tonight was the 7th day he has been out of jail. He came home drunk at 3am. I called the cops because it just isn't fair anymore. Don't waste your life. I promise you that someone is out there that will care about you more then the alcohol. I have to keep telling myself this, because he took all of my self-esteem. I feel stupid for wasting so much time, love, money, and tears on such a lowlife. Believe me, he is a great guy when he is sober. But they all change when they drink. Don't let him take you down with him. I have been there twice and won't do it a 3rd time.