Hi I am a 36 year old pre op transexual and live on my own and am very lonely I moved from stockton on tees and now live in newcastle I was married for many years until 6 months ago although we where little more than friends she was my best friend, but I was unable/unwilling to remain in my birth gender any longer and while I need to go through this transition I am finding it very hard and often long for elements of my old life. I have thoughts about killing myself but would never go through with it as that would be giving in but the thoughts persist. I often go days without talking to anyone and have started talking to myself at times which is not a good thing, while I kind of know that its up to me to pull myself out of this, I just feel that I have to say how I feel to someone even if it's a complete stranger. Sorry if none of this makes sense.

Were you mentally prepared to go through with this? From an outsider looking in, it doesn't sound like it.

First off you need to be real and honest with yourself. You have chosen a path to be a transexual and the fact that you are moving from a man to a transexual probably will add to isolation and loneliness. Are there any support groups in your area where you could be with people like yourself?

The fact that you are in this transition doesn't prevent you from doing things, such as exercising, going to other activities, joining a club, taking tennis lessons - all things which will help you to meet people. By just going for a run or a brisk walk it will release chemicals in your body that will make you feel better. It will clear your mind.

Why did you move? To get away from everyone you know? Just not a good idea. I personally would make contact with your ex and see if you can move back with her for a while. Facing the people you know will be easier than being alone.
If she can't take you in, move to London or somewhere where there are many more people, AFTER finding out where the other transgenders are. Look online for groups and suggestions, and be very very careful - don't put an ad out for flatmates. Let others help you find a place to live.

You have only been on your own for six months, in a new city, about to take on a life altering change, and top all of that with the end of your marriage! No wonder you are depressed.

When you say 'pre-op', does that mean you are living, or have been living, as a woman, and the surgery is the last step? Has surgery been arranged?

This kind of transition, other problems aside for the moment, involves becoming used to being a woman, for a period of one year I thought. It isn't possible to just have it all happen in a very short period.

Issues of transition, before surgery, are part of the whole picture. Have you not been offered counseling, and referral to ease you into this change? I presume you moved to Newcastle as it is a big city, and there would be better opportunities for you with regard to this change.

Is it more a matter that your depression keeps you from getting the help you need?

I urge you to seek help with your Doctor. Tell him exactly what you have said here, and get the help you need. Many have been through exactly what you are going through, and I think I'm correct in saying that the medical services there don't cost y ou anything.

All you need to do is muster up some of the courage it took you to make the decision to become who you are, and get help to overcome the hurdles that undoubtedly come with the whole picture. To be on your own coping with this, when you don't have to be, won't get better, without help.

This might be helpful:

http://www.tynetrans.org/