Troubledguy
Aug 25, 2013, 04:26 AM
Where do I start, trying to cut a long story short.
My girlfriend and I have just recently split. It's amicable as we haven't fallen out, just very high emotions. My Ex does not deal with things very well and shuts away her feelings and emotions and will not talk about them. She says I mean the world to her and that she loves me. She says that it's over and she wants to be on her own so she can decide what she wants in life. I do love her from the bottom of my heart. We have always told each other we love one another and at first discussed a future and life together. We wish we had met each other years ago and felt we had met our soul mate. We seemed right for each other. This became hard as we do not live close to each other and circumstances for example money to travel had a big impact.
Ever since the start of the relationship, her ex-husband who cheated on her has played mind games and even assaulted her resulting in an injunction and court. Her ex-husband dragged it out over a long period to then plead guilty in court. This could have been prevented if he had pleaded guilty at first. My ex had been in a controlling relationship and she was afraid of what he may do. At first, he was seeing a woman over the road from their marital home. Emotionally ruining their children and playing games with all. I supported my ex-girlfriend throughout with no judgment on either party. At this point, she would come to see me at mine when possible. After about five months of our relationship I was at her house everyday supporting her and her children to be the best I could. My ex was on the verge of a breakdown. I felt that she needed the support.
This put a lot of strain on my ex and her children. Her ex has played mind games and has still tried to control everything throughout the whole time of our relationship. He would state that he would have his children when he wanted and no one would tell him when. I have tried to be supportive throughout but it got to a point where our relationship began to suffer due to her ex. My ex-girlfriend was unable to plan anything when her ex had the children as he would say that he would drop them off at a certain time. She would sit waiting for the children to be dropped off at that time and they would not return. She would call her ex and her ex would say I will drop them off later. Again, no time. This happened for the whole time of our relationship. My point is if she was planning to go out with friends, she would ask her ex to drop them off around a certain time or day. If I asked her to do the same so we could plan something, I would get a reply of, I don't want to ask him as he will kick off and I want to keep the peace. I understand what it's like to keep the peace as I have children of my own from a previous relationship. In some ways I felt that she was just making excuses. I must explain that two of her children are young adults and where emotionally in turmoil.
Her ex played games even with the children calling them and crying about everything still 3 years later. He would do this every time he had the children and this started to affect the children with anger and resentment. My ex felt guilty for all of this and I do understand that her children where number one priority. Again I would always be supportive.
Once she had become stronger in herself, I felt that I had been pushed aside a little. It seemed to get to a point in the relationship where all efforts and I could be wrong seemed to be only from myself. I had been made redundant after about a year and a half in and was having some emotional issues of my own with regards to my children, my own issues, my father passing away. I understand she had priorities but anything in my life that was happening; I had to go to her all the time. Even if I offered the money for fuel to come see me, she was unable to for whatever reason. If I never made plans to see her, we would never have seen each other. Unless I went to hers, I would not have seen her. Although I understood her priorities, even if I asked for her to come to mine for an hour, it seemed that she for whatever reason was unable to do it.
My son ended up having an operation and I asked her if she would come and support me. She went shopping with her friend and told me that she would have been really uncomfortable with my ex being there. It is amicable between me and my ex and her partner. It has always been amicable when my then girlfriend and my ex see each other. I needed some support myself and felt that she was making another excuse. Was I in the wrong?
I tried to talk to her about all of this and it always resulted in us arguing all the time. Her ex did start to annoy me with his emotional blackmails towards her and their children and I gave my opinion on all of this several times. I accused her of being selfish on a few occasions and that it was only me that made an effort. She is a selflessness person but I think we can all be selfish at some points in our lives. I also explained that I felt like we were not able to move forward with our life together. She had explained that she felt in the middle of it all, getting it from her ex-husband, her children and then eventually myself. I do understand that I had become selfish to some degree and was only looking at my own needs. I do not know if I was wrong for that?
We both also had financial difficulties throughout. In some ways, I felt she still defended her ex although I may have taken it out of context. She said that I always went on, which I probably did as everything just seemed to be brushed under the carpet and anything with regards to my feelings were not taken into account.
Sorry for the essay, it's a short version of things and events that have taken place. It's over now anyway to which I am heartbroken and gutted. Emotionally in turmoil myself now. I just wanted some advice on whether I was the only bad person in all of this?
Was I wrong for asking her for support?
Was she possibly making excuses or was it the circumstances all the time?
Was I just a long term rebound?
I could ask many questions. I would appreciate any advice and thank you for taking the time to read this.
My girlfriend and I have just recently split. It's amicable as we haven't fallen out, just very high emotions. My Ex does not deal with things very well and shuts away her feelings and emotions and will not talk about them. She says I mean the world to her and that she loves me. She says that it's over and she wants to be on her own so she can decide what she wants in life. I do love her from the bottom of my heart. We have always told each other we love one another and at first discussed a future and life together. We wish we had met each other years ago and felt we had met our soul mate. We seemed right for each other. This became hard as we do not live close to each other and circumstances for example money to travel had a big impact.
Ever since the start of the relationship, her ex-husband who cheated on her has played mind games and even assaulted her resulting in an injunction and court. Her ex-husband dragged it out over a long period to then plead guilty in court. This could have been prevented if he had pleaded guilty at first. My ex had been in a controlling relationship and she was afraid of what he may do. At first, he was seeing a woman over the road from their marital home. Emotionally ruining their children and playing games with all. I supported my ex-girlfriend throughout with no judgment on either party. At this point, she would come to see me at mine when possible. After about five months of our relationship I was at her house everyday supporting her and her children to be the best I could. My ex was on the verge of a breakdown. I felt that she needed the support.
This put a lot of strain on my ex and her children. Her ex has played mind games and has still tried to control everything throughout the whole time of our relationship. He would state that he would have his children when he wanted and no one would tell him when. I have tried to be supportive throughout but it got to a point where our relationship began to suffer due to her ex. My ex-girlfriend was unable to plan anything when her ex had the children as he would say that he would drop them off at a certain time. She would sit waiting for the children to be dropped off at that time and they would not return. She would call her ex and her ex would say I will drop them off later. Again, no time. This happened for the whole time of our relationship. My point is if she was planning to go out with friends, she would ask her ex to drop them off around a certain time or day. If I asked her to do the same so we could plan something, I would get a reply of, I don't want to ask him as he will kick off and I want to keep the peace. I understand what it's like to keep the peace as I have children of my own from a previous relationship. In some ways I felt that she was just making excuses. I must explain that two of her children are young adults and where emotionally in turmoil.
Her ex played games even with the children calling them and crying about everything still 3 years later. He would do this every time he had the children and this started to affect the children with anger and resentment. My ex felt guilty for all of this and I do understand that her children where number one priority. Again I would always be supportive.
Once she had become stronger in herself, I felt that I had been pushed aside a little. It seemed to get to a point in the relationship where all efforts and I could be wrong seemed to be only from myself. I had been made redundant after about a year and a half in and was having some emotional issues of my own with regards to my children, my own issues, my father passing away. I understand she had priorities but anything in my life that was happening; I had to go to her all the time. Even if I offered the money for fuel to come see me, she was unable to for whatever reason. If I never made plans to see her, we would never have seen each other. Unless I went to hers, I would not have seen her. Although I understood her priorities, even if I asked for her to come to mine for an hour, it seemed that she for whatever reason was unable to do it.
My son ended up having an operation and I asked her if she would come and support me. She went shopping with her friend and told me that she would have been really uncomfortable with my ex being there. It is amicable between me and my ex and her partner. It has always been amicable when my then girlfriend and my ex see each other. I needed some support myself and felt that she was making another excuse. Was I in the wrong?
I tried to talk to her about all of this and it always resulted in us arguing all the time. Her ex did start to annoy me with his emotional blackmails towards her and their children and I gave my opinion on all of this several times. I accused her of being selfish on a few occasions and that it was only me that made an effort. She is a selflessness person but I think we can all be selfish at some points in our lives. I also explained that I felt like we were not able to move forward with our life together. She had explained that she felt in the middle of it all, getting it from her ex-husband, her children and then eventually myself. I do understand that I had become selfish to some degree and was only looking at my own needs. I do not know if I was wrong for that?
We both also had financial difficulties throughout. In some ways, I felt she still defended her ex although I may have taken it out of context. She said that I always went on, which I probably did as everything just seemed to be brushed under the carpet and anything with regards to my feelings were not taken into account.
Sorry for the essay, it's a short version of things and events that have taken place. It's over now anyway to which I am heartbroken and gutted. Emotionally in turmoil myself now. I just wanted some advice on whether I was the only bad person in all of this?
Was I wrong for asking her for support?
Was she possibly making excuses or was it the circumstances all the time?
Was I just a long term rebound?
I could ask many questions. I would appreciate any advice and thank you for taking the time to read this.