I am an outgoing boy who may be overwhelmingly active and sort of crazy and insane sometimes.

Last summer, a friend of mine who had been studying abroad came back and threw a friends reunion party. I was invited. So excited to meet her that my craziness was acting up, I tightly hugged a friend who I thought was intimate immediately I arrived the party. He was annoyed and tried to get off but I didn't let him go. Indeed, my hug might be somewhat annoying because of my gayness and especially when the hug was somewhat girly. However, his coldness got on my nerves. I am a person who can't take rejection. So, I didn't stop being crazy, I started hugging another guy instead. As a result, some of them in the party(who I thought were even good friends) called me names. This really got my dander up so I was being really insane at that party and I deleted them from my QQ friends lists.(QQ is a messaging software, popular in China.)

I have never talked to those so-called friends after that. I told myself I shouldn't have held grudges but I couldn't. So, every party where they are invited I woudn't go to. Their voices would gross me out if I met them again. Or maybe I was just afraid...

Is that hug really that annoying? I don't know how straight guys slice it but from my perspective, my hug just shows my affection to them. My behavior might be somewhat girly but is it really obnoxious? Or, were they just discriminating against gays like me?

I don't think I was born gay. I had Gynecomastia when I was going through puberty and that was what I thought made me gay. Even though I had grown out of my boobs but my gayness had become part of who I am. I was somewhat sissy I admit so that I might have been 'she-male' in their eyes?

I don't have genuine friends. There used to be some friends willing to hang out with me, but none of them is my friend any longer. One of them who I thought was my soul mate dumped me because she could't stand I eating Baozi(A traditional Chinese food, you can Google it if you want to know what it is). Every time I eat Baozi, she looks me with a eye that can kill me. “Don't you know that Baozi stinks? Do you want to gross me out? ” She even tells everybody in my class how Baozi smells. Okay I admit, it was my fault that I ate Baozi in classroom, but how could she be so mean to tell the head teacher on me?(In China, every class has a teacher in total charge and able to implement the punishment) I wanted to beg her of friendship but I finally gave up. I was nobody to her even if she was everybody to me.

Today I threw a graduation party (it's a traditional Chinese custom that everyone who graduated from high school and get admitted to a university should throw a party to celebrate). I asked everybody I know to come, but you know what? The number who came is merely three. When my dad and mom was asking me why my friends hadn't come, I was speechless. I don't want anyone to know that I am not popular. What could I have said about this? After that, one of my friends who came to my party sent me a QQ message:”I think you should probably take it into consideration - why there should be so few friends came to your party. Don't take this the wrong way, but I just think you should probably reflect on it... ” Suddenly, a feeling of pain bursted in my head. I could barely breathe with this traumatic pain exploding in my body. I don't want to think it that way, but am I just a freak that everybody hates?

From what I am reading here, you come off as very flamboyant. Straight men don't typically hug. By hugging these men you are putting them off and they don't want to be around you. Many men don't even feel comfortable associating gay men. I'm not saying that's right, but that's just how some men feel.

It also appears that you tend to overreact in certain situations and seem to be over-zealous in your actions. Why not bring it down a notch and just chill rather than acting "sort of crazy and insane." Not all people feel comfortable around people who over do it.


He was annoyed and tried to get off but I didn’t let him go. Indeed, my hug might be somewhat annoying because of my gayness and especially when the hug was somewhat girly. If he was not gay, you should not have hugged him. Most people have their own personal space and do not like for it to be invaded by other people, much less someone acting "crazy and insane."


his coldness got on my nerves. And your invasion of his personal space, and the fact that you "didn't let him go" got on his nerves.


Is that hug really that annoying? I don’t know how straight guys slice it but from my perspective, my hug just shows my affection to them. Most straight guys don't want to be hugged by gay guys.


My behavior might be somewhat girly but is it really obnoxious? After reading your first paragraph, it does appear that your behavior in this situation was indeed obnoxious.

From what I am reading here, you come off as very flamboyant. Straight men don't typically hug. By hugging these men you are putting them off and they don't want to be around you. Many men don't even feel comfortable associating gay men. I'm not saying that's right, but that's just how some men feel.


Yes, I should have stood in their shoes but I just didn't know how straight guys feel...

Well, now you do. Best advice is for you to keep your hands to yourself. ;)

You are actually lucky one of those guys didn't punch you in the face.

Well, now you do. Best advice is for you to keep your hands to yourself. ;)

You are actually lucky one of those guys didn't punch you in the face.

Sorry but what does 'keel your hands to yourself.' mean? English is not my native language so forgive me for my poor English.

What you did was over the top, gay or not. I don't like having my space invaded and someone one hugging me tight that I don't have a relationship would irritate the crap out of me.
You need to learn to respect people's space. You can't just approach people as you want. You don't seem to be very considerate of other people but you want everyone to respect you. Grow up.

What you did was over the top, gay or not. I don't like having my space invaded and someone one hugging me tight that I don't have a relationship would irritate the crap out of me.
You need to learn to respect people's space. You can't just approach people as you want. You don't seem to be very considerate of other people but you want everyone to respect you. Grow up.

Thanks..

What you did was over the top, gay or not. I don't like having my space invaded and someone one hugging me tight that I don't have a relationship would irritate the crap out of me.
You need to learn to respect people's space. You can't just approach people as you want. You don't seem to be very considerate of other people but you want everyone to respect you. Grow up.

Bravo!

Well, now you do. Best advice is for you to keep your hands to yourself. ;)

You are actually lucky one of those guys didn't punch you in the face.

Sorry but what does 'keel your hands to yourself.' mean? English is not my native language so forgive me for my poor English.

KEEP your hands to yourself.

KEEP your hands to yourself.

Thanks for your advice. ^_^

There is a huge difference between high school and college. You won't be in such a microcosm, and people tend to gravitate towards groups of friends who fit each other's lifestyles. You can grow as an adult and as a gay person.

Even then, I wouldn't hug anyone past the point of wanting to be let go! There's a stereotype of gays being more touchy-feely, but I think you will be rejected then too.
You can stop something like that. It's in your control.

May I ask how old you are?

You see, people have an area around them called "personal space." For friends, close friends, very close friends, it is approximately 18 inches (46 cms) to 2 feet (60 cms). For less close friends it is up to 3 feet (91 cms).

People don't want that space invaded. Spread your arms out wide like the wings of a bird. If someone gets closer to you than the tips of your fingertips, they are too close.

It seems that you know what annoys people, yet you enjoy annoying them. Why?

I am a woman who has many gay male friends and I can tell you that, from your post alone, I would not want to be around someone like you. You seem pushy and, like I said before, overly dramatic.

The problem is that we are asking you to change who you are as an individual. This is your personality and it's not right to ask you to change. However, there must be a way that you can find friends who accept you for who you are. Granted, they aren't going to be straight. Straight men will never accept you when you act like this.

As my homey Homegirl suggested, it's time you grow up. Stop acting like a child and start acting more like an adult.

May I ask how old you are?
I have been 18 for nearly six months.



It seems that you know what annoys people, yet you enjoy annoying them. Why?

Trust me, I didn't mean to annoy them. But I may be not able to control my mood, when someone rejects me. So if someone says what I am doing is wrong, I might even over do it to retaliate... I know that's wrong but it's kind of hard to just bring it down a notch as you said.


You seem pushy and, like I said before, overly dramatic.

Yes I am. I admit.



The problem is that we are asking you to change who you are as an individual. This is your personality and it's not right to ask you to change. However, there must be a way that you can find friends who accept you for who you are. Granted, they aren't going to be straight. Straight men will never accept you when you act like this.

If change myself means I could be more happy, I will try everything to change myself. Is my personality really that obnoxious? Will I get more accepted and have more friends if I change myself? And is changing my personality that easy? How can I do that?


There is a huge difference between high school and college. You won't be in such a microcosm, and people tend to gravitate towards groups of friends who fit each other's lifestyles. You can grow as an adult and as a gay person.

Even then, I wouldn't hug anyone past the point of wanting to be let go! There's a stereotype of gays being more touchy-feely, but I think you will be rejected then too.
You can stop something like that. It's in your control.

Thanks.

I may be not able to control my mood

No, maybe you can't control your mood. However, you CAN control your actions.

You are not a child and you can respect the space of others. When you know a person does not want to be hugged, you don't do it. When you overstep with a person, you apologize . You can't change who you are but with the desire to do what is right and maturity you can be appropriate with people.

No, maybe you can't control your mood. However, you CAN control your actions.

My math teacher confiscated my English novels when I read them at his class, and guess what? I felt like punching him on his face at that moment. I did control my action, however, I was overwelmed with too much negative feelings so that I can't help but cried so loudly that everybody in that building heard it.. I just cried and cried for nearly thirty minutes and I couldn't think of how others would judge me... Yes, my cry at class was really annoying, but that really could't be controlled...


You are not a child and you can respect the space of others. When you know a person does not want to be hugged, you don't do it. When you overstep with a person, you apologize . You can't change who you are but with the desire to do what is right and maturity you can be appropriate with people.

... Okay, Thanks.. . I will try to think if it's the right thing before I do it.

My math teacher confiscated my English novels when I read them at his class, and guess what? I felt like punching him on his face at that moment. I did control my action, however, I was overwelmed with too much negative feelings so that I can't help but cried so loudly that everybody in that building heard it..I just cried and cried for nearly thirty minutes and I coudn't think of how others would judge me...Yes, my cry at class was really annoying, but that really could't be controled.........

Honestly, it could be controlled unless you have some sort of issues... which it's starting to seem to me like you may have them. Have you thought about seeking counseling?

Honestly, it could be controlled unless you have some sort of issues....which it's starting to seem to me like you may have them. Have you thought about seeking counseling?

In china, there is no 'counsellor' in our school. How could I possibly seek counselling? By the defination of 'counsel', I think I am counselling by posting this question here. So you can be the counsellor who helps me out if you will...

Born in poverty, I have never been abroad, rarely have I been out of my small town...

I think you need help beyond what we can give you. If you can't control your actions and keep from crying for a half hour because a book is taken from you... you can't control yourself enough to give someone personal space... I just don't know what we can do for you.

You were told it was wrong and that this is probably why people "don't like you" but you seem just keep saying how you know it's wrong but can't control it. You need to control it... it's that simple.

I think you need help beyond what we can give you. If you can't control your actions and keep from crying for a half hour because a book is taken from you...you can't control yourself enough to give someone personal space....I just don't know what we can do for you.
I think it's not because of a petty book, it's because of a feeling of being rejected. I tend to freak out and lose control sometimes, but I was still conscious.

Last week I went to a store and found a pair of jeans that I liked, but the price is 96 yuan while I had only 85 yuan with me. I asked the shop assistant if she could give me a better deal but she rejected me, "No bargin, please." Suddenly a feeling of I-don't-know was spining in my mind. I was still conscious but I couldn't even think how to act... I was just standing there turning a deaf ear to everyone... until several hours passing by, I started to think I was just standing there like a freak...
At home, I told my dad this shopping experience.
"Why didn't you just ask me for some more money?"
"I don't know...I didn't think of that..."

You mention still conscious a lot. What do you mean by losing consciousness? Fainting, uncontrollable anger, Is it common practice in your country to bargain prices with shops?
I know in the USA you just don't do that unless your tight with the store manager.

Is it common practice in your country to bargain prices with shops?

If the shop is private (owned by only a person or a family), we usually bargain. However if that is a franchised store (owned by a corporation), we don't.
The shop I went was franchised, so I shouldn't have bargained...


You mention still conscious a lot. What do you mean by losing consciousness? Fainting, uncontrollable anger, ?
I still remember that I was smilling when I was bargaining. But after getting rejected, I was much more conscious of my smile because I actually wanted to cry. However, I continued faking the smile because I didn't know what facial expression I should have worn. By still conscious, I mean I could still think, I was thinking what facial expression I should have been wearing... But I hadn't figure it out... so I was just standing there thinking "Should I cry? I want to but I can't...However, I am still smiling, how could I possibly still smile? Then which facail expression should I wear? If I suddenly change my expression will that be embarrassing?" So, I was just standing there hours and hours doing nothing but wore a faking smile... like an idiot...

The same thing happened when my math teacher took my book, I didn't know what to do with that, so I suddenly collapsed on my desk thinking how to act... While a strong feeling had made me cry... I was consciously thinking:"Why am I crying? It will be a humiliation for an 18-year-old to cry in public...But if I suddenly stop crying will everybody thinks I am acting crying?? So how can I stop crying? I can't abruptly stop crying but I shouldn't be crying..."... I hadn't figure it out until I have cried for nearly half an hour...

If you get that dumbfounded about what your facial expressions should be that you stand in a store for hours and collapse on your school desk I'd say you do need a therapist.

If you get that dumbfounded about what your facial expressions should be that you stand in a store for hours and collapse on your school desk I'd say you do need a therapist.

He doesn't want to hear that. He wants us to tell him some magical solution for his problem but the more I read, the more I realize there is something much deeper going on here than we can help with.

If you get that dumbfounded about what your facial expressions should be that you stand in a store for hours and collapse on your school desk I'd say you do need a therapist.

Really... I have tried meditation to be honest but it didn't work..


He doesn't want to hear that. He wants us to tell him some magical solution for his problem but the more I read, the more I realize there is something much deeper going on here than we can help with.

Are you suggesting that I am a psychopath?.

As others have said you need to try self control

as others have said you need to try self control

Mhmm... Thanks...

Are you suggesting that I am a psychopath?...

Do you know what a psychopath is?
I think your problem is you dwell on things to obsessive extremes
And let your emotions get the better of you

do you know what a psychopath is?
No.. Maybe a person with mental disorder?


I think your problem is you dwell on things to obsessive extremes
and let your emotions get the better of you
Mhmm... yes... thanks...

I think we are either dealing with a troll or this kid has issues we cannot deal with.
He is behaving like a spoiled child, or a person with mental problems.

I think we are either dealing with a troll or this kid has issues we cannot deal with.
He is behaving like a spoiled child, or a person with mental problems.

I completely agree and have been thinking the same thing.

Psychopath - serial killer or violent type thoughts. Unremorseful.

By the way what country are you from?

Psychopath - serial killer or violent type thoughts. Unremorseful.

Sorry I don't know that, my native language is Chinese. I typed this word because the Chinese defination of "psychopath" is "精神病患者"(meaning a person with mental disorder). I didn't know that. I'm sorry.


By the way what country are you from?
China.

(I for one agreed to no longer suggest that someone might be a troll directly in a thread, after a traumatic argument among many responders about a stated child molestation two weeks ago.)

I'd like to go back to the gynecomastia and the girlyness you showed at puberty. For all you know, your hormones were really out of whack then and still are, gay or not. If your dad can give you more money for clothes (what happened to the poverty?), maybe he can afford to have their levels tested.

I'd like to go back to the gynecomastia and the girlyness you showed at puberty. For all you know, your hormones were really out of whack then and still are, gay or not.
Can hormone influence how a human acts? I wonder.

what happened to the poverty?
Come on, I bought some cheap cloths because I am about to step into university, and I can't wear my high school uniform to college, can I? The price of the pair of jeans I liked is ￥96, which equals to $15. I bet it's cheaper than a bread you eat...

If your dad can give you more money for clothes, maybe he can afford to have their levels tested.
What does this have to do with hormone? It may have something to do with self-control as others have mentioned... but how could hormone possibly manipulate my action?

Yes hormone levels can cause you to be acting the way you do.

Yes hormone levels can cause you to be acting the way you do.

Really, I'll try.. Thanks..

Really, I'll try..Thanks..
Try what?

Try what?

Try getting my hormone tested.

Getting your hormones tested isn't going to tell you anything other than why you may not have facial hair. It won't tell you why you are gay. It won't tell you why you act the way you do.

Try getting my hormone tested.
Ah, good! Please keep us informed as to how things are going.

Is it chromosomes that can tell?I knew a girl that said she was like a guy because her chromosomes were more male
But she was born a girl.

Is it chromosomes that can tell?I knew a girl that said she was like a guy because her chromosomes were more male
But she was born a girl.

It's a little more involved than that.

Is it chromosomes that can tell?I knew a girl that said she was like a guy because her chromosomes were more male
but she was born a girl.
Sorry if my words are offensive but I think what you are saying has a connotation on "You were worn a freak. Genetical freak."

I don't really think I was born different than anyone..

Yeah, I kind of figured. Seems to me the OP needs to figure a way to be more of a man and less focused on over thinking what his actions should be.

Seems to me the OP needs to figure a way to be more of a man and less focused on over thinking what his actions should be. Typical stereotype. You can't ask someone to be something other than they are. You are implying that this is a choice, when it is not.

Sorry if my words are offensive but I think what you are saying has a connotation on "You were worn a freak. Genetical freak."
I think what she is saying is that this could be a transgender situation -- at birth a person is identified as either a boy or girl, but inside that person, he or she is exactly the opposite. It's a fairly new area in medical science.

I think what she is saying is that this could be a transgender situation -- at birth a person is identified as either a boy or girl, but inside that person, he or she is exactly the opposite. It's a fairly new area in medical science.

I am not! Is this how straight people view gays? Thinking gays are born with a freaky chromosome? Yes, there truly is someone who is in this situation but it's really rare. Most gays are not! And I can say that this has nothing to do with my personality..


Typical stereotype. You can't ask someone to be something other than they are. You are implying that this is a choice, when it is not.

Human changes.
If I could be happier by changing myself, I would try.
If I can be happier by changing myself, I will try.
If being myself means being hated and isolated, I don't want to be myself anymore.

I really think there is a communication issue here.

You were born a male with a penis and a scrotum. Gynecomastia is more common than people think, or would like to admit, and has nothing to do with sexuality, whether it be heterosexuality or homosexuality. So, let's leave that out of the equation.

Transgendered means that you were born a male, but feel like a female. A transgendered woman prefers to dress and act like a male and a transgendered male prefers to dress and act like a female. I don't see that as an issue here. Take Chastity (Chaz Bono) for example.

What is happening here is that the OP was born a male and is homosexual. There is nothing scientifically that proves it is hormonal, genetic, cultural, or a product of environment that causes this to happen.

Hormones can be tested, tests can be run. But there is no scientific proof as to why one gender prefers the same, or why one gender prefers another.

The problem I see with the OP is the over-reacting when the book is taken away, the hug is not reciprocated, or the clothing is not affordable. This has nothing to do with sexuality, but more to do with mentality.

Back to the issue of hormones, if I may. J-9 is correct hormones have nothing to do with WHO you are. From personal experience I can tell you that testing and even with hormone replacement therapy the only noted changes were physical, they in no way affect your mood or personality.
At least not in my case.

The problem I see with the OP is the over-reacting when the book is taken away, the hug is not reciprocated, or the clothing is not affordable. This has nothing to do with sexuality, but more to do with mentality.
Absolutely, you took the words right out of my mouth...

I have had moobs since I was 9. This might be caused by hormonal imbalance. When I was at elementary school, many kids made fun of me. But I did enjoy some of the good-looking boys caressing my moobs. I felt pleasure when my moobs were caressed. And at the same time, I felt a crush on the boys who caressed my moobs. Then, I decided I was gay. Does this has anything to do with my personality?

I have had moobs since I was 9. This might be caused by hormonal imbalance. When I was at elementary school, many kids made fun of me. But I did enjoy some of the good-looking boys caressing my moobs. I felt pleasure when my moobs are caressed. And at the same time, I felt a crush on the boy who caressed my moobs. Then, I decided I was gay.


Moobs?

And what does being myself mean? If I define myself as a thief, then I can steal because I should be myself?
Thieves can be educated to be a good person. So if what I was doing is wrong I am willing to change myself, change my personality in order to be more acceptable.


Moobs?
A term refers to man's boobs..

Okay, but "moobs" has nothing to do with your sexuality.


If I define myself as a thief, then I can steal because I should be myself?
Thieves can be educated to be a good person. So if what I was doing is wrong I am willing to change myself, change my personality in order to be more acceptable.

Huh?

Huh?
Because I hate being hated. I hate the "myself" that is not acceptable, that is a freak... I hate I way I am..

You need more help than we can provide here. You need to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

Speaking as woman who spent 38 of my 66 years going through very obvious mood changes every month, clearly hormonal, I find it odd that anyone would flat out deny the role of hormones in anyone's actions. Testosterone, steroids, adrenaline, you name it, there's a behavior that is often associated with it.
Here's a quote from an abstract from some researchers at U of Colorado:
1.1.2. Feminization as an active or passive process?
Much of the evidence about both physical and behavioral
Sexual differentiation focuses on the masculinizing effects
Of androgens. For a long time, it was believed that
Feminization is a passive process, occurring in the absence
Of high levels of androgens. There is increasing recognition
Of the importance of other hormones for complete
Feminization, but much is still unknown about this process.

I'm not discounting the need for some therapy. But there may be a basis for the behavior that if corrected, could make it easier to change his actions. Standing in a store for a very long time, angry over being denied a bargain, sounds like an emotional problem, and it could also be a huge rush of who knows what mix of hormones.

I had a boyfriend with moobs (I like that word, never heard it before) who was as mild mannered as a person could be, so I wasn't suggesting any sort of direct connection.

You are no freak, just out of control, and that because you have a selfish, impulsive need for acceptance (attention) even by inappropriate actions. You are hardly the first teen ager/adult who has poor coping skills or poor guidance in this area. Its more common than you think, so don't isolate yourself as being a freak or psycho, just know and learn there are better way to deal with yourself.

What I tell impulsive selfish people is to think before you act, or speak, then you will not have to answer for out bursts of anger, or bad inappropriate behavior. It a process that takes much practice, and learning patience goes with the territory. Maybe you cannot afford therapy to guide you to learning, and using these skills, but a physician may help you not be overwhelmed and emotionally charged during times of high stress over small events you normally run into.

You start small by accomplishing small things like observing how people interact, and gain confidence by showing people the same dignity and self respect you want from them. High drama doesn't work on strangers, or friends so stop blaming your actions, on your moods, or feelings when you need to take responsibility over yourself and change what you can, which is your actions.

My suggestion, is you talk to your own family doctor about your feelings that seem to overwhelm you, and how you can better control your impulses. You already should have accepted you cannot win friends by acting like a fool, and disrespecting those you encounter. You want to be accepted, then you must make yourself and your actions acceptable.

No more excuses, get some dignity, and self respect before you expect it from others.

"But after getting rejected, I was much more conscious of my smile because I actually wanted to cry. However, I continued faking the smile because I didn't know what facial expression I should have worn. By still conscious, I mean I could still think... So, I was just standing there hours and hours doing nothing but wore a faking smile... like an idiot... "

I really want to know: are you exaggerating the 'hours and hours,' or not? If you are, and it was really just some minutes, I'm in the get therapy camp. If not, there might be something wrong with you, something neurological like catalepsy, along with hormonal problems! How are we to know the truth? You need to be exact here.