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View Full Version : Ruined my relationship with my best friend


tommy36062
Aug 23, 2013, 11:48 AM
Well I met this girl at my athletics club ( I'm 14 and she's 13 ) and we instantly clicked. Later on I began talking to her of Facebook, and I learned a lot about her past and how she has had a terrible up bringing filled with pain and grief. We began talking every once in a while, but then it became a regular thing; until it became a daily thing. Every day we would dedicate at least 3 hours a day too just chatting with each other. This has been happening for about 6 months now, and we've become really close friends. We both say that we love each other like family, and say that family is forever when something goes wrong. She was the first person I would ever turn too, and vice versa. Anyway she met this guy at her drama group and fell in love with him. She kept talking to me about him, and I said that those two should go out. So they both became really close friends, and obviously fancy each other; and one day, she told me about a perfect day with him. And something inside me snapped, I realised that I actually really liked this girl and that I wanted too be in the other guys place.
I didn't want too listen, and I was in a state of shock and pain; so I told her that I needed a break from talking with her, and she cracked up. She began crying her eyes out and asking why? And all I said was that it was for her own protection. I never realised until that day how much she cared about me. But we parted ways. A week later I said that I was wrong, and that it was too painful staying away. We had a talk and I could tell she was very upset about me leaving her. But we moved past it. However, every time we talk; I can tell that things won't return too the way they where. And what disappoints me is my own cowardice and how much love we held for each other, wasted! But we both act like it never happened. My question is, does she really care about me and has moved on? Or will we remain apart forever? I just want my sister back really!
I'm seriously not a troll, I honestly have forced myself into the most awkward position!

N0help4u
Aug 23, 2013, 11:53 AM
Only time will tell. One thing, you can not come between her and the guy she is with. You laid your cards on the table. Take your relationship as is or get out of the way.

joypulv
Aug 23, 2013, 03:10 PM
Things like this are difficult enough when you are 30, but at 14? This is why it's best not to get so involved in one person, to the tune of 3 hours a day. You are supposed to be learning about relationships in groups of friends. In theory. I know, easy for me to say...

Continue to be honest. Nothing is final except death. Force yourself to curb your wish to jump in between her and the boyfriend. What are the odds they will last? But don't be her surrogate mother/brother/therapist either. It's a fine line between 'being there' as a friend and being a martyr. Sit down, think, and decide. Plan what to say and do. Then do the right thing, whatever you know inside it is.

WisperWill70
Aug 31, 2013, 09:43 AM
She deserves to know why you wrenched yourself out of her life, though. It's unfair to not tell her why or what the whole "it's for your protection" is all about. Basically you're leaving her to protect YOURSELF and the strangeness when you talk is because a new expectation has entered your mind about her -- you feel weird... and she is confused.

Now you're very very young and you're dealing with a huge issue as best you can! Wow, you're quite an amazing person to be so advanced and have such insight into your own heart and be so mature. It takes adults years to learn boundaries and how to communicate with each other.. you're getting a head start!

If you really love her and think of her as a friend/sister then you will be able to put aside your romantic feelings and accept her and not abandon her just because it's hurtful for YOU.
Think about how being a "coward" is not doing either of you any favours either. Be honest and use that amazing intellect to just let her know where you are at. Don't use your fear of rejection as a shield. You won't ask her to forget other guys or not have a boyfriend, or to choose you, but you can say "one of the reasons I did what I did was because I've been hurting and jealous because I have feelings for you above and beyond our friendship and our feelings of being like family. I didn't know what to do or say or how to handle it. I don't expect you to change or want to do anything about this - I just want to work on the friendship with you and let you have your life because you're young and so am I"

I know this next part will sound inaccurate to you, as a mature and deeply feeling guy, but you're young and you want to let there be some SPACE and less intensity about your love for this girl. You don't need to be online with each other 24/7 or chatting constantly or in the throes of deep, committed love... make sure you are giving her the space and freedom to be a young teen and find out what life is about and that you are giving YOURSELF the space to do that too. She should see guys, you should see girls. I was a brooding poet too when I was your age, and thought about life from the perspective of someone MUCH older than my years, so I can relate. But take my advice, -- she might just want to be a kid! Have boyfriends, not have serious relationships... and that's EXACTLY right. Neither should you.. . be light with your love and you'll be ready to really tackle relationship as you get older from having done so.

tommy36062
Aug 31, 2013, 03:46 PM
I highly appreciate the time you've taken out of your own day too try and help me with my problems, and you will be pleased to know that everything you have advised, I have done. I told her about my feelings for her, and she accepted them and knows what I did was only for myself. But she forgave me because she is a wonderful person! We have recovered from the incident, and my cowardness. We are closer, but I am also grateful for the advice of giving her space, I shall aim to do this because it has everyone's interests at heart; except I forgot too mention this poor girl suffers from depression, anxiety and insomnia. So for her to forgive me is truly incredible!
Also thank you for the compliment about my mental age and maturity, I take pride in what I've learnt about myself. Again thank you for the help, and I have carried out all of your advice!