I’m 25 years old lesbian and my ex is 24. After 4 years of being together and living with each other she began to be extremely distant with me not being intimate or having sex with me for months. I finally started begging and begging for her to tell me what was going on. I wanted to know the truth did she fall out of love with me? Is she interested in someone else? But she would never admit it.

Finally two weeks ago she broke it off with me saying that she just wanted to do her own thing and let me do my own thing. That she just wanted to be alone and not be with anyone. I asked her why she was pushing me away that we could fix it if she tries with me but she refused. She got all prettied up and left. But it turned out she went to hang out with one of our mutual friends.

I kept asking if there was someone else and she denied it. She ignored me and slept on the couch while I slept in the room. She would be texting people all night and saying she’s just texting her cousins. I begged her to work it out but she said no. One night while I was at work she texted me asking if I was coming home because she was going out and was going to have people at the apartment, but when I got to the apartment she was laying on the couch watching a movie she hadn’t moved all night.

I finally got tired of sulking and decided to go out. I went to dinner with my family but did not tell her where I was going. I just got ready. She got furious flipped out on me and when I left she started texting me saying she knew I was going on a date with another girl that I’m screwing someone else and all of this non sense. When I got home from dinner I sat down and asked her what she wanted. She told me she wanted to take it slow and start over. So I said OK.

For three days we were perfectly fine she kissed me held me told me she was in love with me that she wanted to be with me forever, I told her the same, she said she’d be vulnerable with me and I agreed.

On Thursday last week I left my Facebook logged in on my laptop. She looked through my messages and saw that I was talking to my friend about her... basically venting to her. I admit I said hurtful things. So when I got home from work she was back to doing the same things she was doing before, laying on the couch texting and ignoring me. I asked her what was wrong and she told me what she saw and she said she was angry mad and hurt. I told her I was sorry for what I said but it wasn’t enough.

On Friday she packed a bag and went to a party and didn’t come back to the apartment until Monday. She texted me at work saying we need.to talk. When I sat down and talked to her she told me we can’t be together that she loves and cares for me but isn’t in love with me and feels nothing for me. That she’s moving out in November. That she went on two dates that it’s too late to fix the relationship. She wants to be single and alone, I begged her to fix it that we could fix it. But she said she didn’t want to fix it she just wants to walk away. She told me to stop loving her, stop caring about her, stop hurting because it’s not worth it. I asked her if she was lying about how she said she felt about me just a week ago. She said no but that she’s so angry about what I said. I begged to fix it again. She said no that she didn’t want to be with anyone. She told me she was going to go on a trip with the girl she went on the dates with.

I told her I wanted her to move out ASAP. She said if this is what you want, then I’m done. And I said aren’t you already done? She said yup. And that’s it. She accuses me of talking texting and hooking up with other girls but it’s untrue. Then she says she doesn’t care. She says she doesn’t care about anything and just wants to be alone. I just want her to move out so I could make things easier and begin healing. It’s so hard to see her face and want to hold her and tell her I want to be with her and love her but she’s pushing everyone away. Any advice?

I told her I wanted to move out asap.
What's stopping you from moving. You say you want to move then go on to say ''I just want her to move out so I could make things easier and begin healing''. So is she under the impression you are the one moving?

This is a doomed relationship. No advise other than her moving out and you moving on.

I have the same question as NoHelp. In one part you say you're moving out, then you say you want her to move out.

If you cannot be in the same home with her until November, then move out. I'm assuming your rent, and that the lease is in both of your names until November? Is that why she has to wait until then to move out?

Bottom line, she was hurt, and she's moving on. I do agree that you two shouldn't be forced to live with each other now that you're no longer together, but if she's willing and you're not, it's your issue. You'll have to be the one to leave, and pay any fines associated with leaving early.

As for the relationship, you hurt her, she hurt you. You're willing to forgive, she isn't. There are some things you can't just forgive and forget, especially when the relationship is rocky to begin with. Sounds like this was the straw that broke the camels back for her. Time for you to accept that it's over.

Good luck.

I told her i wanted to move out asap.
Whats stopping you from moving. You say you want to move then go on to say ''I just want her to move out so i could make things easier and begin healing''. So is she under the impression you are the one moving?


Sorry I meant to say I wanted HER to move out apartments under my name

Sorry i meant to say i wanted HER to move out apartments under my name

If the apartments in your name only, then ask her to leave now. You shouldn't have to live with her until November. She broke it off, so she has to move on.

If the apartment is in your name, depending on where you live, you may have to formally evict her if she won't leave voluntarily.

If the apartment is in your name, depending on where you live, you may have to formally evict her if she won't leave voluntarily.

Good point. That's something I didn't think of. Especially since she has already stated she wants to stay until November. A formal eviction may be the only way to get her out, and that can take time. In the meantime, the OP will be stuck with her.

In fact, November may be sooner than a formal eviction would take. :(

Most evictions in the US take 30 days or less.

Most evictions in the US take 30 days or less.

This may be a question the OP should ask on the legal forum. I'm not by any means a legal expert on US laws. My question would be, can a roommate serve an eviction notice? What would be the grounds? If the ex girlfriend is paying rent, and not causing trouble, wouldn't it be harder to evict her? Wouldn't it take longer if there were no grounds for eviction?

Most evictions in the US take 30 days or less.

Please show me cites.

In most evictions you have to give a 30 day notice to evict. If the tenant does not leave during that time, then it goes to court. Court, depending on dockets can take weeks to months.

But I'm sure you already know that.

Please show me cites.

In most evictions you have to give a 30 day notice to evict. If the tenant does not leave during that time, then it goes to court. Court, depending on dockets can take weeks to months.

But I'm sure you already know that.

That's what I was thinking, but like I said, I don't know US laws, so I wasn't sure enough to post definitively about it.

Most states that I have ever looked up are 3 to 15 days notice to quit. Then the court process usually gives 10 to 20 days for full eviction (unless maybe appealed). I see there are about twice as many states than I thought that take over 30 days - which are approximately 16 states.

I agree that the relationship does not sound as though there is anything that can be done to fix it.

Talking the talk, and walking the walk are two different things when it comes to commitment, and even when both parties are willing to work toward overcoming huge barriers (trust because of one party in your case, cheating), it takes two people on the same page.

As hard as it is, until you resolve the living arrangements, you will find yourself in a position of constant upset.

Find out what you have to do by speaking to your landlord, as he/she might be able to help steer you in the direction to solving the issue of her being legally forced to leave the apartment. Or, do your own research and find out what you need to do, where you live.

Even starting to make enquiries may prompt her to move, as she will be feeling the stress and pressure as well. She will also know you are serious.

In the meanwhile, all you can do is make the best of a bad situation.

I agree that this relationship is not going to work out, and the best thing you can do for yourself is regain your independence. Then you can start to plan a better future for yourself.

Best of luck to you.

Be careful here and read your lease as she my have needed permission to move in with you, and you both can be evicted for not adding here name to the lease.

I know this is a highly charged situation and going from lovers to roommates so unexpectedly presents many emotional problems especially the ones who still has feeling and wanted to keep working on it. "Divorce" is like that whether you are officially married or not. So if you want her out give her the notice and follow the rules now. Get a free consultation and find out what the rules are and start the process. That's what I would do, but be aware that while you have rights, so will she, and you are likely to have to cope with whatever her legal time to move is and it's going to be painful for sure.

No breakup is smooth, or painless. So step back and get the facts about your rights, while she finds another place to go. This is no time for needy emotions, but well informed decision to best handle your business first, and cry later.