We're both 24, and in grad school. We were friends for a while, and then we started dating. We dated for about a month and a half(no sex, he didn't try at all). We did the typical things - movies, dinner, etc. He has a VERY blunt personality and manner of speaking (for example - he invited me over to his home on one date, and flat out told me that he was not inviting me because he was trying to have sex with me, and he was being honest). He does lack a little tact in general, and doesn't seem to work well with or understand feelings.I also knew he had very little experience in relationships. In fact, he's only had 1 girlfriend and the relationship only lasted 3 months.

When we first started dating, he knew I'd just gotten out of a relationship and asked what I was looking for. I told him a relationship - and he said it "took him a while to get there and make up his mind" about something like that. Thinking he obviously needed time to get to know me better, I agreed that this made sense. In reality, I think he meant he didn't even really know if he wanted a relationship.

Anyway, as far as I could tell, we had a great time together and a great connection. Out of nowhere, he called me one day and said that the way things were going, he felt that it was leading to "something" and he didn't think he could "commit to anything" and didn't want to hurt me. He also mentioned that he really does have feelings for me, and also got me a birthday gift (my birthday was over 2 months away at the time). Since I was shocked, I just said that was fine and got off the phone. For the next two months, I didn't call/text him, and he didn't contact me either. I assumed that most likely, he was just turning me down politely and that he didn't like me after dating me for a while. But since he is so blunt, part of me thought he might have been genuine. Either way, I let it go.

Yesterday, the day before our new semester begins, and about 2 weeks before my birthday, he texted me asking which professor I had for some class. I responded, and he sent me photos of 3 of his paintings, asking me which one I'd like for my birthday gift (so I guess he still remembered my birthday). I told him he didn't have to give me anything, but he responded that he wanted to, and that I should accept one of the paintings. So, I said thanks and picked one of the pieces. That was around 11pm on Monday, and he didn't respond to my text until midnight on Tuesday (this is unlike him, he usually responds in an hour or 2 at the most). I sent him a text back tonight around 7pm (yes I intentionally delayed answering because he took so long to responds) and kept it at "ok thank you." I assume he'll have to text back at some point to arrange for us to meet.

I'm just confused - I never once contacted him after he told me he didn't want a relationship. He contacted me... and now I can't figure out why? Is he just trying to be friends? Or is he possibly trying to show that he was genuine about having feelings for me, but he just isn't ready for a relationship? I'm confused and not sure what to do. It just seems strange that he'd not only remember my birthday after all this time, but offer to give me one of his paintings. If he was just not into me, then why bother reaching out to give me a gift after 2 months? We weren't really close friends prior to dating. I'm just lost and don't get it anymore.

Ask him, only he knows why, if you were friends, or are friends, it is OK to ask what he wants.

He also may not know for sure, and have commitment issues

You guys are not kids. Why don't you ask him?
This " I ddn't call him back. he didn't respond until later so I didn't; respond until later" business is juvenile. Go out for coffee and talk. Tell him you are confused about what's going on. He'll know where you are coming from and hopefully you will find out what his deal is.

Maybe he had second thoughts and wants to pick up where you left off and see where it goes.

I've tried that. Way back when we first started talking, things got messy because my ex wanted to get back together. At that time, he backed off (obviously) and told me he wasn't looking for anything because he had a lot of personal things going on.

After a few more months passed by (I had no interest in my ex), he started contacting me again and we dated for that month and a half - he never brought up the ex situation and I let it go. We talked right when we first started dating, and he told me he needed time to think and I said OK. Then, AGAIN, he's the one who backed out and said he wasn't able to give me a relationship, and again went 2 months without talking to me.

It's like a vicious cycle. Now, he's again contacting me about my birthday - I haven't contacted him once or pushed him for anything since he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I feel like if I talk to him now that he's opening up communication again, he's going to disappear again.

I know this sounds like an obvious case to cut the guy off, but I really mean it when I say there is something about him that is making it really hard for me to just move on and stop responding to him completely.

I've tried to let him take the lead since he's the one who is uncomfortable and going back and forth constantly. I feel stupid bringing anything up, because I already feel like everything was much more important to me than it ever was to him - and I don't want to bring it up if it's not even an issue for him anymore.

I could be overreacting. I just think that now that he's opened up communication again and is trying to at the very least, do something nice by giving me a gift, that if I bring up that touchy conversation, he's just going to bail again.

I know this sounds like a clear case of "then cut his off," but for some reason I just can't.

Well do you want to continue this dance with him? You need to tell him that you care about him but you're tired of the back and forth. Tell him if he wants a relationship, that's good and you'll work toward that, but if this is another one of his dances, you're done.
At some point you have to take a stand and stop allowing him to do this with you. Do it or don't complain because at this point you are volunteering to be treated this way.

You really are going to have to ask him his intent. Maybe he soul searched and realized that you mean more to him than he had realized. Maybe in the past he felt he wasn't ready for a bf/gf relationship because he may have felt he needed to work on himself as a person. You can not contact him and always second guess and get opinions or you can get in touch with him and ask what his intentions are and where would he like to see any friendship with you going.