Hey guys this will be a long question so hang on please. I really need help.

I am 17 and may be forced out of home. I am currently living in with my mum and sister. My sister is recently been made autistic so my mum is a carer as she is in need of 24/7 committed care. My dad does not live with us and has to pay us money, but the government ed up and he now has to pay half the amount as his partner has kids, this way my mum can't afford to have me home any more. She is going to move in with her girlfriend as she has no way to afford a house on her own. I am frantically looking for a job to help her but here in the uk is almost impossible. So now she wants me to move in with my boyfriend. Me and him have been together a year now and he has hit heart of my family. My dad has asked him to marry me and my mum obviously trusts him enough to ship his daughter to him. But I am not sure if I am ready to be away 100% from family. Not only that, his flat is a no pets place and I cannot live without my cat, I myself have bad depression and have used my cat to help me get through the most difficult situations ever. I am really stuck, mum said if I don't move in with him she will put me into a lodging. I have spent the last 6 months every night with him and wouldn't want it any other way. I am independent as I have been from the age of 10 knowing how to cook a healthy meal, clean after myself and to work.

I honestly feel rather pushed out as I cannot live with my father as his girlfriend is a wicked witch and refuses to let me back in the house and he will not make her change her mind. Should I just accept I am old enough to be on my own. My biggest fear is having no money and having to rely souly on him. That makes me feel very insecure and isn't nice.

Why can't you live with your mum and sister?

Is her girlfriends place too small to move all of you into or is it just the fact that your mom isn't receiving enough money to support you?

Why can't you live with your mum and sister?



Money and also they are going to live in a place with no room and also she is a danger to me as she has attempted to kill me multiple times.

You 'aren't ready' to leave home, with a mother who tries to kill you?
Call social services or the nearest Connexions and tell them the story.
Meanwhile sneak the cat into your bf's flat. Keep it indoors away from windows for a while while you sort this out. Go back and forth between your father and your boyfriend. Stay out of your father's gf's way! AVOID her if you want your father's support.
At 17, you have to be on your own anyway, if parents say so.

What kind of help do you want? We can offer suggestions but that is all. Physical help is out of the question.

You didn't say in your original post that your dads new partner 'tried to kill you multiple times'. Why ?

How did she try to do this? And how hard you trying to find a job?

It looks like it is the mom or the autistic sister that tried to kill her.

You 'aren't ready' to leave home, with a mother who tries to kill you?
Call social services or the nearest Connexions and tell them the story.
Meanwhile sneak the cat into your bf's flat. Keep it indoors away from windows for a while while you sort this out. Go back and forth between your father and your bf. Stay out of your father's gf's way! AVOID her if you want your father's support.
At 17, you have to be on your own anyway, if parents say so.

It's not mum, my mum would never do harm its my mentally disabled sister who does.

What kind of help do you want? We can offer suggestions but that is all. Physical help is out of the question.

You didn't say in your original post that your dads new partner 'tried to kill you multiple times'. Why ?

How did she try to do this? And how hard you trying to find a job?

No it's my sister. She also can't get done as she isn't a danger to society. As it is in the home. And I am really hard. But I keep getting told I am too young.

Right quick update. Mum wants to put me in a house sit. I still have no job. Still a chance of living with the boyf. But there has been no further action or talk as I am on holiday at my dads.

Surely the right kind of help is not being sought for your sister; she is violent, but 'not a danger to society', which is only partially an incorrect classification for her. Social Services is not being consulted? You are in the UK, right? If so, you have socialized medicine so money is not a problem to access the proper authorities and care.

Does your sister get any in-home care from nursing, physio ?

I gave you some concrete, immediate suggestions and you ignored all of them.

No problem, you are now going to university in a few weeks, all problem with where to live solved

No it's my sister.
Autistics are not killers. There must be something else wrong with her.

What kind of help do you want? We can offer suggestions but that is all. Physical help is out of the question.

You didn't say in your original post that your dads new partner 'tried to kill you multiple times'. Why ?

How did she try to do this? And how hard you trying to find a job?

Most help I want is suggestions on how to get by on my own. :(

I'm starting to get really annoyed. FOR THE THIRD TIME

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Surely the right kind of help is not being sought for your sister; she is violent, but 'not a danger to society', which is only partially an incorrect classification for her. Social Services is not being consulted? You are in the UK, right? If so, you have socialized medicine so money is not a problem to access the proper authorities and care.

Does your sister get any in-home care from nursing, physio ?

We have had the social over all the time they don't do anything :/ She refuses to take meds as she thinks we are poisoning her.

I'm starting to get really annoyed. FOR THE THIRD TIME

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Yes and I am trying to reply I have no idea how this site works and I don't get online much. Be patient.

Right. My sister. There is no way around the way she is. We have had, police, social workers, paramedics. No one is going to do anything about her.
My mum doesn't accept responsibility for the way she is and doesn't have any disaplin.
With me moving out. I will go to my boyfriend. I am admittedly scared. And mainly put the status up here to find out people's experiences and also to find out if there is any funding that I can get.

Surely the right kind of help is not being sought for your sister; she is violent, but 'not a danger to society', which is only partially an incorrect classification for her. Social Services is not being consulted? You are in the UK, right? If so, you have socialized medicine so money is not a problem to access the proper authorities and care.

Does your sister get any in-home care from nursing, physio ?


No. My sister is down on file capable of making her own disisions. But she refuses to talk to people. When professionals come into the house she ignores them. Or scremes in there face to "f" off and then she goes in her room and doesn't come down for days. Social services will not get involved as its in the home and not in public.

Your sister is not your concern now. You can't live with her anyway.
I'm sorry she got all the attention, and that you feel in a sense abandoned and pushed out (hope I'm not putting words in your mouth).
We don't always get to choose our battles, and this is one that was thrust on you.
PLEASE contact Connexions and your school regarding any possible financial aid, but it's probably too late for this fall, only a month away.

Your sister is not your concern now. You can't live with her anyway.
I'm sorry she got all the attention, and that you feel in a sense abandoned and pushed out (hope I'm not putting words in your mouth).
We don't always get to choose our battles, and this is one that was thrust on you.
PLEASE contact Connexions and your school regarding any possible financial aid, but it's probably too late for this fall, only a month away.


Okay I will do, they haven't helped much before but okay.

I don't understand some of your terminology.. a "house sit"? And how does your sister "get recently made autistic"? Recently diagnosed AS autistic? And she attempted to kill you and she is still allowed to live in the home. Something is missing from this entire scenario. Someone with violent tendencies like that would usually be institutionalized. Not allowed to live at home if she were that much of a physical threat. You are still a dependent of your mother. And a minor. Like I say, something is wrong with this story.

@Handyman. You too, eh ? I think OP is in the UK, lots of better agencies there then in the US and socialized medicine so no money issues on getting help that way either. Yes, I agree with you. It doesn't add up to anything plausible, but probably would if we knew the whole story outright.

It doesnt add up to anything plausible, but probably would if we knew the whole story outright.
Some children with autism do have bad temper tantrums that can stick with them as they get older and can make those young people almost unmanageable. I wonder if that's the case with her sister. Yes, we need to know more.

I got that impression too that the temper tantrums are one of the big issues. She could be having them worse with the OP around.