Okay, so here is a little back story on me and my just recently ex boyfriend.. we are the same age, 23, and he lives in California, and I live in Oklahoma.. we met online in October.. and we talked everyday and formed a bond and grew to actually loving each other.. we would say to each other I love you before even having met.. we grew so strong and full of love.. it wasn't about the physical aspect..

In May I flew to California to see him for the first time ever.. the trip was amazing and couldn't have gone better, I met his family and we hit it off.. when it was time for me to come back to Oklahoma, it was very hard.. at the airport we both cried before having to part ways.. it took a toll on us, to say the least. After I got back things continued as normal.. we continued to grow in love and became even more close. He flew here for a weekend to visit me in June.. and that trip was great also. Short but great.

In July he came to visit for a much longer trip (6 days) before he got here we had been fighting a little bit.. we both had come to the realization that we have some issues that we need to work on.. he is very prideful and stubborn and has problems with communicating.. where as I have bad trust issues and anxiety.. and I'm very self-conscience.. these issues had caused to get into some fights.. on his July trip.. it was going good.. but we ended up having another fight due to the issues I listed above.. and we actually broke up.. the very next morning however everything was talked about and we decided to stay together and work on things.. the rest of the trip went great.. when he had to leave.. again it was another heartbreaking moment for us both.. we both cried and were very upset. It wasn't easy.. to say the least. The next day he was back home.. and he decided to go out.. alone, he says. The way he presented it was not actually what really happened.. he ended up staying out all night long, and before he had made it seem that this was just going to be a few hours type of thing.. this caused my trust/anxiety issues to flare back up.. which in turn caused us to fight.. he then said he needed space.. so after this we didn't speak for 2 days.. but in all honesty.. the whole thing seemed very off and sketchy to me.. the way it was presented was just... off.. but back on point, we didn't talk for 2 days and at the end of the 2nd day.. he made contact.. we didn't actually get a chance to talk until the next evening.. and we talked for several hours.. during this talk. He flat out told me he wanted to be with me.. and that he missed me.

The next day, it was a Monday.. and I woke up just feeling very odd and sort of sick to my stomach. I had a bad feeling.. I texted him, but he was asleep.. and ended up calling me later at my work..

He told me that he still loves me,and that I have his heart and will always be in his heart, but that he thinks our relationship needs to come to a stop for now.. and then he added that he wasn't saying that this is a "permanent thing" but he thinks that we need to focus on our issues before moving forward.
After that we didn't talk to rest of the day.. the next day a small amount of texting happened.. where he told me that he does love me, but we need to focus on ourselves and become one with ourselves before moving forward together and becoming one together.. I am a complete mess.

After that we went 2 days without talking, and then he texted me on the 3rd day of silence asking I fi had called him because he received a call from a # with my area code.. it wasn't me that called (but when he was here on his last visit, we entered our names into a raffle and it was acutally them calling him) after I cleared it up that it wasn't me calling, we had some minor chit chat.. and it lead to him asking me if I was out partying.. (it was very late here when we were texting this) I didn't full on answer him yes or no, because I felt like.. I needed to play that whole "mysterious" role.. the next morning.. he texted me asking me if I miss him... all I said back was "of course".. I was sure emotionally how to play this.. then a few hours later.. he texted me back saying "same here, i do think about you, and hope youre doing well with everything"... after reading this I didn't know what to say because I'm NOT doing well.. I'm devastated. So I let the text be for a day and didn't write back.. I ended up writing back the next day.. and I sent him a very long message.. just explaining to him how I don't feel us being broken up is the right thing and that we are supposed to be working through our issues together, not separetly.. just basically told him no.. I'm not "doing well" in fact, quite the opposite.. I still haven't heard anything back and I sent this text yesterday.. in all honestly I have a feeling I won't hear back.. its just the whole thing is confusing.. its like he's telling me he wants out.. but then I know how much love we have and I can see he still feels it too...

Any advice on this would be great. Thanks!

You are right working through things together is how to work out provlems. BUT you are Long distance so how can you really work things out? He can say what he feels you.want to hear but how can you prove anything? You can say you are over jealousy until you see him with another girl. Its just all too iffy.

Yeah but I don't think he would've just told me what I want to hear.. if he were done he'd flat out say, I'm done.. and not to mention, all the signals that have been given off after the break up are so confusing.. its like he wants out because it is getting too hard, but then he is emotionally conflicted about it.

Even if he doesn't want it to be over circumstances can make it over. You can try and hang on and see where it goes.

So from here on out do I just go by the NC rule? I'm worried ill never hear from him again.. which I would hate.. this whole thing just feels wrong..

That's what I'm saying you need to either ride it out and see where it goes. But you are getting these gut instincts. So it may just be simpler to just get on with your life at home. Long distance is hard. If you keep him as a friend or if you see where things go you could end up being hurt more than you would like. It's a gamble.

I'm thinking this 10 or so month long distant relationship has run it's course as far as he is concerned. That he would rather have a relationship with someone he can see and be with on a regular basis. I always say trust your gut, if something feels "not right" it probably isn't.
If you don't hear form him get on with your life. LDR are hard. Have a with someone you can see and build a relationship with.

I'm thinking this 10 or so month long distant relationship has run it's course as far as he is concerned. That he would rather have a relationship with someone he can see and be with on a regular basis. I always say trust your gut, if something feels "not right" it probably isn't.
If you don't hear form him get on with your life. LDR are hard. Have a with someone you can see and build a relationship with.


Homegirl, what leads you to believe that it has run its course?

Conversations dwindling down. Arguing, him acting more distant,.

Read the last half of your post. He is either conflicted or he wants out. The "love can conquer all" part of this LDR has run it's course. He is questioning it. He makes good points if they are sincere. He may want someone he can see and be with or maybe he has met someone he is interested in. Regardless you need to consider that this may be over.

conversations dwindling down. arguing, him acting more distant,......


But I just don't understand.. because when he told me on the phone that he wanted to come to a stop, I could hear him getting choked up on the other end... and also just because of all the emotions.. like when we had to part ways at the airport.. we literally just cried and kissed.. we really didn't want to be apart.. I just don't understand. This is a man that I talked marriage with.. I was even going to move to California next year.. I just completely hit out of nowhere...

Read the the last half of your post. He is either conflicted or he wants out. The "love can conquer all" part of this LDR has run it's course. He is questioning it. He makes good points if they are sincere. He may want someone he can see and be with or maybe he has met someone he is interested in. Regardless you need to consider that this may be over.



I see what you're saying.. I really don't believe that there is someone else involved though.. before me, he had been single for a year.. by choice, he's not the type to go from girl to girl.. I'm just so confused.

These types of relationships are hard and maybe he does love you but does not want to keep it going. I'm was not saying he goes from girl to girl, but he could have met someone he can see a future with. Someone he can see on a regular basis.

I want to be short and say to you that I have been where you are... with my husband, and another country at that. I am from the point of 'if I could have done... ' It's time for you to be the pro-active person. If there are any other messages, it should be yours. Stating that you need to be sure you are with someone whom is committed to a relationship. You want friendship for now but not a relationship. If he were to return to you now this would be repeated and the relationship would be unequal. Later down the road, you would feel as if it had been forced and the feelings that are inside you now (insecurities, jealousies, etc) would only grow in time. I know how painful this is; I absolutely know that. You need to put yourself first; for both of you. If you create the distance and go on with life for awhile you will have the answer of how he feels soon enough; you will either hear from him or you won't. Don't close the chapter and maintain distant messaging, etc but as friends. Don't ever accept less then everything you deserve. Long distance is very difficult; my husband and I did this with 5 month separations at a time for some years and I faced the point you are at right now. It will hurt more later if you put all this into the relationship and do not have the same treatment from him.