meuler
Jul 28, 2013, 08:13 PM
Okay...
I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 6 years, beginning when we were freshmen in college. After graduation, I deployed overseas for a year but when I returned, our relationship was great, just as I'd left it. However, after being home for a couple months I went away again for training for five months, and we had very limited contact (2-3 letters and 1-2 phone calls a month). During this time, my girlfriend completed 2 graduate internships in 2 different states. It was during the second one that I suspected something was amiss. Whenever I called her she would talk about how much she loved her work, and how well she got along with her coworkers and wished she could work there permanently. This was not yet a huge deal, I just noticed she did not mention that she missed me as much as she had whenever we had been apart in the past. However, when I went on leave I noticed immediately that things were seriously wrong. I tried to surprise her at her apartment on a week night, but she ended up being out with friends and when she had to drive back to let me in to her place, she seemed less than thrilled to see me even though it had been several months since we'd last been together. I stayed with her for a week, and the whole time she never initiated physical contact of any kind (constantly claimed to be sick/tired) and would pull away whenever I tried to be intimate or affectionate. At night she would go into her room and go straight to sleep without asking when/if I was coming to bed. Whenever I mentioned taking a vacation or trip somewhere, she would give only a lukewarm response without committing to anything. While she always acted nice and polite, it was clear that she was regarding me as some sort of friend who's overstayed their welcome. I drove her home to her parents house for a weekend, and found out she already planned to fly back to her place alone... she had not even asked if I wanted to come back with her or when I was visiting her next, which was the first time in our relationship that that has ever happened. Finally, the day before she was scheduled to fly back, I straight up asked her if she was happy with our relationship. After a halfhearted 'yes', she broke down and admitted she was not sure of how she felt anymore because I'd been gone so long, claiming that because we had been together for so long at such a young age, she never had time to 'grow into herself', and wanted a break. I agreed to it, not wanting to lose her or scare her off because I care deeply about her and had planned on spending the rest of my life with her. I am trying to respect her space, but the uncertainty of things is killing me. I altered my education and career based on the understanding that after my deployment and her graduate work, we would be permanently moving in together, and now I am stuck living with my parents in relationship limbo while she decides where she is at in her life. I resolved to give her another week or so, and then I am going to request we do a face-to-face and work this issue out, for better or worse as I feel she owes me an explanation. Any thoughts/advice on the situation? Thanks...
I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 6 years, beginning when we were freshmen in college. After graduation, I deployed overseas for a year but when I returned, our relationship was great, just as I'd left it. However, after being home for a couple months I went away again for training for five months, and we had very limited contact (2-3 letters and 1-2 phone calls a month). During this time, my girlfriend completed 2 graduate internships in 2 different states. It was during the second one that I suspected something was amiss. Whenever I called her she would talk about how much she loved her work, and how well she got along with her coworkers and wished she could work there permanently. This was not yet a huge deal, I just noticed she did not mention that she missed me as much as she had whenever we had been apart in the past. However, when I went on leave I noticed immediately that things were seriously wrong. I tried to surprise her at her apartment on a week night, but she ended up being out with friends and when she had to drive back to let me in to her place, she seemed less than thrilled to see me even though it had been several months since we'd last been together. I stayed with her for a week, and the whole time she never initiated physical contact of any kind (constantly claimed to be sick/tired) and would pull away whenever I tried to be intimate or affectionate. At night she would go into her room and go straight to sleep without asking when/if I was coming to bed. Whenever I mentioned taking a vacation or trip somewhere, she would give only a lukewarm response without committing to anything. While she always acted nice and polite, it was clear that she was regarding me as some sort of friend who's overstayed their welcome. I drove her home to her parents house for a weekend, and found out she already planned to fly back to her place alone... she had not even asked if I wanted to come back with her or when I was visiting her next, which was the first time in our relationship that that has ever happened. Finally, the day before she was scheduled to fly back, I straight up asked her if she was happy with our relationship. After a halfhearted 'yes', she broke down and admitted she was not sure of how she felt anymore because I'd been gone so long, claiming that because we had been together for so long at such a young age, she never had time to 'grow into herself', and wanted a break. I agreed to it, not wanting to lose her or scare her off because I care deeply about her and had planned on spending the rest of my life with her. I am trying to respect her space, but the uncertainty of things is killing me. I altered my education and career based on the understanding that after my deployment and her graduate work, we would be permanently moving in together, and now I am stuck living with my parents in relationship limbo while she decides where she is at in her life. I resolved to give her another week or so, and then I am going to request we do a face-to-face and work this issue out, for better or worse as I feel she owes me an explanation. Any thoughts/advice on the situation? Thanks...