My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 9 months now, we both know we love each other so much and both willing to work for the relationship no matter what. We argue about petty things but we always make to resolve it before the day ends but also I tried breaking up with him as my defense mechanism sometimes when I get really upset and never agrees to it. He always say cool off from relationship doesn't work for him.

I must admit I'm a jealous type of person. I trust my boyfriend until the issue of him hiring secretaries whom I've never seen before, which he claims are new friends of his brother but these two women now live in their townhouse. I got paranoid, I questioned him a lot, I doubted his explanations, I keep bringing up the issue because it bothers me. The thought of him sharing the same house with these women and his brother is driving me nuts no matter how he explains that these are his brother's friends and they only work for their company. I broke up with him, we became okay but I'm still hurt.

I instigated the fight again. He explained things but there were some inconsistencies. He even asked permission one time that he'll be going out with his brother and these two girls to have dinner and movie but really means nothing. He always says he really love me that much and he's working his *** off so we could be together sooner, and that I am part all of his future plans. He begged me not to do the break up and suggested solutions to the extent of seeking help and counseling from a psychologist or psychiatrist for both of us and reassured me that I'm his only one he can't cheat on me but my mind was closed until we end up arguing again and he finally agreed and he said enough he's being hurt too much and lost his patience with me.

He said we have to rest from the relationship that I'm getting jealous over nothing, I'm malicious and paranoid. I tried to win him back but gave me ultimatum that we will not communicate for 1 month. He will only talk to me after a month and this time it would be his rule. He said if ever he learns, I'm not eating or jeopardizing my health because he knew I lost 2 kgs in no time and I've been depressed, he would prolong the 1 month period for another week and if I text him he would extend 1 day for each text and I agreed to it because obviously I want him back. He said he is too pressured at work as well and he needs to rest.

What does this mean? I need your opinion.

It means No Contact with him for a month, or if you do contact him, he will penalize you each time.

Have you two ever met each other in real life?

I don't believe a word of his story, and I NEVER have said that here before.
Long distance, lives with brother, has to hire 2 secretaries to LIVE with them?
TWO women have to LIVE with TWO men to WORK??
Absolutely not.
Don't even bother talking about it.
Get your friends together and celebrate the fact that you are free of all this nonsense.
And mean it. He wants to save you for later while he has his fun.

Not sure? Hire a PI in his city.

It means No Contact with him for a month, or if you do contact him, he will penalize you each time.

Have you two ever met each other in real life?

Yes we both live in the same city but I work overseas and the last time we were together was last April. That's what I'm doing now not communicating with him at all.


I don't believe a word of his story, and I NEVER have said that here before.
Long distance, lives with brother, has to hire 2 secretaries to LIVE with them?
TWO women have to LIVE with TWO men to WORK????
Absolutely not.
Don't even bother talking about it.
Get your friends together and celebrate the fact that you are free of all this nonsense.
And mean it. He wants to save you for later while he has his fun.

Not sure? Hire a PI in his city.

Yes as what he explained the other girl is now also the "girl" of his brother but the other girl doesn't stay at their house but as I can see on some of the photos of the girl she posts photos that I know are stuff from their house. And a friend of mine has confirmed that's nothing's going on between my boyfriend and those girls only his brother because she has seen them. My boyfriend only trains them on marketing department. But God, they just met these girls few weeks in a bar and yet this is happening already.

So you see the obvious but still want to believe him.
Sigh...

So you see the obvious but still want to believe him.
Sigh...
He's claiming he's telling the truth, his conscience is clear, he believes in karma. He cannot kick off the secretary because it's his brother who hired them and let them stay at their house. He even brought the girl "secretary" to my aunt's house. And the thing is he often visits my family even when I'm abroad.


It means No Contact with him for a month, or if you do contact him, he will penalize you each time.

Have you two ever met each other in real life?
Is it time to move on or wait for1 month?

Do you hear yourself?

Is it time to move on or wait for1 month?
If you wait, what would happen after one month?

If you wait, what would happen after one month?
He said we will talk.


Do you hear yourself?
Yes, confusing because he even spoke to my mother and told about the situation and seeking for help what to do about us.

He said we will talk.
Totally ignore him for a month and do not speak about him to your mother or anyone else. Get your life going apart from him.

Totally ignore him for a month and do not speak about him to your mother or anyone else. Get your life going apart from him.
Thanks, that's what I'll do. It's the 3rd day now since the last time we talked.

Thanks, that's what I'll do. It's the 3rd day now since the last time we talked.
I'm guessing he's sure you can't stay away and will be needy and helpless and jealous. Surprise him (and yourself).

I'm guessing he's sure you can't stay away and will be needy and helpless and jealous. Surprise him (and yourself).
Yeah and maybe don't expect things and prepare myself for whatever happens. It's difficult though because I held on to his promises, he is very nice to my family and friends, he even partnered with my uncle in a business and he said it's all because of me. He said he is hurt because I am accusing him in spite of everything and I don't trust him.

This thread starts with a statement which I do not believe is true: "both know we love each other so much and both willing to work for the relationship no matter what."

This is a false statement. Everything following the word "both" is incorrect.

This thread starts out with a statement which I do not believe is true: "both know we love each other so much and both willing to work for the relationship no matter what."

This is a false statement. Everything following the word "both" is incorrect.

But why? That's what I feel and that's he showed me until the issue came.

I wouldn't put up with his conditions for not one split second. He gets to party with his brother and his female friends while you sit and wait for a talk? Unacceptable!!

To be fair I wouldn't put up with your bad behavior either. You should have dumped him if you don't trust him in the first place.

LOVE?? I don't think so.

I wouldn't put up with his conditions for not one split second. he gets to party with his brother and his female friends while you sit and wait for a talk?? Unacceptable!!!

To be fair I wouldn't put up with your bad behavior either. You should have dumped him if you don't trust him in the first place.

LOVE???? I don't think so.

Things were different then, he had all the time for me and was really I can say the man I have prayed for that's why we lasted for a couple of months and no matter how busy he was he still finds time to communicate with me he calls me everyday and reassured me and yeah he was able to put up with my behavior until I fought him everyday with this issue.

I wish you could re-read everything you wrote here with our eyes. You don't believe him. You just want to believe him because of a very short period of romance that you will never have again.
Don't you realize what's going to happen in a month? You will be glad to talk, glad for any little crumb of love, but you will be full of doubt about all this still, and it will surface every day. You won't be able to have the tiniest disagreement about what to have for dinner without the past creeping into the argument.
Good luck hanging on to this relationship.
I'm not saying he is doing anything with one of the secretaries. I'm saying he shouldn't be living in the same house as them out of concern for your feelings. I don't blame you for not believing him. I do blame you for nagging about it instead of dumping him.

I wish you could re-read everything you wrote here with our eyes. You don't believe him. You just want to believe him because of a very short period of romance that you will never have again.
Don't you realize what's going to happen in a month? You will be glad to talk, glad for any little crumb of love, but you will be full of doubt about all this still, and it will surface every day. You won't be able to have the tiniest disagreement about what to have for dinner without the past creeping into the argument.
Good luck hanging on to this relationship.
I'm not saying he is doing anything with one of the secretaries. I'm saying he shouldn't be living in the same house as them out of concern for your feelings. I don't blame you for not believing him. I do blame you for nagging about it instead of dumping him.
So it could've been better if I dumped him right away instead of wasting my time nagging about it? He did explain that the 2 girls are his brother's new found friends whom he met at bar, whom they accepted as well to work in their company as per his brother's request. The other girl is officially now with his brother as in they share the same room but the other one also stays at their house. He said that he doesn't give a to these people it is his brother who is accountable to them and he said at one point he and his brother fought over this matter because his brother left his girlfriend for this new girl plus even our relationship is being affected already because I was thinking something is going on. He said he doesn't like these girls as well because they show no respect to the ex of his brother who happens to know them.

Oh, please -

Bottom line: he wants you to trust him about something no one in their right mind would trust.
It's a relationship with no hope. You will NEVER be happy. You will ALWAYS wonder.
He doesn't CARE enough about you to change his situation.
He expects you to shut up and wait.
I would have been GONE long ago.
You are hanging on and hanging on to nothing with any promise of a good life.

Bottom line: he wants you to trust him about something no one in their right mind would trust.
It's a relationship with no hope. You will NEVER be happy. You will ALWAYS wonder.
He doesn't CARE enough about you to change his situation.
He expects you to shut up and wait.
I would have been GONE long ago.
You are hanging on and hanging on to nothing with any promise of a good life.

I don't get it why he calls my relatives and asks how I am. And that he reassures them it would be only 1 month space for us.

What a way to keep you on a string, and keep close tab on you, while he can stay on your mind, and it works perfectly. He doesn't have to argue with you, or put up with your nagging crap. While you sit and wonder, hope, and pray and get the full brunt of the blame for this fiasco.

He has made not one concession to your concerns and enjoys his playboy brothers female companions. And you are on punishment for a month. Is that not pathetic?

THANK you talanamian

Wow. Thanks for this enlightenment

This would startle the wits out of me - why is he discussing your personal life with your family?

"I don't get it why he calls my relatives and asks how I am. And that he reassures them it would be only 1 month space for us."

This would startle the wits out of me - why is he discussing your personal life with your family?

"I don't get it why he calls my relatives and asks how I am. And that he reassures them it would be only 1 month space for us."
He really is close to my family. When we fight sometimes he really asks help to my family.

"He really is close to my family. When we fight sometimes he really asks help to my family."

And you are all right with this?

He really is close to my family. When we fight sometimes he really asks help to my family.

And of course they are okay with the charming helpful business man punishing their SPOILED daughter?

And of course they are okay with the charming helpful business man punishing their SPOILED daughter?
Excuse me for that, he just consult sometimes, okay? And he just treats my family as his own but my family don't really meddle with us, nor they tolerate us. They let us decide on our own.

Excuse me for that, he just consult sometimes, okay? And he just treats my family as his own but my family don't really meddle with us, nor they tolerate us. They let us decide on our own.

Taliman what do you mean helpful? Haha. You might think my family is being benefitted? Not a single cent. They are even disproving of the relationship.

"Excuse me for that, he just consult sometimes, okay? And he just treats my family as his own but my family don't really meddle with us, nor they tolerate us. They let us decide on our own."

Let's see, he consults with them but they don't express an opinion and if they did he wouldn't listen to them and they don't interfere.

He could talk to strangers, and it would make more sense.

I am not sure you are reading what you are posting.

"Excuse me for that, he just consult sometimes, okay? And he just treats my family as his own but my family don't really meddle with us, nor they tolerate us. They let us decide on our own."

Let's see, he consults with them but they don't express an opinion and if they did he wouldn't listen to them and they don't interfere.

He could talk to strangers, and it would make more sense.

I am not sure you are reading what you are posting.
It's beyond my control to whomever he wants to ask opinion

"It's beyond my control to whomever he wants to ask opinion"

You don't see that he's playing you, including playing you with your own family?

You are on one month punishment, apparently with your family's knowledge and approval. If you do something he doesn't want you to do/approve of it's extended for another month.

I read something today that John Wayne said - "Life is hard. It's harder when you're stupid." Stupid means unthinking, not a lack of intellilgence.

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 9 months now,

So I take it all this is phone drama?

So I take it all this is phone drama?

I don't know to you.

Even my own family told me to move on already.

"I don't know to you."

What?

"I don't know to you."

What?
Translation: "I don't know. Do you?"

Oh, so it's "Tal's" turn to answer -

I don't know to you.

Even my own family told me to move on already.

If you don't know if this long distant thing you are doing for 9 months is just on line, over the phone, or mostly text, then nobody does and you should forget it.

Your family is right. You seem to be carried away by a fellow who isn't even there.


Oh, so it's "Tal's" turn to answer -

End of turn... for the moment. :)

You need to dump this guy.