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Ayo Blount
Jul 24, 2013, 09:27 AM
I have for the past year began to walk in my calling as Minister but in this process my fiancé has lost his job and things have gotten really tight hard and we are breaking down. I am praying and trying to trust what God's word says but I'm getting tired and ready to throw in the towel and leave the relationship and focus on raising our children and ministry. I don't want to beat someone when they are down because I know the feeling I am just unable to cope when I still have so much to learn and grow from. I am being told to leave and be by yourself but the love in me won't let me I know his potential and I asked for restoration for our family years ago but I had no idea troubles we'd be facing trying to get there. I just want some honest answers on how to handle all of it and lots of prayer

Wondergirl
Jul 24, 2013, 09:31 AM
Ministry with what church body? You are still in school or have a parish? Unmarried? How many children?

joypulv
Jul 24, 2013, 09:47 AM
Many ministers start with jobs. Many ministers fall back on their job skills during hard times. A minister who doesn't have a congregation needs to get a job and be responsible for her children first and foremost. Your calling is second.

dwashbur
Jul 24, 2013, 09:58 AM
Agreed. One of the main qualifications for being a minister is taking care of one's family well. If you don't want to leave him, don't. Get couples counseling. Find a job and enjoy each other. The ministry stuff will happen over time, but family comes first.

Ayo Blount
Jul 24, 2013, 10:11 AM
I'm a youth minister and the young adults as well so I am under the leadership of the Pastor of my church. We have 4 children and I have my little cousin as well after her mother passed. I work from home with my own home Childcare and it is right now the only income we live separate because shaking isn't an option. I understand family comes first all of this is really helpful I am 30 and a hard working mama needing some honest input for a gal trying to make it through

joypulv
Jul 24, 2013, 10:19 AM
If you are saying that your fiancé (?) isn't helping around the house and day care, isn't trying to find work, and just sits around feeling sorry for himself, then please say so.
A minister needs to be a life skills counselor too, as I am sure you well know. That means having calm, rational, productive talks about money and work and helping with children. Sit down with paper and pencil when you are both calm and the kids are in bed (if that's possible) and WORK on the relationship. Praying and trusting in God doesn't mean that you just give up on the father of your children together without supreme effort first.
Has your pastor offered to mediate?

N0help4u
Jul 24, 2013, 10:19 AM
By leaving your relationship what would be the actual benefits? How would it fix anything?

Fr_Chuck
Jul 24, 2013, 10:51 AM
Well for one, a "Minister" of God should not be living with someone and not married, I would say no wonder God is not blessing. A minister should be one beyond reproach, setting an example for the Church. That fact alone would stop you from being a minister in most churches.

Next, the majority of all ministers in US, work a outside job, ( we refer to it as living in the tent makers profession) after St Paul who earned his living making tents.
So what other skills do you have, he can watch the kids, while you work, if you can find other work outside the house.

Can he find extra money, mowing yards, washing windows, walk door to door asking, people do that every day in my area.

Next being a minister is going to include hardships, I did not see any of the 12 that followed Christ retire to a large villa on the Dead Sea.

classyT
Jul 25, 2013, 11:01 AM
Fr chuck-

If I understand her post correctly, she doesn't live with her fiancé. However it is a tad confusing.

Ayo,

Is your fiancé the father of your children? Your post is not very clear.

In any event, I agree with most everyone so far. You must get your personal life in order. Providing for your children should be number 1. I would put my ministry as last on the list until you get your personal life in order.

Paul gave Timothy some specific instructions about being a pastor or having a leadership role in the church. I would check out these verses. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a youth pastor but I don't think it is wise to pursue this calling until you get you own life in order. That is the most biblical advice I can offer.

dwashbur
Jul 25, 2013, 11:55 AM
I still need to spread the rep around a bit more before I can make it official, but: what ClassyT said.