I was with a really controlling boy. At first he was lovely and it was all dandy and good. I told him my past and he turned so horrible to me, he took advantage of it. I’ve flashed guys my bra on webcam and touched myself through my knickers. Yes my face was on the webcam, I’ve had phone sex. Not really phone sex because it was only moaning, no talking. I’ve sent pictures too. He couldn't get over it. He claimed me to be his first love and everything. He’s a catholic and he said the only way he could trust me would be if I sent him videos. By this time I’d already been forced off social networking sites and I wasn't allowed to talk to friends, I have low self-esteem.

He was really very controlling and treated me badly and got it into my head no one would want me or my past. He said he never really accepted I really loved him. He was controlling. When I was on my period I had to send him pictures of my pad. He didn’t want me to wear makeup, I had to show him every conversation I’d had with the boys I did stuff with on webcam, I had to tell him every single person off the internet I’d showed my face to. I had to promise not to wear makeup, I had to tell him every film I’d watched in the time I was with him, I had to delete sexual songs, I wasn't allowed to talk to my friends, he threatened to kill my friend and he said he’s going to come to my school to beat these boys up that I joke around with.

I’m not a whore and I’m very faithful to him. I was so scared to lose him because I felt no one else would want me. I self-harmed over this, I never self-harmed before meeting him. It started with scratches, he didn’t care. Then it went to deep cuts, he didn't care. He would wind me up and say he'd spoken to a girl until I’d cut myself to make me feel bad about myself. I feel so bad about the stuff I’d done on webcam, it never really bothered me before because I know it was an attention thing, it was a buzz at the time I guess, and I’m not very confident and had no friends. I don’t know why I did it really. Should I tell future partners what I’ve done? If so, how far into the relationship should I explain my past? Please help :( I have been feeling very suicidal, we have scaffolding up at our house, I think about climbing out my window onto it and jumping off. I want it all to end.

Help me :( I’m only 15, I’m so messed up and I’m so scared of falling for someone, even in the future I know it'll stick with me. Will all of this matter when I’m 18-19??

Boys how would you react if you found out your girlfriend had gone through all of that? Would you stay with her? Would you leave her? I am finding it hard to get over what I did. I just want it all to end. Thank you.

This seems rather Trolly to me, but in case it isn't...

Regardless of how long we live, whether that be 20 years or 100 years, we are in total control of what we do and who we do it for. We are also in total control of the company we keep and the people we let into our lives. Nobody else controls those things for us. The decisions we make have good and bad consequences. If we continue to make poor decisions we will continue to choose bad consequences. If we make good decisions then we reap the reward by having good consequences.

Life is just that simple...

You really need to talk to someone close. Have you spoken to your parents about any of this?

You need help! A young girl your age should be engaging in activities such as cheerleading, gymnastics sports or even other extracurricular activities. Do you have any girlfriends?

Also, this guy you're with is bad news. He is controlling and very manipulative. He will NEVER let this go. You know that, right?

Honestly, you should not be in any type of romantic relationship until you get the help you need. You're suicidal thoughts and low self esteem issues need to be dealt with by a professional. Or else you will never be truly happy in ANY relationship or even life for that matter.

Please talk to your parents or school counselor

Skip that guy. I learned guys don't tell you their full life story. Sometimes you have to ne guarded with how much, when and what and how you tell. I even in my later years in life have learned you even have to not be so free about telling them the abuse you've been through. The last 2 guys that I was interested in as soon as I opened up about this abuse or that abuse sure enough they started treating me that way too.

He made me, he made me, he didn't allow me, he controlled me. No - you allowed him.
You are too young and too messed up for any of this. You can't undo the past but you can STOP having anything to do with guys until you get your self-respect. You do this with a sense that you are both a good person (kind, generous, helpful) and a person of skill and talent and knowledge. So decide what interests you in life, even if it isn't something in school. Maybe it's psychology and you want a PhD or maybe it's clothes and you want to be a designer.
Start NOW.

No one needs to know all details of our past. As you get older, most of this is really minor in general, but never do anything you do not want to , in future,

So just move on with your life,