Hello.

Thanks for taking a moment to read my post here. I'm feeling overwhelmed and don't think I can just discuss this with my close friends or family yet.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. She's 24, and I'm 33. She lives with her parents (more about them in a few seconds). And we're planning on her moving in with me in the next few months. At this point I really don't want anything less than plans for marriage. Things with us are wonderful, until...

Sometimes (every couple-few of days), someone might say something that really hurts her. She's what I consider hyper-sensitive to criticism. Not that everything comes from upbringing, but... her parents are 1st generation immigrants and highly critical of her. She has body image issues. Growing up, her dad wasn't really present (drinking with friends often) And her mom often withdraws when she's displeased about something. She's even said hurtful things like "I wish you were dead" to my girlfriend for not finishing school yet, for instance.

So my girlfriend gets into moods. It happens if I seem even mildly displeased about something. She'll probe. "Are you upset? Are you sure?" Of course I want to be honest. But she HATES it when I'm displeased with something and I can hear her projecting her parents' criticism/suppression onto ME. She'll withdraw, sulk, often completely give up on plans (even if we're 300 miles away on a trip somewhere "I just wanna go home! I can't be here with you! I'm SO angry with you right now! You just don't make any SENSE to me!"). It takes 30 minutes to a day for her to get out of these moods. And then I'm walking on eggshells for a while.

She knows I'm trying to help her. But she forgets that in these moments and blames me 100% for her low self esteem. I am generally an optimist and believe that everything starts in the mindset. You attract what you believe. She seems to indicate that this is not reallistic thinking. Is there any hope in her changing? If so, how might I help her?

As I mentioned there is lots of hope with us, when she's happy. The intimacy is strong and we have a passionate kind of chemistry. But when she's down...

Thanks for your feedback and thoughts!

You need to come right out and say "I love you so much that I want to have an understanding and a plan to follow for us to not fall into these upset moods. I want us to discuss any problems asap so they do not ruin a great day for us. Maybe we could discuss our problems to come to a solution by looking at them objectively like we are trying to counsel someone else and not allow any emotions to cloud us. We don't need to allow circumstances come between us. We can work thru anything as a team" Basically get her looking at it like a challenge of you as a team vs a situation. Never approach her with you this or you that... use us and we as much as possible