How you can tell a person that the information you found out about them. That you didn't see it nowhere, that you had a friend to look them up. For they can stop being mad at you.

>threads merged for comprehension's sake<

Having someone look it up for you really isn't any different than just doing it yourself.

If they are upset you was checking on them.. its still going to make them mad.

I have to admit that I'm a little lost on this one... I read it a few times and don't seem to be able to put it together too well.

For the ones who don't understand what I saying. I met this guy on line over a year ago. When we stated talking I had a friend who is a policemen to look him up. Because sometime thing that's good always don't be good. I decide to tell him a year later what I had done without him sharing that information with me and he got mad at me.

Smoothy is right. How do you think they will be any less mad that you weren't able to 'investigate' them so you has a friend do it. AND why dos you feel compelled to tell them what you found out or that you found stuff out!?

I have to admit that I'm a little lost on this one...I read it a few times and don't seem to be able to put it together too well.

English isn't their first language... I'm guessing Spanish is.


For the once who don't understand what I saying. I mate this guy on line over a year ago. When we stated talking I had a friend who is a policemen to look him up. Because sometime thing that's good always don't be good. I decide to tell him a year later what I had done without him shalling that information with me and he got mad at me.

I would try to explain to them that there are so many bad people around... you was checking to be sure they weren't one before you got hurt.

You can't change them being upset you checked... but maybe if you explain WHY in a good way they won't be as upset.

I understand now. Ok, of course they will be mad about it but it makes sense that you did have them checked without just believing them.

And I like smoothy's answer... explain why you did it.

You must have had a reason, other than you have a friend who is a cop who can get information on him.

He might be upset because the cop was accessing information for purposes other than police work, to check him out. That would upset me too.

If you were unsure of this man, then hiring a private detective would have been a better alternative. And in this day and age, likely the man you are with wouldn't have objected.

Either way, I think you should tell him you're sorry for going about this all the wrong way, but keeping in mind, you could have saved yourself from disaster too- had he turned out to have a rap sheet that included assault, DUI's, child support arrears, etc.

I can you tell a person who you care and love so much that you are sorry for what you had done. If they told you to leave them alone and not to call or text them no more.

If they told you to leave them alone you should respect those wishes. You can't dive back in before the cooling off period has ended. The cooling off period has no timeline either. The other person can take a week or they can decide that they will never forgive you. Let this be a lesson to you to use your brain before you act. It would have helped here.

I been told more than once to wait for my friend to cool off about what I did. I feel that he really need to know what I did was not try to hurt him. I just didn't want to get invole with other person who feel it OK to hint [hit?} a women when they get mad. When you go threw a relationship with a person and trust and love them for everything and they turn out to be something else a bad person, you don't want to go threw that again.

What's your question?

Also, what does "I just didn't want to get invole with other person who feel it ok to hint a women when they get mad" mean?

It's all part of her other questions which started yesterday. I asked that they be merged so they might make more sense.

>threads merged :)<

I been told more than once to wait for my friend to cool off about what I did. I feel that he really need to know what I did was not try to hurt him. I just didn't want to get invole with other person who feel it ok to hint [hit?} a women when they get mad. When you go threw a relationship with a person and trust and love them for everything and they turn out to be something else a bad person, you don't want to go threw that again.

Maybe you should stop putting your friends through this. Maybe you need to examine your behaviors if this has happened more than once. Friends are a great thing so don't abuse them.

What's your question?

Also, what does "I just didn't want to get invole with other person who feel it ok to hint a women when they get mad" mean?
That mean when you with a person who you love and care about. All they do is bet on you for everything you do or say. You not try to get back invole into another relationship like that. That why I done a back ground check on the friend I made mad


Maybe you should stop putting your friends through this. Maybe you need to examine your behaviors if this has happened more than once. Friends are a great thing so don't abuse them.
I didn't put him threw any thing all I did was tell him I done a background check on him when we first started talk. I never mate this person and person all we do is talk on the phone. And we been talking over a year. I can't bring a man around my child if I don't know nothing about them but there name and what state they live in

Why did you tell him you did a background check on him?

Why did you tell him you did a background check on him?
I thought it was the right thing to do since we been talking over a year and there wasn't no secret between us. And I was going to move where he at.

I thought it was the right thing to do since we been talking over a year and there wasn't no secret between us. And I was going to move where he at.
I think that was a bad move, to tell him. You just don't share something like that, and it's understandable that he was insulted (after a year of talking with him you checked upon him?).

I think that was a bad move, to tell him. You just don't share something like that, and it's understandable that he was insulted (after a year of talking with him you checked upon him?).
This was done when we first started to talking, I just went a little more further with the check when he told me it was OK to check on him to see he not a sex offener. All I done is told him how far I went with it

So this wasn't a check up on him that he didn't know about, he told me too. He just didn't know how far I went with it

Had he been fully honest he wouldn't have been mad, so since you found more than he told you, now you know he isn't as completely honest as he could be. You have every right to do what it takes to insure the protection of you and your child, and to be honest even considering moving around a phone buddy of a year without dating and getting to know each other ain't that smart, even if he was honest and is a good guy.

Let him be mad, and forget this fool who knew what a background check would reveal. No such thing as going to far when you are deciding to trust a fellow and move to be with him.

Instead of worrying about his feelings, ask yourself why he wasn't completely honest and didn't tell you everything from the start.

This was done when we first started to talking, I just went a little more further with the check when he told me it was ok to check on him to see he not a sex offener. All I done is told him how far I went with it

So this wasn't a check up on him that he didn't know about, he told me too. he just didn't know how far I went with it

If he knew, and even told you to do it, then he has no reason to be mad. Just explain that you need to know who's going to be around you and your child, and since you didn't know him from a hole in the wall, you had to run a check on him before you got to know him better.

The only reason he'd have to be mad is if he had something to hide and didn't want you to know about it.

Had he been fully honest he wouldn't have been mad, so since you found more than he told you, now you know he isn't as completely honest as he could be. You have every right to do what it takes to insure the protection of you and your child, and to be honest even considering moving around a phone buddy of a year without dating and getting to know each other ain't that smart, even if he was honest and is a good guy.

Let him be mad, and forget this fool who knew what a background check would reveal. No such thing as going to far when you are deciding to trust a fellow and move to be with him.

Instead of worrying about his feelings, ask yourself why he wasn't completely honest and didn't tell you everything from the start.
You right about that, I think you the only one understand what I did why I did it.

To be fair much needed information was not in your original post, and only came out after the moderators merged ALL your questions together to get the whole story. Facts make a BIG difference to the advice you get.

To be fair much needed information was not in your original post, and only came out after the moderators merged ALL your questions together to get the whole story. Facts make a BIG difference to the advice you get.
I know! I a short hand type of person. And I always feel that every women should do a back ground check on a man if they meet on line. And a person should not get mad about it unless they have something to hind. I'm not a young person just accept what a man tell me. I'm 40years old.

LOL, short hand has its drawbacks here. BUT, I don't blame you for thoroughly investigating a person you encounter (NOT meet in person).

This was done when we first started to talking, I just went a little more further with the check when he told me it was ok to check on him to see he not a sex offener. All I done is told him how far I went with it

So this wasn't a check up on him that he didn't know about, he told me too. he just didn't know how far I went with it

I am a bit confused as to the events in your time line. It sounds like he didn't know about the first background check. Did you tell him about it before he gave permission for the second one?

I do believe in personal privacy. I, personally, would be very upset if someone decided to pry into my past without asking my permission first. I also believe in giving a relationship time to grow and develop the closeness some people need to share details of their past.

I understand protecting your child and yourself. But I think you need to be upfront about doing the checks. You can gain insight into a person by how they respond to the request. Politely asking you not to because they aren't ready to share painful or private information is very different from breaking it off or getting in an argument about the subject.

As for his being angry, it sounds like he gave permission for a specific reason. He gave you his trust that you wouldn't abuse the permission. To him, it may seem that you did and it showed him you have no trust in him.

Give him time to cool down and perhaps look at the situation from your viewpoint. He may contact you then to see if things can be worked out. In the meantime, go about your life as though he is out of it.

I hope everything works for the best for you and your child.

I am a bit confused as to the events in your time line. It sounds like he didn't know about the first background check. Did you tell him about it before he gave permission for the second one?

I do believe in personal privacy. I, personally, would be very upset if someone decided to pry into my past without asking my permission first. I also believe in giving a relationship time to grow and develop the closeness some people need to share details of their past.

I understand protecting your child and yourself. But I think you need to be upfront about doing the checks. You can gain insight into a person by how they respond to the request. Politely asking you not to because they aren't ready to share painful or private information is very different from breaking it off or getting in an argument about the subject.

As for his being angry, it sounds like he gave permission for a specific reason. He gave you his trust that you wouldn't abuse the permission. To him, it may seem that you did and it showed him you have no trust in him.

Give him time to cool down and perhaps look at the situation from your viewpoint. He may contact you then to see if things can be worked out. In the meantime, go about your life as though he is out of it.

I hope everything works for the best for you and your child.
To answer your first question. He gave me permission to do a back ground check on him. I just went a little further with it. And I thought if we were going to be in a relationship. It wasn't no time to hold thing back about the back ground check I did.

As a single mother of three I can totally understand why you did a background check on this person. Nothing wrong with that.

This is something I do for myself if I start to date new. You can never be too sure. You are protecting yourself and your child. If he gave you permission in the first place, then why is he upset?

As a single mother of three I can totally understand why you did a background check on this person. Nothing wrong with that.

This is something I do for myself if I start to date new. You can never be too sure. You are protecting yourself and your child. If he gave you permission in the first place, then why is he upset?
He feel I should only had check to see he don't have no record not to check where he work and live at.

He feel I should only had check to see he don't have no record not to check where he work and live at.

You know, if you Google a person, a lot of information comes up about them. I don't see why he is so upset, especially because there are a lot of weirdos out there. Explain that to him and the safety of your child. If he doesn't understand, then I would leave it alone. In the future just be sure to tell the person you are doing a full backround check and if they want to do the same with you, then so be it.

He feel I should only had check to see he don't have no record not to check where he work and live at.
To shine more light on this. This person I been talking to over a year who is mad about what I did. He is become a pastor.
That why I feel he shouldn't had got mad. And that's why I told him what I did.

You can only say sorry so many times.

Are you sure he isn't using this as an out?

Seems too petty to be that upset.

You can only say sorry so many times.

Are you sure he isn't using this as an out?

Seems too petty to be that upset.
Thinking about it he probably is. We live 500 miles apart and never seen each other all we been doing is talking or text on the phone.

He is mad that you know where he works or lives? Maybe that's a red flag as to how he handles things and you should take note and not consider moving at this time. I mean will he support you once you move or do you have means to support yourself?

You didn't go to far, and the question is why is he mad. Leave him alone now, period, and don't chase this fellow at all.

I think its possible he already has a family.

I think you had good reason to check... he agreed to it before... I think maybe he thought you wouldn't do it... or find someone who really could find much.

I think there is something he feels the need to keep secret... and its likely something big.

He is mad that you know where he works or lives? Maybe that's a red flag as to how he handles things and you should take note and not consider moving at this time. I mean will he support you once you move or do you have means to support yourself?

You didn't go to far, and the question is why is he mad. Leave him alone now, period, and don't chase this fellow at all.
To answer your question, he say he was going to support me. And he is mad that I find out where he live and work. He feel that, that is something he should tell me instead of me going farer in the back ground check.


I think its possible he already has a family.

I think you had good reason to check...he agreed to it before....I think maybe he thought you wouldn't do it...or find someone who really could find much.

I think there is something he feels the need to keep secret...and its likely something big.
I had feel the same way, when I ask him what town he live in, in the state he at, he didn't want to tell me when I ask him what the name of the company he work for. There wasn't no respond.
That why I did the back ground check the way I did.

I had feel the same way, when I ask him what town he live in, in the state he at, he didn't want to tell me when I ask him what the name of the company he work for. There wasn't no respond.
That why I did the back ground check the way I did.

And I can't think of one reason why he should not want to tell you any of those...

Creepy and shady. These are warning signs so take the warning signs and find someone who doesn't lie and that you can physically see.

Creepy and shady. These are warning signs so take the warning signs and find someone who doesn't lie and that you can physically see.
Your right!