Hi. I’m 27 and my ex was 21. We got together last year in July but were talking for a few months before that. We hit it off pretty much straight away, we were both in love and we knew it. I had moved in with her only a month or so into our relationship and we were together for just under a year, she already had a 2 year old to someone else who left her when they found out she was pregnant.

Anyway, to the point while I was at hers we had the best 7 months ever, we never let each other out of our sites and basically couldn’t keep our hands of each other, we had a healthy life and sex life. Near the end of the 7 month we started having arguments about family issues and her family, because we never really got on and they were treating her with no respect at all. So I ended up moving back up to my town (I live in Manchester she lives in Coventry). She started crying saying she is going to miss me, I know she was genuine because I’ll explain later why. I was gone for a month and a half but we agreed to stay together, so we just had some space to calm things. She was texting me almost every day, I’m the best boyfriend she said she has been with and she doesn’t want to lose me, she was going to move near me and we were also talking about getting engaged. She would phone me and have several hour or two long conversations, at one point she even said that I’m the only one she wants to start a family with, have a baby to, her other bfs she didn’t want any of that she said. So when she couldn’t phone or text we chatted on Facebook a lot.

A week before I left she had a miscarriage with my child. She was 7 weeks and didn’t know. While I was at my hometown, little did I know after me being gone for 5 days she had slept with another guy and she kept going back to him? Because when I found out she said she slept with him a few times. Eventually after the month and half of being gone she was asking me to come back so we could see if it worked some more, so I went back. We had a great time for a while, then she found out she was pregnant. At the time we both thought it was mine, we were hyped up. Well I was hyped up about being a first time dad, I was quite excited. Then we went to go for the scan a month later from then without telling she knew it wasn’t mine. We carried on a little bit more and four days after my birthday she sat me down. She told me that she kissed another guy while I was away. I didn’t react too well, but I know I should’ve stayed calm. But she said because of the guilt of that and not wanting to tell me because I got cheated on in my previous relationship, that she was bleeding and lost the child. When I confronted her about that when I found out she said she was stuck, and had no other way of going about it. She decided after that, that I should move out because she wasn’t able to carry on after another miscarriage.

I stayed for another month, and in that time we had sex several times, the way we used to, but then things started to change. We never text or spoke on the phone like we used to, and we just never hardly talked at all and I was trying my best to get something out of her. She just went 'cold' and withdrawn. Sometimes she had good days, sometimes she didn’t. The day before I moved out she was saying she was telling everyone that she was deactivating her profile because she’s sick of it. I never thought anything of it until I left the day after. Here’s the thing when I said she was genuine before, she was giving me hugs on the day I was leaving, we kissed a few times and she was saying I’m going to miss you, but no tears. I don’t know whether it was guilt or not but she looked like she wasn’t that upset.

I made a few mistakes after the break up, I sent her nice texts like every day before I found out, and tried ringing her but she was completely ignoring me. Four days after I left it hit me about the account, I went on Facebook and found out she had another profile, I went on it and seen that on the day after I left she posted a baby scan of 12/14 weeks, I couldn’t breath and felt sick, that’s when I knew she had cheated. I texted her telling her I knew about the baby, she messaged back instantly, ' I’m sorry, I slept him a few times', ' I never meant to hurt you, you’re a really nice guy and you don’t deserve this or me, you can do better'. She said she did it because it was a comfort thing, if it was that, why would you go back? She didn’t answer. I asked her why she would ask me back after what she did. She said she wanted to see if it could work between us. After that we hardly spoke, but I made the mistake of constantly harassing her for answers, ringing texting. All the "I’m sorry" and "I wish I could have done something better for you" and all the other stuff she didn’t want to hear.

6 days ago was the last time I heard from her. I texted her about the baby again and we got into an argument, she said that she doesn’t owe me anything, no explanation or nothing. She didn’t know that I would constantly be at her all the time and she said we are over I want nothing to do you with you, and leave me alone, and I had a couple of leave me alone's a few days before that as well. I don’t know whether she actually meant that or she was just angry at me contacting her all the time. Things calmed down a bit and we had a little conversation. She said she loved me, and that she opened up to me and told me things she’s not even told her family because I said she never cared from the start. We got to the end of the conversation and I said will we ever talk again, ever? She said yeah, just not right now. Wait till everything has calmed down and she’ll re-add me on Facebook, because she removed me from both her profiles after I left. The thing here is, is she being genuine? Do I believe her that she’s going to do that, I don’t know. She told me she was going to change her number too.

I’ve had 6 days of no contact with her until yesterday. I went on Facebook and sent her 3 messages, first one asking for her new number because she changed it and didn’t tell me, don’t know whether it’s because she doesn’t want to talk yet or not at all, I don’t know, telling her I want it so somewhere in the future I can ask if they are okay, 2nd message I gave her my number saying I’ll always be there for her. And after a long thought, the third message I sent her was saying she’ll always be my first love and so on, but we can never be friends. I felt at peace for a while before I said to myself, have I just given her what she wanted? Have I pushed her too far away now, is this what she was after, me not having anything to do with her?

The thing is I don’t know what to think. I was faithful throughout the whole relationship. Sometimes I’ll admit I didn’t give her most of my attention as I was too busy bonding with the 2 year old but I gave her things she wanted and needed (gift wise/household items). She seems like she’s not bothered and she’s happy with what she’s done, making me feel like I never existed. If she read it, would the last message I sent sink in, because she’s had a few bfs and kept them all as friends. She has no shortage of friends to be able to keep her mind off it, so I want to ask too, because she’s pregnant, and has no shortage of friends to talk to will she actually miss me, think of me every now and again? Will she feel guilty? Will the no contact thing work now even better now I’ve told her we can’t be friends? How do I know she hasn’t already had sex with someone a few times or something like she did last time? Because of her being pregnant, I don’t know whether her feelings are going to be all over the place so the no contact is not going to work like an ex who isn’t pregnant. I feel like because of that though I feel like I’m pushing her away even more, like I said, giving her what she wants. I’m going out of my mind making myself thinking whether she is doing or feeling any of this. It would break my heart knowing that she actually doesn’t care and she’s happy that I’m no longer in her life. The no contact is hard, but I don’t want it to be a waste you know. I’m doing it for myself also but also for her to be able to talk to me again.

I know what she’s done is wrong, and deep down I know I shouldn’t have anything to do with her but I love her, and any chance of getting her back id take in a heartbeat. I may be a mug for doing so but I do still have strong feelings for her. I just want her to be able acknowledge I still exist, only if she misses me a little. I just want something.

Sorry for the long winded explanation guys :/

Well this sounds like infatuation and not a mature adult relationship. She lacks self respect... I lost track of her escapades after the third unplanned pregnancy. She dies know it us possible to prevent pregnancy, right? Do you?

As for integrity, she cheated on you multiple times. The reason doesn't really matter unless the reason is adequate for you to be in a relationship where the girl cheats, gets pregnant and doesn't know who the dad is. If you have a baby with her, look forward to her dragging a lot if men around your child, being in constant battles with her legally over co-parenting the child, paying her child support and so on.

This is a train wreck... I'd get off at the next station.

Texting and sex don't make a relationship. To be serious with someone you need shared goals and interests that you can pursue together, and your decisions need to be made with respect and consideration for the other person. That is all lacking here.

Sounds like she free apart from you after you moved away and instead if being honest with you she was full of lies. Lies about her feelings for the other guy, lies about her feelings (lack of) for you, about losing the baby, lies and secrecy about her profile. You need to forget her and move on.

To make it clear.. we used protection until we wanted a baby.. the baby she has now isn't mine.. sorry if I didn't make that clear :/.

We had goals.. but it all just happened so fast I guess.
I was close to the child she already had, would that be also why its making it so hard? I don't know whether she had feelings for this guy or not, I don't think she wanted to get pregnant, I should have stated earlier when we talked briefly, I asked her if she wanted the baby and she said she didn't know. Also when I said did she want the guy to have something to do with the baby she said.. 'honestly.. (slight pause) not really' and she told me the guy doesn't want anything to do with it anyway.

But what I don't get is that she's happy to bring it up without a dad, it doesn't bother her. Will she ever, after what she has done, come to realise what she did to me if she ever remembers me, and feel any slight guilt. Because if she gives birth to the baby I'm thinking it will be a constant reminder of what she did. If she sees it that way.

Just her lie about no more profile shows she wants a clean break from you.

You have to be kidding right? She has had her choice of baby daddy's from the beginning and you are one of many option she has for love, sex, and all the support she needs.


I know what she's done is wrong, and deep down I know I shouldn't have anything to do with her

You have your answer as to what to do, you don't want to. I get it, but at least know how to wait your turn, and know when your turn is over and the next guy has his.

No contact is for YOU to heal, get your head on straight, and make better decisions based on facts and not just feelings. NOT to have her miss you, and want you back. That's your false hope talking to you.

At least you have found out about her true nature before she became YOUR baby mama. Cut the cord of stubborn stupidity and do better, and stay off the track before the train runs you over. Your future kids will thank you for finding a better mother for them. Get your dignity, and self respect back fella and do better than being her option while you make her a priority.

Think of what you are taking on, or wanting to take on here, and in particular the lives that it will affect, including yours.

She already has a child which she allowed you to bond with. That child already has an on again, off again father that wasn't mentioned during your time with this woman and the child. I'm going to assume he isn't in the child's life much, thus you are the second loss for this little girl.

I am unclear as to who the father of the upcoming baby is- is it the same father as the little girl, or will it be yet another man in this child's life. He isn't mentioned either as being involved in a supportive way with either the mother, the child, or the upcoming baby, whoever he is, so let's assume that there will be more upset for these children when eventually support payments and possible other family members get involved demanding access.

And where do you fit in, with this woman who would pretend that you were the father of the newest addition? What kind of a woman and parent is this, to play men off against each other hoping to land the best baby daddy of the bunch?

What kind of woman lets a man bond with a two year old, only to see you go, and watch her daughter suffer another loss.

I agree with the train wreck theory, and I too advise you to get off at the nearest stop. Please try to see how you being involved with her, or her children, isn't good for you, or them.

I am unclear as to who the new additions father is also, I asked her and she was adament she didn't want to tell me, even if it meant breaking up, I don't know whether she was scared id know him or not.. but its not the same father to the two year old, I was told about this new additions father that he wanted nothing to do with it or is thinking about it, I asked her if she wanted him to have anything to do with it and she said ' in all honesty.. not really' so I'm confused on why she went and got pregnant with him in the first place. The two year olds father left when she was still inside the womb.. and never contacted again. She has had several other 'bfs' after this. And I have recently come into the knowledge that three years before I even met her she has cheated on two/three other of her bfs, and slept around while she was single she's had a total of about 10 bfs, so I don't even want to think about what she was doing while I was with her, but I can't help but create 'nightmares' for myself if you know what I mean.

She has already had an abortion and two miscarriages (one being mine) and the 'fake miscarriage' to hide that the baby wasn't mine. Having done all this she just kicks me to the curb like nothing happened, like she didn't do anything wrong and I never existed. I loved the two year old dearly and we were very close, that's what most of the hurt is from, but also the slight twinge of missing her. I don't think she has the child's interest at heart, if she doesn't want it I reckon shell get rid of it, the way she sees it is that the child is too young to understand, therefore won't be as affected. I think. She was my first love.. so maybe most off the hurt comes from that too. I just don't know what to think anymore, and it pains me to know that she's not affected by this, that she's happy to just carry on after doing this.

I realize you are hurting.

This whole experience has put you through the wringer; expectations go one way, reality goes the other.

The plus to all of this I think, is that you have experienced the worst of her in many ways. She lies, cheats, uses people, has babies she can probably not afford on her own, and shows little if no remorse for the needs and feelings of others. Not a great partner to entertain a healthy lifestyle with.

So the plus being that you realizing now what you don't want in a relationship, and you're starting to figure out what you do want.

Don't lower your standards, and keep on being single until you find someone that is your equal. Plan your life to include someone who you can build a life with, without all the baggage of the last one.

Think of this whole thing as a reality check- you've experienced the worst, now go after the best.

You will be fine once you learn how to best deal with your feelings and make decisions based on facts and not just feelings. It's not easy but doing the right thing for yourself seldom is.

Big difference in what you want, and what she wants, so don't ignore what she has already put you through. That leads to false hope she will change, and keep the misery going. We all want what we can't have, and will try all sort of things to get it, but she is not worth losing your dignity and self respect over.

Shevkicks you to the curb... for other guys... she lies about baby daddys, she hides her profile so you can not see the guys in her life, she says she wants you alone while she has all these attachments to other guys, while insisting you are the only one for her,. how long are you going to allow her to string you along!?

Thank you guys you have been a big help, a little bit of weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but there's always going to be those moments. I think I needed to hear all this to knock me to my senses a little. I'll try my hardest to introduce your methods into my everyday life.. I know its going to be a long road ahead but like you guys said it needs to be done.. Again thank you very much.

Hi, me and my ex partner split up just over 3 weeks ago, I have to say things ended at the time on a mutual basis on the 30 of June. But 4 days after I found out that she cheated and got pregnant about 3 months before we split to another guy. For about a week after and a few days after that was making the mistakes of constantly calling her and texting her for 'whys, who's was it's and so on'.

She of course got quite pissed off, and I was told to stop calling her and leave her alone, she changed her number and so on. Now, I have had no contact whatsoever until one day which is the 19th. Here's how it goes.

I go to my aunts for the weekend to be able to have a little break. I casually get on Facebook to check if any of my friends have sent me any messages, but instead I have a message from one of her 'friends/exes who she hates and is real bad news. We got a conversation out of me asking what happened as he didn’t know about the split. I told him and it carried on for bit, then he started saying that my ex is in a mess. She’s crying all the time and failing college, that there’s something wrong with her and the baby and they both may die. All things aside with what she has done (I know it’s bad) but at this time I still worried about her and it was genuinely heartbreaking. I told him I wanted to get in touch with her to see if she’s all right. I’d never live with myself if she was dying and I never spoke to her to see if she’s actually all right. He gave me her new number and told me to ring her. Then that was that.

Before I rang her, I got my family member to ask if I could because I didn’t know whether she was still angry or not, she replied with a yes you can. We starting speaking, and I was asking her if she’s all right with genuine concern. She said 'what’s going on?' I told her what her 'friend' had told me and she was like 'I told you not to believe a word that comes out of his mouth, I’m all right and the baby’s all right, there’s nothing wrong'. After that I stopped worrying but was angry that her 'friend' tricked me into initiating contact for personal gain, I don’t know. She then asked me how I got her number and I told her he gave it to me, but, she was more pissed at her friend because she didn’t know how he got it as it’s not on Facebook, and she hates his guts. She said she wanted to get to the bottom of it. I told her I would delete her number but she said 'no, it’s okay'. And the conversation ended a little after that.

Now I’ll walk you through some text messages that happened after this incident which has got me confused as to whether she is actually starting to care a little, or she’s just being nice. A few hours later I texted her:

‘I’m sorry about that, I got worried'- me'
don’t worry about it, it wasn’t your fault. I can’t get hold of him'
'I’ll send you the messages he sent me on Facebook, so you know what he said'- me
'it’s okay don’t worry about it. It’s cool'
'no problem'- me
'cool', And I left it there, I didn’t text her back. Then out of the blue the next day about 7:45 in the evening I get a text message completely out of the blue:
'hey, how you doing?'
'I’m all right, how is the family'-me
'everyone is good, sorting more stuff out for my brother... how are you doing really? '
'what’s happened? And to be honest I’m not well, not sleeping or eating'-me
'omg! You need to start looking after yourself (tells me what happened with the brother)'
'don’t worry, I’ll be fine... how’s the little one?' (as she has a two year old who I got really close to)- me
'she’s fine thanks, as normal :)
'good. I miss her loads lol'-me
'awww, I’m sure she misses you'
'I hope so... sorry, have to go'-me
'okay'. And again I leave it at that and don’t text her back, after two days of really getting myself together and controlling my thoughts and feelings, I text her this:
'hi, been thinking and I just want to say that I feel sad about the way things ended, but have to say you made the right decision. Because if things were not right then one of us had to break it off. We could be better off this way. All I want is for you to be happy :). Hope your well x'- me.
I got a reply almost instantly.
'well I’m happy you agreed, I hope everything goes well for you too'
'well me too, there’s no point in waiting or trying to fix something that doesn’t want to be fixed, it still hurts but I’ve come to realize accepting what has happened is a key rule to being able to move on'- me
'yeah. Well I hope you’re going to be okay x'
'I will be fine :). You don’t have to concern yourself with me now you have your own family to look after. It’s up to you if you want to stay in contact, you don’t have to if you don’t feel the need to :)'- me
'I don’t know, but WE can keep each other’s numbers if WE ever need to talk' (she didn’t do capitals, I just wanted to point out the 'we')
'that’s fine. And that’s up to you. We don’t want to be bothering each other that much really do we? You are having a baby after all'- me
'I GUESS x' (again in capitals as per the context, I don’t know whether she’s agreeing with me or she doesn’t know how to answer it as such)
'look it’s up to you. Just because we have split doesn’t mean I can’t be there for you when you need it. This is entirely your choice, I CAN leave you alone, or be there for when you are'- me
'I don’t know. Ahhhh' (confusion, conflicted as to whether she wants me to stay or not, signs of feelings? I don’t know)
'take your time about it, you have my number. It’s not going anywhere ;)'- me
'okay :)'
'okay. Goodnight'- me
And you? You know see as to why now I don’t know whether it feeling or she’s just being nice in general. I gave her several chances to cut off, but she always stalled so I don’t know. And the fact is leaving at that now, is she going to make me wait for an answer, stew me over for a bit? Or will she be actually thinking about it now I’ve told her I’m okay, and I don’t really need to stay in contact. (I did this for myself also, and I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders after I said all this)?

Sorry for the essay lol, just need to know if I’m reading too much into it or if she’s actually considering not wanting to let me go.

Also I need to add, should I continue no contact to reaffirm the decision, will that make her think more or will it now edge her away more.. Did I do the right thing to make her reassess her decision to be rid of me :/. I'm not sure, as I don't know whether now if she's already forgot the conversation n what we said

Of course your threads were merged for the whole story in one place.

But you have to see the false hope and lunacy of keeping your head up someone's a$$ who cheated, and got pregnant, and dumped you, don't you?

I don't mean to be harsh (YES I DO because you are deluding yourself I feel) but you ,ignore the obvious and are freaking yourself out over the drama you keep creating. But it's easier than reality isn't it?

I guess... I just thought
That there may be a chance, if she has feelings still, to get to her and change her. Make her see what she's done and maybe see if it could work for the better. If not , then I will leave it alone as one more lesson learned, knowing she is not going to change. It just feel nice to see that she deejay still have something there. I gave her plenty of chances to cut contact, and she stalled, as if she didn't know what to do. Would you say that's conflicting feelings within her? I don't know. And sorry if I'm an , I just feel everyone deserves a second chance, that they can change. But if she don't want that or won't, then so be it

More than likely, a lying cheater that dumps you is just stringing you along for her own purpose since you seem willing to forgive her bad behavior, and be helpful.

Probably, she hasn't been in contact yet, she may actually not. I'm sorry, it sounds like your dealing with a child. It just sounded like she was actually harbouring conflicted feelings. I've told her I CAN leave her alone.. And I've gave her several chances for her to do the same thing... She has told me she wants nothing to do with me a few weeks ago out of anger. If that's the case, why doesn't she just take the chances I've given her and cut the contact. I'm not bothered if she does, it just shocked be when it sounded like she still had small feelings, that's why she doesn't know whether to leave me alone or not :/

You expect honesty, integrity, and doing the right thing by you from her now? That's not realistic, and definitely false hope and wishful thinking at best. That will fade soon too.