Hello,
I am writing because I need some much needed advice, I have been with my husband for 2 1/2 yrs now, he is an alcoholic and can be mentally abusive when drunk, he says that he doesn't remember anything that he says or does when he drinks and is completely apologetic when I tell him what he did, he has had a very rough past filled with abuse and neglect from his parents and was unfortuntely sexually abused as a young child but was adopted by his grandparents and soon after that started to have a better life, he has a great career now and has helped many people but cannot seem to let go of the past completely so he turns to alcohol to "numb his pain" as I said though the moment he does that he becomes an entirely different person, mentally abusive, says very rude things about my family, never has hit me or threatened to but still cusses and verbally badgers me about my family and always brings up their faults. We recently separated for a while because of a falling out where the cops had to be called where he was so drunk that he threatened me and my Dad, he ended up going placing himself into a mental institution and wrote me a letter from there telling me he would do anything he had to to change, that he would go seek councel, go to AA, get a more stable job as his career only allows him to work summer months and would be a better man no matter what it takes, he hasn't drank now in 2 Weeks which is great for him but I'm afraid to try and give him another chance, what if everything he's promising me is just words to get me back, he said he doesn't rememeber the night he threatened me or my Dad and feels so completely horrible about it, but I am so conflicted on what I should do or how I feel, I want to trust him, I want to believe that he wants to change but I'm just scared he's going to go right back to the way he was. Should I give him a chance to change? Any advice would help, thank you.

2 weeks is mot Long enough for his promises actions speak louder than words --- MORE action required! You know you can go to AA meetings for the spouse of the alcoholic. Check into that it may help wonders even in encouraging him.

You separate from him, tell him that after he is sober for 6 months or a year, you may consider going back to him.

Have you thought about giving him the chance to change but from a distance? This often works well because it reinforces the seriousness of the situation and you have some protection in case he decides to go back to it. Supporting someone we love through addiction and recovery can be difficult. We do it because we care.

All depends on whether you are willing to make a possibly lifetime commitment to this endeavor, because that is exactly what it will take.

He will not change as long as you are there enabling him to continue drinking and being abusive to you. My friend had the same situation, she divorced him, went back with him, left him again... it has been over 25 years and he still has not changed. She left for her children but remained friends with him for their sake. She is now with a man that adores her... she has often said, it is such a shame he couldn't change and she will always care for him, but she respected herself enough to give herself the life she deserved. I hope you will learn from her and not allow his problems to be your problems.