So I'm in a horrible place in my life... I just graduated from college, have a new job and a new apartment about 40 minutes from my old college. I'm a 22 year old gay guy, and I met this absolutely beautiful and amazing person at the beginning of my senior year of college. The only problem is, he was a freshman. We were hesitant, but we felt an instant attraction to one another, and slowly over time I fell for him. We went on picnics, trips to a lake, his friends and my friends became closer, and he even traveled 3 hours to visit me over break to be with me on my birthday and meet my parents. The months went on and I felt my feelings grow stronger. Around mid-march things began to get stressful as the end of my college years were approaching and I became stressed with finding a new job and place to live. He became stressed at the prospect of me becoming a real adult and not being on campus everyday for him to easily access and walk to. It was going to be different, but I was willing to make it work. I have a car and could easily meet him anyday really after work or on weekends if he was free. We spoke about it a bit in April and he was scared, I could tell. He was questioning his commitment to us, as I loved him and had stated it, but he was just not there yet. He felt guilty about not being able to give me the same level of care, but he was actually very caring and there for me just enough to make me feel loved. Graduation time comes around and we're both very stressed, but we had said we would work on it over the Summer, visits and such. The summer would be the hardest part for us, because once school started again I could easily visit him. I still have friends at my old college, so it isn't like I won't be visiting them either. I visited my boyfriend around father's day after he invited me over to spend the weekend with him and his family. It was absolutely beautiful, perfect weather, his family seemed to like me and accept me. We spend the days just staring at each other with care and he showed me his old school and introduced me to his best friend from home. It was hard, but the weekend ended and I had to eventually drive back home out of state since he was in NY and I now live in MA. He was stressed, an internship daily and a late job 2x a week. He had to put his childhood dog down, and I was also having health problems and had to go the hospital for a while. He felt helpless and useless not being there with me. Then the night before I went back to work, hit the fan. He sent me a message saying we needed to talk around 4am, but didn't think I would see it until the morning. I saw it obviously and asked what was wrong, but he made me wait until the following night because "I should definitely sleep". My heart sank and my body trembled, I had a feeling I knew what was to come. Later that next day, we skyped and he said he was unhappy with having to live on a schedule and trying to find time when I could visit him. He felt he was in a place in life where he should be experiencing things and I had had that time myself, being 3 years older. I kept saying the geography is hard, but we could work in it, all good things are worth the effort. But he kept saying he can't... he can't... over and over. He cried horribly like I did the whole time. He said there was nobody else and he hadn't cheated on me, but that he just wasn't on the same level of caring for me, he didn't love me like I could admit I loved him. I was his first for many things and walked him through the trials of a new time in college and sexuality and life. He said he needs time to think... and that part of him wants to just end it now, but he wasn't sure. I pleaded and cried, but he just kept sobbing "I can't..." so I said I'd give him as much space as possible, I wouldn't call or text him. I deactivated Facebook so I wouldn't stalk him or be tempted to look at his profile our or our photos. I am just so incredibly heartbroken and destroyed, I feel like someone died. I reflect on our relationship over and over, from our first date to the wonderful feeling of falling for him and growing together. Everything reminds me of him. He helped me make furniture in my new apartment and even that reminds me of him. He haunts me. I even dreamt the other night I was with him, and he had apologized to me and said he did love me, and wanted to spend every holiday with me, and he was wrong. I then woke up and realized it was 7am and I had to drive myself to work. I've been a mess... and I feel like I'll never recover from this. I want him to take me back so badly, I just don't know if this break was him trying to let me off gently without hurting me more or if he actually does need time to think and may take me back soon. I just don't know... they say absence makes the heart grow fonder but I'm terrified he'll forget me and I'll just be a foggy memory, some boy he knew as a freshman at college. I'm just... I'm destroyed inside, and I feel this heaviness in my chest that I know is my heart heaving with grief. It's only been 5 days, but it feels like months.

I'm sorry for your pain. You're in two different life stages at the present time. You are establishing a career, while he is in his 2nd year of college. He should be enjoying himself, hanging out with friends, and studying. You, on the other hand, need to prove to your employers that they've chosen the best candidate for your position. If you're meant to be together, it will happen. In the meantime, do your best at work, make new friends, network, and find a place to volunteer.

Thank you sincerely, I'm well aware of the different life stages issue and it just makes it that much harder... wishing we were the same age or even if I was one year younger. It upsets me a bit that he feels he needs to "experience college" because I feel that translates into sloppy, drunken hookups. I never really went through that myself and he isn't the random type... but I fear he may do it to forget me. I was always very supportive of his school work and friend time, and I never interfered with that and he in mine. I know if we're meant to be it'll happen... but the waiting and hoping is so painful. I am the logical, scientific type who tries to always analyze and reason things through... but I keep feeling this horrible pain in my chest and I don't want to be sappy or emotional... but it really feels like my heart is broken. I used to joke it was an exaggeration when people admitted that... but I never believed such a thing to be real... I need time... as does he... I'm just horrified of the future and what is to come. I'm willing to wait for a long time though if that's what it takes. I don't imagine crazily proposing to him or driving off into the sunset... but when I imagine my future I see him there with me, holding my hand and us being happy... I just want him to have the world and to be happy.

Thank you sincerely, I'm well aware of the different life stages issue and it just makes it that much harder...wishing we were the same age or even if I was one year younger. It upsets me a bit that he feels he needs to "experience college" because I feel that translates into sloppy, drunken hookups. I never really went through that myself and he isn't the random type...but I fear he may do it to forget me. I was always very supportive of his school work and friend time, and I never interfered with that and he in mine. I know if we're meant to be it'll happen...but the waiting and hoping is so painful. I am the logical, scientific type who tries to always analyze and reason things through...but I keep feeling this horrible pain in my chest and I don't want to be sappy or emotional...but it really feels like my heart is broken. I used to joke it was an exaggeration when people admitted that...but I never believed such a thing to be real...I need time...as does he...I'm just horrified of the future and what is to come. I'm willing to wait for a long time though if thats what it takes. I don't imagine crazily proposing to him or driving off into the sunset...but when I imagine my future I see him there with me, holding my hand and us being happy....I just want him to have the world and to be happy.
I understand your frustration. Over analyzing and obsessing over details is not healthy. I'm glad you got rid of FB. Again, think of what you can do with your life in the meantime. Is there a charity you'd like to help out? It will fill up some free time!