40k owed, went from 6 figures to early social security. I'm married, but she is not on acct. Everything is separate between us except house. Would do BK but her income won't allow us to. Will my ck acct, house,car, little retirement all be doomed, or does disability come into play?

They can not touch your disability. At this point once they take you to court they can only follow the court order. At this point its most likely all threats to scare you into paying them something. When was the last time you paid even a dime to them? How often and what ways are they coming after you?

... would do BK but her income won't allow us to...

You are laboring under a misapprehension. The "presumption of abuse" rules for Chapters 7 and 13 do not require you to include your spouse's income unless you file jointly.