Hi. I'm sixteen and I have a seven month old sister. We live with our mom and my step-dad (her biological dad). He is a drunk. He terrorizes us and our mom. It's gotten so bad that he actually had to spend a weekend in jail. He screams at and threatens me and my mom, he has actually physically hurt her even though he has never touched me. And my sister has gotten hurt because she got caught in the middle of their fighting (Him throwing things that hit her by accident). My mom hasn't taken any action, and I'm worried that my sister and I are going to end up getting hurt if we stay here. What I want to know is if I told a social worker, would they be able to remove us from the home ? Or would they just suggest counseling ? (Counseling would make it worse. My mom gets mad whenever I talk about it)

Why does your mom get mad?

Yes, you can report this.

She gets mad because she wants to pretend it's not happening.

It sounds like you are going to have to be the adult in the room and do something about this to protect yourself and your little sister.

I think so too. I just don't want to report it unless it will actually make a difference. If we end up having to stay in the home things are just going to get worse.

Mom doesn't want you to make waves in what she is trying to keep calm with no result, so she gets mad. Sweeping it under the rug is easier for her. Facing the problem would mean she has to make a choice of getting out of a relationship she may be afraid of getting out of or doesn't want to have to choose between him and her having to make things right. You could go to a counselor and talk about 'your emotional health' and let things go where they will. But once his drinking and violent issues are brought up they are required by law to report it to the child service

Your mom is an abused wife, many will keep getting hurt and hurt and hurt, sometimes till it is too late. They have been controlled to even think it is their fault at times.

YOU need to report it,
What happens just depends, but it will force mom to face what is happening

I'm just not sure what the outcome will be if I report it. A slap on the wrist and some family therapy won't do anything. I'm scared to report it unless I know for sure we can get out of the house. But I'm not sure if that will be enough for us to be taken out. I live in Minnesota if that helps at all.

What about trying to protect your mom as well?

NO one knows what will happen, it will be reviewed, a in home visit, and investigation,
And yes, they may require counseling and it will do something, force them to talk about it, and have them watched by children services, so it if continues, then more happen.

Since he has been arrested for it, ( I think you said that) it may be easier to prove a problem.

But no one knows what will happen, each case worker may see it different

I'm just not sure what the outcome will be if I report it. A slap on the wrist and some family therapy won't do anything. I'm scared to report it unless I know for sure we can get out of the house. But I'm not sure if that will be enough for us to be taken out. I live in Minnesota if that helps at all.
You can report the violence in the home and the fear that you have. I can't believe authorities would allow you and a baby to continue to live there. Are there any relatives who would take you in?

She's supposed to be the one protecting us. This is going to sound terrible but I really don't care anymore. She could leave if she wanted to, she's an adult. My baby sister and I don't have that option.

My sister has grandparents who live nearby, but I don't . All of my family is in Canada.

My sister has grandparents who live nearby, but I don't . All of my family is in Canada.
You are in Canada then?

No. My mom and I are originally from Canada, but we live in Minnesota now. My sister and step dad are both american.

You are in Canada then?
She lives in Minnesota, but her extended family is in Canada.

Your mother is too afraid to do anything she is abused, they make excuses and play out the worse cases in their head of if they leave. They are conditioned by the abuser.

Your mother is too afraid to do anything she is abused, they make excuses and play out the worse cases in their head of if they leave. They are conditioned by the abuser.
And she may be financially dependent on him and doesn't think she can make it on her own with two children.

I know my mom's being abused. I've had to get involved in their fights more than once to get him to lay off her. But I'm not going to be around to protect my sister forever and she's obviously not going to be doing it.

“She's supposed to be the one protecting us. This is going to sound terrible but I really don't care anymore. She could leave if she wanted to, she's an adult. My baby sister and I don't have that option. ... My sister has grandparents who live nearby, but I don't . All of my family is in Canada. ... I know my mom's being abused. I've had to get involved in their fights more than once to get him to lay off her. But I'm not going to be around to protect my sister forever and she's obviously not going to be doing it.”

Several things jump out at me. The extended family is in Canada. That’s not the other side of the World. I am assuming there is contact. Do they know what is going on? And the father (not the stepfather), where is he in this situation?

I see a great deal of resentment toward the mother, very possibly deserved/justified.

OP should not criticize her mother for not leaving, for not protecting her and her sister, for perhaps being concerned that a report to the authorities will backfire, when OP herself is very reluctant to do so - not protecting her sister (and herself) when she has the power to do so, be concerned about a backfire.

I think the family is Canada is the key here - someone, some adult, needs to step in.

And I wouldn't say it's "obvious" that the mother will never do anything. I have posted this before. A very small thing can flip a situation around. I lived with abuse and then one day he threatened my dog.

Perhaps "Mom" needs to be there when her children are threatened. So far it sounds like they are observers, but that can change fast.

What is the relationship with the birth father?

It may be easier, at the moment, to speak to a counselor at an abused women's shelter.

I'm making the assumption, that for whatever reason, your mother is unwilling, or unable to make changes to protect herself, and her children.

As you have described the home situation here, when explained to a counselor, she will see that your mother would certainly 'qualify' for assistance. Whatever the needs are, there are resources to help and protect women and their children in their care.

Once it is established that you and your sister are in need of protection, they will also be able to provide resources. I think this is an immediate need here, and I encourage you to seek this type of assistance.

Because there has already been police intervention (were there charges laid, and do you know what they are?), and that wasn't enough to slow your step-father down, it is necessary for you to think of yourself and your sister only.

I hope that it doesn't escalate to a point where in the not too distant future that you will also find yourself protecting your mother, and in so doing, get injured yourself. It is an impossible situation for you being so young, to be the protector, instead of the protected.

But it is what it is. Have confidence that taking steps will help, not hurt, your situation.

It may take time to contact relatives in Canada, let alone arrange to have help from them. I think that intervention by family could very well make things worse, as abusers would prefer to keep their abuse private, and particularly if they can only provide phone contact with your mother. She may be in further danger by involving 'outsiders'. I don't know enough about your situation to say whether that is a good option at the moment.

But I do know this. The better informed and educated you are as far as what you CAN do and what your options are, the better you and your sister will be.

My mom and I got in a huge fight the last time I involved any of my family members. And none of the close family members that I have are options to live with. My dad kicked me out when I was 14 and we haven't talked since. My grandparents on my dads side can't afford to have me live with them, and even if they could it would mean leaving my sister behind. And I tried living with my grandparents on my moms side, but I ended up getting taken out of that home and placed into foster care when I was 13. So there's nothing any of our family members can really do.

I'm leaving this one to Jake, with all due respect.

My mom and I got in a huge fight the last time I involved any of my family members. And none of the close family members that I have are options to live with. My dad kicked me out when I was 14 and we haven't talked since. My grandparents on my dads side can't afford to have me live with them, and even if they could it would mean leaving my sister behind. And I tried living with my grandparents on my moms side, but I ended up getting taken out of that home and placed into foster care when I was 13. So there's nothing any of our family members can really do.

How did you get out of foster care? Did your mom file a petition to get you out? If your family members are so uncooperative, and the ones in Canada are not available, what happened to get you released?

After all of these replies, what do you want us to say, we can't help you physically. All we can do is give you advice to help yourself. Do you know what to do now, resources to use?

Something is not adding up here.

Okay, I can no longer resist. Please read my earlier response.

I still see a great deal of anger, deservedly or not.