So I'm 14 and a half. My mum doesn't trust me anymore. She's actually against the idea of having a boy friend and I love him so much that we can't break up.

She follows me sometimes when I hang out which is annoying, she thinks that I've broken up with him since she knew ,but we've been 7 months together after that. And I'm too in love to let go. I don't know what to do actually. But I feel so terrible and cunning all the time.

If the boyfriend loves you that much he will step back and be just friends and not go beyond your moms boundary. Like if she says talk at school, walk you straight home and he can visit an hour one evening a week supervised then he/you should not go beyond that.

She doesn't know we're still communicating ,and we're not in the same school anymoree.

How do you expect to regain her trust when you are sneaking around behind her back.

At 14 you just think you are in love. I'm sure it feels real to you but it is unlikely. If you want to ever be with him again, you tell him you need to stop sneaking around and show your mother that you are obeying her. You have to ask him to wait for you.

You need to talk to your mum about why she wanted you to break up and how you can show her that he is worthy of dating you.

She doesn't know we're still communicating ,and we're not in the same school anymoree.

How can you ask about regaining her trust if you are still going to be non trustable?
Sneaking, lying but trust me mom!
Regaining trust is wiping the slate clean of what made the person not trust you and not doing any of those behaviors again.

How can you ask about regaining her trust if you are still going to be non trustable?
Sneaking, lying but trust me mom!
Regaining trust is wiping the slate clean of what made the person not trust you and not doing any of those behaviors again.

Ok so what shall I do

Ok so what shall I do
That's a good question for you to answer.

How do you expect to regain her trust when you are sneaking around behind her back.

At 14 you just think you are in love. I'm sure it feels real to you but it is unlikely. If you want to ever be with him again, you tell him you need to stop sneaking around and show your mother that you are obeying her. You have to ask him to wait for you.

You need to talk to your mum about why she wanted you to break up and how you can show her that he is worthy of dating you.

Its because she doesn't agree that I datee. So in both cases ill be losing him like that.

Its because she doesn't agree that I datee. So in both cases ill be losing him like that.
You'd rather have him or your mom's trust?

You'd rather have him or your mom's trust?

Yes.

Ok so what shall I do
What I said in my first reply - only as much contact as permissible by your mom

What I said in my first reply - only as much contact as permissible by your mom

She doesn't know we're contacting..

She doesnt know we're contacting ..
And if she found out?

And if she found out?

That's what I'm worried about,but I doubt she'll do.

That's what im worried about,but I doubt she'll do.
Oh, she will, she will.

I told you what to do. Your mom WILL find out and you will lose him anyway. My way you have a chance of getting back with him in the future. If you really love each other he will wait.

Oh, she will, she will.

And if u were in my shoe?

You just don't get it. Then answer this what makes you think you have to regain her trust? Her not letting you have this boyfriend?

And if u were in my shoe?
I'd listen to what ScottGem says.

I told you what to do. Your mom WILL find out and you will lose him anyway. My way you have a chance of getting back with him in the future. If you really love each other he will wait.

She hasn't for 7 months! And

In those years I'm supposed to be not talking to him or what

So what is the contact you do have with him? Phone and internet or sneaking to see him?
And how much if any contact does your mom allow?

You just don't get it. Then answer this what makes you think you have to regain her trust? Her not letting you have this boyfriend?

No..


So what is the contact you do have with him? Phone and internet or sneaking to see him?
and how much if any contact does your mom allow?

Yea.. she doesn't allow any after she knew we were dating that's why I isn't telling her that we contact but we actually do nth wrong expect lyin on her

And yes this causes me depression cause I'm not used to lying at her and trying to die after being hopeless in finding a way to work it out

And yes this causes me depression cause im not used to lying at her and trying to die after being hopeless in finding a way to work it out
And how did you "try to die"?

By cutting wrists but this always fails with me

By cutting wrists but this always fails with me
And that is nice for your boyfriend in what way? It sounds like you don't respect him much either.

You regain your mother's trust by obeying her, proving to her that you can be trusted.
She does not trust you because you're a liar and a sneak. Change your ways.

You will never regain your mother's trust by going behind her back and talking to the boy that she forbid you to have a relationship. Actually, by doing what you are doing you will lose more trust when she finds out. And she WILL find out.

When she finds out, you will lose your phone and internet access and you will have NO way to communicate with him at all.

And if u were in my shoe ,what would u do to balance it

I would do what my mother tells me to do.

And if u were in my shoe ,what would u do to balance it
You can't balance it. If you want your mother's trust, you stop your very bad behaviors (including cutting your wrists) and obey her (stop contacting this boy).

Why does she want you to stop contacting him or being with him?

You can't balance it. If you want your mother's trust, you stop your very bad behaviors (including cutting your wrists) and obey her (stop contacting this boy).


Why does she want you to stop contacting him or being with him?

She doesn't think I shall date now.

She doesnt think I shall date now.

And you shouldn't. You cannot be trusted.

To stop contacting him would cause me depression forever

She doesnt think I shall date now.
She's correct. You are too young and immature to date. Sneaking around, lying, and "trying to die" show you are immature. Obey your mother.

And you shouldn't. You cannot be trusted.

Fine

And if u were in my shoe ,what would u do to balance it
You cannot balance trust with disobedience. It is either one or the other. If you want to regain her trust, you must stop sneaking around and lying.

All of this is because she wanted to split us apart anyway

To stop contacting him would cause me depression forever
Only if you choose to be depressed. You can choose otherwise, you know.

Only if you choose to be depressed. You can choose otherwise, you know.

Losing someone who was a big part of your life isn't that easy

You need to talk to your mom and tell her you are depressed. You need to stop cutting your wrists. You need to realize that it is normal to go through these kinds of things as you grow emotionally. Everybody goes through break ups and losing loved ones for whatever reasons its life. So many ex cutters have scars that will remind them forever and wish they had never done it.

Losing someone who was a big part of ur life isnt that easy

No one said it would be easy.

I have to ask, did you cut yourself because she broke you up or before that? Are you seeing someone because of your depression? Have you talked with her about why she doesn't want you to date?

The way I see it, a 14 yr old that believes she is so in love with a boy that she can't live without him, is seriously troubled and needs professional help.

The only good thing I see in your posts is that you want to regain your mum's trust. But you fail to understand that, to do so, you have to stop the bad behavior that lost that trust in the first place. Ans where is this boy in this? Does he know about you cutting your wrists? If he cares about you, he would tell you to stop as well and work towards getting better.

No one said it would be easy.

I have to ask, did you cut yourself because she broke you up or before that? Are you seeing someone because of your
depression? Have you talked with her about why she doesn't want you to date?

no ,after it happened bec I dk how to work this out. Yes. No she's just against the idea of dating early.

The way I see it, a 14 yr old that believes she is so in love with a boy that she can't live without him, is seriously troubled and needs professional help.

The only good thing I see in your posts is that you want to regain your mum's trust. But you fail to understand that, to do so, you have to stop the bad behavior that lost that trust in the first place. Ans where is this boy in this? Does he know about you cutting your wrists? If he cares about you, he would tell you to stop as well and work towards getting better.


No ,after it happened because I dk how to work this out. Yes. No she's just against the idea of dating early.

I told him once or twice but ge actually gets mad at me and tries to stop me,so I don't always tell him about it

I told him once or twice but ge actually gets mad at me and tries to stop me,so I dont always tell him about it
And what does cutting accomplish besides disrespecting your boyfriend (and yourself) and upsetting him?

And what does cutting accomplish besides disrespecting your boyfriend (and yourself) and upsetting him?

Nth up till now but,if it succeeded ,it would accomplish a lot

Nth up till now but,if it succeeded ,it would accomplish a lot
Like what?

So you think your mom will change her mind about your boyfriend when she finds out you are cutting?

So you think your mom will change her mind about your bf when she finds out you are cutting?

No,I think I'd die if I cut them deeply?


Like what?

Like dying?

No,I think I'd die if I cut them deeply?
You would PERMANENTLY leave your boyfriend alone, without any hope to be with you in the future? And your mum -- how would she feel if you died?

It obvious your definition of dating is different than your moms and it scares her. Lying and going behind her back scares her too. If she knew you were cutting then she would really be scared. You need to know its not a matter of trust right now, as NO PARENT trusts their 14 year old completely. We parents know that no matter how smart you may be that there are things beyond your control that can harm, hurt, and cause trouble, so she follows you to protect you, out of love and concern. That's her job.

What I would do is talk about the dating thing and while you obey her, she may still let you have him as friend. But under her rules. But you better get with the fact she knows you are up to something devious and against her wishes because parents are smarter than 14 year olds and know when something is up.

Do this the right way, and you may get better results and don't have to lie, sneak, and cut, or be depressed because you can't have what you want right now. You will NEVER have trust doing what you are doing and that's for sure.

You want trust, then you have to be completely honest.

You would PERMANENTLY leave your boyfriend alone, without any hope to be with you in the future? And your mum -- how would she feel if you died??


If I didn't and she found out,I'd be leaving him too.

Your immaturity is coming through. You are nowhere near ready for dating. You are manipulating your mother and boyfriend with your life. What you are doing is stinking thinking.
Obey your mom and get some counseling. When she sees you are serious about being good and getting some help, she will begin to trust you in time.

If I didnt and she found out,I'd be leaving him too.
But not permanently. I'm sure you and your mum could work out something so you could call him and spend time with him.