There's this guy I have feelings for, but not too long ago I found out he was gay. It really did make me sad and disappointed but I'm wondering if there's any chance he can turn straight or at least bisexual?

It has happened, is all I can say.

Can you turn gay or bisexual?



Being gay is not like waking up in the morning and deciding on what clothes you wear. You can't just get up and say "hey, I think I'll be gay today, bisexual on Tuesday and straight on Wednesday."

It's not a choice, it is how a person is born. They can deny it all they want, if they want, but it is still part of who they are.

Statistically, there is a snowball's chance in hell that he will change his SEXUAL preference.

But you will find as you get older that being gay doesn't mean people can't love people of the opposite sex, because love has an infinite variety. So don't constrain your friendship with a gay guy based on an idea that nothing can develop between you two.
I know a gay teen boy who was heartbroken when his best friend (girl) spent the night with his brother. Oprah told the world on her TV show that she held a gay male friend in her arms all night after his lover was swept away in a tsunami. Many a married man, with children, goes through a lot of grief when he realizes that he was gay all along, and doesn't want to hurt his family. (I know of no gay men who went straight, however, except from what I hear about parents who force their children into religious conversion camps.)

No, a person does not just change, they are, what they are. Can you become gay or lesbian just by wanting ? No,

Being gay is not like waking up in the morning and deciding on what clothes you wear. You can't just get up and say "hey, I think I'll be gay today, bisexual on Tuesday and straight on Wednesday."

It's not a choice, it is how a person is born. They can deny it all they want, if they want, but it is still part of who they are.


Very, very, very, very well stated!

YOU can not change them

And furthermore who says he wants to be changed? Hopefully he is very content with who he is.

J_9 is right one does not just wake up one day all of a sudden with a different sexual preference. I do know a lot of gays and lesbians that 'became' that way through years of bad relationships with the opposite sex. But for you to wait around dreaming that maybe someday... don't waste your time. I have a better chance of waiting around dreaming that one day some person will put a million bucks in my hand,

Some Christians say you can pray the gay away by going to some sort of counseling. I am not making this up.

Some Christians say you can pray the gay away by going to some sort of counseling. I am not making this up.

The largest of these groups, name escapes me, is based here in Central Florida. They just closed their doors and the minister who ran it has apologized for all the harm he has caused the gay community.

The largest of these groups, name escapes me, is based here in Central Florida. They just closed their doors and the minister who ran it has apologized for all the harm he has caused the gay community.
Michele Bachman's husband Marcus has a "pray away the gay" Christian counseling clinic, Bachman & Associates, in Minnesota.

Exodus International in Olrando, FL.
Founded in 1976, folded less than a month ago.
The president of the Christian non-profit (with revenues of over a million each year) told a gay conference a year or two ago that 99.9% of gays don't convert.
He was the one who was instrumental in closing the organization.

Yes Oliver, because no person or Church can turn a gay straight, they have to have it in their heart that they want to make a change. Her wanting him to change because she is interested will not change him,

Exodus International in Olrando, FL.
Founded in 1976, folded less than a month ago.
The president of the Christian non-profit (with revenues of over a million each year) told a gay conference a year or two ago that 99.9% of gays don't convert.
He was the one who was instrumental in closing the organization.

It was founded by Alan Chambers. I know Alan and his family/parents. They went to my church when I was a child.

It was founded by Alan Chambers. I know Alan and his family/parents. They went to my church when I was a child.

Would you say he's not really a horrible person, just misguided?

(He was 4 when the organization was founded. I don't know when he became president. Although married with adopted children, he openly talks about being gay or struggling with it.)

Yes Oliver, because no person or Church can turn a gay straight, they have to have it in their heart that they want to make a change.
I disagree. I don't believe a gay person can literally change over to straight (or vice versa). He is what he is. A gay guy can date women and marry and have children but deep down inside he is still gay. My lesbian sil dated guys and did her best to be straight, but it didn't work. She finally was true to herself, and she and her partner have now been together for over 30 years.

I have seen all kinds the least percentage being gays going straight but it has happenef even if it is 2%

I have seen all kinds the least percentage being gays going straight but it has happenef even if it is 2%
Then he wasn't gay in the first place.

Then he wasn't gay in the first place.
So you are saying that a guy that lived all his life gay came to God and asked God to change him, no pressure from the church, god doesn't change them? Most probably do struggle but I have heard the testimony of a small percent that did move on and thank God for their new life

So you are saying that a guy that lived all his life gay came to God and asked God to change him, no pressure from the church, god doesn't change them?
Yes, that's what I'm saying. That's not how God operates.

I had a boyfriend in high school - wonderful guy, loving, and a great kisser -- who married one of our classmates and had a daughter. In his 50s he finally acknowledged he is gay (and always had had those feelings, but wanted to fit into a straight world, is religious so am sure he prayed fervently to be straight), so he and his wife divorced but remain good friends. He's been with his male partner for ten years now.

I know loads of people like that. I know lots that DECIDED to turn gay. I know of some that turned to God and went straight

I know loads of people like that. I know lots that DECIDED to turn gay. I know of some that turned to God and went straight
A person can't change his biology. He can act a certain way, but that doesn't change who he really is inside.

Then he wasn't gay in the first place.
I have seen what you are saying loads of times. I have seen people DECIDE to turn gay. Least I Have seen a tiny percent that do .'overcome' their gay urge they had all their life by praying

I have seen what you are saying loads of times. I have seen people DECIDE to turn gay. Least I Have seen a tiny percent that do .'overcome' their gay urge they had all their life by praying
I can decide to turn gay too. I can do that fifteen minutes from now. Doesn't mean I am gay, but just means I am living as a gay. My being straight is still my basic nature.

Would you say he's not really a horrible person, just misguided?

(He was 4 when the organization was founded. I don't know when he became president. Although married with adopted children, he openly talks about being gay or struggling with it.)

I haven't seen Alan in 40 days and 40 nights so I don't know. His parents were really nice people.

I thought he founded it but I haven't really looked into them much at all. I always thought they were a fluke every time I heard something about them. And I didn't even know Alan was involved. People are just sometimes misguided.

This could be it - the high school he went to was on Dyke Road. I think that solves the mystery.

Yes and that is why the gay community.has gotten as large as it has so many people claiming their gayness because they decided to 'turn gay'

Yes and that is why the gay community.has gotten as large as it has so many people claiming their gayness because they decided to 'turn gay'

What?

I know a lot of people that claim they turned gay because they had too many bad experiences with the opposite sex. They never had the desire to be gay but ended up living totally in the lifestyle,

Even that reverend guy (Alan Chambers) is living in the closet of self-loathingness and regret.


In January 2012 then- president of Exodus International Alan Chambers, during his address to a Gay Christian Network conference, stated that 99.9% of conversion therapy participants do not experience any change to their sexuality and apologized for the previous Exodus slogan "Change Is Possible".

Speaking to the New York Times in July 2012, Chambers talked about how he believed gay people can have gay sex and still go to heaven. "But we've been asking people with same-sex attractions to overcome something in a way that we don't ask of anyone else [with other sins].

Also:

Most of Exodus' leadership have successfully avoided controversy regarding their sexual identity for decades.

Michael Bussee, one of the founders of Exodus and Gary Cooper, a leader within the ministry of Exodus, left the group to be with each other in 1979.

Chambers says that he has mostly overcome his attraction to men (although he does speak openly about his own ongoing sexual attraction to men.

Chambers went on to tell the host (Michael Smerconish), that he has same-sex attraction and for anyone to say he does not have temptations, or that he could never be tempted, or does not have same-sex attraction is not true.

I guess it seems like it's the same difference ad once an alcoholic always an alcoholic even though you haven't drank in 30 years and have no real desire to

I know a lot of people that claim they turned gay because they had too many bad experiences with the opposite sex. They never had the desire to be gay but ended up living totally in the lifestyle,
You have had one-to-one conversations with all these people who have told you directly that they have decided to be gay? If not that, then how do you know this?

Even that reverend guy (Alan Chambers) is living in the closet of self-loathingness and regret.



Also:

For a Christian who is gay, this is a very difficult issue to struggle with. Alan's family's belief is that being gay is wrong and that gay people go to hell. Honestly what is a gay person supposed to do with those beliefs. I understand deeply why he had a difficult time with it. You can't just wish this away.

I guess it seems like its the same difference ad once an alcholic always an alcholicIf you view homosexuality as a disease.

I guess it seems like its the same difference ad once an alcholic always an alcholic even though you haven't drank in 30 years and have no real desire to
For a recovering alcoholic, the desire is always there. It's a daily struggle -- "one day at a time."

Not saying it's a disease alcohol was only made a disease for money reasons.

I'm glad for my friends sake that God is bigger than people's all or nothing categories.


You have had one-to-one conversations with all these people who have told you directly that they have decided to be gay? If not that, then how do you know this?
Yes my x sister in law her lover and her lovers daughter they all joked how they were going to turn gay and eventually did. My x sis in law did because she blamed her ex husband for their daughters death. Also many of my co workers and various others I have talked to over the past 15 years. I also know a lot of 'born that way gays'

I also know a lot of 'born that way gays'

Me too!

Not saying it's a disease alcohol was only made a disease for money reasons.As much as I and a lot of people have issues with the DSM and big pharma, I do agree that alcohol addiction is a disease.

I guess it seems like its the same difference ad once an alcholic always an alcholic even though you haven't drank in 30 years and have no real desire to

I think this is a terrible comparison. I'm not going to even go into it. Awful.

Anything is possible. There is no proof that your orientation is genetics. I think it is a choice and when it is a choice, you can always choose the other side if you want to.

Anything is possible. There is no proof that your orientation is genetics. I think it is a choice and when it is a choice, you can always choose the other side if you want to.
How old were you when you made a choice?

How old were you when you made a choice?

I never had to make the choice. I'm not gay. It was just my opinion on it.

I never had to make the choice. I'm not gay. It was just my opinion on it.
But you could choose to be gay now, right?

But you could choose to be gay now, right?

I can choose it but it wouldn't be right because that's not how I really feel. Similarly the guy can choose to be straight if he wanted to.

The thing is with this situation, you can never know when things can change. Who's to say that this guy wouldn't really like this girl had he took the time to know her.

I have a gay friend who was straight before and was in a good relationship and now she just turned gay. If you can turn one way, you can turn the other.

I can choose it but it wouldnt be right because that's not how i really feel. Similarly the guy can choose to be straight if he wanted to.
Being gay or straight isn't like turning on and off the dining room light.

It wouldn't be right for a gay to be straight just like it wouldn't feel right for you to be gay.

I'm guessing the people you are talking about are teens who are experimenting with their sexuality.

Being gay or straight isn't like turning on and off the dining room light.

It wouldn't be right for a gay to be straight just like it wouldn't feel right for you to be gay.

I'm guessing the people you are talking about are teens who are experimenting with their sexuality.

I guess they were teens when they were experimenting but now they are grown ups who are openly gay. I guess I don't exactly have the expertise, but it made sense to me logically. If a gay guy really likes a girl, I don't see any reason why he wouldn't turn straight for her.

If a gay guy really likes a girl, i don't see any reason why he wouldnt turn straight for her.
It doesn't work that way.

So if you really like another guy, you will then turn gay?

It doesn't work that way.

So if you really like another guy, you will then turn gay?

Probably not. I just don't feel that way toward guys. Maybe I am just not as open minded as some people. I guess it all depends on the individual as love can come in all sort of ways. In theory, it should be possible though and it does not mean that she has absolutely no chance with this guy. She will never know if she doesn't make an effort.

Probably not. I just don't feel that way toward guys.
And my lesbian sil didn't feel that way toward guys either.

If a guy is attracted to a girl, he is either straight or maybe bisexual. It has nothing to do with being open minded.

There's this guy I have feelings for, but not too long ago I found out he was gay. It really did make me sad and disappointed but I'm wondering if there's any chance he can turn straight or at least bisexual?

Ask him, and then you will know. Nobody can predict or define another human.

I can choose it but it wouldnt be right because that's not how i really feel. Similarly the guy can choose to be straight if he wanted to.

The thing is with this situation, you can never know when things can change. Who's to say that this guy wouldnt really like this girl had he took the time to know her.

I have a gay friend who was straight before and was in a good relationship and now she just turned gay. If you can turn one way, you can turn the other.

A person can have a relationship or sexual experience that is inconsistent with their sexual identity. So there are married gay men who have whole lives, kids and so on with wives, and lesbian women in the same situation. This doesn't mean they changed from one orientation to another but that they tried to live a conventional married life. Usually these marriages have a lot if infidelity and/or end in divorce. If a guy is out, the main motivation to try to live straight... to keep being gay a secret... dies not exist.

I see no future for you to have this guy as a boyfriend in a relationship you can trust, but he could be a great friend if you date other men and don't let this guy fill that void.

Dontknownuthin is right. I don't know any gay that turned straight because they got interested in someone of the opposite sex. People can only change because its on their heart. The op can not wish or try to make him decide to want her.

People can only change because its on their heart.
Sexual orientation? I think not.

Dontknownuthin is right. I don't know any gay that turned straight because they got interested in someone of the opposite sex. People can only change because its on their heart. The op can not wish or try to make him decide to want her.

Actually OP can try to make him decide to want her. But that doesn't mean she will succeed.

Also, I know a few people who were gay but wanted to be straight. They ended up going to church, praying for the strength and ended up having a wife and children.

Actually OP can try to make him decide to want her. But that doesnt mean she will succeed.

Also, I know a few people who were gay but wanted to be straight. They ended up going to church, praying for the strength and ended up having a wife and children.

Wondergirl will tell you different. As I was saying none1234, I have seen the same but it has to be the person who decides to change. I just don't think the OP should waste her time on wishful dreaming and end up hurt.

Wondergirl will tell you different. As I was saying none1234, I have seen the same but it has to be the person who decides to change. I just don't think the OP should waste her time on wishful dreaming and end up hurt.

Agreed.

Actually OP can try to make him decide to want her. But that doesnt mean she will succeed.

Also, I know a few people who were gay but wanted to be straight. They ended up going to church, praying for the strength and ended up having a wife and children.

I know many who went that route too, and are divorced and with same sex partners. You never know where attractions lead without taking a risk, and that goes for anyone no matter the sexual orientation. Gay, bi, or straight people get hurt in love all the time.

I think this is one of those things that will be always debated. Sexual orientation is not a choice. Asking someone to BE someone that they are not is not healthy and will ALWAYS backfire in a strongly negative way.

Wondergirl will tell you different. As I was saying none1234, I have seen the same but it has to be the person who decides to change. I just don't think the OP should waste her time on wishful dreaming and end up hurt.
Sure, a gay guy can date and marry a woman (ask me about high school and college guys I knew, back when homosexuality was a no-no), but if he is truly gay and not bi, that marriage will eventually fail and he will finally be true to who he really is.

If a gay person "decides to change," it is superficial because of some kind of social or religious pressure.

Sexuality is but a small part of a persons character.

Sexuality is but a small part of a persons character.

Exactly

Sexuality is but a small part of a persons character.

Exactly. Gay people are seen as gay and gay only by too many people. Staight people get credit for all of the character.

We've seen too many homosexual religious leaders who are married and trying to mask their true lifestyle. But of course they have a vested interest in doing so when their holy book tells them theirs actions are perverse.

Hello cookie:


Can you go from gay to straight?No!

Excon

Then after you "turn him straight" (?) how do you make him love you?

Then after you "turn him straight" (?) how do you make him love you?

Powerful. Hopefully your excellent point will be received.

Then after you "turn him straight" (?) how do you make him love you?

That was one of my point too. You worded it like BINGO!

Sometimes the initial sexual attraction is mistaken for love and the high hopes that come with it, like them feeling the same way. But we humans learn after time and experience that after the lust we have to deal with what's left.

I think the OP just wants what she knows she cannot have, and that just makes this supposedly gay fellow even more attractive. But that's what we date for isn't it? No dating then there is no way to know what can happen, or for how long it will happen.