>threads merged<

First off, I have a therapist who I see, I'm on cetalopram, so I am trying to deal with this in the way that I should.

But I cannot remember anything. I rember my friends first and last names, their significant others, and how to do normal tasks.

But I have looked at my depression medication 1000 times, and when writing this I still had to look up the name.

I have asked 6 times the name of a type of mango - and still cannot remember.

I have become terribly depressed. I actually do not see family and friends because I cannot carry out a conversation. It's a struggle to speak to people.

I have not always been like this. I have been said to talk non-stop. But right now I can't even think what I would talk about.

I have always had depression. I was so happy 6 months ago though.

But I had an abortion 2 months ago and an IUD put in at the same time. And I've never bounced back.

I actually feel nothing. I'm in love with my boyfriend and l love my friends and family, but also think I could never see any of them again and everything would be fine.

I feel like I want to die. Not actually commit suicide. But the same way I'd like to - win the lottery. It would be a relief.

I don't know what to do. I miss the way I used to be. I miss being happy. I miss feeling like myself. It's like I cannot speak. Cannot feel normal. Or like myself.

Maybe I've never been normal? I can't remember

Not remembering a lot of what happens around you in recent times (and things like names of mangos) is very common with depression, mostly because you are distracted by your thoughts and by a sense that a lot just doesn't matter that much, not because of something medically 'wrong' with you.
If someone comes back from war, or escaping political oppression by walking hundreds of miles, or an airplane crash, or violent attack - post traumatic stress isn't that different either. Your mind is occupied with thoughts that just don't relate to that commercial on TV, or 2 friends babbling about which shoes look cutest. So you tune out.
You need to TALK about what IS in your thoughts. If it's the abortion or the events that led up to it, talk about that. It is easier for some women than others, and there's nothing wrong with one way of coping over another. Tell us if you want.

Depression causes memory loss that is true.

Forgetting new stuff you are trying to learn might mean depression or it could be because of the medication you are taking for depression. I suggest that you talk to your doctor about this.

“But I have looked at my depression medication 1000 times, and when writing this I still had to look up the name.” Did you have this problem before taking “cetalopram”? If yes than its depression; if not, then it's the medication. Either way, talk to your doctor about this.

Jade, (love that name) the good news is that you know what you don't want. And you are seeking to change. See that as your first step back to how you want to feel. The past is the past and you can't rewind or replay. Be patient with you and know that you are doing the best you can. One step at a time. They will get easier and bigger each step.

There are many threads on the internet about this drug - yes, it causes memory loss (usually short term) and, yes, it's reversible when you stop taking it.

Is there an alternative?

Treating depression is one thing. Treating loss of memory (which appears to be your question) is quite another.

Is this where I answer this?

I think I could remember things before. I could remember things a few months ago. It's just now.

Not remembering a lot of what happens around you in recent times (and things like names of mangos) is very common with depression, mostly because you are distracted by your thoughts and by a sense that a lot just doesn't matter that much, not because of something medically 'wrong' with you.
If someone comes back from war, or escaping political oppression by walking hundreds of miles, or an airplane crash, or violent attack - post traumatic stress isn't that different either. Your mind is occupied with thoughts that just don't relate to that commercial on TV, or 2 friends babbling about which shoes look cutest. So you tune out.
You need to TALK about what IS in your thoughts. If it's the abortion or the events that led up to it, talk about that. It is easier for some women than others, and there's nothing wrong with one way of coping over another. Tell us if you want.

Maybe THIS is where I reply?

Well, since getting depressed again, I do the bear minimum that I have to do to survive.

If my boyfriend isn't home, I don't get out of bed. Don't shower, or exercise, or see my friends. Or talk to anyone.

When he is, I can usually fake enough of a good mood to make dinner and watch TV. I feel like I haven't had a real conversation with anyone in ages. I don't know what I would talk about.

I have a mountain of debt that is weighing on me. Student debt. Credit card debt. I don't know how to get out of it.

Maybe I was just hopeful before that everything would work out. But I now feel hopeless. I feel like it would be so much better if I just wasn't here. I don't feel like I contribute anything. I don't feel proud of anything. I don't feel happy.

Maybe THIS is where I reply?

Well, since getting depressed again, I do the bear minimum that I have to do to survive.

If my boyfriend isn't home, I don't get out of bed. Don't shower, or excercise, or see my friends. Or talk to anyone.

When he is, I can usually fake enough of a good mood to make dinner and watch tv. I feel like I haven't had a real conversation with anyone in ages. I don't know what I would talk about.

I have a mountain of debt that is weighing on me. Student debt. Credit card debt. I don't know how to get out of it.

Maybe I was just hopeful before that everything would work out. But I now feel hopeless. I feel like it would be so much better if I just wasn't here. I don't feel like I contribute anything. I don't feel proud of anything. I don't feel happy.
You replied in the correct way.

Are you telling your therapist all this?

I feel like I cannot remember ANYTHING I have ever learned. I have been in university and can't remember more than a few facts.

I have never been a person to recall musicians or bands. But I feel like I know NOTHING.

I can't answer any Jeprody or Trivia questions. My math skills are adequate.

But new information, is barely sticking. And I can't hold onto anything old. I don't remember teachers names.

I have drank a lot. Many party nights. Have I drank away all my brain cells? I used to think some facts would be foggy to me because I was out drinking with my friends. Now I feel - maybe I just can't remember things.

Should I go to the doctor? What can I do about it? Is it because I'm depressed?

Your doctor said you are depressed. Why do you think you're not?

Drinking in large amounts, as we all know, damages the brain. It can cause memory loss. But drinking in moderation is actually beneficial to your brain. It slows down Alzheimer's. I read this in a book about Alzheimer's disease. I don't remember the title, but I think it was by Dr. Small.

Stop drinking! Talk to your doctor about this.

Did anyone read what I posted - that this drug causes memory loss, worse with alcohol?

I read your post.

Did you read what the OP last posted? The other merged thread I mean.

Where she said she's mixing the drug with alcohol? Yes, I read it. I'm the one who asked that the threads be combined.

What did I miss?

I don't know. I am lost now. What's your question again?

Does this help? /: “I have drank a lot. Many party nights. Have I drank away all my brain cells?” (#9)

“-she said she's mixing the drug with alcohol” Where did the OP put this info?

Post #1 (OP) - “I'm on cetalopram”

Post #9 (OP) - “I have drank a lot. Many party nights. Have I drank away all my brain cells? I used to think some facts would be foggy to me because I was out drinking with my friends. Now I feel - maybe I just can't remember things.

Post #10 (you - I thought reading the same way I am, OP is drinking and taking meds as per Post #1 and explaining that alcohol is beneficial to the brain and can slow down the progression of Alzheimers) - “It can cause memory loss. But drinking in moderation is actually beneficial to your brain. It slows down Alzheimer’s. I read this in a book about Alzheimer's disease. I don't remember the title, but I think it was by Dr. Small. Stop drinking!”

Post #11 (me) - “this drug causes memory loss, worse with alcohol?”

Post #12 (you) - “she said she's mixing the drug with alcohol” Where did the OP put this info?”

I’m reading it’s a possibility to be noted - Posts #9 and #10.

Does that help?

On another note I volunteer at a Nursing Home in a memory impairment unit. Where did you find the info about alcohol/Alzheimers? I would like to read it, and I can’t find it.

On another note I volunteer at a Nursing Home in a memory impairment unit. Where did you find the info about alcohol/Alzheimers? I would like to read it, and I can’t find it.
I'm guessing it's this man (http://www.drgarysmall.com/) and one (or more) of his books.

"Does that help?" Yes, sorry I wasn't paying any attention.

"On another note I volunteer at a Nursing Home in a memory impairment unit. Where did you find the info about alcohol/Alzheimers? I would like to read it, and I can't find it."

I read this in a book. I just searched it because I couldn't remember the title, but luckily I remember the author's name.
Here is where you can find this information: Alzheimer's Prevention Program by Dr. Small. It's written in a simple way so that someone with no medical experience can understand it; someone like me.

Thanks WG - I'll ask when I'm on the Unit. Sounds rather odd to me, but then again, so do lots of things!

I also want to check Dr. Small's credentials.

Thanks WG - I'll ask when I'm on the Unit. Sounds rather odd to me, but then again, so do lots of things!

I also want to check Dr. Small's credentials.
His credentials seem shiny enough, Here is what Zea must be referring to --

Gary W. Small, M.D.: Does Alcohol Help Prevent Alzheimer's? (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gary-w-small-md/alzheimers_b_1183303.html)

Wow - well, if alcohol prevents Alzheimers my "ex" will live to be about 999 years old.

"Wow - well, if alcohol prevents Alzheimers my "ex" will live to be about 999 years old."

Yes, but it does not prevent it. “Research has shown an association between drinking alcohol in moderation and having a lower risk for developing Alzheimer's disease.” This is from the website WG found.

I know its miss leading because of the BOOK title "Alzheimer's Prevention Program". (I am talking about the book not the website, but they are the same).
It's weird that that title says "Prevention" because when you read the book though, you will see that you can only slow Alzheimer's symptoms but never prevent it from happening.

Alzheimer's disease cannot be prevented yet.

I know, I was joking. Next time I do that, I'll explain in advance.

Yeah, I know you were joking, kind of. First you were like "if (alcohol prevents Alzheimers…)"... and I said "yes,"... I agreed with you (or understood what you said)... later I said "but"... And after that I explained all that because when you said "Sounds rather odd to me,” which made me think about the book title and the contents of the book itself. They don't match.

If the book says "Alzheimer's Prevention Program" wouldn't you think that the disease is stoppable? I just thought why the author would pick this title. If my memory serves me well, the disease can be postponed from 3-7 years (depending from what age you start, and what you give from your time to follow his program) if you follow the directions he wrote about. In the book it never said that you can prevent it, but the title did. Maybe what he meant was that you can prevent it for at least few years. Maybe that is what he meant.
I don't know if this makes any sense, but never mind.

I have not been drinking over the past several months. I have drank a lot in my past. But now I can't be bothered.

I don't know what is making me unable to retain information. I do not think it's simply the antidepressant. If that was the case, wouldn't I have been like this for the 8 months I've been on it?

I don't know what is making me unable to retain information. I do not think it's simply the antidepressant. If that was the case, wouldn't I have been like this for the 8 months I've been on it?
Yes, your antidepressant could have built up in your system over the 8 months with increasing memory loss.

Talk to the doctor or psychiatrist who is prescribing. You might be able to switch to a different antidepressant without that side effect.

I don't have any interests. I'm 31 years old. I've spent most of my life drinking and dancing and partying with friends or acquaintances.
I've spent years in school, yet can barely remember a single fact.
I used to like movies. Now I just use them and TV as a way to pass time.
I have nothing to talk to anyone about. I feel like my life has been wasted.
I don't have a time machine. I can't change anything that I've done. But I feel so overwhelmed. I just want it all to end

You're a good writer!

What degree do you have? Do you work? Do you live at home or in your own place? Tell me more about yourself, even some good things.

Right, medication builds up in your system.

"Yeah, I know you were joking, kind of. First you were like "if (alcohol prevents Alzheimers…)"...and I said "yes,"...I agreed with you (or understood what you said)...later I said "but"...And after that I explained all that because when you said "Sounds rather odd to me,” which made me think about the book title and the contents of the book itself. They don’t match.

If the book says "Alzheimer’s Prevention Program" wouldn't you think that the disease is stoppable? I just thought why the author would pick this title. If my memory serves me well, the disease can be postponed from 3-7 years (depending from what age you start, and what you give from your time to follow his program) if you follow the directions he wrote about. In the book it never said that you can prevent it, but the title did. Maybe what he meant was that you can prevent it for at least few years. Maybe that is what he meant.
I don’t know if this makes any sense, but never mind."

You don't like me - that's a given. You are going to disect and "correct" every answer I give. Why don't we both just drop it and see if someone can help the OP instead of exercising the need to be right?

You're a good writer!

What degree do you have? Do you work? Do you live at home or in your own place? Tell me more about yourself, even some good things.

I live with my boyfriend in Northern Canada. My degree is in psychology. But if you asked me to remember anything from it - I can't. I don't even remember my professors names, or the titles of the textbooks.

I used to love being with friends and talking. But now I have a hard time talking about anything. I don't know what to talk about.

All I can think of most of the time is shouting " I AM SO SAD, I CANNOT THINK, I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE".

I have always been interested in exercise. Now, I don't do anything. I can't go for a run or a walk. The outside world scares me. I don't feel frightened of anything in particular, I just don't want to go outside. I've tried to exercise inside - and I'm exhausted.

I have been crying a lot, and unable to control it.

I want to be around people, and talk. But my mind seems to be blank.

I have a degree is psych too and can't remember professors' names or textbook titles either.

Do you have a job? How do you support yourself?

Are there any counselors in your neck of the woods?

Have you ever been to Niagara Falls?

I have a degree is psych too and can't remember professors' names or textbook titles either.

Do you have a job? How do you support yourself?

Are there any counselors in your neck of the woods?

Have you ever been to Niagara Falls?

Funny you mention Niagra falls. I've been before and really enjoyed it. I am currently visiting my family and they went. I did not. I don't want to do anything. I don't find enjoyment in it.

And when I even begin to tell someone, like now, I cry uncontrollably.

I have been doing remote cooking work to pay bills. But I despise it. Really hate it. But I need money so badly that I feel like I have to keep going.

Why wouldn't I want to go to niagra falls? It's so pretty there. All I want to do... is not be here.

Funny you mention Niagra falls. I've been before and really enjoyed it.
I live near Chicago now, but my home is near Niagara Falls. When you mentioned Canada, my thoughts immediately went to the Falls. In fact, I got to see them years ago when the engineers, to check erosion, had diverted the American Falls to the Horseshoe Falls, so the American Falls had no water flowing over it. It was all just wet rocks and moss. It was amazing!

I have been doing remote cooking work to pay bills.
How does this work?

What about the counselor? A different prescription?

Jade, please don't start new threads. Add to this one.

Your writing is very prolific.

What did you like about Niagara Falls?

>merged threads<

I've been on medication for depression. I notice my lows are very bad... not getting out of bed, not finding joy in anything.

When I am not depressed, I have tons of energy. Sometimes only need 5 or 6 hours sleep. Constantly thinking And talking and have things to say.

I've told my doctor this. They said I could have a "light" form of bipolar disorder. This was all well and good when I was happy.

Now, I'm unhappy again. So very unhappy. I'm on the antidepressant still. But I've never felt so little joy, in everything.

Eating, it's like I'm force feeding myself terribly high fat and calorie things, just for that first small speck of taste that I enjoy. Then... guilt and shame.

I want to lose weight. Badly. But I can't make myself even go for a walk.

I just don't know what to do.

Are you taking the antidepressant at the right times and in the correct amount as prescribed?

Now, here is what I think you should do:

First, if “citalopram” is not working for you, if you are not getting better, or you are feeling worse than talk to your doctor.
You're depressed. Depression makes you feel like all you want to do is lay down, and cry. I think you should volunteer somewhere to help you find a purpose in life. I mean, if you have time to spare.

Secondly, if you feel like crying all the time, and like you don't want to go outside, than that is fine. Start slowly, you don't have to go long distance, just go outside to your garden and walk there for as long as you feel like it (or any place close to your home).
Sounds like you don't want to be honest or maybe share this with your doctor. Why?

I am so sorry. I know I shouldn't be saying this right now.

You don't like me
Funny; I was thinking the opposite.
Oh gosh no. I don't hate you. Why would I? You did make me feel angry sometimes, but that doesn't live in me anymore. I felt angry, but I never hated you, and I don't want you to think that I ever will. I can't hate anyone, and I don't. It's not a choice I made that is just how I feel.


Wow - well, if alcohol prevents Alzheimer's my "ex" will live to be about 999 years old.

I was not correcting you. You said “if” I don't see any facts to crack here.

I don't think that you would make a mistake like this; if there is someone who misses all the facts and details that's got to be me. And I already proved this point.

Do I sound harsh and cold? I hope not. All I am saying is I am sorry, and I don't hate you.

I just answer here? I was starting new threads thinking of a "one problem at a time" method.

I have been seeing a therapist at my school, which I am no longer in. I told her I have been feeling very depressed. I can search for a therapist through my city, and I should.

But the most pending thing has got to be how unhappy I am feeling. I don't enjoy anything.

I used to be good at faking it? Now I find I cannot.

The medication did work, I pulled myself out of the last slump for months. For some reason now it doesn't. Or I've just been doing so little for so long that I can't find a way to do anything. I does not make sense. I just need to find a way to do something. Anything.

I don't do anything. I want to. But not in the way that someone wants to do something, and then does it. I basically don't want to do anything.

I can't think of the last time I've had a conversation with someone.

I used to talk all the time. But I have done nothing in the past several months. I have stayed in bed, gone to work when I have to, and stayed inside with my boyfriend.

And gotten fat. Well, fat for me. I am uncomfortable in my skin.

Also- I really feel like I can't think. Maybe that's why I've started so many threads.

You remember a time when the falls were different, and have facts with this. I don't know if I could do that.

A story I would tell would leave out the facts, or I wouldn't remember the people.

I'm not interested in things. How do I find common interests with people when I remember nothing? And how did I do it before?

I just answer here? I was starting new threads thinking of a "one problem at a time" method.
It's all the same problem, so stay on this thread.

I have been seeing a therapist at my school, which I am no longer in. I told her I have been feeling very depressed. I can search for a therapist through my city, and I should.

The medication did work, I pulled myself out of the last slump for months. For some reason now it doesn't.
Who's in charge of doling out meds to you? A family doctor? A psychiatrist? That person has to be told this med no longer seems to be working (that's what happens with antidepressants). The dosage will have to be changed or even a different drug prescribed.

And you ARE taking this one correctly? (I had a client who took hers when she felt like it and then threw it up and cursed medical science when her depression didn't magically lift.)

I can't think of the last time I've had a conversation with someone.
You're having one here and now.

How much of this drug do you take per day -- what is the dosage?

I take 20 mg, every morning. I have a prescription that takes me through the summer because I usually work away. After that, I don't know what I'll do.

I feel like I have been putting things off more and more - and this is the moment they all come together and explode

I take 20 mg, every morning. I have a prescription that takes me through the summer because I usually work away. After that, I don't know what I'll do.
I see from reliable medical sites that this med causes suicide ideation, confusion, and memory problems. It's time to report to the prescribing doctor that you have these problems..

I've had suicidal thoughts in the past, long before starting this medication. I will talk to my doctor about this for sure.

I'm jut worried. People say do things that you like or love. And I don't like or love anything.

I will talk to my doctor when I get back home.

But here's another question, are there other people who can't remember anything from their past?

My parents and brother are talking about things that we have done, and I can't remember any of the details they do. I don't tell stories with details.

My father recalls a job he was on in 1975. The names of his coworkers, the aspects of the job, you name it - he remembers.

I can give about one or two sentences and a couple names of a job I am currently working.

I feel like I'm broken.

I feel like I'm broken.
Think of it as a blessing. Too many people dwell in the past, regret past actions and continue to kick themselves long after they have been forgiven or the problem resolved. You live in the present (like a cat!) and can look forward to the future.

Stop obsessing over memory problems!! Live in the Now.

Hey there. You know what? You sound like me a while back. You really do. I sometimes still get in a slump so to speak.

It bothers me that you even questioned not being here. You are beautiful and I really think that you just don't know it! I'm a bit upset with you without having ever met you. Please keep reaching out. Send me or anyone a private message.

Did you talk about all of this with your therapist? What does he or she think?

You do mean something. So what if you can't always remember everything. I do have to say though that if this really bothers you and you say you don't feel like yourself, you MUST address this with your doctor or therapist. It really could be medication or something else. You need to know. They need to know. If I were your therapist, I would be asking a few more questions but for now, PLEASE tell a pro that you're dealing with. This might all be unnecessary what you're going through.

Don't be so hard on yourself but still remain aware. It is a very good thing that you take notice and that you do care about yourself. It does sound like maybe, just maybe, that other events in your life could have possibly compounded your depression.

I strongly believe that you will be okay. It's okay to have a beverage once in a while or "party" but you know the rest. Don't do it to "stuff feelings".

It means a lot that you at least reached out here. You care about yourself or you would not have.

Wishing you all the best and please write back! Hang in there Beautiful person and be well!

Thank you for all your support. I would like to get better.

My hopeless attitude is just the way I feel. I think about it all the time. But I couldn't actually do it. I'd be leaving too many sad people behind.

I just need to get out of this slump. I am here without the chance to see my doctor for the next week.

I shouldn't stop taking the medication without a doctors recommendation. I'll be fine for another week.