I live in CA I am married with one step-child living with us and I have two kids 6 and 10 with my ex. We have joint 50/50 legal and physical and there is no visitation order.

I am the custodial parent. My ex lives 500 miles away the kids go to school here and visit their dads on holidays over a week and summer.

My ex just remarried and now he filed for 100% legal and 100% custody also for me to have supervised visits stating unsafe environment due to the possibility of domestic violence in my home with the children present.

FYI: This is a baseless allegation. No drugs, no drinking

So here is my question, my kids are due to go to their dads and my ex is a liar and a manipulator who has involved our kids in the past into adult matters. I do not believe that sending my kids would be not in their best interest and I want to protect them from this if possible. Do I have to send them? Help please!

Did you ever question the children visiting their father before he filed for 100% custody - ?

What Court issued the present Order? If you are sincerely concerned and can PROVE he is a danger to the children (emotionally or physically) ask for an emergency Hearing.

Drugs and drinking don't have to be involved in these situations - what is he alleging?

Did you ever question the children visiting their father before he filed for 100% custody - ?

What Court issued the present Order? If you are sincerely concerned and can PROVE he is a danger to the children (emotionally or physically) ask for an emergency Hearing.

Drugs and drinking don't have to be involved in these situations - what is he alleging?

Yes he always makes the kids very upset and involves them in adult matters.

He is alleging that there is domestic violence in my home around the kids total B.S

California court 500 miles from me, no visitation order 50/50

We have a court date in September. I am not trying to keep them from him forever, I am just trying to keep him from involving our kids in his lies.

Please take this at face value. What would happen if I do not send them?

If this visitation is not by Court Order you can withhold the children from him - I would expect him to file an expedited request for the custody hearing.

I am taking this at face value and am not reading anything into it. However, some information is necessary to order to have an opinion. I hope you understand that.

My question is going to be important. Did you ever "withhold" the children (based on their upset when they return) before he filed this new Petition?

I agree that as long as there is no specific visitation order and because he has filed for 100% custody, that you would be within your rights to not go ahead with the visit. If asked in court you can cite your fear that he would not return the children since there is nothing compelling him to and that you wanted to wait until the current custody case is resolved.

Second, If he filed in the courts where he lives, I would request that venue be changed to a court near where the children currently live. Finally, I would counter file to have you declared as primary custodian with him having a specific visitation schedule.

If this visitation is not by Court Order you can withhold the children from him - I would expect him to file an expedited request for the custody hearing.

I am taking this at face value and am not reading anything into it. However, some information is necessary to order to have an opinion. I hope you understand that.

My question is going to be important. Did you ever "withhold" the children (based on their upset when they return) before he filed this new Petition?


No! Never! In fact I have been very helpful and I would drive half way to him 250 miles to drop off the kids for every visit and the same to pick them up.

I agree that as long as there is no specific visitation order and because he has filed for 100% custody, that you would be within your rights to not go ahead with the visit. If asked in court you can cite your fear that he would not return the children since there is nothing compelling him to and that you wanted to wait until the current custody case is resolved.

Second, If he filed in the courts where he lives, I would request that venue be changed to a court near where the children currently live. Finally, I would counter file to have you declared as primary custodian with him having a specific visitation schedule.

Thank you soooooo very much! This is awful and the kids are the losers. Just want to protect my babies.

Scott, do you not see a problem with a claim that the children are not/were not at risk with their father until the father filed in the opposite direction (so to speak)?

Scott, do you not see a problem with a claim that the children are not/were not at risk with their father until the father filed in the opposite direction (so to speak)?

Yes I do, but that's not what I advocate here. Currently with the 50/50 setup and no visitation agreement, EITHER parent could claim the children. Therefore, the OP is not primarily concerned about the children's safety, but about them being returned. We've seen many times where one parent took advantage of the other allowing visitation without court order and just not returning the children.

So if the OP takes the position that since the other parent has applied for 100% custody, she fears that he will not return the children until custody is settled. So she is withholding visitation until then.

I'm not entirely clear anyway on whether she thinks the children are always at risk with their father, or if only now she thinks they are at risk solely because they could be parentally kidnapped and exposed the chaos that would entail.

California court 500 miles from me, no visitation order 50/50

We have a court date in September. I am not trying to keep them from him forever, I am just trying to keep him from involving our kids in his lies.

Please take this at face value. What would happen if I do not send them?

Is there a court order stating 50/50 and you both have it worked out to holidays and summers? If that has been the norm up until now and you don't send the children then you could be in serious trouble. What exactly does the order say?

"I am just trying to keep him from involving our kids in his lies."

I don't believe the concern is parental kidnapping - at least that's not how this started. Is it a concern? Of course.

We have joint 50/50 legal and physical and there is no visitation order.

It's one or the other, not both. Either there is a custody order in place (in your situation, I guess giving you each 50 % of the childrens' time), or there is no order. Which is it?

Some of the others have interpreted what you have written to infer that there is no court order. If that's the case, you may have "joint custody", but it's not 50/50.

You say you are in California, and the father is 500 miles away. Is he also in California or in another state?

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If there is no violence in your home what could he possibly lie about? If he is that far away then its his word against yours.

If there is no violence in your home what could he possibly lie about? If he is that far away then its his word against yours.

Anyone can lie about anything. But when it comes to a question of law, there usually needs to be proof.

"If there is no violence in your home what could he possibly lie about? If he is that far away then its his word against yours."

Lies are untruths and can be about anything. I've heard some good ones in the Courtroom!

It's not word against word. It's proof. My guess? The children have said something that has made the father uneasy. I'm not saying anything is going on. I do find the comment that there are no drugs and alcohol to be a little unsettling. It could be verbal or emotional abuse, and I would think that the moving papers would be quite specific.

I also can't get an answer about an Order or whether custody is part of a divorce.