Ok, so I don't know if I'm depressed or what. But I constantly think about death. Today I was feeling like taking pills but there are no pills in the house because I tried to commit suicide a few years ago so since then there are no pills in the house. But OK, let me start from the beginning.

I'm in Matric this year and my mom got married two weeks ago to a guy that lives in America and we are from SA. Now in the middle of my year I'm going to America. Not going finish school. And my mom keeps on telling me that I should be happy for her, by all means I am, but since the age of 7 years old when my mom and dad got divorced. My mom was just screwing around with every guy thinking that she's going to marry him. And just as soon as I start to accept that man, he and my mom broke up.

So now I'm only asking for 5 months to finish my matric and my mom says I don't wish her happiness and I'm selfish. I don't know what to think or what to do. Because I feel that every time my mom has a guy in her life I'm nothing until they fight then I'm all good enough. All I'm asking is 5 months and she can't even do that. I really cannot talk to my mom about this because she will NOT understand. I have tried talking to her before, but nothing helps.

Zan, I am going to begin by asking how old you are. By SA law, are you still considered a minor or are you old enough to make legal decisions for yourself?

Were/are you getting any help after your suicide attempt? Counseling, medications, etc. It might be an idea for you to talk to a counselor or therapist who can sit down with you and listen. Having someone who can give you immediate feedback might help you feel less alone and hopefully less stressed.

How long have the current thoughts about death been occurring? Before or after your mother became involved with her new husband? If before, did something else happen to trigger these thoughts?

Are you still with the boyfriend you mentioned in your thread last year? Are thoughts of leaving a boyfriend and friends behind causing stress and awaking the thoughts of hurting yourself?

Why would you not be able to finish school in the US? Is this a special program or general education?

Is there any way you could stay with relatives until you finish your Matric? It would give your mother time to settle down in the US and her new marriage before forcing you to make the move.

Has your mother started any of the paperwork necessary for both of you to move to the US? What exactly are her plans?

I'm 17 years old & yes the paperwork is done and everything is ready to go. We are flying next week Tuesday.
Me and my boyfriend broke up, the one from last year. But no feelings towards him etc. Its just hard letting my friends go. But I know I'll make friends quickly. Uhmm.

I've felt like this before my mom and this guy got married. I've been feeling like this for a couple of weeks now, I searched the internet and read the meaning of being bipolar. And its like 90% me, I could've written all that stuff because its exactly how I feel.

After my suicide attempt I did see a psychologist & I did up to I think last year. But it didn't feel like she was helping so I moved to another one. And she didn't seem to help either. I don't know where the problem lies? I'm just really sick of feeling like this & I try to keep myself busy at all times but I get so irritated by myself for doing nothing.

And even when I do something, I get irritated by doing it. Uhmm I just want to keep busy at all times but I don't know how, and my only escape to reality is to sleep, that's how I feel, and earlier I told my mom that she must not think that I'm on drugs because I sleep so much. I told her its my escape. And she just ignored me. So I don't really know anymore. Maybe change is needed & maybe going away from all the stress and stuff here will only do me good. But then again I maybe think the problem lies within my mom, I have no idea.

One of my friend gone through this and yoga and spirituality helped her. I would suggest to start with yoga and pranayam. Start doing what you like. Pursue your hobbies. Music, sports, fitness, reading etc. set a goal before you and try to make it. Concentrate on yourself only, don't think about other people. Don't depend on others for happiness.

A hobby is great stress relief, and even better is fresh air and sunshine and exercise at a game or group activity.

You are 17. You have been having sex with your boyfriend since at least a year ago. I see no mention of suicidal thoughts in your earlier thread about that sexual relationship.

I also see you are upset because your mother has been "screwing around" with various men. How much does that enter into this?

If you must stay in SA could you stay with your father until you are of legal age?

And, yes, you need counseling- you sound like you are terribly unhappy and that can be changed.

I will add that I'm a stepmother - 5 times. If you do not give this new man in your mother's life a chance to be part of your life you could be missing out on a wonderful opportunity and relationship.

Hobbies, sports and Yoga are great ideas. You can even use travel time as practice time for the breathing techniques and learning to focus your thoughts for meditation.

One of the great things about this day and age, you can keep in touch with your friends. Make certain you have their contact information and if possible they have yours. You probably will find that after awhile you are not communicating as much. This is okay. You all have your own lives to live and it happens whether friends are in the same place or not.

Do you mind sharing the general location you are moving to? It can help us figure out what resources will be available to you in the way of getting more professional help. I think you do need someone to talk to as you make these adjustments in your life.

Try to keep an open mind. I know you are concerned about your mother's relationship and worried that this one won't last. But try to think of this as (hopefully) gaining a stable person in your life. Give him a chance to show he is a good influence in your mother's life. At 17, you may not think of him as a father figure, but see if he can become a friend you can respect. Try not think of him as someone else coming between you and your mother.

I know this is going to be a huge change for you. I think fear and uncertainty are part of why you are having these thoughts. You might find that learning more about where you are moving and what the schools will be like can help with some of the apprehension. Finding your sense of humor can also help especially when it comes to language and word usage.

You said that you wouldn't be able to finish school. Has your mother looked into the school situation and where you would be going or how your grades and classes will transfer?